**
Saturday, December 6, 2003_
and it's been such a long two days and today i came home and i just burst into such incontrollable sobbing and i dont know why oh wait i do. it's supposed to bother you after awhile that the only thing that you actually managed to make the team for, that you hope you can be good at something because you're not good at anything else,that you realize you can't even do it properly because the only person you can manage to beat is someone who starts crying afterwards.
and then you realize that you're just as bad as her because you start crying afterwards.
and then you realize just how much other stuff you have to do. and this immense panic because the stuff that other kids have been doing for the last month or so, you've been putting off until the very very very very last weekend and you know you'll never get it to the point where you can get it finished and you're going to end up with a B in the class another sign of failure because you promised yourself that you wouldn't let this happen. will not let it happen . should not let it happen. stop it from happening and it's still happening. and then instead of addressing the panic i can't take. i just can't take it and i come home and instead of starting on it, i can't take it because i'm so afraid of starting
because i dont want to find out just how fucked i am for this because i can't take this panic and i lull myself into this stupid stupid stupid sense of selfsecurity and to get away from it i turn off the lights and i sleep for several hours.
those stupid fucking hours where i could've been doing all these other things but even if i were awake my lack of organization would've probably had me doing other stupid things like typing it all up into this box.
and i'm this close to giving up but i promised myself that i wouldn't give in this year i just wish i had promised someone else who cared that i wouldn't give in this year so that that promise would mean something to someone.
other than me.
because i'm so close to not caring but i want to care so much.
and i hate being this way because i know that giving in is the worst thing there is.
_______________joyguts spilled at 09:15 p.m._______________
**ow
Saturday, December 6, 2003_
my feet hurt
my head hurts
my heart hurts
and i'm still really really bad.
i feel so tired and broken and really really really stupid.
_______________joyguts spilled at 12:54 p.m._______________
**we've said all we had to say
Tuesday, December 2, 2003_
and i realized in time that it didnt mean anything.
<333. the perfect richlikecream blend of piano guitar drums and vocals make me melt inside. it's absolutely delicious.
i adore more than anything when people pretend to care. but i do it too. see i dont actually care about you. but i do care about what you think about me. and i care what other people think about me but i dont really want to feel anything for you except for revulsion. revulsion i can handle.
but you i care about. yea you with the doodlepad. hehe you, i like, so find a `ring!!! and you you're beautiful cuz blue bald flowerladies are way cool. and you, you've got a pretty everything.
ghostofXmaspastDUMBASS.
_______________joyguts spilled at 11:27 p.m._______________
**cut 8<
Monday, December 1, 2003_
HEHE! 3-4 OOmph.
im never going to be good at anything at this rate.
friday/saturday tournament has me missing another cello lesson, and probably part of sdys. which will consequentally probably get me kicked out. but HEY, on the bRIGHT SIDE i probably wont have any rounds after the first 5 because i wont bREAK!!
who am i kidding. i'm breaking already. like overcooked ceramic dried to the point where feeling it in your hands sends shivers up your spine because you're afraid it's going to break. it will. and just to make sure it will break, let's just slam the goddamn ceramic onto the ground. yea something like that kinda breaking.
friend of mine. i miss him.
though i miss having friends more.
i also want to go to europe.
though las vegas would be nice for now
cheers.
we might as well just go fucking fishing `tear`
_______________joyguts spilled at 09:04 p.m._______________
**skldfjls <33
Saturday, November 29, 2003_
lovelovelove<3
_______________joyguts spilled at 09:29 a.m._______________
**shudder
Friday, November 28, 2003_
i feel so so very cold. and everything is so so very wrong.
and i dont know what to say. and i dont know where this came from or why i'm crying. because i'm not supposed to care. because none of this is supposed to matter. because it's not okay to talk in disjointed sentences like this. becuase you're not here. because you're not here. because you dont like how i've changed because i'm afraid i wont talk to you anymore because everything is wrong wrong wrong.
because i'm failing. failing life failing everything and i want to fix it but everything's broken and it's so hard to have it all make sense nevermind repair anything. because i can't talk to you and it's not your fault or my fault and i can't blame anything.
because you keep telling me you're sorry but you dont know what for and i dont know what for.
what is this good for?
