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What's Inside My Wild Mind
April 24, 2005 12:19 pm Hahahahaha.... I know EXACTLY what YOU want... oh yeah... isn't that sexy? But too bad it's not easy to please me! hahaha... gotta work HARDER!.. blazies! this is some funny shit! :) :) :) :)!!!!! I basically have no self control in bed... BUT! I'm very kinky eh? hahaha... dannng i am sooooooo bored~! hahahaha!!!!! muahhahahahaha!!!! 58% cuhh! lol... that's like an F if you would grade me! lol.... damn! *lowers head* what a shame! This is TRUE! I usually dream about me searching for something... (i know what it is) ... and I always have nightmares beause what i'm searching far is always so far away.. and I've never really had black and white dreams! damn! that's sooo cool... hahahaha.... freaky! dang no wonder no one wants to go out with me! I'm fucking crazy! .,.. oh well... atleast i have a hight sex drive! hahahaha! I wonder ... is that good or bad? That is sooooo true! ... Dang...I'ma be an std freak! ... oh well ... hahahaha! hahahaha... i am... A-MAZ-ING!... i'm so cool... hahahahaaha! don't ya wish you're g/f was hot like me!?!?!?!?!?1... lol ok on that ne i was just KIDDING! awwwww... i'm a stray... why don't you take me home? I promise you won't be sorry....I'm really friendly! :) 73% YO! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!! No comment..... oh well that's all for now.. I'm not that bored...well yeah I am.... oh well write later... I'm so tired... April 18, 2005 4:49 pm March 25, 2005 12:13 pm pm So apparently I have sexy eye... eh?...eh? lol hahahahaha!!! Right.... and I'm talented at STALKING people.... should I put that on my application? lol..... Lindsay Lohan? HMMMM>>> never really liked her....hahaha IMA KILL HER! But I don't hate her THAT much... mabe she's going to steal my future boyfriend too? Jim Morrison looked my way? Oh yeah.... and it's going to be FUCKING AMAZIN!!!! lol.... yeah right....and peoply are gonna be watching? ... kinky.... Hahhahahaha... everyone loves meeh... oh yeah... I KNEW IT! :) ..... lol... skipper? What kind of name is that? .... lol.... so everything is good about me eh/ well that's awsome... and I'm gonna marry my boyfriend at the moment? Well I have none... so that means IMA be along...g rrr.... now I don't like these tests.... March 15, 2005 3:34 pm pm March 10, 2005 8:22 pm pm I know it's not really a secret and all, but yes, I'm still completely in love with you. You can't believe how far I've let myself fall. And even though we;ve broekn up. I continued to let myself fall. but now at this moment. I've finally decided to let go. No matter how many times I've told myself that, I've never really tried to let you go. "Have you ever loved somebody so much, That it makes you cry, Have you ever needed something so bad, You can't sleep at night, Have you ever tried to find the words, But they son't come out right..." This time, I can't help it. I can't take it anymore. I know that you know that I still love you. And yet, you show no simpathy for what I might be feeling inside. I know you have a pretty damn good idea of how much I'm hurting. No guilt trip. It's really my fault. I knew you gave up on us a long time ago. It was just me that was still holding out foryou. "You know I'd fight for you, But how can I fight someone where isn't even there? I've had the rest of you, now I want the best of you I don't care if that's not fair...." I'm so foolish. the most painful thing in life, is waiting for something that will never come. You know no matter how many times I've said that quote. I've never really thought much of it. But it's the most true thing in this situation. I guess it's just that you've made me promises that I let myself fall so damn hard. Even now, though we're not together, you've still made me promises. The one thing I treasure most is honesty So what do you do when then one person you thought would never lie to you, because they know how much it would hurt you, lies? "Don't make me promises Baby, you never did know how to keep them well..." You think that I have no clue when you lie to me. But I do. I just chose not to say anything. But it hurts so god damn much. I've never intentially tried to hurt you. In fact I'd rather be shot a hundred times, walk through fire, be beat by a hundred men, be stabbed right through the heart, and die, then to eversee you hurt. Cliche and untrue as it may seem. I mean Every word Becasue I care so much about you. And that why I never did let go. Because I promised to never let us go..... " Of all the things I believe in, I just wanna get it over with.... Youwere the one I loved The one thing that i tried to hold on to...." I still remember when I was so unsure about us. through the whole time, no matter what, you were so sure And