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  1. Make brown-bag lunches for your roommate every morning. Give them to him/her before he/she goes to class.
  2. Every time you enter the room, sit in a chair, lean back too far, and fall over backwards. Laugh hysterically for about ten minutes. Then, one day, repeat the falling-over exercise, but instead of laughing, get up, look at the chair sternly, and say, "It's not funny anymore."
  3. Read with a flashlight when the lights are on. Pretend to read without one when the lights are out, remarking every so often how great the book is.
  4. Get a surfboard. Put it on your bed. Stand on it, and pretend to surf for about fifteen minutes. Then, pretend to "wipe out," and fall off the bed onto the floor. Pretend you are drowning until your roommate comes over to "rescue" you.
  5. Keep a hamster as a pet. Buy a blender, and make milkshakes every day. Then, one day, get rid of the hamster. Make a shake using a lot of ketchup. When your roommate comes in, look at the shake, look at the empty cage, and tell your roommate, "I was curious."
  6. Make toast for breakfast every morning, but don't plug the toaster in. Eat the plain bread, looking at the toaster angrily, and complain that the toaster doesn't know what it's doing. If your roommate suggests plugging it in, go on a tangent about fire-safety hazards.
  7. Pack up all of your things and tell your roommate that you're going away to "find yourself." Leave, and come back in about ten minutes. If your roommate asks, explain that you're not a hard man/woman to find.
  8. Never speak to your roommate directly. If you need to ask or tell him/her something, go to another room and call him/her on the phone.
  9. Every night, before you go to bed, beg your roommate for a glass of water. When he/she brings it, dump it on the floor and immediately go to sleep. If he/she ever refuses to bring you a glass of water, lie on the bed and pretend to be dying of dehydration, making annoying gagging sounds, until he/she does so.
  10. Hang a picture of your roommate on the wall. Throw darts at it. Smile at your roommate often, saying things like, "How nice to see you again."
  11. Get a can of beans. Label them, "Jumping beans." Eat them, and then jump around the room. Get another can of beans. Label them, "Dancing beans." Eat them, and then dance around the room. Get another can of beans. Label them, "Kill Your Roommate beans." Eat them, smiling at your roommate.
  12. Every time your roommate falls asleep, wait ten minutes, and then wake him/her up and say, "It's time to go to bed now."
  13. Insist that your roommate recite the "Pledge Of Allegiance" with you every morning.
  14. Recite "Dr. Seuss" books, all the time. Eventually, think up melodies for the words and sing them, loudly, directly to your roommate. If he/she tells you to stop, act offended and spend the day in bed.
  15. Put up traffic signs around the room. If your roommate doesn't obey them, give him/her tickets. Confiscate something your roommate owns until he/she pays the tickets.
  16. Walk, talk, and dress like a cowboy at all times. If your roommate inquires, tell him/her, "Don't worry little buckaroo. You'll be safe with me."
  17. Complain that your elbows, knees, and other joints have been bothering you. Get a screwdriver, and pretend to "fix" them.
  18. Paint abstract paintings, and title them things like, "Roommate Dying in a Car Crash," and "Roommate Getting Whacked in the Head with a Shovel." Comment often about how much you love the paintings.
  19. Wear glasses, and complain that you can never see anything. Bump into walls and doors. Put your clothes on backwards. Say, "Who's that?" every time your roommate enters the room. When you're not wearing the glasses, act like you can see fine.
  20. Buy a lava lamp. Stare at it for hours, imitating its movements with your face. Explain to your roommate that you have established a connection with the spirit world through the lava lamp. Tell your roommate that "Grandma said hi."
  21. Keep empty jars on the shelf. Tell your roommate that this is your collection of "inert gases." Look at them often. One day, act surprised and angered, and accuse your roommate of having released one of the gases. Cover your nose and mouth and run out of the room.
  22. Wear scary Halloween masks. Look in the mirror and scream hysterically for about five minutes every time you put one on.
  23. Rollerskate up and down the hallway. Every time you see your roommate, crash into him/her and knock him/her down. Apologize, and say that he/she looked like "the enemy."
  24. Put headphones on your roommate while he/she is sleeping, and subliminally teach him/her to speak Spanish, play the trombone, and memorize all the major imports and exports of each African nation.
  25. Stick your head out the window, but forget to open it, so that your head crashes through the glass. Then say, "Silly me," open the window again, and try to stick your head through. Act like you hit your head on something.
  26. Dress like a military officer. Insist that your roommate salute you upon sight. If he/she refuses, insist that he/she do 100 push-ups. Keep saying things like, "Your momma isn't here to take care of you any more."
  27. Keep a collection of teeth in a jar. Act excited whenever you add to it, and say things like, "In a little while I'll have enough for that sailboat."
  28. Get a pet rabbit. At a designated time every day, take the rabbit into the bathroom and engage in loud shouting matches. If your roommate inquires, refuse to discuss the situation.
  29. Shave off one of your roommate's eyebrows. Comment repeatedly on how it makes him/her look younger.
  30. Buy Lay's potato chips with all your money. Stack the bags in the middle of the room in a pyramid. Eat them whenever your roommate is in the room. For every one you eat, offer your roommate one, each time telling him, "No one can eat just one."
  31. Plant grass in the carpet and scream at your roommate every time s/he takes a step in the room. Put up a "please don't walk on the grass" sign.
  32. Give your roommate's clothes to the Salvation Army.
  33. Pretend to shower often but only wash your hair in the sink. See how long it takes your roommate to notice.
  34. Read lots of science fiction and begin to act as though you think your roommate is an alien in disguise. Jump on him/her and try to rip off the humanoid mask the alien is wearing.
  35. Invite a homeless person to live in your room and sleep in your roommate's bed.
  36. Become your own twin brother and tell your roommate that you and your brother never appear in the same place at once. Tell your roommate the same thing again after leaving and coming back into the room.
  37. Sleep face down under your mattress on a bunkbed and stare at your roommate all night through the springs.
  38. Wear ammonia as a cologne.
  39. Whenever your roommate goes to sleep, wake up.
  40. Whenever your roommate wakes up, go to sleep.
  41. Have really weird friends who have strange loud conversations. Whenever your roommate walks in, you all be quiet and stare at him/her until s/he leaves.
  42. Build an antfarm. Let your ants have "jailbreaks". Then ask your roommate to help you hunt down all the renegade ants.
  43. Nail boards across your window. When your roommate asks why, tell him/her you know they're all watching you.
  44. Start a scab collection. Keep it in a locked glass case on your desk. Tell your roommate that you know s/he was looking for the key.
  45. Begin to accumulate a used gum ball. Weigh it every day. Accuse your roommate of stealing gum.
  46. Throw blood on your roommate when s/he is wearing a coat and shout, "Animal killer!"
  47. Get a friend to leave a phone message for you with your roommate, saying the test results came back positive. When your roommate tells you, cough, faint, and then refuse to discuss it.
  48. Laugh a lot in the morning. Tell your roommate to be happy all the time.
  49. Set your alarm clock for three o'clock. Push the doze button every 5 minutes when it beeps for the next five hours, each time telling your roommate that you'll wake up in five minutes.
