The gift of reality
I played a couple of songs last Wednsday at coffee talks open mic, 1 on piano and 2 on acoustic guitar. Friday night I tried some Salvia Divorum, it is a herb that you smoke, it is more powerfull than LSD, but it does not last as long. I wrote of my experience and submitted it to trip stories it is a web site that people tell of their experiences with different types of Drugs and herbs. It takes a while for erowid to post the experiences so I will just post here what I submitted to erowid. Also I do not recomend it's usage, It can be very frightening and whoever tries it should definitly decide for themselves if they want to risk doing it, it was helpfull for me but I can not guarantee it would be helpfull for every one. The gift of reality It really didn’t seem to be the ideal time to try Salvia; I was currently involved in a disagreement with my two friends and hadn’t seen them for a while. I took my wife with me to the smoke shop to buy some, and she totally gave me a real hard time about buying it, she did not like the idea of spending the money on it. She did say she wanted to try it with me when I told her about it a while back, but I don’t think she believed I would really do it. It was something totally unpredictable for me to do. The last time I had even smoked a joint was like 30 years ago, because every time I would smoke I would have flashbacks from a bad LSD trip I had had. You can read about that trip in the Erowid LSD reports with the title “Daylight”. I had after that became a Christian and the last time I had drank any alcohol was 25 years ago. Now in this stage of my life I have recently been questioning my beliefs regarding Christianity, and a lot of other things, I felt as if at this time of my life I had a lot of problems, financially and with friends, and with repairs needed around the house and with my vehicles. I planed to do it after dinner, while eating dinner my wife continued to argue with me about it, and Knowing from reading the reports I should definitely have a sitter, I didn’t really have any one that I really trusted to be a sitter, so I decided to have my wife sit, but as she argued with me I told her that she was going to cause me to have a bad trip, She reluctantly agreed to sit with me, and I filled her in that she should not panic and remain calm no matter what would happen, which is something that she would not usually do, I realized that the situation was probably not the best, but I knew that it would probably never get any better so I might as well do it under the present conditions. Being in Arizona we went to a desert kind of park, it was a secluded part of the park underneath some trees there was a picnic table I sat on the ground against one of the post of the covering over the picnic table. My wife sat next to me on the bench. From reading the reports I was trying to approach this whole thing reverently, I had asked Jesus to put obstacles in my way if I should not do it, and right before I took a hit I invoked Lady Salvia to be kind and gentle to me. As I took a hit, my thoughts were that it kind off tasted and reminded me of smoking pot. I sat there about a minute wondering if anything would happen or if I would need to take another hit, I read that sometimes not much happens, but quickly I realized it was working. At first I was kind of frightened as I felt something happening, but I remember the reports and just decided to relax and go with it, even though I had the feeling I had just done something that I might regret (I must mention that the Erowid reports were so valuable in helping me to be prepared for everything that happened) As I slipped away from reality I felt as if I was slipping in to a new reality the reality that was really real and was there all the time. My problems seemed to disappear it seemed that they weren’t ever real any way and that my former reality was always just an illusion. And I was returning to the real reality. It seemed that everything that had ever happened to me led up to this point. All that happened is really hard to explain but I will do my best. I seen that all the people who told me not to smoke it before I did was reality’s safeguard to try to keep me in the reality that was an illusion, and now that I had went past all the warnings, The illusion of reality was coming to an end. It