Dice Abbott: Did you ever play dice? Costello: No. Abbott: (Turns to friends and winks) Oh well I'd like to show you Lou. Costello: O.K. Abbott: There's numbers on these dice from one to six. You roll them out on the blanket and if you get a six and a one, that's a natural. you win. A four and a three, that's a natural. You win. Costello: Well that's all you do. Win. Abbott: Well, no. Costello: You mean you can lose too. Abbott: Yes, once in a while. If you roll a two and a one, that's craps. You lose. If you roll two sixes, that's craps. You lose. In other words-- Costello: You can win and you can lose. Abbott: That's all there is to it. Now is that simple? Costello: Can I play? Abbott: You wanna play? Costello: Yeah. Abbott: O.K. Here you are. (hands Costello the dice) Costello: What are these? Abbott: Dice. Costello: What do I do with those? Abbott: Well you roll them out on the blanket. Costello: O.K. Abbott: Now what happens if you roll a seven? What do you win? Costello: I win. Abbott: Well what do you win? Costello: Nothing. Abbott: You don't want to win nothing. So we'll put some money on it just to make it interesting. Costello: I don't like to gamble. Abbott: We'll call it bank night. Costello: If my mom found out I was gambling, she'd put soap in my mouth. Abbott: Call it bank night. Your mother plays bank night. All right. Put your money down. Costello: O.K. Abbott: Alright. Seven you win, craps you lose. Costello: O.K. Here I go. (Covers his eyes and rolls dice) WHEE! (rolls a seven) I WIN!!! (goes to pick up the money) Abbott: Wait. You don't pick it up right away. Costello: I don't? Abbott: Not right away. Costello: But i do get to pick it up? Abbott: Oh yes. Costello: you mean i leave it lying there. Abbott: Just for the time being. Costello: Until it gets up to my chin. Abbott: oh yes. Costello: Then i send it down by truck. Abbott: You can do it anyway you want. So you like it so far? Costello: Oh it's a good game. Abbott: How much do you want to shoot for now? Costello: Fade that. Abbott: (smacks costello as if he's hustling him) What's this "fade that"? Costello: What did i say something wrong? Abbott: You said it too darn right. Costello: I heard it at the Rinky Dinks. Abbott: What's the Rinky Dinks. Costello: The club where i belong. Abbott: Have you played before? Costello: They wouldn't let me play. i'm too young. i saw the guys at the Rinky Dinks. They had sugar and they put black marks on them and i heard a kid go "WHEE" and i heard "fade that". Is that a bad word? Abbott: No, it's alright. Just as long as you didn't play the game before. Costello: No, too young. Starting tuesday i'm going out with girls. Abbott: Oh, sure. I thought you played the game. O.K. go ahead. Costello: My turn again? Abbott: Yep. Seven you win, Craps you lose. Costello: (covers his eyes and rolls dice) WHEE! (rolls seven) SEVEN AGAIN! Man #1: I think it's beginners luck. Abbott: Hey that's it. Beginners luck. How much do you want to shoot for now? Costello: Let it Ride. Abbott: (smacks Costello again as if he was hustling him) Costello: What's the matter i heard that at the Rinky Dinks. I heard a guy say that. Is that bad? Abbott: Have you played this game before? don't lie to me louie. Costello: They won't let me play. abbott: i hope not. O.K. There's your dice. (hands costello dice) Costello: I'm winning fair. ain't I? Abbott: I don't know i have my doubts now. Costello: (Covers his eyes and rolls dice) WHEE! (rolls eleven) Eleven. what about that? Abbott: That don't count. I don't know why they put those numbers on the dice. don't mean anything but i'll give you another chance. Costello: (Covers his eyes and rolls dice) WHEE! (rolls four) Abbott: Four. Costello: Little Joe. Abbott: (smacks costello again) Costello: i heard it at the rinky dinks. Abbott: I ought to give it to you. If you roll a seven befroe you rolls that four you lose. Costello: (Covers his eyes and rolls dice) WHEE! (rolls three) Abbott: you lose. Costello: How come? Abbott: What did you roll the first time? Costello: Four. Abbott: What did you just roll? Costello: Three. Abbott: Four and three is what? Costello: Seven. Abbott: That's all. Costello: He didn't say anything about adding them up. Abbott: Well you do that. Now we'll bet all the money. (rolls dice and rolls eleven) Eleven's a natural. Costello: ELEVEN DON'T COUNT! You were nice to me and i'm nice to you so I'll give you another chance. (smacks Abbott in the butt) That's the only place i can hit you. Abbott: (rolls dice and rolls a six) Alright now six is my number. (rolls another six) Costello: SIX AGAIN! YOU LOSE! YOU LOSE! YOU LOSE! Abbott: i got my point. Costello: What did you roll first? Abbott: six. Costello: What did you just roll? Abbott: Six. Costello: Six and six is twelve. CRAPS, BOXCARS, BIG BENIES!!!