  50. Learn the words to all your roommate's favorite songs. Sing along.
  51. Learn to play an accordion.
  52. Build a snowman out of big balls of toilet paper. Throw water on it and begin to cry that the snowman is melting.
  53. Whenever your roommate gets clothes back from the laundry, hide them. Then wear some every day until you have removed all the stolen clothes from hiding and they are all now dirty. Ask your roommate to wash them again.
  54. Learn a lot of quotations. Whenever you talk to your roommate, say nothing but quotes for three weeks.
  55. Adopt an iguana. Collect the skin peelings. Give them to your roommate as a peace offering from Bob (the iguana).
  56. Bring several dogs to your room. Hold conversations with them whenever your roommate comes in. If s/he complains, tell him/her s/he is being prejudiced on the basis of your friends' species.
  57. Buy seven different colored yo-yo's. Practice with them seven hours a day, alternating yo-yo's on the hour.
  58. Create an animal cemetery in your floor. Hold memorial services. If your roommate complains, tell him/her that s/he has no respect for the dead.
  59. When your roommate is typing, type on your keyboard in synchronization.
  60. Become a Trekkie. Talk to your communicator. Tell Scottie to beam you up and run quickly from the room.
  61. Order five anchovy pizzas in your roommate's name. When the deliverer arrives, tell them that your roommate likes to play jokes on the pizza place and then your roommate lies about his/her ordering. Tell them where s/he is.
  62. Insist that you are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats meat. Then leave "Slim Jim" wrappers on the floor and lie on the bed holding your stomach every time your roommate walks in. If s/he asks about the wrappers, say you know nothing about them.
  63. Get some hair. Disperse it around your roommate's head while s/he is asleep. Keep a pair of scissors by your bed. Snicker at your roommate every morning.
  64. Every time your roommate walks in yell, "Hooray! You're back!" as loud as you can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep looking at your watch and saying, "Shouldn't you be going somewhere?"
  65. Trash the room when your roommate's not around. Then leave and wait for your roommate to come back. When s/he does, walk in and act surprised. Say, "Uh-oh, it looks like THEY were here again."
  66. Set your roommate's bed on fire. Apologize and explain that you've been watching too much "Beavis & Butthead." Do it again. Tell him/her that you're not sorry because this time, they deserved it.
  67. Eat lots of "Lucky Charms." Pick out all the yellow moons and stockpile them in the closet. If your roommate inquires, explain that visitors are coming, but you can't say anything more, or you'll have to face the consequences.
  68. Set up meetings with your roommate's faculty advisor. Inquire about his/her academic potential. Take lots of notes, and then give your roommate a full report. Insist that s/he do the same.
  69. "Drink" a raw egg for breakfast every morning. Explain that you are in training. Eat a dozen donuts every night.
  70. Every Thursday, pack up everything you own and tell your roommate you're going home. Come back in an hour and explain that no one was home. Unpack everything and go to sleep.
  71. Draw a tiny, black spot on your arm. Make it bigger every day. Look at it and say, "It's spreading, it's spreading."
  72. Buy a McDonald's "Happy Meal" for lunch every day. Eat the straw and the napkin. Throw everything else away.
  73. Buy a plant. Sleep with it at night. Talk to it. After a few weeks, start to argue with it loudly. Then yell, "I can't live in the same room with you," storm out of the room and slam the door. Get rid of the plant, but keep the pot. Refuse to discuss the plant ever again.
  74. Buy a jack-in-the-box. Every day, turn the handle until the clown pops out. Scream continuously for twenty minutes.
  75. Hang up pictures of chickens all over the room. If your roommate eats eggs, yell at him/her and call him/her a cannibal.
  76. Buy some knives. Sharpen them every night. While you're doing so, look at your roommate and mutter, "Soon, soon...."
  77. Bring in potential "new" roommates from around campus. Give them tours of the room and the building. Have them ask about your roommate in front of him/her, and reply, "Oh, him/her? S/he won't be here much longer."
  78. If your roommate comes home after midnight, hit him/her on the head with a rolling pin. Immediately go to bed, muttering, "Ungrateful little..."
  79. Pile dirty dishes in your roommate's bed. Insist that you don't know how they got there.
  80. Collect hundreds of pens and pile them on one side of the room. Keep one pencil on the other side of the room. Laugh at the pencil.
  81. Live in the hallway for a month. Afterwards, bring all of your stuff back into the room and tell your roommate, "Okay, your turn."
  82. Tell your roommate, "I've got an important message for you." Then pretend to faint. When you recover, say you can't remember what the message was. Later on, say, "Oh, yeah, I remember!" Pretend to faint again. Keep this up for several weeks.
  83. Bowl inside the room. Set up tournaments with other people in the building. Award someone a trophy. If your roommate wants to bowl too, explain that s/he needs bowling shoes.
  84. Walk backwards all the time. Then pretend to trip and hurt yourself. Fake an injury and go through a long, painful recovery. Start walking backwards again.
  85. While your roommate is out, glue your shoes to the ceiling. roommate walks in, sit on the floor, hold your head, and moan.
  86. Explain to your roommate that you're going to be housing a prospective student in the near future. One day, bring in a pig. If your roommate protests, hug the pig and tell your roommate that s/he hurt its feelings. Watch TV with the pig, eating lots of bacon.
  87. Make a sandwich. Don't eat it, leave it on the floor. Ignore the sandwich. Wait until your roommate gets rid of it, and then say, "Hey, where is my sandwich!?" Complain loudly that you are hungry..
  88. Punch a hole in the TV. Sit and watch it anyway, complaining about the poor picture quality.
  89. Wear a cape. Stand in front of an open window for about an hour every day. Then, one day, when your roommate is gone, go outside and lie down underneath the window, pretending to be hurt, and wait for your roommate to return. The next day, start standing in front of the window again.
  90. Collect potatoes. Paint faces on them and give them names. Name one after your roommate. Separate your roommate's potato from the others. Wait a few days, and then bake your roommate's potato and eat it.
  91. Smoke jimson weed. Do whatever comes naturally.
  92. Switch the sheets on your beds while s/he is at class.
  93. Twitch a lot.
  94. Pretend to talk while pretending to be asleep.
  95. Steal a fish tank. Fill it with beer and dump sardines in it. Talk to them.
  96. Inject his/her twinkies with a mixture of Dexatrim and MSG.
  97. Learn to levitate. While your roommate is looking away, float up out of your seat. When s/he turns to look, fall back down and grin.
  98. Speak in tongues
  99. Move you roommate's personal effects around. Start subtlely. Gradually work up to big things, and eventually glue everything he/she owns to the ceiling.
  100. Walk and talk backwards.
  101. Spend all your money on Jolt Cola. Drink it all. Stack the cans in the middle of your room. Number them.
  102. Spend all your money on Transformers. Play with them at night. If your roommate says anything, tell him/her with a straight face, "They're more than meets the eye."
