6/18/03
Yesterday, He said He wanted me to be His.
Reading over that brought shivers, and a smile. He is so kind, so--good. He feels solid, like a foundation. Like something to build on, something that holds firm and allows exploration. He is forgiving, yet steadfast. i like that. i think i need that. Do i?
i'd drempt the night before of Him. i don't remember dreaming last night, but i slept peacefully. i rarely do that. i woke feeling somewhat rested, another rarity, and wasn't up at all during the night. No middle of the night walks, no frantic cleaning spell, no pacing. Being June, this is more than a rarity, it's unprecedented. i'm thankful.
i woke feeling hot, flushed. i dressed directly under the bedroom ceiling fan. i opened the windows, tucked the curtains behind the window handles to let sunlight fill the room. i turned around and around under the fan, naked, holding my hair off my shoulders with both hands, piling it on top of my head. i felt the air moving, the sunlight, the sway of my breasts when i turned, the heat between my thighs.
At the office we're having a luau. i chose an olive dress with large burgundy flowers, and smaller orange ones, and yellow geometric shapes. I chose beaded sandals, lacy black panties and bra. My legs are finally a little tanned so i don't wear stockings today, or a slip. i like the way the dress feels falling over my body, the way the slit in the side moves over my leg. i remember the clematis climbing to the roof of the side porch and go outside. The air is cool and damp. It chills me, and the flushed feeling i've had since waking is gone. Looking at the two huge groups of flowers, i choose a dark burgundy with a white center, and tuck it into my hair. i wish my daughter was home this morning, she would like this, and i'd pick another and tuck it into her hair and she would giggle, and love it.
In the car i don't turn on the radio or put in an audio book. i want to things quiet today; still. i realize i'm not thinking so much as feeling. Again, the heat rises between my thighs. i can feel...everything. i'm full; tight. My hips move of their own accord. If He would touch me i would cry, or cry out. i would burst. It would last a very long time, i know that somehow. There is so much...something....pressure, intensity, need. So much! Releasing it would last forever.