felt like I was on a carnival ride that I chose to end too soon, or like a movie that ended before it was over. I thought that I would never again see my old reality again. I thought of a lot of things and thought about how they were all illusions. I even thought of the trip reports and thought they were all part of the trick to get me to end reality. I felt really sad that my former reality was now gone forever. What was happening while I was having these thoughts was the best way to describe it was that I was actually a part of a meteor flying through space My former reality made up this meteor, Ahead of me my reality was breaking up as it flew through space, and the part of the meteor where I was, was the part that was now starting to break up my legs and arms were starting to dangle out in space with the rest of me soon to follow and then I believed all reality the new and the old would cease to exist. I looked back and I seen the reality that had not broken up yet, but would eventually break up and cease to exist also. I heard some kids playing in the park screaming, but it turned into the sounds of others who were apart of the meteor screaming as they realized that there realities were breaking up. I was comforted looking behind me and seeing reality still there. My wife was rubbing my hair and my face trying to comfort me telling me not to worry and that everything would be alright. I had seen that all through time she was meant to sit at the edge of this meteor to comfort me at this frightening moment. I actually think Lady Salvia possessed her at that moment and was using her to be with me and gently show me all this because I had approached the whole thing reverently and asked her to be kind to me. I had also seen that she prepared a lot of other things before I had even smoked like the guy at the smoke shop recommending how much to smoke, He told me just to smoke a pinch, I would have smoked a full normal sized bowl. It was just the right amount. I’d hate to think what it would have been like if I would have smoke a bigger bowl. I would say the trip lasted about 10 minutes, I wasn’t really sure if it was over when it ended, I was afraid to talk or do anything for another about ten minutes because I had this feeling that things might just start breaking apart again. I asked my wife if it was over thinking that she really knew what was going on and she was all a part of it. As I was returning I felt very glad that reality was not really over for me, I felt that I had to go and talk to my 2 friends, one I needed to tell him he needed to appreciate reality more and my other freind I needed to tell her I could never be mad at her because I felt a bond with her that her and me are so alike trying to figure out what is going on in this crazy world and are positions in the universe together is to watch each others backs and to try and protect each other. When we got over their house (They are husband and wife) I told them about the experience, after the intensity of the trip I would be afraid to be responsible for letting any one try it, But I did let my one friend try it because I thought that he needed to learn the same lesson to appreciate the gift of reality. He tried it but it didn’t seem to have quite the intensity, but it was clear that something was happening to him. We made up and kind of joked about how it was like smoking a peace pipe. The biggest lesson I learned was to appreciate the gift of reality, I don’t really understand why I actually was allowed to continue this reality. So it is a real gift to me. My experience did not really give me any great insight on what my purpose was or what I should do about my problems; it did not at all conflict with Christianity or religion. It actually strengthened belief in God, because something or someone had to be responsible for constructing this reality and letting me back in to it. I think Salvia compared to LSD was kinder in showing me terrifying and sad realities, Also with LSD it seemed to make me convinced while I was tripping that there was no God. Now a few days after my experience, everything is back to normal, problems are still there, everything actually feels even more real. I am looking at everything differently though, I feel no need to try it again I feel Lady Salvia showed me all I needed and did not invite me back.