  103. Recite entire movie scripts (e.g. "The Road Warrior," "Repo Man," "Casablanca") almost inaudibly.
  104. Kill roaches with a monkey wrench while playing Wagnerian arias on a kazoo. If your roommate complains, explain that it is for your performance art class (or hit him/her with the wrench).
  105. Collect all your urine in a small jug.
  106. Chain yourself to your roommate's bed. Get him/her to bring you food.
  107. Get a computer. Leave it on when you are not using it. Turn it off when you are.
  108. Ask your roommate if your family can move in "just for a couple of weeks."
  109. Buy as many back issues of Field and Stream as you can. Pretend to masturbate while reading them.
  110. Fake a heart attack. When your roommate gets the paramedics to come, pretend nothing happened.
  111. Eat glass.
  112. Smoke ballpoint pens.
  113. Smile. All the time.
  114. Collect dog shit in baby food jars. Sort them according to what you think the dog ate.
  115. Burn all your waste paper while eying your roommate suspiciously.
  116. Hide a bunch of potato chips and Ho Hos in the bottom of a trash can. When you get hungry, root around in the trash. Find the food, and eat it. If your roommate empties the trash before you get hungry, demand that s/he reimburse you.
  117. Leave a declaration of war on your roommate's desk. Include a list of grievances.
  118. Paste boogers on the windows in occult patterns.
  119. Shoot rubber bands at your roommate while his/her back is turned, and then look away quickly.
  120. Dye all your underwear lime green.
  121. Buy three loaves of stale bread. Grow mold in the closet.
  122. Hide your underwear and socks in your roommate's closet. Accuse him/her of stealing it.
  123. Remove your door. Ship it to your roommate's parents (postage due).
  124. Pray to Azazoth or Zoroaster. Sacrifice something nasty.
  125. Whenever your roommate walks in, wait one minute and then stand up. Announce that you are going to take a shower. Do so. Keep this up for three weeks.
  126. Array thirteen toothbrushes of different colors on your dresser. Refuse to discuss them.
  127. Paint your half of the room black. Or paisley.
  128. Whenever he/she is about to fall asleep, ask questions that start with "Didja ever wonder why...." Be creative.
  129. Shave one eyebrow.
  130. Put your mattress underneath your bed. Sleep down under there and pile your dirty clothes on the empty bedframe. If your roommate comments, mutter "Gotta save space," twenty times while twitching violently.
  131. Put horseradish in your shoes.
  132. Shelve all your books with the spines facing the wall. Complain loudly that you can never find the book that you want.
  133. Always flush the toilet three times.
  134. Subsist entirely on pickles for a week. Vomit often.
  135. Buy a copy of Frankie Yankovic's "Pennsylvania Polka," and play it at least 6 hours a day. If your roommate complains, explain that it's an assignment for your primitive cultures class.
  136. Give him/her an allowance.
  137. Listen to radio static.
  138. Open your window shades before you go to sleep each night. Close them as soon as you wake up.
  139. Cry a lot.
  140. Send secret admirer notes from your roommate's e-mail account.
  141. Clip your fingernails and toenails and keep them in a baggie. Leave the baggie near your computer and snack from it while studying. If he/she walks by, grab the bag close and eye him/her suspiciously.
  142. Paste used kleenexes to his/her walls.
  143. Whenever your roomate comes in from the shower, lower your eyes and giggle to yourself.
  144. If you get in before your roomate, go to sleep in his/her bed.
  145. Put pornos under his/her bed. Whenever someone comes to visit your roommate when they're not home, show them the magazines.
  146. Whenever you go to sleep, start jumping on your bed . . . do so for a while, then jump really high and act like you hit your head on the ceiling. Crumple onto your bed and fake like you were knocked out . . . use this method to fall asleep every night for a month.
  147. If your roommate goes away for a weekend, change the locks.
  148. Whenever his/her parents call and ask for your roommate, breathe into the phone for 5 seconds then hang up.
  149. Whenever he/she goes to shower, drop whatever you're doing, grab a towel, and go shower too.
  150. Find out your roommate's post office box code. Open it and take his/her mail. Do this for one month. After that, send the mail to him/her by UPS.
  151. Collect all of your pencil shavings and sprinkle them on the floor.
  152. Create an imaginary cat for a pet. Talk to it every night, act like you're holding it, keep a litter box under your desk. After two weeks, say that your cat is missing. Put up signs in your dorm, blame your roommate.
  153. Call safety & security whenever your roommate turns up his/her music.
  154. Follow him/her around on weekends.
  155. Sit on the floor and talk to the wall.
  156. Whenever the phone rings, get up and answer the door.
  157. Whenever someone knocks, answer the phone.
  158. Take his/her underwear. Wear it.
  159. Whenever your roommate is walking through the room, bump into him/her.
  160. Stare at your roommate for five minutes out of every hour. Don't say anything, just stare.
  161. Tell your roommate that someone called and said that it was really important but you can't remember who it was.
  162. Let mice loose in his/her room.
  163. Give each of your walls a different name. Whenever you can't answer a problem, ask each of your walls. Write down their responses, then ask your ceiling for the final answer. Complain to your roommate that you don't trust your ceiling.
  164. Take your roommate's papers and hand them in as your own.
  165. Skip to the bathroom.
  166. Take all of your roommate's furniture and build a fort. Guard the fort for an entire weekend.
  167. Gather up a garbage bag full of leaves and throw them in a pile in his/her room. Jump in them. Comment about the beautiful foilage.
  168. When you walk into your room, turn off your lights. Turn them on when you leave.
  169. Print up satanic signs and leave them in your room where he/she can find them.
  170. Whenever you're on the phone and he/she walks in, hang up immediately without saying anything and crawl under your desk. Sit there for two minutes then call whoever it was back.
  171. Insist on writing the entire lyrics to American Pie on your ceiling above your bed. Sing them every night before you go to bed.
  172. Use a bible as kleenex. Yell at your roommate if they say Jesus or God or Damnit.
  173. Burn incense.
  174. Eat moths.
  175. Buy Sea Monkeys and grow them. Name one after your roommate. Announce the next day that that one died. Name another one after your roommate. The next day say that it died. Keep this up until they all die.
  176. Collect Chia-Pets.
  177. Refuse to communicate in anything but sign language.
  178. Eat a bag of marshmellows before you go to bed. The next day, spray three bottles of whip cream all over your floor. Say you got sick.
  179. Wipe deoderant all over your roommate's walls.
  180. Paint your nose red and wear antlers. Constantly complain about how you never get to join in on the reindeer games.
  181. If you know that he/she is in the room, come barging in out of breath. Ask if they saw a fat bald naked Tibetan man run through carrying a hundred dollar bill. Run back out swearing.
  182. Tell your roommate's callers that he/she is having sex right now and can't come to the phone.
  183. Leave apple cores on his/her bed.
  184. Keep feces in your fridge. Complain that there is never anything to eat.
  185. Piss in a jar and leave it by your bed. When your roommate isn't looking, replace it with a jar of apple juice. Wait until your roommate turns around. Drink it.
  186. Don't ever flush.
  187. Buy an inflatable doll. Sleep with it.
  188. Hang stuffed animals with nooses from your ceiling. Whenever you walk by them mutter, "You shouldn't have done that to me."
