Years since I've been away
Mood:  irritated
Now Playing: my poor baby crying

Wow, why did ever stop writing in this blogy? Ooh, I remember. Stupid job that sucked all creativity out of me for two and a half years. Man, that's the only thing I hated about having steady work, my artwork suffered terribly. 

So much has happened. I had a baby, who is crying her eyes out at this moment. She's grown accustomed to being in my arms all night. Her doctor suggested I leave her in the crib when it's time for bed and just let her cry. Well after two nights of baby crying, not that long just about two hours worth, she stopped! It was great. She either lays there and plays quietly with her toys, or she nods off to dreamland. I had her on a very good schedule. Then my mom came...

 

I was sick so I asked her to watch Lori, and she does something to throw all my plans out the window! My baby is crying all over again! I hate my mom. She can ruin anything. After I got Loralei home mom volunteered to help me with baby, but it seemed to hurt more than help. She'll feed and change her, but that's about it. She hardly talks to her, just at her. She never plays with her. No exercises, tummy time, nothing. She'll just sit there with baby in her arms and watch TV. 

 

This past month I've asked mom to stay away. One day Lester and left Lori with mom and baby developed a horrid diaper rash. Come to find out mom didn't know what a whippie was. At the doctor's office she was so mad at everything. I was what her problem was... her reply? "I've never been through this before!"

 

I was like, you've never had a baby or taken that baby to see a doctor? It's any wonder how I grew up to adulthood. My mom makes me crazy.

 

Other than that, I'm good. I have to get baby fed now. I'll write more later!

If ever I return again....
Mood:  celebratory
Now Playing: Moody Blues - English Sunset
I'm ashamed I left my bloggy alone for so long. Can't remember the last time I had some free time for the internet? Well, here I am again to fill you in on what'sbeen going on in my little part of the world.

I'm on my last month of school!!! After February I'll *hopefully* go on an externship... if they find me a site. Damn school and it's cheap Career services, I was told to pretty much look for my own site, even though every place I go to I'm told no, no no, no, or I get a stare like I'm not even speaking english.

I've made a few friends in my short five months there. When I enrolled we had a "senior" class who had been there for a month earlier. They taught us how to fill out forms and medware. They already left last week, and now I miss them. Brenda left before I could ask for her #... *sniff* Now I don't have anyone to bug in computer class about medware. Thanks Brenda, for eveything.

Casandra was the first person I talked with. We really hit it off the first month. She's a very sweet lady. ^__^ Then I got talking with Vicky, who I feel like I've known for years. She always tells me aboput her two babies. But she misses alot and I'm afraid they'll move her to another class, or make her repeat another mod.

And I recently got to know Shannon. She saw me playing Zelda: The Minish Cap, and asked me to help her with A Link To The Past (GBA). I know that game inside and out, seeing as I lived and breathed it for years, and now I sit near her in both lecture and lab rooms. We can't get enough Zelda... I'm a geek.

I'm going to miss them all when I leave. I wish we could extern together. I passed out my number to them... *sniff* I'm going to hate saying goodbye to them. Just watch the tears flow.

where have I been?
Mood:  hug me
Now Playing: running computers
yes, where have I been? It's been some weeks since my last post! I'm sorry to Erin and Jennifer for not getting back with those comments. I was so tired over the past weekends to even surf the net. There,s been too much going on @ school. And mostly all my free time is spent studying. What ever time I have left over I spend laying in front of the TV. Sigh* how I've missed that so! And my artwork has suffered greatly as well. No new pitures or sketches or even any new ideas. I have a few sketches from before school started. Maybe over thanksgiving weekend I'll scan those on and update the website! *gasp* can I get it done? We'll see. Thanks guys for posting, I'll reply very soon! *double hugs from me*

And for the first time, I came to school alone! My poor sweetie stayed out with an upset stomach. I'm kinda lonley here without him. But Mom drove me in and she'll pick me up when she gets all her errands done. Hope he's feeling better. Damn how I wish I could still be asleep like him right now!

The bunny in the top hat is so cute!
Mood:  rushed
Now Playing: some song on my mind...
I'm in such a hurry!!! Hmm, I'll answer Jennifer's and Erin's comment to my previous post this weekend. I'm sorry for not being around guys. ^^; *hugs tight* Schools going good. I got into a fight with a girl in class. It's a long story, but she talked to me very badly and I told her off... in front of the entire class. Now everyone hates her, and it's her own damn fault. Anyway, she hangs out with this other "manly" lady whos been in prison. You believe that everyone? They let some one go to a medical college who's been in prison! I'm outraged. I certainly wouldn't want some one like to handle my insurance claims. Honestly.