_______________joyguts spilled at 10:09 p.m._______________
**plus all the love in the world
Thursday, November 27, 2003_
Happy Thanksgiving.
I love you.
with capitalization punctuation and everything<33
where are you i'm worried about you call me
_______________joyguts spilled at 11:19 p.m._______________
**don't tell!!
Wednesday, November 26, 2003_
AsF Samurai 3: us
II daddys girl I: us.
contra mundumxci: i'm me part of them
contra mundumxci: who has associations
contra mundumxci: with the us
littlelailai: haha you know what.
littlelailai: hehe
littlelailai: nevermind.
Bangin Yangin: so i join lai.
jackiewackie62: "one of u"
lilbloostar: THEM...because them>lai?
lilbloostar: i'm ebil >:D
n u m m y bonbon: us i suppose^^
MtCarmelTrumpet: one of them
MtCarmelTrumpet: :-P
littlelailai: oh dear.
Secret P1ck1e 14: I'm with you
(what did you smoke to hallucinate so much? <3)
ha IM koreaN: one of you
ecthebeliever: first person singular
ecthebeliever: represent.
"because they>us? but i thought..."
"we can pretend shh it's a secret"
"okay i wont tell."
"i know"
because you're beautifulLER. because i am really really really very love you. because me+you=us & us>them.
i had a good night. the moon caught the concrete tonight. and so with a little luck maybe we can get away from where we are! let's get outta here. we'll go and we'll go and we'll go LETSGO
6am,youre not my friend.
_______________joyguts spilled at 11:29 p.m._______________
**realhoboladies
Tuesday, November 25, 2003_
May I have your attention please?
May I have your attention please?
Will the hobos here please crawl up?
I repeat, will the hobos here please crawl up?
We’re gonna have a problem here.
Y’all act like you’ve never seen a job before
Jaws on the floor
When you hear bout that job opening for
The corner store.
It’s the return of money?
No way, you’re kidding! She didn’t just say what I thought she did she?
So I replied, “I'm joking you idiot. The jobs are all dead!”
and so forth and so forth. we were so cool in grade eight. didn't we get a B on this thing too? lol.
"yea and that's it we're done"
"BUT NO WERE NOT!"
"glare. YES we ARE"
and king told us to make up our minds
it's scary when you find these things, like this for instance:
---
heehee, i juzz got uP! trying to do the math quizzle, very annoying...... i've got a few more things to go..... gotta go to the SDYS rehearsal in da aftanoon.
yestaday, went to get ice cream w/ amy, leah, rae, ashie, sophia and ya that'z it...... it wuz fun!!! HAPPY BDAY AMY!!!!!!! did another long long email survey for zhoyie!! aiya i miss vancouver!!!!!!!!!
---
i sound just as stupid dont i? but at least now i can spell lea's name right. along with a few other things
thaZ cRaZieEee!!!!!!!
_______________joyguts spilled at 07:53 p.m._______________
**unprettyful
Monday, November 24, 2003_
wish i could tie you up in my shoes
make you feel unpretty too
i was told i was beautiful
but what does that mean to you
look into the mirror who's inside there
the one with the long hair
same old me again today (yeah)
my outside looks cool
my insides are blue
everytime i think i'm through
it's because of you
i've tried different ways
but it's all the same
at the end of the day
i have myself to blame
8oclock's like midnight because i dont want to be here without you because i dont want to be here without a me and you because i dont want to be here at all. because third time's the charm and i can't find the firsttime or secondtime and thirdtime's never going to come because i always cheated the threes in hopscotch. draw the lines a little closer because, hell, first time's the charm. you're the charm you're my charm.
delightfully charming.
ihatemyinabilitytodomyhwkontimemyclassesmylifedontreadthisIMJUSTTRIPPIN'
_______________joyguts spilled at 07:59 p.m._______________
**bravo
Sunday, November 23, 2003_
you know what i like? i like being not in pictures.
you know where i'd like to be? on top of a roof of a closed department store at nighttime in las vegas and dance dance dance dance dance with you. with a bigblackboombox and a picnic basket and a blanket that we stole from the department store.
and youlllovemeandi'llloveyouandyea.
yea i'd like that.