  189. Lick him/her while they are asleep.
  190. Dress in drag.
  191. Steal a tire from a fraternity lawn. Bring it to your room. Bathe it. Name it. Sleep in it.
  192. Leave your room and lock the door. Proceed to bang on the door screaming, "Let me in. Let me in." Get mad at your roommate for locking you out.
  193. Talk on the phone a lot. Don't pick up the receiver.
  194. Talk to your roommate but don't let any sound come out. Get mad at him/her for not listening to you.
  195. Ask your roommate if Bob, your invisible friend, can stay the night.
  196. Ask your roommate if he/she can turn down the music; Bob has a headache.
  197. Start a brothel.
  198. Constantly slip and fall -- on your carpet.
  199. Post a sign in your bathroom that reads: "If it's yellow let it mellow, if it's brown flush it down." Check every time to make sure he/she follows it.
  200. Invite the Dean to sleepover.
  201. Invite the school President to sleepover.
  202. Invite your roommate to sleepover.
  203. Let your alarm clock go off and refuse to turn it off. If your roommate comments, pretend not to hear anything.
  204. Walk into walls.
  205. Leave little notes in the shower for him/her.
  206. Every time you take a shower, yell audibly, "I'm melting, I'm melting!"
  207. When your roommate has friends over, get under your covers and stare at them through a little hole in the covers. Use a telescope.
  208. When you leave the room, put on a screensaver that says, "I'm watching you."
  209. Make a care package for your roommate. Leave the room and ride back and forth outside your window saying, "Speedy Delivery!" until he/she comes out.
  210. Move very stiffly and grin. Tell your roommate that you've turned into Gumby.
  211. Scratch yourself and others. Stop when you draw blood.
  212. Play violent games with imaginary friends.
  213. Communicate using only your eyebrows and tongue.
  214. Ask your roommate to pose for a portrait. Leave.
  215. Sacrifice vegetables in the middle of the room.
  216. Worship the professor and Marianne.
  217. Hang your roommate in effigy.
  218. Never allow your roommate's head to be below yours.
  219. Pretend your arms and legs have been amputated. Insist that you "cannot wipe."
  220. Speak at length about your lust for Pippi Longstocking as your roommate tries to fall asleep.
  221. Sit in the room all weekend rubbing a baseball bat.
  222. Complain vehemently that pedophilia legislation is 'too restrictive.'
  223. Find out your roommate's mother's name. Tatoo it on your inner thigh, then claim 'She made me do it!
  224. When your roommate has been awake for several minutes, run up to him/her screaming 'Rashes! Rashes!' as loud as you can. Repeat during classes.
  225. Light your hair on fire. Refuse to put it out.
  226. Keep a harem of thirty Cabbage Patch Kids. Ask if your roommate 'has any desires.'
  227. While your roommate sleeps, insert straws into his/her nose. If s/he removes them, administer CPR.
  228. Repeat everything your roommate says, but without the consonants.
  229. When your roommate enters the room, chain yourself to the bed and make beckoning gestures. Look demure.
  230. Go through his/her books highlighting all instances of the words 'death' and 'children.' Insist that he study them.
  231. Go through medical supply catalogs circling all electric drill and suction devices. Leave them (the catalogs, not the devices) lying around.
  232. Administer last rites as s/he sleeps.
  233. Quote Bob Barker at length.
  234. Wear decoder rings. Insist that s/he kiss them.
  235. Wear a hard hat at all times. Remove it when your roommate enters the room and dive under the bed.
  236. Pretend to administer electro-schock therapy as s/he studies.
  237. Whenever s/he has friends over, complain loudly about his/her hygiene. Be graphic.
  238. Paint targets on the back of all his/her shirts. Buy a crossbow.
  239. When you write, use the wrong end of the pen. Ask him/her why it doesn't work.
  240. Remove the shelves from the refrigerator. Sit inside, moaning periodically.
  241. Leave urgent telephone messages for him/her when no-one has called.
  242. Give unsolicited sensual massage at least once daily.
  243. Go for joy-rides in the washing machine.
  244. Pack your roommate's clothing in ice overnight. Put it back in the dresser before s/he wakes up.
  245. Carry a crowbar with you at all times. Dress it.
  246. Do all your homework in the bathroom, using the toilet as a desk.
  247. Carry an electric fan at all times. Speak into it.
  248. Follow your roommate around all day whispering "I can reach where you can't."
  249. Write on your arms and legs with coarse sandpaper.
  250. Nail meat to the walls. Bacon is best.
  251. Try to eat your own ear.
  252. Lie spread-eagled on your roommate's bed. Make him/her move you.
  253. Chase your roommate with a bloody toothbrush. Tell him/her "It only hurts for a little while."
  254. Lick his/her feet as he sleeps. If s/he wakes up, apologize. After s/he falls asleep, start licking his/her face.
  255. Call him/her Mommy.
  256. Collect cow tongues. Paint them. Nail them up next to the bacon.
  257. Buy a gerbil. Go into your room and close the door. Hide the gerbil in the closet, and then giggle and squirm uncontrollably for the rest of the day.
  258. Put tapes/CDs in the stereo and listen to them with the volume off. Replace them regularly. Tell your roommate to be quiet so you can hear.
  259. Stand behind him/her while he brushes his teeth. When s/he takes the brush out of his/her mouth, force it back in.
  260. Change the locks on the door. Don't let your roommate in unless he/she says the secret word. Change the secret word often. If your roommate can't guess the secret word, make him/her pay a fine.
  261. Scatter stuffed animals around the room. Put party hats on them. Play loud music. When your roommate walks in, turn off the music, take off the party hats, put away the stuffed animals, and say, "Well, it was fun while it lasted."
  262. Hang a tire swing from the ceiling. Act like a monkey. If someone besides your roommate comes in, cease acting like a monkey and claim that the tire swing was your roommate's idea. When you and your roommate are alone again, continue acting like a monkey
  263. Unplug everything in the room except for one toaster. Pray to the toaster. Bring it gifts. Throw some of your roommate's possessions out the window. Say that the toaster made you do it.
  264. Challenge your roommate to a duel. If he/she refuses, claim that you have won by forfeit and therefore have conquered his side of the room. Insist that he/she remove all of his/her possessions immediately.
  265. Sign your roommate up for various activities. (Campus tour guide, blood donor, organ donor)
  266. Start dressing like an Indian. If your roommate inquires, claim that you are getting in touch with your Native-American roots. If your roommate accuses you of not having any Native-American roots, claim that he/she has offended your people and put a curse on your roommate.
  267. Wear your shoes on the wrong feet, all the time. Constantly complain that your feet hurt
  268. Hit your roommate on the head with a brick. Claim that you were trying to kill a mosquito.
  269. Steal something valuable of your roommate's. If he/she asks about it, tell him/her that you traded it for magic beans. Give some beans to your roommate.
  270. Instead of turning off the light switch, smash the light bulb with a hammer. Put a new bulb in the next day. Complain often about the cost of lightbulbs
  271. Buy a lamp. Tell your roommate it's a magic lamp, with a genie inside it. Spend a week thinking about what to wish for. At the end of the week, report the someone has released the genie from the lamp. Blame your roommate.
