Thursday Jan. 1st, 2004
3:17pm
HOLY MOTHER FREAKING COW, last night was one of the best nights of my life!!
more on that later...
Furthermore, I hate this "website".
I think I shall make another one...
Catherine
Sunday Dec. 14th, 2003
3:36am
...another entry for the "shoulda learned that the first time" files...
soothing black...
perfect white...
chaotic gray...
what's an idiot like me to do with nothing left to face but the tangled web of reality she has woven...
*laughs* I imagine death will be somewhat like this, only with less resting on my free choice, and more one God's plan.
*Note: the dreary tone should not be taken as more than words, the significance is in the word, not the word's significance... (and that only makes sense to me, yay world...)*
Catherine
Saturday Nov. 1st, 2003
9:44pm
wearing my glasses and my pyjamas
with my unwashed, unbrushed, pinkish hair tied in a loose ponytail
listening to Leonard Cohen's sexy, mesmerizing voice...
Let's play the "why?" game:
You have to get good grades
Why?
Because then you'll be able to be able to get into a good university
Why?
Because then you'll get a good job
Why?
Because then you'll have lots of money
Why?
Because then you'll be happy
According to me, there's something seriously wrong with this picture: money can't buy happiness. I don't care what you believe, or where you shop, the fact of the matter is that you can be happy whether you have $1 000 000 or $1. Sometimes it's even easier to be happy the less money you have...
I have a pillow case full of happiness (in the form of halloween candy) on the desk beside me
I have happiness, and reasons to be happy all around me. And yet I, myself, am not happy.
But why?
Anthony, Andrew, Adam, Ellen, that guy at the party last night, Katie, Sara + Matt, Victoria, Bee...
what is a kiss?
intimate expression of love -OR- form of amusement?
what fuels love?
is love enviable?
is it possible to have NO love?
who do you know that's lonely?
can a kiss cure loneliness? or will it only, eventually, perpetuate the cycle?
i want to love everyone
is that even possible?
Catherine
Friday Oct. 31st, 2003
12:44am
I'm tired, I'm fed up, and my hair is fucking magenta
I want to go to sleep and never wake up
When we bought the hair dye today, I was so excited about the whole adventure. I was naive enough to believe that my hair would turn out the same deep, lucious red of the dye itself. No such luck.
Furthermore I hadn't counted on the fact that it wouldn't turn out completely uniform. I guess I forgot about the fact that my hair has all these natural highlights, and that underneath it's still fairly dark blonde. So what I ended up with was a mass of light pink, dark pinkish, some blondish-brownish-pinkish bits, and some darker pinkish-red ones. Laura says it looks fine, and I felt bad disagreeing, but it really does look hideous. She warned me not to try to wash it out, and tried to convince me that it would be fine. Whatever. It's going to be strawberry-blondish by tomorrow if my prayers are answered.
I always loved my hair, but I've never appreciated it's natural colour as much as I do now... I miss it...
...tomorrow's going to bee one hell of a Halloween...
Catherine
Tuesday Oct. 28th, 2003
8:10pm
I've changed my mind: Mr. Nasello is AWESOME!
I was kinda worried about the meeting I was to have with him today considering how things went yesterday and all, but we talked through all the issues we had been having, and we've managed to come to a pretty sweet arrangement.
Here's what we have:
- semi will be opened up to grade 10s
- we're still having it at Crystal, even if we cann't get a date before march 5th (cause we don't want to lose the deposit), but Mr. Nasello said he'd call and discuss things with them. The thing is, when I called last night the guy at Crystal said that he *might* be able to give us the 27th of Feb., but that he wasn't entirely sure (I'll know by tomorrow). Fingers crossed!
- he said he LOVED the idea of Moulin Rouge as our theme! It was quite funny actually cause his face lit up when we mentioned it and he seemed even more excited than we were to see how it would look
All in all, HE IS SO COOL!
and furthermore, YAY!
1) Happy Birthday to Laura for tomorrow (the 29th)
2) "I don't have $1400...", "Oh that was you guys!", "so who wants to join Erik Incorporated?", and "Look! Those stars are going to collide!"
3) I miss everyone...
I'm not unnecessary, am I? Cause right now I feel like I'm just a bunch of molecules floating around uselessly in the form of a human being... like I have no real PURPOSE or REASON to be here...