_______________joyguts spilled at 12:48 a.m._______________
**daskjaflsdj
Friday, November 22, 2003_
will something wonderfulbeautifulexciting please happen?
please?
*
_______________joyguts spilled at 11:47 a.m._______________
**angel hair
Friday, November 21, 2003_
beautiful beautiful afternoon. idontwanttotalkaboutit. but at the same time i want to write down every detail about it. everything. from chocolateshit to candy corn to sammy's to grass stains to killer hawks and stupid seagulls. because it looks like buddha's stomache. but more like a koala because it has the ears and everything.
and everything.
and your house is cool. your bed is cool. your pillows are cool.
_______________joyguts spilled at 12:27 a.m._______________
**ohmyeffinggod
Tuesday, November 18, 2003_
but now maybe there was a reason i forgot.
you're so pretty. puahah.
_______________joyguts spilled at 10:30 p.m._______________
**empathenaline
Tuesday, November 18, 2003_
it surprised me today, when i woke up that the sun looked a different shade of beautiful. i realized that i had fallen asleep with a chemistry textbook over my face, remembered the unread chapters, put on my glasses and realized that none of this had anything to do with the sun seeming a different shade.
first times are special. so are the reenactments of all the first times of everything, like stupid stupid people in love, doing exactly what they're supposed to do, and convincing themselves into liking it, even though they're only in love with the idea of the love myth, and doing their best to project it into reality with a broken overhead machine. enormous glove puppets of lovestarsstagescreenmovement. their names recreate perfect moving breathing living relationship-ideals.
that's what entropy is i guess.
you're entropy. radioactive decay. you're gone.
why heartbreak if it never happened?
it never happened.
_______________joyguts spilled at 06:39 p.m._______________
**heEey britnAY
Sunday, November 16, 2003_
i woke and i think my legs are paralyzed. my knees can't hold my body up.
homecoming was scandalously fun.
SCANDALOUSLY <3
i'm really pissed at sophia myself for forgetting to take out the camUHRAH and take pictures.
oh you. you would have had so much fun. i wish i had pictures of my own to show you. =( as in ones i dont look really really bad in :O
baishi + bunny are the best. the best. you know i'd take a bullet for you in a second.<3 (just maybe not all 15 times)
i love you you you you you and you for making my night beautiful. and you, come back!
now we know we can work it.
_______________joyguts spilled at 10:07 a.m._______________
**coffincoffee
Thursday, November 13, 2003_
it's nice to have reality slap you in the face at 12:00 am. what i need now is some rage some sadness some anger to make this a complete meal.
((delblk i feel mean.))
but not really.
i saw something beautiful today. i saw the thousand "fuck you's" going off in your head. i saw how fast you walked away from me, how defiantly you walked away from me, so that i couldn't walk away from you. it's pretty you know that? beautiful even, if you could keep your face forever in that priceless expression.
so pretty. not as pretty as the rain. rain plays magic tricks.
5 4 3 2 1......
*poof*
i just disappeared off the face of the planet.
just thought you'd like that.
i can die with van gogh too you know?
_______________joyguts spilled at 12:11 a.m._______________
**powerless?
Tuesday, November 11, 2003_
blackouts are scary.
sophieeyelinergirl. you know i'm going to keep making of it til it comes off. <333333 i love you!!
quantumshit. i hate this shit so fucking much.
cream for greased lightning?