  272. Whenever your roommate brushes his/her teeth, watch him/her do so. Take notes. Write a paper on it, and circulate it around campus. If your roommate protests, say, "The people have a right to know!"
  273. Collect potato chips that you think look like famous people. Find one that looks like your roommate. Burn it, and explain, "It had to be done."
  274. Read the phone book out loud and excitedly. ("Frank Johnson! Oh wow! 894-8302! Holy cow!")
  275. Shadow box several times a day. One day, walk in looking depressed. If your roommate asks what's wrong, explain that your shadow can't box with you anymore due to an injury. Ask your roommate if you can box with his/her shadow.
  276. When you walk into the room, look at the roommate in disgust and yell, "Oh you're here!" Walk away yelling and cursing.
  277. Put up flyers around the building, reporting that your roommate is missing. Offer a reward for his/her safe return.
  278. Buy a watermelon. Draw a face on it and give it a name. Ask your roommate if the watermelon can sleep in his/her bed. If your roommate says no, drop the watermelon out the window. Make it look like a suicide. Say nasty things about your roommate at the funeral.
  279. Draw a chalk outline on the floor. When your roommate comes in, say, "Don't worry. It's not what you think." If he/she asks about it again, immediately change the subject.
  280. Drink a cup of coffee every morning. When you finish it, gnaw on the mug for about ten minutes. Then look at your roommate, immediately put the mug away, and quickly leave the room.
  281. Paint a tunnel on the wall like they do in cartoons. Every day, hit your head as you attempt to crawl through it. Hold your head and grumble, "Damn road runner....."
  282. Leave memos on your roommate's bed that say things like, "I know what you did," and "Don't think that you can fool me." Sign them in blood.
  283. Hold a raffle, offering your roommate as first prize. If he/she protests, tell him/her that it's all for charity.
  284. Make cue cards for your roommate. Get them out whenever you want to have a conversation.
  285. Talk like a pirate all the time. Threaten to make your roommate walk the plank if he/she doesn't swab the deck. Arrrrrrrrrrgh!
  286. Set up about twenty plants in an organized formation. When your roommate walks in, pretend to be in the middle of delivering a speech to the plants. Whisper to them, "We'll continue this later," while eyeing your roommate suspiciously.
  287. Buy a telescope. Sit on your bed and look across the room at your roommate through the telescope. When you're not using the telescope, act like your roommate is too far away for you to see.
  288. Keep some worms in a shoe box. When doing homework, go and consult with the worms every so often. Then become angry, shouting at the worms that they're stupid and they don't know what they are talking about.
  289. Watch "Psycho" every day for a month. Then act excited every time your roommate goes to take a shower.
  290. Wear a paper hat. Every time your roommate walks in, say, "Welcome to McDonald's, can I take your...Oh, it's just you." Take off the hat, sit, and pout.
  291. Go through your roommate's textbooks with a red pen, changing things and making random corrections. If your roommate protests, tell him/her that you just couldn't take it anymore.
  292. Leave the room at random, knock on the door, and wait for your roommate to let you back in. If he/she complains about it, go on a tangent about the importance of good manners.
  293. Hang a horseshoe above the door. Make up stories about having had good luck. Then, take the horseshoe down and wrap your head in bandages. When you see your roommate, look above the door where the horseshoe used to be, hold your head, and mutter, "Stupid horseshoe..."
  294. Carve a jack-o-lantern. Complain to your roommate that the jack-o-lantern has been staring at you. The next day, tell your roommate that the jack-o-lantern thinks he/she has been staring at it. Confide in your roommate that you really don't like the jack-o-lantern, but you can't convince it to move out.
  295. As soon as your roommate turns off the light at night, begin singing famous operas as loud as you can. When your roommate turns on the light, look around and pretend to be confused.
  296. Hang a basketball net on the wall. Challenge your refrigerator to basketball games, and play them in front of your roommate. Do so for about a month. Confide in your roommate that you think that the refrigerator has been taking steroids.
  297. Sit in a spot visible to her and stare for hours at a space on the wall only inches above her head. Make amazed/scared/exstatic faces while staring.
  298. Each and every time the phone rings, rush over, pick it up and scream "You'll never take us alive", slam down the phone, pull the shade and look outside frantically.
  299. Tug at the phone cord while she's talking long distance, saying, "But I need to call !!!!"
  300. Tear the odd pages out of his textbooks, yelling "Satan Be-gone!"
  301. Run a half-way house out of your dorm room for escaped prisoners.
  302. While you both first trying to fall asleep, get up and turn the light on, complaining of being afraid of the dark. Wait a few moments, getup and turn off the light, complaining of the glare. Repeat untilinsanity.
  303. Buy all rap albums available, play two or more at the same time continually.
  304. Blatently hit on their boyfriend in front of them. Make plans to go away for the weekend together, etc.
  305. Take flash pictures two inches from their face, saying "This is what lighting looks like to clouds!!"
  306. Read Dante's Inferno, complain about it being too optimistic.
  307. Take the door to your room off the hinges and hang beads instead.
  308. Store rubbing alcohol in the bottle for their contact lens cleaning fluid; don't tell them.
  309. Pick invisible bugs from their hair moments after they fall asleep.
  310. Wake up minutes before her alarm clock goes off in the morning. Pick up your pillow. Lean over her bed with the pillow in yourhands. When the alarm clock goes off, act surprised and yell "Rats! Too slow again! Have to try again tomorrow"
  311. Cut one of the legs off to their chair -- as they're using it.
  312. Take the sheets from his bed, soak them in warm water, return them to the bed. Deny everything.
  313. Drink lots of lemonade. Talk obnoxiously for hours about how much you love lemonade. Then, one day, paint your face yellow. From then on, complain about how much you hate lemonade.
  314. Late at night, start conversations that begin with, "Remember the good old days, when we used to..." and make up stories involving you and your roommate.
  315. Whenever your roommate sneezes, go and hide in the closet for about an hour. Look around nervously for the rest of the day.
  316. Hang mistle-toe in the doorway. When your roommate enters or leaves the room, plant a wet one on his/her lips.
  317. Sit and stare at your roommate for hours. Bring others in to join you. Eat peanuts, throwing a few at your roommate. Then say, "Boy, these zoos just aren't what they used to be."
  318. Tell your roommate that your toe hurts, and that means that there's going to be an earthquake, soon. While your roommate is out, trash everything on his/her side of the room. When he/she returns, explain that the earthquake hit, but only on one side of the room.
  319. Buy a gun. Clean it every day. One day, put a band-aid on your forehead, and refuse to discuss the gun ever again.
  320. Buy a lobster. Pretend to play cards with it. Complain to your roommate that the lobster is making up his own rules.
  321. Make pancakes every morning, but don't eat them. Draw faces on them, and toss them in the closet. Watch them for several hours each day. Complain to your roommate that your "pancake farm" isn't evolving into a self-sufficient community. Confide to your roommate that you think the king of the pancakes has been taking bribes.