Weekends come and go
Friday I have off because I work 4 10 hour days and I get 3 day weekends I acomplished pretty much nothing on Friday. It did rain a little here which is pretty rare. My son Christian bought Our friends Jerry and Barb's car. It is a Chrysler Lebaron convertible. He bought it on payments, I just hope he keeps up on his payments. My daughter Kelly is buying his beat up old car off of him, It will need a new clutch already.


Saturday- Worked on the bike, can't seem to get it to stop leaking oil, it is a Harley after all. Went to a Birthday party for Yvettes son Jacob. after Char and I went to famous sam's with Barb and Jerry for Karoake night. I'm not really in to that but Barb likes it so we went with her.

Sun- Tried again to fix the oil leak, I'll have to see if it is fixed or not.talked to my mom on the phone for a while and a friend in Ohio Jon. His wife and him were thinking of moving out here, but I guess something came though in Cleveland so they are going to be there for a while. I'm kind of OK with that if to many more people from Cleveland come out here we are going to have to call a city out here Cleveland Arizona. I moved out here to get away from all the drama back there. The rest of the day was pretty uneventfull, practiced my guitar a bit.

Another boring day
Pretty uneventfull day, Chatted with Lee on IM a little
Went home and practiced guitar and flute, made alot of progress

Last weekend of July
Thursday- Uneventful went home practiced guitar

Friday- Went with Jerry to the Phoenix Library to get a schematic to fix their TV, picked up Barb from work on the way back. Later went over to try and fix the TV, To much wrong with it, so couldn't fix it. Char and I went to Village in with Jerry ad Barb that night.

Sat- Worked on Bike and Christians car, very frustratingCouldn't really get the brakes on his car working right. Got the bike running ok. still needs more work though. Jerry came over and jammed a little. Jerry Barb and family came over and watched a DVD at our house, Yvette stayed later and I had a long talk with her about her goals

Sun- Went to a kid's water carnival with Jerry and Barb, Yvette and their kids, Came home swam in the pool.pretty uneventfull day and weekend really

The new week
Uneventful day at work, went home and Barb called and asked me to come over to look at her broken TV. Went over but need to get a schematic to fix it.

another weekend
Went to Holly wood alley after work Thursday night to see a frind of mine perform, him and his partner sounded very good performing an acoustic set. The Band after was really good to, they seemed pretty young and sounded kind of like Iron maiden. The guitarist was really good. Carrie, someone I work with and her friend were also their.

Friday- Worked out some finances, cleaneed the pool, worked on my motorcycle, invited Jerry and Barb and family over for a cook out. har and I got in a fight before they came and Barb called and Char was rude to her. Barb said they were not coming over, but after things were smoothed out they came over. We cooked out on the Grill and Jerry and I Jammed and started working on some songs.

Sat.- Worked on the bike Sat, Jerry came over to jam

Sun- Worked ont the bike again, cleaned pool, practiced guitar, Barb called her Tv, was not working she wanted me to look at it sometime.

That was the weekend

Average day
Nothing very eventfull, Talked to Lee a little on IM. She was kind of boasting abot the church she was going to, but in another breath she was saying how much trouble her "Daghter was being" I have been lately trying to focus on Love. Love even if it wasn't because of Christianity seems to be the most sensible way to live life. I told her that she should have unconditional love for her daughter, and That Love is patient and kind. Your individual faith in God is more important than going to church.Char talked to Barb on the phone. I am trying now to base my life on Love, so I can't strive with Barb's problems, I just have to trust that everything will work ot for her. I have to give her room to grow, and not worry abot her so much. Practiced guitar sing guitar tabs of Joe Satriani, Vinnie moor and Gary Hoey, and learned alot of cool gitar licks.

dead end
I started out the day kind of upbeat, pretty busy at work for a change. I am trying to give Christianity another try. Even without Christianity, the principles seem right. Love does seem like the most important sensible thing. Also realizing that we have not much control over our situations and that we do have to trust that all things work for the good. I stopped on Mill ave, after work for a coffee, and to pray, and maybe talk to some people if the opportunity came. I did talk a little to a hippie girl named Raven, but not much. Went home and practiced guitar for a while. Did talk to Barb a little, but she said she was busy with her bills. She didn't seem like in to good of a mood. By the end of the day I was a little discouraged about things, but the only thing to do is go on.

next move
Had a long really good talk with Barb on the phone, I am still kind of unsettled about some things. considering starting a fellowship back up again.

another day
Talked to Barb on IM, Talked to her a little about Christianity. I am troubled about a few things, but am working through things. I called her on the phone later, but it was not a good time to talk. I had prayed to God about being unfullfilled, when we first came out to Phoenix it seemed God was really working in our lives, but I am really strugling now. I can't believe I am actually considering this, but I think God may be wanting me to move back to Cleveland. I think I might have stayed out here to long. I love so much about out here, so many things to do, the weather, the culture, The places to travel that are close. What good are all these things if I am not happy. I have seen what this place is starting to do to me, and what it does to Barb every time she comes back. So maybe it is time to get out. I prayed to God about it and if it is his will he will work out all the details. This whole Idea insired some songs when I was practicing my guitar last night.