_______________joyguts spilled at 07:17 p.m._______________
**#@$%
Sunday, November 9, 2003_
oh FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
_______________joyguts spilled at 11:29 p.m._______________
**prourea <3
Saturday, November 8, 2003_
having to stand in the cold cold wind for an hour is fun. so is screwing your friend over so that he'll be late. even more fun is having it be your own fucking fault.
oh. and more fun. guess who has rehearsal tmr and a concert? guess who's getting really sick and has an immense headache? guess who has a fever right now?
yea. me.
she says she can't come to homecoming because she's going to washington instead. (but really she just hates me)
"...you........YOU REJECTED ME?!?!?! YOU BITCH!"
"but he might come. he might! .........HE MIGHT!"
...click
"you.....you mean you're not head over heels in love with me???"
hahahah we have fun dont we?
_______________joyguts spilled at 08:47 p.m._______________
**pleatherastic
Friday, November 7, 2003_
<3novvies. hoped you kicked ass.
i have a B in half my classses. #!$@#% fuck you skinner.
homecoming better fuckign work out. because nothign else is. and something has to go right this month.
sophia you better be the thing that goes right this month.
why am i sad.
_______________joyguts spilled at 11:49 p.m._______________
**that's so rich.
Thursday, November 6, 2003_
i feel so terrible about everything =X. we used to be friends didn't we?
this is cute. too bad the girls in the show are sluts.
and i need to break out
give me some take out
stand inside a crowd
i wanna scream out loud
that i'll be okay.
i'm 12 chapters behind and i think my book's in canada. that's handy. sleeping for 5 hours in the afternoon when i ditched debate and could have finished my homework is handy too. and even betteR? i have brink grades in everything.
everything.
cool.
better than cool. ice cold!!
<3333 anyway.
_______________joyguts spilled at 07:49 p.m._______________
**shiver
Tuesday, November 4, 2003_
i am so so so sosososo cold.
annoyinggirl: annoyinggirlthings
iscream 712: oh
iscream 712: i dunno
she's so sweet <3
soph<i3 says:resembles pucca
soph<i3 says:more than he does
soph<i3 says:jay chou
PUAHAHAHHAHAHAH. my friends are nice people. <3
meanwhile, what should we learn from pennsylvania?
that's how it's done!
_______________joyguts spilled at 11:10 p.m._______________
**bang you're dead
Monday, November 3, 2003_
it's depressing to realize that you just can get caught doing stuff. it's depressing to realize that you totally fucked yourself over and quite possibly someone else too. it's depressing to realize that you dont care about school anymore. it's especially depressing if you were a nerdgirl in the first place. who used to like school and stuff.
AND STUFF.
i wasn't even upset when she talked to me today and told me what i was doing. told me mind you. i guess she never asks things. wasn't even upset. i think i agreed with her.
now i'm upset. i want to cry. not about this, but about everything else. about how i dont care about school anymore. and consequentially my future job+house+family+life.
ha. life.
i also feel like a bitch for taking off the blue+pink. stupid stupid stupid bitch.
oh and to make things perfectly dandy, key club is going to kill my ass now. mainly evan. maybe kick me off the website committee. so that they wont even have a website.
cool?
cool.
god i hate you.
_______________joyguts spilled at 11:46 p.m._______________
**gynotikolobomassophile
Sunday, November 2, 2003_
a fun exciting alternative to being a pedophile!!
what the fuck is wrong with the world.
meanwhile, excel pics are prettier than starshots. joyH is prettier than me.
that's about all.
_______________joyguts spilled at 05:58 p.m._______________
**pillowsRIP
Saturday, November 1, 2003_
she's herrrrre. seaworld + notsleeping + starbucks + nightwalks = fun.
in other news, lea cancelled halloween =(
bitch!!!!!!! <3
heh. went to fashion...BOUGHT THE JACKET. and yes i really do need another jacket goddamnit. plus it's so pretty.
soft corduroy?
i miss her. hc plans. we need hc plans.
but who knows. maybe lea will cancel homecoming too!