  322. While you are ironing, pretend to burn yourself. Start a garbage can fire in the middle of the room. Toss the iron inside. If your roommate objects, explain that you are just trying to get even.
  323. Buy some turtles. Paint numbers on their backs. Race them down the hall.
  324. Put out a plate of cookies at night. Tell your roommate that they're for the Sandman. Take a bite out of one of the cookies while your roommate is asleep. The next morning, accuse your roommate of having bitten one of the cookies. If he/she tries to tell you the Sandman did it, insist that you know what the Sandman's teeth marks look like and that those are, in fact, not the Sandman's teeth marks. Grumble angrily and storm out of the room.
  325. Create an army of animal crackers. Put them through basic training. Set up little checkpoints around the room. Tell your roommate that the cammel spotted him/her in a restricted area and said not to do it again. Ask your roommate to apologise to the camel.
  326. Divide the floor into an 8 X 8 grid. Arrange piles of laundry, books, pizza boxes, etc. on the grid and tell your mate that you've turned the room into a chess game and not to move any of the piles.
  327. Cover one of the walls with polaroids of fire hydrants from all over the city. Tell your mate that you think that you were a dog in a former life. Stare lovingly at the photos, and make frequent trips to the bathroom.
  328. Get a small, battery-operated clock which ticks very loudly. Put it in a briefcase and put the briefcase next to your mate's bed.
  329. Expound upon the importance of good personal hygiene. Wear rubber gloves and a surgical mask in the room.
  330. Eat an entire bag of cheese curls at once. When you are finished, see how many times you can make orange fingerprints from all of the cheese junk left on your fingers.
  331. Come home from work/class with a bucket of plaster of paris. Paint a section of the ceiling with it, and plaster your mate's underwear to the stuff. When your mate comes in and comments, tell him/her, "Sorry, I was doing your laundry, and I sneezed."
  332. Wear the most obnoxious orange hat that you can find. Convince you mate and everybody else that if they do not wear an orange hat, they will be hit by stray bullets.
  333. Walk around in circles all the time. Complain that your turn signal is stuck.
  334. Every morning, when you get up, say, "Well, time to go to class." Sit on your bed and act like you're turning your room key in the ignition. Then act like you're driving, turning an invisible steering wheel and making, "Rrrrrrrrrrrr, rrrrrrrrrrrrrr" engine sounds. Then, one day, chug a few beers before "driving" to class. Make the "Rrrrrrrrrrr" sounds, and then say, "Screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeech" and act like you've had a car accident. Fling yourself off the bed and across the room, and pretend to be hurt. Spend the day in bed with an icepack on your forehead.
  335. Whenever your roommate sneezes, immediately call the Rescue Squad and report that your roommate is spreading a highly contageous, infectious disease around the building. If your roommate protests, go on a tangent about health codes.
  336. Every night, when you do your homework, put a balloon on the chair before you sit down. When the balloon breaks, act like you've been startled. Scream continuously for two minutes. Then, stop suddenly and start on your homework, as if nothing happened.
  337. Wear earmuffs, all the time. Act like you can never understand what your roommate is saying. Pick up the phone at random, say "Hello?", and act confused, as if you don't understand why nobody's there. Answer the door at random, as if somebody had knocked, and look around the hallway as if somebody's supposed to be there. After about a week, stop wearing the earmuffs, and advise your roommate to never buy a hearing aid at a garage sale.
  338. When you return from a class, instead of opening the door, break it down with a big piece of lumber. Tell your roommate you forgot your key.
  339. Every night, when your roommate comes home, wait on the other side of the door. When your roommate opens the door, act like he/she hit you in the head, and that you've been knocked unconcious. Spend the night sleeping on the floor. After about a week, go to bed as you normally would. Complain loudly that you can't sleep.
  340. Get lots of tomatoes. Sit with them in a corner of the room and have secret meetings. Inform your roommate that you have been nominated for president of the tomatoes. Put up campaign posters around the room. Select one tomato to be your campaign manager. Make speeches in front of the tomatoes. Then, one day, when your roommate comes back, give him/her a jar of tomato sauce, go on a tirade about fixed elections, and tell him/her that you really didn't want to be president of the tomatoes anyway.
  341. Get a hamster. Keep it in a cage, with a little exercise wheel. Whenever the hamster runs in the wheel, stand next to the cage and jog in place. Tell your roommate that the hamster is your "personal trainer." Someplace outside the room, let your roommate catch you eating a candy bar. Beg him/her not to tell the hamster about it.
  342. After you take a shower, instead of drying yourself with a towel, stand in the middle of the room and spin around 100 times. Spend an hour in bed, complaining that you feel dizzy and sick.
  343. Chew gum often. When you're finished chewing it, store it in a drawer until you've amassed a huge wad of used gum. If your roommate inquires, go on a tangent about recycling. When the gum wad gets big enough, sit it in front of the TV and let it watch cartoons. Complain to your roommate that the gum wad never watches anything educational.
  344. Stick your head out the door and announce whatever your roommate is doing to the rest of the building. "He/She's getting out a book!" "He/She's taking out his/her glasses!" Go around the building and take requests for what people would like your roommate to do. Report the results to your roommate.
  345. Bring your roommate gifts, but act angry and upset when you give them to him/her. If your roommate inquires, yell at him/her and shout "It is better to give than to receive, you stupid moron!"
  346. Get a duck. While your roommate is out, put on some dance music, and wait for your roommate to come back. When he/she does, let him/her catch you dancing with the duck. Act surprised, turn off the music, and immediately go to bed. Get rid of the duck, and refuse to ever acknowledge that the incident occurred.
  347. Turn out all the lights, and wait for your roommate to come home. When he/she does, whack him/her in the head with a golf club. Apologize, and explain that you thought he/she was a burglar.
  348. Make your roommate show you two forms of ID before you let him/her use the telephone, microwave, etc. If he/she ever refuses, scream for help, and accuse your roommate of being an imposter.
  349. Whenever your roommate wears something red, act like a bull and charge him/her with your head, knocking him/her down if possible. Suggest that your roommate sign up for matador lessons.
  350. If your roommate snores, make a tape recording of it. Play it at full volume out your window. Tell your roommate that you're trying to summon a hippopotamus.
  351. Every time you want to leave the room, stand and knock at the door until someone in the hall lets you out. If your roommate inquires, give him/her a lecture on politeness.
  352. Collect various types of insects. Keep them in jars. Complain to your roommate that the insects seem lathargic. Start running bingo games for the insects. One day, while your roommate is out, release the insects and paint insect bites and bee stings on your body. When your roomate returns, advise him/her to never cheat while playing with bingo-obsessed bugs.
  353. Get an extension cord. Put one end in your mouth, and plug the other end into the wall each night while you do your homework. If your roommate asks about it, act as though you're ashamed for having been so foolish. The next day, pretend to drink some gasoline before doing your homework, and explain to your roommate that gas is cheaper than electricity.
  354. Repeat thoughtfully the last word of everything your roommate says (e.g. Your roommate: "How are you doing today?" You: "Today.... Today......")