Anyway, I'm studying a very boring chapter of TRICARE. I just can't seem to grasp the insurance part, it's just so uninteresting. But I'm trying,

Oh my, Lester actually got up before 5:30 am!!! I'm shocked! Well, I'll be back this weekend. I have a test on Friday, and I'll be cramming all day today. See you soon!

I'm learning to type!
Mood:  happy
Now Playing: Some printer gearing up.
That's right people, Marisa's been practicing typing here at school. And its so difficult to keep track of my fingers, I so wanna go back to my usual two fingers, but I can't type fast enough that way. There's a nifty typing program in our computer lab and I have 35 words per minute. ^__^ But I need 40, and I can't get it up any faster, so I'm learning all over again. It's fun though, at least I know where all the keys are.

Other than that I'm learning Medicaid in class. And its so boring. But I'll cram this weekend for the test on Tuesday. Gotta go class starts in 20 minutes and I have bathroom time to go. *grin* Ok, you didn't have to know that. XP

Study, work and study
Mood:  spacey
Now Playing: nothing
I passed my first test! Believe that? I'm shocked. An it I did well on it too. Marisa's at school right now on the lab computer. And it just wanted to update on my fight with Lester. We're doing great now. I was slightly upset last time I posted. I usually don't like make upsetting posts, cause you never really mean what you say. From my last post it sounded like I was angry at Lester's friends calling. It didn't come out the way I meant it. I'm happy they call, and he's still close to them. He just misses them, that's all.

Be back another time! Love all!

Lost.
Mood:  blue
Now Playing: nothing
I can't even type right anymore. I started school and studying along with learning to type makes me want to never look at this keyboard again. I can't honestly say when I'll ever come back over here, or draw, or update my site again. I have too much homework. I started Medical Billing and coding, and I must admit I find all the medical terminology to be very interesting. It's the insurance part that's boring, and therefore makes it harder for me to grasp. >_< Ironically for my class, it's the other way round.

Not much has happened since. Lester and I got into a little fight just now. I can't think of what I did wrong. I seriously feel like he doesn't want to be around me anymore. This happens each time his friend's call from NJ. He gets angry, and throws thing in my face. I'm just tired. I don't need this treatment anymore. I'm sick of the way he feels he can treat me like dirt at one moment, then try to make up another moment and it'll all be okay. And I try to make everything peaceful around the house, but now that I'm gone its all falling apart. No one cleans around here anymore. I was the one who did everything. When I try to tell Lester to clean up after himself, or to take care of something (meaning don't kick the wall or continue to throw yourself on the couch typr things) he gets pissed and says I'm annoying. Hmm, well if that's the case. Why does he want to spend the rest of his life with me?

I'm tired....

For all that's happened, I say "Screw You!"
Mood:  don't ask
Now Playing: Pray Your Gods - Toad The Wet Sprocket
So much has happened this month I can barely remember it all. Trips to Houston and Dallas, Mom, Lester and I getting into a huge argument, almost getting a job, and we're on the verge of moving out. Though where we'll go, I don't know...

As you probably guessed, Mom asked us to leave, again! I'm just tired of being thrown out of my own house. She says Lester doesn't love her, and she'll never care for him. Well that's fine with me, I'm already beyond the pain of knowing the two people I love most in life will never love each other or get along. Lester doesn't help the situation either. His temper is just as bad as Mom's, but at least he stands up for me when Mom's tearing me down. I've already stopped telling him to hold back on her. The fight was on Sunday night, they still haven't spoken to each other since. I can honestly say I feel nothing in the matter. The hurt has been gone for some time. Last year, when she kicked us out the first time. And she wasn't even buying groceries for some time! We were so hungry we had to spend Lester's gas money on food. *cry* Hopefully his parents can send us more money.

How can she be so loving and caring one moment, and then turn on me the next? I'll never know the answer to that. I'll never understand her. I can only keep those memories of her when I was a child. When being in her arms was the safest place in the world. I thoguht when I got older I'd always have her support, no matter what. But I was wrong, sadly wrong...

I'm just depressed. I don't want to worry anyone with my ranting. It'll all be fine as long as everyone stays out of her way. I'm thinking if I don't get this job I'll just enroll in school as well. Might as well put my time to good use if I'm not working.

The long, winding road.
Mood:  hungry
Now Playing: Nothing, just the ticking of a clock
Got up early today. 6:30am, just after Lester left for school. I cleaned up a bit before sitting and crocheting for a while. I'm trying to make some lovely dollies as christmas gifts. Seeing as Lester and I are too poor to afford much right now. Haven't been able to find a job in this hick town! No one's hiring anywhere near-by and that sucks ass. Marisa has no car...

