When God Whispers Your Name
MY TESTIMONY
THE PROBLEM LIES WITHIN... IT'S CALLED SIN
IF YOU WERE TO ASK ME WHEN I GOT SAVED I WOULD SAY "WHICH TIME?" *smile*
oh ye of little faith - it didn't take much to shake what little I had either.
I have always believed in God and I always knew Jesus was his son and was born of a virgin. I knew he died on the cross and rose from the dead.
You see, I had religious education. That is when it was allowed in school, along with prayer. I went to church...sometimes. So I knew all the right things to know - I just didn't understand how they applied to me personally.
The first time I went forward I was about 14 and knew I was supposed to do that. (that wasn't when) And I was dunked in the water.
When I was 18, I saw a timeline from creation all the way to the new heaven and new earth. That was the first time I can remember hearing of the rapture of the church. Something quikened in me. I believed it, was awed by it.
(then?) I think not but maybe.
I went forward again shortly after that. And dunked again.
My life never really changed though.
I had been married since I was 15 and divorced by age 21. I had to now experience life so out in the workforce and world I went. And brother did I go out in the world!
But God was on my mind a lot of the time - but not the center of my life for sure.
What did He expect of my anyway.
It wasn't fair - I had to live a little didn't I? I was changing diapers when my friends were going to proms.
I wasn't that bad.
Then I discovered the bar scene, (the age of "discos")
I discovered I was a pretty good dancer and thus began my downward spiral!
This was going to make up for all the proms I missed!
I was a waitress at a popular restaurant and was making pretty good money for a HS dropout.
I was supporting my little boy - had my Granny living with me taking care of him.
Life was good. But I wasn't happy.
I thought I was.
Thought I had the world by the tail, I did.
It was somewhere in here my mom and stepdad found a little country church.
Independent fundamental baptist church.
I visited during a special cookout they were having. Friendly little country church.
The pastor and his wife visited me and I gave my life to Christ. (that was the time, I think)
But trying to be a single mom and being told I shouldn't serve alcohol
(the restaurant where I worked and where the good ppl from church ate)
served drinks.
I was told I should leave that job.
That was my security - what else could a HS dropout do?
The preaching at church always made me feel like I needed to get saved every Sunday. (most of the time anyway)
So I slipped slowly back out into the world and the bars.
I was going to a little country bar (I love country music) and this is where I met my next hubby.
Someone now to go to church with and I wouldn't feel so bad being a single amongst all the marrieds.
It was going to be ok - I could quit working and be a stay at home mom.
I would be approved of - no more serving alcohol.
I thought well to do this right I need to go forward....again.
Two babies later I was getting another divorce.
And by this time I was fat too!
Hubby was back in the bars dancing with all the slim pretty girls and here was fat soon to be "ex" following him around!
I told you I like country music - well my theme song became "YOUR GOOD GIRL'S GONNA GO BAD" by Loretta Lynn (you would really have to hear the whole song to understand).
I lost weight and showed him a thing or two! (yeah right) Cut my nose off to spite my face?
Don't get mad - get even? (I usually did)
Now I had to get another job - so what do I do?
I start bartending >>> I showed him - didn't I?
Spiral down - down - down!!
Many years and many drinks later, Jesus penetrated my thick skull!
And I was drunk when He did it.
I was sitting alone after hours at work - drunk with the country music blaring on the jukebox and singing my heart out!
And I started crying and talking to the Lord. Really talking.
And things began to change in my life.
Not overnight but pretty quickly. I'd had enough of the sinful life!
I went back to school - got my GED - started college (all this in my late 30's - early 40's) and quit my job as a bartender and now I am in the medical profession.
I have recently rededicated my life to Him.
Things are not a bed of roses but I have peace in Christ and His love to get me through. l have to work on some things but He is right here to help me. And He will not forsake me. God is changing me from the inside out. ROMANS 12:2
AND THAT WASN'T THE HALF OF IT - you don't have the time or patience for it all (didn't think I saw that yawn, did you?)
HEB. 8:12 "For I will forgive their wickedness and remember their sins no more."
Update:
To suffer passes; to have suffered never passes.
One gorgeous son died in a car wreck Aug. 12, 2000 ~ he knew the Lord but this IS the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. I am struggling, God, struggling. I don't know how I am going to survive... but God's Grace will lead me thru this valley and with the help of the Holy Spirit... my faith will stand firm.
P.S. I remarried Jim.... he is the one I married at 15... we got married December 24, 2002. We had been divorced 30 years.
Thanks for listening.
Don't minimize "little" sins or overrate "big" sins. They all separate us from God, but they all can be forgiven.
I have struggled with old slew foot for a long time - but he has lost me to Jesus! I am learning to LET GO and LET GOD!!! It is in Him and Him alone where faith comes from. I am getting to know the Jesus that has loved me since before time. I am so glad He is a patient and loving Father!
Christianity, in its purest form, is nothing more than seeing Jesus.
Christian service, in its purest form, is nothing more than imitating Him who we see.>>> to see His Majesty and to imitate HIm, that is the sum of Christianity
max lucado
Check out these sites
My Journal of Grief (son's memorial)
My Webtv Homepage
God's Billboards
Photos
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Good and Evil
Hep C/Treatment journal
Memorials