  355. Continuously refer to your roommate using terms of endearment (sweetcheeks, honeybuns). Slap him/her in the face if s/he ever does the same.
  356. Kill several people. Store the corpses underneath your roommate's bed. Call the police.
  357. Become Forrest Gump.
  358. Intensely study the complete list of ways to annoy your roommate. Form a discussion group with your roommate. Give tests.
  359. Start a food drive around campus to feed your roommate. Comment often on how fat s/he's getting.
  360. Read nothing but "Human Calculator" books. Consistently make mistake's on simple math (e.g. "2 + 2 = ..3? No, 5! No.......")
  361. Study computer science and listen to techno while talking about robots taking over the world.
  362. Sleep with a banana (or lemon) and refuse to throw it out even after it rottens.
  363. Wear a silly hat.
  364. Leave lots of pills in your drawer, and walk around like a zombie.
  365. Move your bed around the room once a day, and leave it in a new position every night.
  366. Lock your door every time you go through it. Tell him/her that you're afraid of aliens.
  367. Eat raw pasta for dinner.
  368. Put bricks in the middle of the room, and explain to him/her that you intend to make a fireplace to save electricity.
  369. Write letters to yourself from famous people. Mail them to yourself
  370. When your roommate has friends over, get under your covers and stare at them through a little hole in the covers. Use a telescope.
  371. Steal a life size nativity scene and display it in your room. When your roommate asks, tell him/her "I had to let them stay here, there's no room at the inn."
  372. Leave Kleenexes dipped in mayonnaise on the floor. Tell guests that your roommate is disgusting and show them.
  373. Start a new-wave cult. Hold nightly candle-lit rituals in your room with your followers.
  374. Laugh a lot in the morning. Tell your roommate to be happy all the time.
  375. Put no-doze pills in your roommate's drinks.
  376. Get your roommate's social security number. Call the registrar and switch all of his/her classes. Tell your roommate at the end of the term that the Philosophical Environmental Anthropology exam is supposed to be really hard. Wish him/her luck.
  377. Play Dungeons & Dragons all the time. Tell your roommate to obey you because you are the Dungeon Master. Attack invisible dragons with a cardboard sword.
  378. Make a voodoo doll of your roommate. Kill it.
  379. Make a contract with the Mafia to kill your roommate. Become a born-again Christian and dreadfully regret your actions. Explain to your roommate the situation, how sorry you are, and that there is nothing you can do to prevent the hit. Try to convert your roommate before s/he dies.
  380. Put Vaseline on everything. Tell your roommate that you were just trying to "loosen up" the room.
  381. Tell your roommate on a daily basis that s/he is projecting negative karma.
  382. Sign up your roommate for all the radical organizations on campus. If they call, tell them s/he is very interested in and in favor of their cause.
  383. Become a Trekkie. Talk to your communicator. Tell Scottie to beam you up and run quickly from the room. If your roommate asks, tell him/her "Dammit, Jim, I'm just a doctor!"
  384. Buy forty two-liter bottles of generic soda. Dump out one bottle. Every time you drink a bottle, piss in the empty one. Do so until you have thirty-nine bottles of urine. Complain to your roommate that generic soda tastes awful.
  385. Feign a serious illness for two weeks. Have a priest come to your room and visit you. Write out a will, leaving everything to your roommate. One day, miraculously "recover." Insist that your roommate write out a will, leaving everything to you. Every time s/he coughs, excitedly say, "Oooh, are you dying?"
  386. Keep a tarantula in a jar for three days. Then get rid of the tarantula. If your roommate asks, say, "Oh, she's around here somewhere."
  387. Call your roommate "Clyde" by accident. Start doing so every so often. Increase the frequency over the next few weeks, until you are calling him/her "Clyde" all the time. If your roommate protests, say, "I'm sorry. I won't do that anymore, Murray."
  388. Hire a night watchman to guard the room while you are sleeping.
  389. Move everything to one side of the room. Ask your roommate if s/he knows how much an elephant weighs, and look at the floor on the empty side of the room with concern.
  390. Complain loudly about "Gilligan's Island" and "The Beverly Hillbillies" being cancelled
  391. Wear a pocket protector and use the computer all the time. Always talk about RAM and other computer stuff. Tell him/her in detail about your discussions with another trekkie who thinks Captain Shatner is better than that guy that William Shatner played. Ridicule the other trekkie.
  392. Insult people by calling them names like poo-poo head, wee-wee brain, or ca-ca-doo-doo head, or any combination of these.
  393. Wear dirty overalls and chew hay. Occasionally try to milk your roommate.
  394. Invite therapy groups for people driven to violence to be held in your room. If your roommate protests, say not to worry, and that only one of them was convicted.
  395. Sing Monty Python songs. Constantly.
  396. Collect your (or your roommate's) dandruff in small sandwich bags. Keep asking if your roommate's scalp hurts. If he/she says no, say, "DANG!" and storm off.
  397. Collect dolls and display them by crucifying them on the wall and scalping them with Swiss Army knives.
  398. Collect anatomically correct dolls of the opposite sex. Play with them. A lot.
  399. Dye your hair the same color Dennis Rodman does. Start talking trash to your roommate, about never having to show up for practice.
  400. Spit a lot.
  401. Watch CNN, The Weather Channel, that fish tank channel, or Headline News 24 hours a day.
  402. Listen to death rock really loud and throw various types of fruits, especially ones that will squirt nasty juices, at the walls while chanting something having to do with brutally murdering the person you live with.
  403. Eat glue.
  404. Crawl instead of walking. Nibble your food very nervously. Bite your roommate occassionally.
  405. If you have hair, start wearing a toupee.
  406. Psychoanalyze everything your roommate does.
  407. Subsist on restaurant condiments alone (ketchup, mustard, salt, etc...packets) for several weeks. Develop horrible acne. Nag your roommate about his/her diet's nutritional value.
  408. Dissect any stereo your roommate might have. Put it back together by gluing things together randomly. Mention to you roommate that the stereo hasn't been working properly.
  409. Hide small containers of milk in your roommate's half of the room. After they begin to smell complain to your roommate about the odor. If your roommate finds them and claim that they aren't theirs, acknowledge that you put them there, but tell them "They were on your half of the room. You should be more responsible."
  410. Set their clock two hours behind.
  411. Turn the stereo on as loud as it can go at 3:37am each day for one month. Tell them it's the newest fad.
  412. Wash their clothes for them, use lots of bleach.
  413. Move the furniture 2 inches every 5 minutes.
  414. Trim their nails for them.
  415. Start giggling for no apparent reason. Slowly progress into all out howling laughter. Then stop, shake your head and continue with whatever you were doing beforehand. Repeat hourly.
  416. Open the windows in the middle of winter, claiming you wish to become "one with the snow"
  417. Take all her clothes out of the drawers, put them in a large pile in a public place and raffle them off.
  418. Compare his new girlfriend to his previous one, preferably while she's in the room; for example: "Hey Mike, you're right, she does look a lot like Jill, you'll never know you're not with her."