Mom was in a car accident the day before yesterday. It happened when she got out of work around 7am. She's okay, her car just has a big dent on the driver's side. And the accident was entirely her fault, or so the witnesses and police say. Mom actually admitted it to an extent. She says when she was making a right turn, a lady in a jeep was coming from the left with a right turn signal on, so Mom rushed to turn in front, thinking the woman would turn down the street Mom just came from, but not so! The lady was planning on turning down the next street, so she hit Mom. And seeing how those blocks are too damn small, the streets are narrow, I can understand why the lady put her signals on early. Mom's in a mess of insurance problems and expired stickers on her car. She gave Lester an insurance card to put in his car, since both cars are covered together. And she searched ALL MORNING for her cards so she could imeaditately go and get the sticker at the courthouse, but she couldn't find hers. Well when Lester got home, we went to get the sticker for her with our card... And guess what???! Our card expired on July 7, 2004! Hmm, I was pissed at Mom for not even checking on those damn cards. She says she got nothing in the mail about it. I said well hell, maybe you should go over to the insurance office and get the damn cards yourself! Common sense people, common sense. But this is the richest part, She called in Thursday, just to travel into Houston (where she works and goes to everyday) and stop at the insurance office and get the new cards. But you guessed right, she laid around all day doing nothing, saying it's too far, she's not going all the way over there to get something that will be mailed to her next week. I stood there dumbfounded and just walked away. Lester was extremely pissed since he has to drive to Houston everyday, and almost got into an accident himself... with expired cards.

But that's my mom for you. She cares more about laying around the house all day, watching TV, eating all the food we buy with our little money, than going out and taking care of her responsibilities. And now she just told me that I owe her 1,300 dollars for the expenses I ocurred while living here, or as long as Lester moved in. Lovely, just lovely. Lester owes her a whopping 10,000 dollars for the car and insurance. Which I must add she throws in our face almost everyday. She'll get her money. It's about the only things she truly loves. She completely disowned her own brothers and sisters, and even her own father because of money. And now it seems that her own daughter will follow...

I surely hope this weekend goes by peacefully. All I want is to alone with Lester, won't be easy with mom sneaking about. She'll get pissed at Lester cause he'll be home all weekend and she won't. Like it's his fault she volunteered to work Labor day. I'm tired of it all.

Mom on the war path...
Mood:  blue
Now Playing: Wilson Phillips - The Dream Is Still Alive
I don't know what to do anymore. I just feel so inbetween everything and everyone. It's sad how I let everyone treat me, walk all over me, and down right abuse my kindness. And yet I still stay the same, never change my ways, always help those same people. I'm referring to friends, neighbors and more importantly my family.

Mom for instance has been in a sour mood since we left for the Woodlands. She gets pissed whenever Lester and I do something without her. And it's getting damn annoying. We had a big blow-out fight today. And I yelled at her, a lot! She treats me like a two year old. Can you believe I have to put the knives in the drawer a certain way!
"Never put them in pointing down, I'll cut myself!" She says, though how she'll get cut I'll never know. Come on, is it really important how I put the knives in there, AS LONG AS I ACTUALLY CLEAN THEM AND PUT THEM THERE!!!!!! Oh no, today she says it's Lester fault, he put them in there and wants to cut her, yes Mom believe it's all his fault, even though HE HASN"T EVEN WASHED THOSE DAMN DISHES SINCE HE STARTED SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just get so mad, I didn't yell at her when she first complained about the knives, I did today though. I make it a point not to yell at her. I accept everything she asks because she is my mother, but today I couldn't take it anymore. She gets pissed when we leave the light in the front room on.....even though we're in there reading or, hmmm, let's see LIVING IN THE LIVING ROOM. My God, that's why they call it a living room!!!!
"it wastes too much electricity!" She says, we jack up her bill, she says. Hmm, you think when she falls asleep with her ancient junky TV on all night long, that doesn't waste a thing? Hmm, I once went in there to turn it off and tell her it wastes a hell of a lot of power, you guessed right, she got pissed at me and told to stay out of her room from now on, even though I have a cat to feed who lives in there. Yep, real smart Mom, real smart.
Oh and she says she going to leave and stay in Houston all week! Yep, I've heard that one before too many times. She'll be back tomorrow, no doubt. Picture it, she'll pack all her things tonight right in front of Lester and I so we can feel sorrow or guilt, whatever it is she wants us to feel, and parade out the door making sure we know she'll be back friday. But when I wake up in the morning, she'll be right in the front room eating breakfast. And I'll ask, "Mom, I thought you said you were going to leave all week?"
"Did I say that?" She'll say, "I didn;t say that, I said I was thinking about it."
Yes, that's my Mom for you.

I was going to write all about my trip, The Cure and just how my wonderful weekend went, but it is just too good to be placed here amongst my Mother's jealousy, anger, hatred and insanity. I'll wirte about it some other time. I'm off to wait for Lester to get home. I need someone to hold, bad.