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Her Eyes On

Ah, so this is my little tiny dedication to Tori Amos and the woman she is to me. I will never be able to keep it up like The Dent does or, but I hope that I will be able to put my feelings down about her so others can read. My most recent Tori moment happened on Monday, November 24,2003 at approximately 7:15pm. I went to meet Tori at Tower Records in Greenwich Village, NYC. After waiting 3 and a quarter hours in the freezing cold (I forgot my jacket) with Lucinda, Kriste, Rich and Nanci, we were let inside. I was extremely nervous and I was singing the new vocals of Cornflake Girl over and over! I saw Tori and I just started shaking. I had remembered the last time I met her and I wanted this to be better than ever. The line moved slowly, because Tori was taking her time with everyone. I was too nervous to really notice her outfit, but she was wearing a loose fitting, flowing tan top with a black jacket over it and tight blue jeans. Her hair was long and wavy. Lucinda said, "Not to be rude, but we all know that's not her hair, right?" It was so funny and loosened me up a little. Finally, Lucinda went and spoke with her for what seemed like an hour. Then Rich went quickly. Kriste then approached Tori and I was moved on over to talk with Joel. He recognized me immediately, and asked, "how's it goin' madam?" I said I was well and I started chatting with him. I thought it would be good for me to get the fact out of my mind that Tori was less than 15 feet from me. Then T said, "Joely (I swear that's what she called him), I'm gonna take a five minute break, ok?" She then looked at me and said, "hon, give me 2 minutes, ok?" I nodded and thought it was so nice that she even cared to let me know that I would be waiting a bit. Then I continued talking to Joel about all sorts of things, mostly about the tour and everything else related to his job. One of the security guards for Tower asked if I was nervous, and I really wasn't by that time. Waiting was so good for me because it got me to collect myself and just focus on the moment and the environment of the place. Joel even said that he'd seen nervous people before, and I didn't seem so. So, then Tori came back and I thought she was gonna come say hi to me, but then she walked right by me!! I wanted to cry! She then disappeared for another couple of minutes, and then she reappeared. She had a HUGE grin on her face and rubbing her hands together, she said, "now I'm refreshed!" Sounding like a complete idiot, I exclaimed, "good, good, good!" And then with a goofy grin I asked how she was doing. She replied she was doing well and asked in kind. We then walked over to the right side (or for her the left side) of the table and we just stared at each other for a couple of seconds. She then took my Tales of a Librarian CD and said, "Let's get this out of the way for you." She then asked my name and I actually remembered!!! Then I said to her, "I just wanted to tell you, and I'm sure you've heard stories like this many times, but (and now she looked up and is staring right at me), this past summer I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, and there's nothing scarier for me than having a panic attack." Then she made that face that she does when she puts her bottom lip over her top lip and kinda smiles. "And it is so comforting to know that I can put on your music and it can make me feel so much better; that it will always be there. I'm starting to learn, through your music, how to face my problem, face what was given to me, but still maintain that safe place for myself to not feel intruded upon or invaded by all the things flying through my head and all things outside of me." Once I said that, her look turned from one of sympathy, to like she REALLY understood what I was saying. She then started talking. I couldn't believe that I wasn't just talking to a picture of her the whole time. She was actually conversing with me!! "It seems like you're on quite a walk. (I nod) Beenie, my best friend (like I don't know who Beenie is, hehe),is walking quite a similar walk." Then she says some things about Beenie and her past, that I don't really want to share, just because I don't want to violate Beenie's privacy. But basically, Tori tells me how Beenie has been coping all these years. Then she says, "I'll tell her, 'I had such a bad day!' and Beenie tells me, 'What I wouldn't give to have your bad day!'" Tori kinda rolled her eyes when she said that. Then she looked back at me into my eyes and started talking about how important it is to have a support system, and resources that you can go to. I'm not going to go into it, cause I'm sure it'll bore most people, but it meant a lot to me. I told her what I've been doing concerning that and how I have faith that I can get through it. Then she said, "Good luck with your walk." I thanked her and she smiled. I then reached out for a hug and she held me so nicely. She then whispered, "bye" and I said, "bye" and I walked off feeling comforted, but I just wish I could have had like 5 hours with her rather than 5 minutes. Oh, well. So, that was that and then I went outside and met with my other friends and we shared stories. Thank you Tori for bringing all of us together. I know that I owe you more than I could ever give. I love you Tori. xxxxx

My Favorite Things About Tori (in no order)

My Favorite Web Sites

A must for every Toriphile
The best place to chat about Tori
Rape and Abuse organization founded by Tori
The organization I currently work at