!!!!!!!!
i'm just kidding bunnie.
i love you guys. really.
pink/blue nailpower YUH.
_______________joyguts spilled at 12:31 p.m._______________
**wow
Wednesday, October 29, 2003_
i really really hope we dont have school tomorrow. i really really hope joy will make it here okay. and that sophia will come down tmr too.
and i'm hoping this in the midst of so many people who have just lost their homes. and their whole lives. some people are still watching their homes burn. ukno?
i feel like such a selfish prick.
but i can't help but be happy. counting the hoursminutesseconds.
_______________joyguts spilled at 12:53 p.m._______________
**b'coz they dont understand
Tuesday, October 28, 2003_
I HATE THEM.
I HAAAAAAAAAAAATE THEEEEEEEEM
i'm crying.
i'm crying
crying
I HATE THEM.
i'm so fucking scared.
can you hear my heart screaming?
_______________joyguts spilled at 05:42 p.m._______________
**she's perfect
Monday, October 27, 2003_
espanol says:
i hate guys.
espanol says:
they're not perfect
espanol says:
I want to burn them.
you and me both, love. you and me both.
<3
:O screw you aaron :O
_______________joyguts spilled at 09:49 p.m._______________
**2 billion
Monday, October 27, 2003_
*kills you*
look at those hits =)
_______________joyguts spilled at 07:33 p.m._______________
**disheart
Saturday, October 25, 2003_
it's such an hopeful anticipating feeling.
now it's such a empty heart-jump-out-of-throat-and-force-slamming-it-into-my-stomach kinda feeling.
pieces of white ceramic splattered with red paint kind of feeling
the kind where you want to cry because of the suppressed expectation.
because the expectation breaks.
white ceramic
eff you failure.
</3 crywhineslap.
_______________joyguts spilled at 11:12 p.m._______________
**<3 e.coli
Thursday, October 23, 2003_
so which face are you putting on for me today?
freefood + bitchfriend + baishi = toomuchfood + gossip - gettinghwkdone.
"Pat & Oscar's, the chain whose salads were linked to E. coli food poisoning sickening at least 41 people, said yesterday it will cover patients' medical bills"
i'm so glad i didn't have ANYYyyyy of the salad at all! ;O
screw lettuce.
@-)--- i don't actually hate flowers. =X
_______________joyguts spilled at 09:04 p.m._______________
**sometimes i laugh
Wednesday, October 22, 2003_
hehe!
it's kinda funny when you ditch class and you go home and you're mom's home. kinda.
i laughed anyway.
=/
_______________joyguts spilled at 04:43 p.m._______________
**scream'
Wednesday, October 22, 2003_
COME TO MEE!
i love you i love you i love you i love you.
she's coming to meeeeeee ;D
i have no calm in me anymore.
THEREISNOCALMINMEANYMORE.
BIGFUCKINGHEART<3
----
"double the joy, double the insanity, double the fun"
_______________joyguts spilled at 04:07 p.m._______________
**so fuck you.
Monday, October 20, 2003_
i need a blogserver that doesnt go down for 3 days at a time and loses my fucking posts thankyouverymuch.
DAMNYOU but at least i'm not a pedophile :O
i dont mean to murder turtles.
RUN WILFRED RUN!
in other news i got the first letter of the alphabet YUH.
right DURR right DURR
with a D.
_______________joyguts spilled at 04:25 p.m._______________
**beauty
Sunday, October 5, 2003_
all the pretty little pills
++
her lips spill silken secrets,
the most delicious poison..
i'm sorry, darlin'
_______________joyguts spilled at 04:54 p.m._______________
**m'pretty
Saturday, October 4, 2003_
Oh. My. God.
canada's largest bookstore does NOT carry mein kampf.
unless they spell it differently like all the brits do.
talk about censourshipe.
g'night.