you made me sure I believe that me and you were it. Just usThough I was so scared about falling. You held my hand and promised that you would be the one person who would spend the rest of their life making sure that you never hurt me. so why nowWhy did you lead me on for so long, if in the end you were gonna break my hear like this? When I finally let you in for sure in hopes that you were the one, I wasn't looking for another heartbreak. Now, I don't even know what I want. I want to wait for you. Because I hope in time you'll come back and tell me that you were wrong. that you still love me. But I'd be a fool to keep going, because a part of me has already given up. So i guess this is it. That last day, I can't go on fooling myself anymore. Because in the end... I'm the only one that is going to end up hurting.... "And it hurts to want everything And I want what's yours and I want what's mine I want you but I'm not ging in this time..." All the songs, all the letter , all the poems... mean nothing. Becasue in the end... you don't love me anymore. And unfortunately.... i can't make you love me. At this momen, I would gve the world just to hear you say that you're in love with me again. But it's not gonna happen. And the world is not mine to give. But heck, it was worth a try. I treid so hard fighting for us. but now... in the end, there us no us. You and I, are still you and I...... If I had just one tear running down your cheek, Maybe I could cope, maybe I'd get some sleep. If I had just one moment at your expense, Maybe all my misery would be well spent. Yeah..... Could you cry a little, An' lie just a little? Pretend that you're feeling, A little more pain. I gave, now I'm wanting, Something in return, So cry just a little for me... *sighs* how the heck am I gonna end this? Just give up? You know sometimes what's right isn't so damn easy. I wish that I could just say that I don't love you anymore. ANd allmy feelings would go bye bye... I don't want to feel this was. I don't want to be in love with you. And hell. I've stopped myself from having feelings for you before. this time it's nothing different. Just so much harderBut I have to give it a shot... because if I don't I'm gonna live the rest of my ife waiting. And I don't want to wait. " Ain't gonna show no weakness, I'm gonna smile and tell the whole world I'm fine, I'm gonna keep my senses, but deep down, When now onw can hear me , Baby, I'll be crying for you...." I still haven't gotten and explaination from you. why did you brak up with me? All I've gotten was the your feelings went away. Why did it go away? Was it because you started to like someone else? Was it me? I really need to know. Because I just don't understand how you can wake up one day and not love someone you said you were completely in love with. It just can't happen over night.Was it because you found better? Because I told you from the beginning that there was so much better. Why didn't you listen to be before? I told you. Is it because I'm a big baby? Is it because I'm not pretty? Did I not show you that I loved you. tell me, bacause the explaination or just not loving me isn't enough. I really need to know why What made you fall out of love with me. I need to know, so I can keep from making the sanme mistake again.... "Sadness is beautiful, lonliness is tragical..." Well I guess this is it. you and I. We end here. Well for me. Friends we shall be, if that's all that you want. I can live with that. I can do it. You did it, right? I'll be ok. i got alot off my chest. Now the "real healing' can begin/ God all this, everything I wrote is so corny. I can't help it. It's just me. comes naturally. As you know. So here I am....*sighs* god... where do I start?.... Turn down the bed Turn down these voices inside my head Lay down with me Tell me no lies Just hold me close, don't patronize Don't patronize me Cause I can't make you love me if you don't You can't make your heart feel something it won't Here in the dark in these final hours I will lay down my heart And I'll feel the power but you won't No, you won't Cause I can't make you love me if you don't.... I'll close my eyes then I won't see the love you don't feel when you're holding me Morning will come and I'll do what's right just give me till then to give up this fight and I will give up this fight Cause I can't make you love me if you don't You can't make your heart feel something it won't Here in the dark in these final hours I will lay down my heart And I'll feel the power but you won't No, you won't Cause I can't make you love me if you don't......" Wellzerz... I haven;t updated my thingy in a while. so here I am, maybe I might add some new stories to, if I feel like it. But lets see Phyras's talent went good. It was great. And ummm... I started talking to