Dear Shane, Happy Birthday my sweetheart! Happy Birthday Shane. I have been trying to imagine a wonderful party, and then hoped that is how you spent the day. How I wish you were here to celebrate your birthday. I miss you terribly. You were unique and you were special. You had so many special gifts my son. I miss each and every one. I am sitting here, remembering you all by myself and I am wondering how on earth this happened to us? I have looked through every picture and savoured every memory. The days continue to go by. It is such a strange feeling to be here in the world without the only family I had. I struggle every with each and every moment. Today I've been trying to imagine what our future would have looked like, all the wonderful times we would have shared these past 7 years and I am thinking what kind of man you would be today, tall, handsome, gentle and kind, thoughtful but a go getter, sucessful no doubt. I can picture planning for a wedding after you found your soul mate and how wonderful that day would been. I can imagine the children, grandchildren, being born, holding them in my arms, watching you be a dad and a husband. I feel normal again, happy, joyful and then I have to come back to realilty and some how be ok with the fact that all those wonderful things, happy times, won't ever happen. Knowing it can never be, leaves a deep hole in my soul, if only .... Shane, if only .... I am so lost without you. It is very difficult and sometimes I don't think I'm doing a very good job at surviving this loss, but I am doing my best in the worst of situations. I love you, take that love with you and hold it close to your heart. That is where I hold your love, close to what is left of this broken heart. I love you son, Happy 34th Birthday, mom, xoxox