_______________joyguts spilled at 11:26 p.m._______________
**crucifixable
Saturday, October 4, 2003_
so i went outside for a walk today b'coz i figured i'd do good getting some reading done for english class. whatever. i didn't read. wanted to go by the park and read on the swings alone. that's how i like it best anyway. when the park's deserted and the swings are just there.
just so i don't, y'kno, kill any babies. :O
i should know better than to go on a saturday afternoon.
attack of the soccer moms.
_______________joyguts spilled at 05:49 p.m._______________
**coulda shoulda prada
Friday, October 3, 2003_
i've been sleeping a lot lately. so this afternoon, rosa was supposed to come by and drop off catcher in the rye for me b'coz someone was stupid enough to lose her book but she didn't come b'coz she secretly hates me or something.
so i sleep a lot. but it doesn't actually help b'coz my head still really hurts. Dizzay dizzay. If everytime i went on a roller coaster i got a rush like i do from just sitting up, i'd be dead. something good just came out of it though. i'm not going to have to hear bad playing for 5 hours in a row tomorrow. 15th fucking chairtoowhateveryea?
let's not get busted yea?
oh and ti83 came today 5 hrs late and it's.....well..it's big. i didn't realize how big it was. hell the manual is a whole book in itself.
1 backup battery and 4 AAA batteries included.
whatthehell do i do with one backup battery.
juice.
_______________joyguts spilled at 06:52 p.m._______________
**so i die happy
Friday, October 3, 2003_
sick sick sickness. x_x i have such a week immune system. everyone else is just fine even when they dont get enoguh sleep for like......the whole year. and i can't take it. my body can take itself and throw itself away.
awayawayaway.
and i knew that you meant it.
that you meant it
_______________joyguts spilled at 10:39 a.m._______________
**b'coz i love you
Wednesday, October 1, 2003_
sleepsleepsleepsleep. snooooze.
my head's still pounding. it hurts right here too.
<3
heartattackattackattack.
your voice on the phone.
_______________joyguts spilled at 04:21 p.m._______________
**C + C = P
Monday, September 29, 2003_
i've just downed 5 cans of coke in a row. and i've moved on to coffee now. for SOME reason though, my eyes aren't staying open. drat those eyes.
sexy sexy sexy hair and bicycles have brakes. yes they do.
affirmvaluenegationturnevidencecontentionFUCKDEBATE.
_______________joyguts spilled at 10:34 p.m._______________
**artichokes
Sunday, September 28, 2003_
"You can hide anything but you can't hide your feelings."
"I told you, he doesn't want to talk to me."
"Who said anything about talk. All you have to say is 3 words."
i. love. you.
_______________joyguts spilled at 04:17 p.m._______________
**brizzeak
Sunday, September 28, 2003_
survey ha.
_______________joyguts spilled at 02:52 p.m._______________
**je n'ai pas mon coeur
Saturday, September 27, 2003_
shewashereshewashereshewashere. SHEWASHERE.
but she has a mullet. but it's a cool mullet. because it's sophia. what a beautiful beautiful girl. to be able to pull off a mullet and still be cool.
BUT A MULLET!!!!!!!!!!!!!
so now i refuse to make friends.
"i have no friends at this school!"
"but i'm your friend!"
....
"yea, i have no friends at this school."
<333333 mullets
_______________joyguts spilled at 09:12 p.m._______________
**bottoms up
Thursday, September 25, 2003_
shanying i haven't heard it in so long.
wo3 yi1 bei1 you4 yi1 bei1 pian1 pian1 he1 bu4 zui4
_______________joyguts spilled at 07:27 p.m._______________
**legarmbody gone.
Thursday, September 25, 2003_
this is probably the closest i've been to wanting to cry all week. they ditched us. DITCHED US. so lea and i, because we're stupid nonbuff girly girls spent 2 hours doing a 10 person half hour job. and and. wtf can't we be buff and stuff. i can't believe how disorganized they are. they TOLD us to go do the media center. so we go. and they dont come. and now i'm screwed over for everything. EVERYTHING.
i dont think i can feel my arms. 60 lb bins aren't fun to carry.
and the worst part was: my silver sharpie broke in my backpack. as did gloss. that means that stick silver gunk was all over my backpakc. and when i went to get my keys, i had silver gunk all over me. my black shirt too. i love my black shirt.