a guy, which I thought I liked. But it just wasn't all that I expected. He's just moving to fast, calling me sweetie, boo, and stuff. I don't mesh with him I guess. And here I am..... I don't know what to do. Have you ever hung out with someone that was cool and then kiss him and fell ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!?!?!?! I really want to STRESS the word NOTHING! It's wierd and I know tht I wasn't a NIG make out session.. but it was still something, but I stopped when I realized how WRONG it felt. I didn't want to be there... *sighs* ohz wells... I'm go write ... something else.... My tea's gone cold, I'm wondering why I Got out of bed at all The morning rain clouds up my window, And I can't see at all And even if I could it'd all be grey But your picture on my wall It reminds me that it's not so bad It's not so bad I drank too much last night, got bills to pay My head just feels in pain I missed the bus and there'll be hell today I'm late for work again And even if I'm there, they'll all imply That I might not last the day And then you call me and it's not so bad It's not so bad And I want to thank you For giving me the best day of my life Oh, just to be with you Is like having the best day of my life Push the door,I'm home at last And I'm soaking through and through Then you handed me a towel And all I see is you And even if my house falls down now I wouldn't have a clue Because you're near me And I want to thank you For giving me the best day of my life Oh, just to be with you Is like having the best day of my life January 28, 2005 1:34 pm pm I hate having to pretend that everything is all right.... I'm so fucking tired, and all I really want to do it crawl into some dark hole and go to sleep for all of eternity... that's sounds like fun! Wel finals... wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, today was the WORST... it went by so slow... even though I had OTHER things on my mind...time was just not on my side AT ALL! So here I am... tired and alone at coral... I think ima just go and do something ..... January 26, 2005 6:30 pm So I guess you can say I;ve been neglecting my website for a while now... well whatever... not like anyone really reads it... I havent't really even given out my webpage yet. lalalalalalala....finals are a bitch, but there's really nothing HARD... well maybe bio, but that's because I don't pay attention. Self pity, I seem to be having alot of that lately.... n l really don't know why..... something is missing. l just can't seem to find out what that SOMETHING is. Grrrr.... sucks ass. Yeah. I've been kinda closed up lately, and Ican't even seem to get anything I'm feeling down on paper. It seems like the one thing that I love doig the most is just slipping away, and there's nothing that I can do about it. Like other things in my life that I love, it's dissapearing..... January 11, 2005 3:12 pm So yeah. I finally finished my story Go With Your Heart.... thanks to a certain someone for being a JACKASS to me. They helped me finally find a way to Nick to confess in my story. thanks Alexander. You really helped this time..... Besides that I'm soooooo FUCKING BUMBED! I have nothing to do. I miss alot of things in my life, but the things I miss are gone and aren't coming back anytime soon... so whatever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! December 30, 2004 2:16 pm Gosherz..... I'm sooo sooo soooooooo times infinity!!!! bored.... I haven't written in the longest! So New Years is comin up... an new year! God that went by sooo fast. So much has happened.... and now... now, I can start ALL over... now really... but I can try. GOD! This year has been filled with alot of thingy. but mostly .... beautiful letdowns.....*sighs* .... December 25, 2004 12:28 pm well... Christmas was a blast ... I think it was the best one ever!!!!1 I got an AWSOME gift from everyone! It shows that people took time to see what I wanted this year! HEHE... yay! What I got.... Mommy - $100 (she didn't have time to get me anything... b/c of the shop and all...) Daddy - Dinner... I never ate so much in my life!!!! Anna - Coach shoes! ... I didn't even know that she knew I wanted some! Michael - Bath and Body Works Vanilla set! ... i love vanilla and said I was gonna buy some after x - mas! YAY! Jenny- Pajama pants :) Stephanie - She got me a Mickey toy! and a Dori shirt... it's sooo CUTE! Ben - He got me a PANDA! ... hahaha can never go wrong with that! .... Phyras - He made me a TREASURE BOX! ....it's so cute... it's blue, and has PANDAS on it!!! yaya!!!!!! This was the most awsome Christmas because I got to spend them with just the most CLOSEST peoples in mai life!!!!!!!!!!! December 20, 2004 11:59 am Wellzerz.... My uncle's wedding was last night... I'm so happy for them... They're SOOOOO CUTE! ya