Just me being insecure again, but yeah
Anywayz I'm gonna head upstairs now seen as I have to be up early for council tomorrow, and I have some artwork I should really get to finishing...
Catherine
Monday Oct. 27th, 2003
3:48pm
"I'm lowering my cholesterol"
I don't understand why I'm so upset. The 5th of march isn't THAT bad... is it? I mean, sure it's 2 weeks later than we had originally planned, and they're charging us $3 more per person for food than last year... but at least we're still having a semi, right?
I have alot of anger in me recently, it seems. I'm angry at Dr. Fitch and our VP, "Mr. Noseworthy". That's two people more than usual. I also tend to lash out at random people alot more as a result so if I've yelled at you recently for no real reason, I'm truly sorry. I'm just SO FREAKING MAD!
At the end of the day, I finally managed to track down our VP (Mr. Nasello) to go over the proposal I submitted for semi, and to find out what the fuck he did with the date we had at Crystal Fountain (the banquet hall). Basically our meeting consisted of him making me feel like an idiotic, spoilt teenager, and despite the fact that I am a big brat at times I still don't think I deserved the way he talked down to me. This was our argument, in point-form-ish:
Nasello: Why do we need to have it for seniors only?
Moi: A) students look forward to it since grade 9
B) even though we used to have a separate semi for juniors, it wasn't nearly as cool as the senior one... this is THE senior dance
C) my grade didn't get a semi at all last year so if we open it up to juniors this year they will get upset that THEIR semi was invaded by "little kids"
D) a lot of grade 11s will decide against coming if there will be grade 10s there (sounds childish, but that's the concensus based on most people I've talked to in my grade)
Nasello: A) BA is the only school in the region that still has a separate semi for juniors and seniors
B) Seniors have prom to look forward to whereas the juniors have nothing, therefore it should be mixed
C) that's stupid
D) *see C*
...and then he had to run, so we scheduled a meeting for tomorrow at lunch. It's like suffering the pains and torment of eternal damnation in two installments!
Am I being unreasonable? Maybe I am a spoilt brat? I mean, it just seems we never had these problems in previous years but as soon as he gets here we begin running into road blocks. It really is his fault that we're having so many problems with the banquet hall anywayz. Consider the following:
- he made the reservation for the hall for Prom, and put the $200 deposit down, without consulting Prom committee so when they told him they wanted a different location he DUMPED THE DEPOSIT ON US. Normally this wouldn't be a problem seen as we would be having semi there anyways, but this year we had planned to go elsewhere (somewhere cheaper)
- because he has cancelled and switched so many committments with them they have gotten pissed and are charging us more for food (as aforementioned). Furthermore, it would seem they are placing us as last priority when I asked them about other tentative dates (this makes sense cause they're probably afraid we'll back out again). Nasello has therefore put us in a terrible position with the hall.
To add to my problems, the only people I really WANT to talk to about everything, and possibly cry to, are millions of miles away at university. And they're too busy with studying and assignments to talk to me. Of course, I understand that I am not a priority over such things (note: that wasn't sarcasm), but just cause there's a reason doesn't make it any easier to deal with. *sigh*
I hate this.
...and then, like the cherry on top of a sundae, that adorable grade 8 couple that often stop to makeout on my front lawn are at it again. They look so happy and lovestruck... and cute... and perfect... IT'S LIKE THEY'RE DOING IT ON PURPOSE TO RUB IT IN.
*childish grumble* No one should be happy if I'm not.
Things I would curse, had I the power:
1) all universities that have lured my friends away from Markham. Honestly, what does Guelph/Windsor/London/Waterloo/Trent have that Markham doesn't?! DO THEY HAVE A MARKHAM BOWLING ALLEY THERE TOO!?!? NO, THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT! Plus, I'm in Markham, so why would you want to leave :p
2) Mr. Nasello (give us Mr. O'Hara back!!!)
3) Periodontists (although on the bright side, I can eat solid foods again, I'm teething, and the stiches are falling out)
4) braces
Enough ranting, I need some chocolate... and a massage... and someone to cry with... and a big blanket to curl up in... Where's my Coldplay CD?
Catherine
Friday Oct 24th, 2003
10:57pm
waiting for the stroke of midnight...
It's funny, today has been the only day this week that hasn't felt like friday... and it still didn't feel like a real school day. Next week is going to be hell by comparaison, cause this week has kicked ass (minus the surgery)!