IT RUINED MY BLACK FUCKING SHIRT.
.......that was anti-climatic wasn't it. my god i am such a stupid girly girl.
i wanna kiss you alone.
_______________joyguts spilled at 05:21 p.m._______________
**sklfjsld
Monday, September 22, 2003_
somebody shoot me.
i've been reading debate stuff all night and i haven't written my own case yet.
shoot. me.
and i'm going to FAIL chem.
and french
and with my luck, he'll probably check math.
and and.
cry whine
*slap*
_______________joyguts spilled at 11:22 p.m._______________
**mourir
Monday, September 22, 2003_
FUCK
hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate
H8 >=O
ma tête est pleine du fromage.
_______________joyguts spilled at 09:24 p.m._______________
**<3333
Saturday, September 20, 2003_
zhoyie zhoyie zhoyie zhoyie zhoyie zhoyie <333
I say, Joy, what is wrong?
Never mind the pain of leavin'
Close your eyes and follow the beat of the song
doo da da doo doo day
Things won't always go your way
But dont you worry now
We'll get there someway somehow
doo da da doo doo day
On msn we can still say hey to you
And dont you feel alone
I can still talk to you on the phone
doo dada day day day
doo dada daydaydayday day
doo dada day heyyy
doo da da daaay heeeey
I say, please just remember
One day you'll understand
You'll always have a friend in me.
+++love+++
i want a voice that rings, that leaves echoes in you when you cant sleep at midnight, that makes you want to tear out the fluff from your pillows.
yes. all your pillows.
_______________joyguts spilled at 06:40 p.m._______________
**fire escapes
Tuesday, September 16, 2003_
sir? excuse me sir? have you found my paints? i seemed to have misplaced them. what good is it if i keep creating lovely clichés? everything i've drawn has been drawn before. every color i've used has been the color of blood, the color of the meadows, and the color of the sun.
and oh god i love the sun. it's been racing with me and the clouds all day. and now half my day is gone. but i know you don't hate me right, sun? so next time you'll let me win right, sun?
so sir, if you've found my paints please return them.
fire escapes can depress the hell out of me.
and they do.
_______________joyguts spilled at 04:49 p.m._______________
**eight thousand or so
Monday, September 15, 2003_
i'm around such funny people :D
we decided today that the only reason we're here is to make each other laugh.
"joy likes guys who wear maaakeup!"
"well they look bETTER!"
"because they wear MAKEUP, joy -_-:"
"there is no fucking consensus."
silver sharpies + marshmallows = content..... withOUT the astericks :O
hey, we've learned to get high off different things now. didn't they used to say that if you held your breath for long enough, you start to see spots of light? i can testify. testify that it's bullshit. if you hold your breath for long enough you start to see paramedics. and ambulance lights are no high. i used to think i could survive this year's ap chemistry using an army of carefully formed metaphors and maybe a pie chart. turns out all i need is a mla handbook. woop. eight thousand seven hundred sixty mornings i'll wake up this year. eight thousand five hundred or so of those mornings i'll wake up before 8. eight thousand or so of those mornings will be the beginning of an arduous day.
how many of those mornings will i remember?
meanwhile, pie charts are cool and i <3 mario testino.
FizzUCK.
_______________joyguts spilled at 07:10 p.m._______________
**shiny new
Sunday, September 14, 2003_
someone told me today that i should still keep up a blog. so what did i do instead of my chem paper?
i made this.
now it's 8:40 and i'm not done with my chem paper.
thanks sophie. you've always had a way with inflicting insomnia. <333
_______________joyguts spilled at 08:37 p.m._______________