  419. Pretend to "sleepwalk" and slide into bed with them, mumbling terms of endearment.
  420. Join a religion which prohibits personal hygiene.
  421. Collect bugs and turn your room into a natural habitat for them "so they don't miss home"
  422. Start an earwax collection, take samples from your roommate.
  423. Shave her head.
  424. Go on a "Boston Baked Beans-only" diet, close all the windows.
  425. Practice fire alarm procedure every night around 4am. Make sure your roommate evacuates the building.
  426. Move everything she owns into the hall, tell her it's therapy for latent claustrophobia which should only take a matter of months to fix.
  427. Doodle over their class notes.
  428. Be nice to them. Very nice to them. Until they grow concerned. Very concerned. Say vague things about wanting to make their last few days as good as they can be. Look at them sympathetically.
  429. Poke them in the ribs for 20 minutes daily. Tell them you are building finger strength.
  430. Make up vague urgent phone messages, ie "Your mom called, said something about your house and a fire or something or another"
  431. Call the FBI, give them her full name ask them if they know what she's been up to. When they ask for details say "oops, well then nevermind"
  432. On a weekend when he hasn't planned to go home, call his parents and say, "I'm just calling to make sure that he got home Ok. You know, when he storms out of the room like that I get worried he'll do something crazy again"
  433. Draw with a magic marker an connect his eyebrows.
  434. Borrow their clothes and loan them to strangers.
  435. Memorize their calling card number, use it to make friends in the Far East.
  436. Talk just loud enough so that they hear sounds but not words. If they ask, say "oh nothing"
  437. Complain constantly about how hard your classes are, then mention the 4.0 GPA thing if your roommate dies. Look at them briefly wide-eyed
  438. Sing along to songs you don't know the words to.
  439. Stare into space. Give off peals of high-pitched laughter at random intervals.
  440. Put "Helter Skelter" by the Beatles on infinite repeat on your CD player.
  441. Whenever your roommate starts to talk to you, say, "wait a minute". Then, take out a tape recorder. Record all of your conversations with them. Play your favorite passages back often, while offering commentary on their performance.
  442. Chew on the carpet.
  443. Receive phone messages from characters from fairy tales; for example, Little Red Riding Hood, The Big Bad Wolf, Hansel&Gretel, The Little Engine That Could.
  444. Pretend to actually BE one of these characters.
  445. Play a game of solitaire with twelve decks of cards and one fly swatter.
  446. Show slides of recent vacations that you never took.
  447. Open the window. Stick your head out. Look around. Close the window. Repeat every two minutes for one hour. Deny that anything unusual is going on.
  448. Leave a mint on his/her pillow every morning after they make their bed.
  449. Pretend to have Tourette's syndrome.
  450. Dealphabetize things.
  451. Memorize and recite passages from Finnegan's Wake.
  452. Use a tape measure to discover your roommate's head size.
  453. Eat bugs.
  454. Buy Play-Doh. Perform voodoo rituals with it.
  455. Roll up twenty dollar bills. Snort sugar with them.
  456. Shout, "It can't be the drugs, I haven't taken any."
  457. Convert to Rastafarianism.
  458. Play with matches.
  459. Play with Jello. Use a feather duster and/or Cuisinart as needed.
  460. Demand protection money from him/ her.
  461. Make long lists constantly. Number all entries as #73.
  462. Join the Hells Angels.
  463. Put your beds together.
  464. Aerobicize. At 4:00am.
  465. Buy a skinned sheep's head. Hide it in his/her sheets.
  466. Walk on the ceiling.
  467. Pretend to be a Stealth bomber. Make airplane noises. Make machine gun sounds. Drop bombs. Mime wings. Tell your roommate, "You can't see me."
  468. Drink Blood.
  469. Eat a candybar with the wrapper still on.
  470. Constantly adjust the thermostat.
  471. Sleep in the closet.
  472. Turn all furniture in the room upside down. When your roommate asks what happened, say, "It fell".
  473. Do your homework in the nude.
  474. Spin in place. Sometimes, spin only your head, being sure to go 360 degrees around.
  475. Have your ears surgically turned around backwards.
  476. Change your name. Refuse to respond to the old one. Make him/her guess what the new one is.
  477. Hold seances. Exhibit paranormal powers.
  478. Sing the Islamic call to prayer five times daily.
  479. Display a bust of Nietsche.
  480. Have a cookout. Indoors.
  481. Keep telling them the same joke. Never reach the punchline.
  482. Put a welcome mat at your bedside.
  483. Subscribe to radical magazines. Make sure they contradict one another. For example, "The Advocate" and "the MoralMajoritarian".
  484. Wear Makeup (if male). Shave your face (if female).
  485. Repeat each sentence as many times as there are words in the sentence. Accent a different word each time around.
  486. Open a can of HIS beans or spaghetti, empty it into his bed and then replace the can in his cupboard.
  487. Crumble a few packs of crisps into his bed.....they take ages to clear off again.
  488. Replace the fuses in his electrical equipment with a lower rating (useful, as my housemate can't wire a plug up)
  489. Move all of his furniture outside
  490. Eat jewelry. Accessorize food.
  491. Smash your roommate's favorite cassettes and wrap the tape around your naked body, running around the apartment screaming "Fly, be Free! Fly, be Free!"
  492. Watch TV at least 15 hours a day. Before doing so, turn the set around so it faces the wall. Watch the back of it.
  493. Invite your roomie to play catch out in the yard. Every time you catch the ball, catch it near your head. Fall to the ground screaming.
  494. Frantically scribble something on paper. When finished, eat it. Start again.
  495. Complain about your menstrual cramps. Loudly. This works best, of course, if you happen to be male.
  496. Make some rice for dinner. Pause suddenly, spit out a mouthful and scream "Maggots! Maggots!" Blame your roommate. When done, make more rice and finish eating.
  497. Try to convince your roommate that you are indeed Louis XVI of France. Every time he grabs a knife or cuts something scream in terror and go running out of the apartment clutching your neck.
  498. Pretend you are Jan Brady. (Marsha Marsha Marsha!)
  499. When talking to him/her, alternate between being exceedingly polite and awfully rude every sentence.
  500. Sit up. Say, "Time to make the donuts." Leave. Do this often.
  501. When listening to the radio, sing along with different lyrics and a different tune.
  502. Express an extreme fear of sunlight. Move away from and flinch at areas of the room that are sunny.
  503. Address your roommate by a different name every time you talk to him.
  504. Constantly drink from an empty glass.
  505. Every time you handle something of your roommate's, use a tissue or a glove.
  506. While unlocking your door with the key, complain that the engine won't start.
  507. Name your animal crackers. Mourn for them after you eat them
  508. Try to make meals using your roommate’s electric blanket.
  509. Aerate your underwear drawer. Claim that "they" are not getting enough oxygen.
  510. Put black tape over the eyes of the people in your roommate's pictures
  511. Scream "AYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!!" loudly whenever you feel like it. Bonus points for doing it after midnight.
  512. Tell your roommate's callers that they have the wrong number, your roommate moved to Madagascar, that your roommate is gay, etc.
  513. Change your roommate's voicemal to say "City Mortuary, we deliver"