*
Amy
Her prom gown was probably the most uncomfortable thing she'd ever worn in her life. Funny how she noticed that only now. When she'd bought it she'd thought that the pale blue silk clung to her in all the right places, now it felt too tight. It felt like she was being suffocated.
From behind her he placed his hands confidently on her shoulders. Instantly she froze up a little. She had prepared for this, expected this, and even thought she wanted it, but in the end she wasn't ready. Obviously he didn't notice her stiffness or he didn't care because he tugged on the slim straps of her dress until they fell down. Though his hands were rough though his movements were perfectly coordinated. Her dress fell away without much effort on his part and she wondered how many times he'd done this before. Amy turned to face him almost involuntarily when he nudged her. Not once did her pulse quicken the slightest. When he kissed her she responded as if she were on auto-pilot.
There were no empty promises or overly romantic gestures. They had agreed before hand that it wasn't necessary or wanted. This was simply to get it over with and she didn't want to pretend it was anything more. He had happily agreed.
When he lowered her on to the bed she wondered what it would have been like if it had been with someone who mattered. This nothingness couldn't have been what everyone was making such a big deal about. There was no pain, there was no pleasure. There was no word to describe how she felt because she felt nothing. Her emptiness was all consuming.
It ended quickly, but not quickly enough. Afterward he lay near her on the bed breathing heavy. His ragged breathing only reminded her of how animalistic this whole thing had been. It hadn't been the beautiful experience she'd wanted. It had been the unforgiving and almost brutal act she had expected. She wondered what it was she was supposed to say to him. Nothing seemed appropriate.
Her silence seemed to annoy him because he stood up without looking at her again. He dressed in the dark and slipped out the door, presumably to return to the party down the hall. His departure didn't bother Amy as she knew it should. She welcomed the quiet. Her emptiness expanded to the room around her and she wept. Not for what she had lost now, but for what she had lost years ago.
It should have been Colin.
But he was dead and there was nothing she could do to bring him back. It had been time to move on. She had needed to prove to the world that she was still alive, but in the end all she had done was prove to herself that something inside her wasn't working properly anymore. She hadn't completely survived Colin's death. There were wounds that one could carry on the inside forever.
It took a long time, but Amy finally fell asleep with tears stained on her cheeks. In the background the rest of her class could be heard. They were enjoying their last moments of carefree existence. Tomorrow they all agreed would start adulthood. Even if Amy hadn't been so tired she wouldn't have joined them anyway.
She had said goodbye to carefree many years ago.
*
Ephram
They laughed as he struggled with the key to the hotel room door. They had been standing in the hallway for five minutes already because he wouldn't even give the key half the attention he was giving her. With his back pressed against the door he was trying to unlock it with one hand. It might have continued forever if she hadn't broken away and kindly taken the key from his hand. A moment later the lock clicked.
"Voila," she whispered as the door opened and lights from the hallway spilled into the dark room. She turned to step inside, but he reached for her wrist before she could.
"Are you sure?" Ephram asked quietly. He could have kicked himself for tempting fate by asking that question, but he'd had to. This was a first step for both of them and this door felt like it was their turning point. Once they'd crossed the threshold he wasn't sure there'd be any crossing back.
She stared at him for so long he wondered if he should repeat himself, but she reached for his hand before he could. In answer she entwined their fingers slowly, linking them as physically as she could. "I've never been as sure of anything else in my life."
He grinned like a fool when she dragged him into the room. Before he could speak again her lips were over his and all coherent thoughts vanished. He discovered that one name could fill all his thoughts, that one person could possess his soul, that one body could belong to him more than his own.
All the ghosts that hung on to the fringes of their relationship vanished. All the people that would disapprove of the match were forgotten. No one existed.
Inexperienced hands removed clothing slowly. His hands reverently trailed the length of her body. Their mouths met and melded time and time again before they finally tumbled on to the bed. Though his unpolished technique should have been awkward it never felt that way. All that counted was Ephram touched her as if were an indulgence he would never have enough of and in return she whispered his name as if there were no other words in the world.
Time blurred, halted, and then ceased to matter. There was nothing outside this room that mattered right then. It seemed that the most important thing in the world was memorizing the feel of her skin and tracing the outline of her face.
"I love you," Ephram whispered almost inaudibly into her ear hours later. He wasn't sure if she was sleeping or not. He knew that he must have been drifting in and out because there was no way time could pass that quickly.
He was so close that she could feel every breath he took blowing slowly out against her skin. They were completely entangled so it was impossible for him not to feel her stiffen - as if she'd taken a hit she hadn't expected.
Her voice was soft - almost sad when she finally answered. The only thing she managed to keep out of it was the longing. "No. You don't - but thank you."
