Im not sure what to do anymore. I mean, the person i love so much doesn't care, or at least i dont think so, and she certainly doesn't show it by sitting as far away from me as possible on the lunch table. The memory of us at six flags flooded into my head last night when i was thinking about how it all went wrong, and how it's all my fault. The memory was when we were waiting in the Raging bull lane, i forgot which one it was, because we went on that ride about 5,000 times that day. anyway, i was just holding abbie and i felt how good i had it, and then how i had to go and screw it all up. why did i do that? i wish abbie didn't call the cops on me that one night, and i would've just finished it off right then and there. i can't stand being around her, she's just so intoxicating. i only wish that she could someday forgive me and we could somehow still be friends through it all. somewhere deep inside i have the tiniest voice telling me that she still loves me, but that's probably some load of bullshit. i don't desearve love. i should lock myself away so i can't hurt anymore people. On a slightly happier note: i sat with joe and chandra and all them today because everyone who i usually sit with went to the choir practice. we had...fun? i guess that's the best way to put it. I have a lot of homework to do, and i also have to go to the Extreme Teens meeting tomorrow morning, and it starts at 7, i have to coax my darling mother into cutting a few precious minutes off her beauty sleep. Today my shirt read "my cat is my best friend" i didn't even realize how wrong that could be taken until Kelsey mentioned to me that "her pussy was her best friend too", oh well. as for you that dont know, i moved into my new house on thomson street. my room turned out quite nicely. oh yeah there's a choir concert tomorrow i must attend, after my long awaited appointment w/ mr. aaron j. t. we tried to schedule something for tuesday, but i've been extremely busy. if anyone knows a really good book or series that they absolutely loved, and happens to have a copy of that series on hand, could you please lend it to me, i'm looking for a really supurb follower to the one im reading now. i wish i could write really really long blogs, but i just can't, i dont want to bore you with every aspect of my life. ..........well if you insist............ 7:14-got up, i went upstairs and looked into the mirror only to see an absolutely hideous face stare back in my direction. i pulled a brush through my hair (took a bath last night) and placed it into a ponytail. i put some clean clothes on, which is quite a blessing since i dont know where most of my clothes are. then i brushed my teeth and got my school stuff together. 8:01-got to school (thanks to mommy dearest)and walked to art class. i sat down and did my still life drawing. off to spanish where i finished all homework for the next 3 days in advance, just because i didn't want to listen to the teacher western civ. we talked about nepolean, WOW gsa- i got to see my darling sister in the p.a.c. she came to say hi to me, which i thought was somewhat humane of her and i got scared geometry- it was steinagel's birthday so we didn't get that much homework i already told you about lunch english-quizy testy thingy study hall- talked about......with kristin and finally biology-i forgot after school i went to art club and talked to brianne about.......then i got a ride home with Ty's mom only to be greeted by a pack of middle schoolers tearing my house apart. that was fun, imediately i went downstairs and locked myself in my room. my mother came home about 8ish and helpd me figure out what was wrong with our internet connection, i'm really stupid now im writing this. im going to make my fairwells and go away to read some long awaited fanfiction YAY kat >^_^<