ya! I got my check today too... so AWSOME! I still need to get some X-mas gifts. Tomorrow is Jesse's HALF b-day... We're gonna hang out at his house and watch movies. Which is awsome...cuz I miss his siblings. They're sooo cute! hahaha ... and funny ... Gerome is a dork, and Lina is just fun all together. TODAY! My sister is gonna take my out to eat with her boyfriend (hopefully my brother in law ... SOON!... he's soo good to her!) and then we're gonna go and do some Christmas shopping. I really hate to admit it. BUt I miss my sister more then I thought I would since she's been gone...and we'lll now I KNOW she cares... just by the way she acts ... it's awsome... hahaha... well... I've always kinda known. But yeah.... sista sista bonding... WOOT WOOT! yeah yeah... IMa be alone again... which is all gravey I guess, cuz I still got people I care about to spen time will.... so till laters.... MUAHZ! December 17, 2004 3:22 pm Well... it's BREAK!... good thing, bad thing? I don't really think there's a difference to me. I just have time to sit around and be a bum... for a little while. I still have work... Hahahahaha... I'm so bored, and tired, and lonely... what am I supposed to do? I dunno... man I really have nothing to say... talk later.... *MUAHZ!* Love you... December 14, 2004 8:10 pm Yeah, so I actually updated ALOT, and now everything is coming along very NICELY!... to me atleast.. manzer.... Christmas is coming soon and I have no one to be with on Christmas... I mean sure, I have friends, and my family... but it's still not the same as having that ONE person... I dunno, I'm stll very thankful that I have my friends and family to spend Christmas with, but it would be even better if I did have that ONE person I guess that's all I'm trying to say....I mean I can't cuddle with my friends, and I sure as hell ain't gonna do that with my family.... grrr... hahaha.... have yourself a MERRY LITTLE CHRISTMAS YA'LL!!!!!!!! Snowy Night Where it's warm here by the fire Here with you I have all that I desire It's been a long year But somehow we got by Now it's Christmas Eve And love is on our side I don't need a hundred gifts beneath the tree Don't you know the best thing you could give to me Nothin' else will do, All I want is you this Christmas Children sing Christmas carols at our door Spreading joy, That's what Christmas time is for Though we don't have much You've got me and I've got you And with a little faith Miracles come true And I don't need a hundred gifts beneath the tree Don't you know the best thing you could give to me Nothin' else will do, All I want is you this Christmas I don't want the love any other boy I want only thing in this whole wide world Nothing else will do All I want is you this Christmas Cheek to cheek The lights are low A kiss beneath the mistletoe Your face lit by the fire's glow That's all I want tonight And I don't need a hundred gifts beneath the tree Don't you know the best thing you could give to me Nothin' else will do, All I want is you this Christmas Nothing else will do All I want is you this Christmas..... December 10, 2004 2:42 pm Today was a success...minus the large amout of extra food, but whatever. It was awsome!...besides that I guess you can say that everything went well. Bob was happy with it and now he owes us DINNER! Oh yeah! BUBBA GUMP HERE WE COME! *sighs*...Have you ever felt like crying because you're so sad about something, but then not know what's making you so upset because there was so many things wrong? grrr... I don't know what it is, but then again I kinda do. I wanna talk about it, but then I don't. And then now that I think about it... who can I go to? Everyone if wrapped up in other stuff, so I can't balme them for now wanting to sit down to listen to meeh talk and yap about my problems..... Then there just comes a time where you have to question who you're friends REALLY are... some just open there mouth and say that they're your fwends and then don't really show it. Then some are just on and off! .... I can't figure anything out right now... and I'm too tired to figure it out.... December 8, 2004 2:40 pm So yeah! This is so awsome everything is coming along great. I need help on some other stuff,, but besides allt hat .. I'm having fun making this webpage. Ummm... I checked my mail last night and AWSOME! David e-mailed me back. I haven't talked to him for the longest, and yeah. He's going to the Navey soon. But for now, we're gonna try to ACTUALLY keep in touch!!!!! December 7, 2004 7:04 pm This is so aswome. I Finally got this thing done. I'm planing on adding my stories and stuff so yay!!!!!! |
Belive In Denial
Spining In My CD Player
Calling You - Blue October Shadow - Britney Spears Don't Push Love Away - Juliana Theory
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