So things are settling in with my teeth a bit more. That wire thing is kinda hurting my lip/gums though seen as it hooks onto random parts of my mouth (ie: the wire for my braces, my lip, the stiches in the roof of my mouth...), but "it's supposed to be like that" so I guess I'll have to learn to cope. Yay Tylenol-2s which have been helping a lot from time to time, although I do feel like a geriatric with all these pills I'm on again (not since my brief battle with mono this summer have I had so many bottles of pills to carry around). But the pain is subsiding pretty well, so I'm happy! I actually had SOLID FOOD TODAY! Woot! (I had a craving for rice thins (???) and then Jaimie gave me a peanut butter cookie he made in Hospitality... Mmmuffin... or... Mmmcookie...?)
HAPPY HALF-BIRTHDAY KATIE!
and if I do say so myself, that cake was mighty tasty, if not a little on the sweet side... and the locker looked cool too. I just hope it makes up for me forgetting your 1/2 B-day last year...?
"Happy Birthday/You did not accomplish much/but you didn't die this year, I guess that's good enough!"
This weekend should be interesting...
Catherine
Wednesday Oct 22nd, 2003
4:46pm
Braces were child's play compared to the agony I am experiencing now.
And if there is one person I hate (I don't hate anyone) it is that fucking bastard of a man who brutally stipped me of my teeth. Fucking lunatic, I hate his guts. I don't see how someone can make a profession off inflicting pain and suffering daily, and then drive his fucking huge, pristine, white SUV home and think about what a great job he has before heading off to an office party (they talk about these things between shoving needles in my gums and yanking out molars... jackasses). Holy fuck, I hate that man and everything about his office. From the ugly wallpaper, to the useless mess of a carpet, to the "inspirational" poster that reads "It's hard to smile when your teeth hurt" behind the office. Not that anyone could smile in his office even if their teeth didn't hurt...
And his assistant is no better
Her: "What subjects do you like at school? You must have one that you like more than the others right? Everyone does..."
Me: "Sure."
Her: "For me it was music... do you have one that you dislike more than the rest then?"
Me: "Music."
The only reason I said this was, of course, to contradict her (I know, I can be really bitchy... but I mean, I'm having 5 teeth pulled and this "exposition" crap... am I honestly expected to be Mary fucking Sunshine?), but she just laughed like the fucked up airhead that she is. What a dumbass.
So then about an hour of mind-boggling pain later she makes me walk out into the waiting room, half stumbling and leaning on the walls for support cause I can hardly stand, and she talks to my mom about all the drugs they're giving me to ease the pain. It wasn't until a little while ago when the pain began to come through the numbness and I had to struggle to swallow a Tylenol-2 with all this gauze and blood in my mouth, that we realized that he hadn't given me my teeth. It may sound childish, but after the pain I went through there's NO WAY IN HELL that I'm going to let the Tooth Fairy get away without leaving me a pretty little sum of cash. So we drive back to the Periodontist (read: Satan)'s office and, get this, he "no longer has my teeth". What the hell did he do with them in the 15min we were gone to get my perscription?!
Luckily there is a shred of happiness to end my story thus far: my mom hates the nurse's attitude, and she's never going to make me go back there again.
My advice to anyone who will have to go through anything remotely like what I just did: kill yourself. No, seriously. If they ever tell me I'll need to do that again, that's what I'm doing.
Just wait till I'm allowed to throw out all this bloody gauze in my mouth and see the huge gaps and holes he's created in my mouth... I guarantee a breakdown on the bathroom floor.
pray for me, please...
*UPDATE* (10:15pm)
It seems the thin wire attaching my "exposed" tooth (the one they carved the gum away from, attached a bracket and wire to, sewed the gum back up over top of, and then attached the wire to the rest of my braces to make sure it gets pulled down into the right position) has either been broken or has come unattached. They said that I'd need to be careful when I eat in order to prevent this from happening, which is funny seen as I haven't had anything to eat since the surgery and somehow the wire broke anywayz...? All the same this means I have to go back into Satan's hellhole tomorrow, possibly for a repeat of the same inhumane torture I experiences today. Or, if I'm lucky, he'll just reattach the wire by twisting it and junk, and the worst I'll have to put up with is his bimbo assistants incessant chirping and a lecture from him on how "I need to care about them and pay attention". It seems that he uses that kind of thing as a cop-out for the fact that he is a crappy surgeon. I mean, I didn't eat anything, so why did it come unattached?! I think it's because his diplomas are fake and he just hired some downtown hookers as assistants to help him run his illegal practice. Myabe he's even a mad scientist (minus the scientific part of course, seen as the validity of his scientific "knowledge" is questionable...)
