So you need to tell your family...
So you've made your decision. You know you want to leave the church. But you came from a mormon family. They love the church. They never knew you don't believe. Now how do you tell them? Well, this all depends on what your relationship with you family is.
Many people leave the church because they do not want to live the standards of the church, or they just get sick of being attending. If you are one of these people, then you may just want to tell them in person. Durring a family meeting. Tell them that you do not care about going to the church, and that they will not be able to change your mind. If you are an adult, be careful in your speech to be sure that you are not hurting the people you love and possibly ruining a marrige. If you are a teenager living with LDS parents, be sure to do the same and not hurt those you love, but also be prepared to have your parents tell you that you will be grounded or have privilages revoked. You will have to either go to church with them and be miserable, or not go to church with them and live with out some things you like. If you are lucky your parents will undrstand and you won't have to do either.
But what if you don't believe the teachings of the church? What if you're afraid to tell them because they will all think you are going to hell? Maybe you have the type of family who would feel pitty towards you, and think how sad it is that you've gone astray. Maybe you have a cruel hearted family who would disown you from their lives. Maybe they would be confused as to why you dont believe it, and want to know more. Or maybe you are one of the lucky ones who's family will be happy that you are following your own path with only God insight, and so it doesn't matter to them that you don't believe in their church.
So how do you know? How do you know how your family will react? I know that in my family, each of my siblings and parents would react differently. Maybe all of yours would react the same.
So how to tell them. A family meeting as mentioned before may still be your best option in a family that functions well. If your family is the type who will be honourd that you were willing to tell them and they will always support you no matter what you believe, then I would strongly suggest telling them all together in person.
Unfortunatly, most of us do not have the happiness of such a family. So on to the next. You know that your family will not be mad at you, but that they won't understand why you don't believe in the church. This is the kind of situation where I would suggest telling each family member individually. Begin with the person who you know will be the most supportive of you. Tell them what you've decided. Explain why. Hopefully, they will say that they love you, whether they agree or not, and it will make it easier to tell the rest of the family members since you will have been able to put your feelings into words. Ask each person to keep what you've told them in confidence until you've had a chance to tell everyone else. Hopefully they will respect you and not tell anyone what you've said until you say its alright.
Your family may be the pittiful type. Perhaps your family is the kind where they will tell you that they are sad to hear that you have left the church, and then as you begin to leave you over hear them saying, lets pray for him/her. Lets pray that God brings them back where they belong. The kind who will be condesending to you for the rest of your life. In this type of family you need to be stern. This is the family where I suggest sending each member a copy of your letter that you will be sending to the bishop. Add a note at the top saying something along the lines of My dear family, I am leaving the church. I do not believe it is true. I have sent the following letter to the bishop, and it explains why I do not believe the teachings of the church. I pray that you will read through it with an open mind and open heart.
It is very important with this type of family that you make it clear to them that you are not lost, and that you are not leaving simply because you don't want to live up to their standards. These types of people will try and be psychiatrists and tell you that you have subconsious reasons for leaving. You need to be firm and loving. Do not give them an inch or they will run a mile.
Saddly, I may have not mentioned your family type yet. Possibly, you have the worst case senario family. They are devout LDS. The keep all the commandments. The won't even drink Cocacola because of the caffiene. The only watch PG movies and the TV is always on the BYU channel. When you talk about anything relating to anti mormon ideas they quickly change the subject or tell you that you never talk like that. If you have a question about the church that challenges faith they instantly give you a cold stare. This is the family of insecurity. The family built on the idea that nothing else in their life is the way they wanted it, nothing else in their life is reliable and true. And so in their painful lives, the church is their truth. It is the only stable real thing they can hold on to and they will not let anyone else attack it. They would defend it as if it were their only child in a baron family. This is the family where you will be disowned for your apostacy. Where you will loose everyone you ever loved for you choice to follow your faith outside of the church. This is the hardest family to tell. This is the most difficult thing a person would have to do. No one can be in your shoes. And its likely that you'll have to walk in them without anyone to hold your hand across this broken shaky bridge. My friend, your light is beautiful. God is with in your heart. He knows that you have no support in your path. No one to back you up. But he lives in your heart and he will bless you with wings to cross this bridge. You will not fall. With this family, You can write a letter, or you can tell them in person, or one on one. None of them will be easy. What is important in this family, more than anything else you can do, is to show your love and compassion. Let your life and love flow out on them, show them love that they have never seen before. They are carrying so much hate and pain. They are in the church because they feel secure and loved. Show them that you, a person who does not believe in the church, has more love for them than any person they've met. Then tell them that God has that same love only stronger and brighter. Tell them why you believe God loves you despite your choice to leave the church. Give bible verses that talk about why God loves us, which usually say that we are his children, and he doesn't care that we are imperfect. He made us that way. He wants us to love him because he loves us. He doesn't want us to fear him and do things for him out of obligation. He wants us to just love him. If we love him we will know what we need to do to become better people. He never asked us to be Gods. He never asked us to even be perfect. He asked us to have blind love for everyone. He asked us to help each other through life. God is love. To follow God, all we need is love. Because through love all things are accomplished. End by telling them your beliefs. Finish your letter or conversation by telling them how much you love them again, and that you will always be there to help them through everything they do.
They may still be mad or upset at first, but as time goes by, your words will begin to play in their hearts. They may always hold a grudge, but they will not hate you. They may not talk to you, but they will secretly love you. They may change the subject when someone talks about you, but my friend, they will never speak ill of you. You have sent a message to their hearts saying here I am, and all I want is love. Because of that, they will never have hate for you. Things will still be hard, and you may not speak for a long time. But I swear to you that if you speak the words that God has prepared for you, His love will fill their hearts. Water will come from the stone. The dead shall be raised. In God, all things are possible.
I pray that I have given you a starting point to decide how to tell your family. I give a prayer to God for all those people who have and who haven't seen this site, that they will all be able to be filled with the love of God and his words in their mouths. I pray for strength in these great and beautiful humans so that they may accomplish anything. Give them the power to over come and to build their life on God. In the name of the saving Christ, amen.