*UPDATE FOLLOWING THAT UPDATE* (10:29pm)
Dr. Fitch (aka Satan) just called back. He sounded as if he almost cared, but he still had that sense of "can we get this over with you idiotic teenage princess" in his voice. He said the dangling wire is supposed to be like that (?) and that I should just be careful not to chew on it when I eat.
I kinda feel bad for all the things I've said about him now... I mean, he may not care about patients and moreso about his $income$, but he still cares enough to call me back at 10:30 at night, so he can't be THAT bad... So yeah... I'm sorry Dr. Fitch. I shouldn't have been so mean to you, even if you are a bit of an asshole at times...
Catherine
Saturday Oct 4th, 2003
11:29am
Day 3: Kill me, kill me, kill me
BRACES ARE HELLSENT!
From what my friends have told me, Day 1 is smooth sailing cause everything's new but nothing really hurts... it just feels weird, Day 2 is painful because your teeth have loosened and shifted slightly at night and your gums are all tender as a result, and Day 3 is the worst (they didn't really elaborate)... until you get them tightened, that it...
I now see what they mean. As I type this, I have 6 holes in my cheeks (on the inside) from the brackets rubbing up against them and tearing the tissue. I can't eat, smile, talk or open my mouth, because that rubs my braces against the holes, and tends to cause them to get caught (yes, the metal actually grabs on to my cheek and implants itself). I tried putting wax on the bothersome brackets, but that pushes my already-swollen bottom lip out another inch or so, making me look like a rabid dog (did I mention I can't get my lips around the braces enough to be able to rub my lips toghether or spit...?) and makes me look like the biggest idiot when I smile. PURE HELL.
Anywayz I must clean my room so that I can meet everyone at the Markham Fair in about 45min... Have a great day, eveyone!
you know you love me...
Catherine
Thursday Oct 2nd, 2003
8:33pm
Day 1: Welcome to BraceLand ("uh, thank yuh very muhch")!
Yes ladies and gentlemen, today is the much unanticipated day that I joined the 70% of the population that have had, have, or will have braces.
How does it feel? Well, at first it was terrible, because I felt like the ugliest person alive, and it was weird and unusual to have all this metal attached to my teeth. My gums hurt a little bit now, cause my teeth aren't used to having metal wires tugging them around, so I assume that'll take some getting used to. Eating tends to be painful, as it was with the spacers I had last week. The difference is that with the spacers I could only use my FRONT teeth to chew (VERY HARD TO DO), and now I can only (somewhat) use the back molars, which is significantly easier.
I'm told that for the first week or so (minus the day you get them) it hurts like madness and you take Advil like candies to ease the pain, but then after that it only ever hurt when you get them tightened (every 5 weeks or so). So that's... uhh... good...?
I also opted for the weird silver elastics. I'm told their the best choice. Here were my choices, you tell me:
coloured elastics (ie: pink, orange, green) ---> just look stupid. Why would anyone want to draw attention to their braces?!
white or clear ---> when you eat or drink stuff with colouring or pigments (such as coke, grape juice, some fruit punches, etc.) the elastics get stained making it look like you just always have food stuck in your braces.
black ---> (see "coloured elastics")
leaving only one choice...
SILVER!
Hence, silver and I became friends. And it looks terible. my only consollation is that it could have looked much, MUCH worse, haha
So since my first minutes with them, I've grown almost used to the look of them. Sure I'd choose not to have them if I could, but they're not *THAT* bad... and plus, I'm extremely grateful that I can afford to have all this stuff done so that I don't end up with a tooth growing out into my lip (the only reason I'm actually going through with this whole thing... to avoid that). So yeah... as much as I tend to dislike my orthodontist and periodontist... *mumbles* thanks...
SURGERY ON OCT. 22ND! WOOT!
...someone PLEASE come hold my hand!
you know you love me... thank GOD love is blind! :Þ
Catherine
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