my mom: do you need anything while i'm at the store?
katie: yeah i need condoms!
my mom: WHAT?!
katie: oops, i mean TAMPONS!
names shall not be mentioned in the following...
cyra: she's so freakin huge katie!
katie: like bigger than ****?
cyra: way bigger!
katie: so it's like shamu?!
cyra: YES! haha!
katie: i can't talk and think at the same time!
on the way home from bible study at brent's house one night, candice's car broke down and after we pushed it into a neighborhood, we tried to figure out what was wrong.
katie: hey did you know that your gas light is on?
candice: it's been on for two days!
waiter: how did you get that flower to stay in your hair?
candice: it's magic! i'm harry potter's cousin!
basestlr10: i have a huge boner!
angelsurf717: ew SICK!
basestlr10: oops wrong IM!
brian: how are you guys doing today?
customer: we aren't guys, we are ladies
brian: well hello carbon based life forms!
tommy and ryan: "walk with a friend...OH SNAP!"
tommy: do you have somewhere to plug this in?
katie: i can't, it's too big!
on the phone in a pretty serious conversation:
katie: yeah you definitely don't wanna be an intimidating guy. Like...jordan intimidates me, he's an intimidating guy. tommy intimidates me too. no offense ryan, but you don't intimidate me. AJ doesn't intimidate me either.
ryan: yeah i don't wanna be an intimidating guy, especially around girls...i guess it's just cuz me and AJ are lovers and not haters."
katie: so you and AJ are lovers?
ryan: yep...that's right
DpRun03 [12:08 AM]: hey here's something to gander!!
angelsurf717 [12:08 AM]: k whats that???
DpRun03 [12:09 AM]: did you know it costs $5 just to SIT DOWN at that kobe's japanese steak house place? even if you're not eating n e thing?
DpRun03 [12:09 AM]: they kicked me and tommy right out!!
angelsurf717 [12:09 AM]: NO WAY!
DpRun03 [12:09 AM]: yes way!!
angelsurf717 [12:09 AM]: thats a rip off!
DpRun03 [12:09 AM]: i know!!
angelsurf717 [12:09 AM]: holy crap!
DpRun03 [12:09 AM]: we went with 3 other girls and they were gonna eat stuff and they said we couldnt stay if we werent eating i was like "psh!"
DpRun03 [12:09 AM]: actually i very nicely walked right nut
DpRun03 [12:09 AM]: *out... damn!!
on our trip to FSU:
bobby: i really don't want to shit in aj's bathroom
katie/ryan: me neither
bobby: it's just weird!
katie: so let's just go here! (we were in a little restaurant place)
bobby: good thinking!
*like 20 minutes after he's out of the bathroom:
katie: how'd it go?
bobby: i feel like um... 70% better!
tommy: i think brunettes are the hottest, then blondes
craig: yeah, i think brunettes are the hottest, then blondes, then bald girls, and then redheads.
kelly: you ready to go get food?
katie: EAT ME!
katie: oh i am SO disgusted by this! your like oh candice i love you and candice is like oh ryan i love you! and i'm like oh tommy i love you and tommy's like huh???
a few of us went to friendly's one night for ice cream while i was down visiting from summer school. most of us got cherries on our ice cream and a few people decided that it would be fun to see who could tie their cherry stems into knots with their tongues. well ryan tied his in a DOUBLE knot! and the rest of the cherry stem ordeal went something like this...
katie: well you know what they say about people that can do that?
ryan: no what do they say?
katie: (made a gesture that was semi-obscene... just read on!)
ryan: sick! it can't mean you give good head!
katie: but it does, at least that's what i heard!
ryan: but i don't give good head! i suck at it!
katie: i want a boyfriend!
ryan: me too!
**for the record: ryan smith is NOT a homosexual!
katie/kelly/keli: that's so green!
kelly: bucked...sounds like f***ed!
angelsurf717: whats sex?
Hevyhittah: well honey its when the guy puts his who who dilly in a girls cha cha
angelsurf717: ewwwwwwwwwwwwww virgin EARS!
Hevyhittah: and thats the birds and the bees by nick carris
sxycy13: i feel like ass
sxycy13: not like, "i feel like ass as in getting some"
i always joke to kelly and ian about them being in the bed together and BEHAVING and i always tell ian "hands above the covers." so one night after meeting this guy at a club (and after kelly ratted me out to ian!) this message was left on my computer:
IWS824: hands above the covers??? excuse me young lady, toungue outta the mouth!
Hevyhittah: muchos gayostos
talking about the placement of my tattoo:
joey: whoa for a minute there i thought i was getting a porn shot!
KelBel2: yah you're just jealous!
KelBel2: im jealous of your hat, you're jealous of my 'uh uh'
you have to understand cat for this to be funny:
CatXing03: fo shizzle
CatXing03: na dawg we be chillin
while eating pasta in the kitchen:
kelly: whoa your hair looks like the meat sauce!
kelly: but it's ok cause i like meat sauce!
the night before my summer school finals, ian and i decided to bowl a couple games at the union. ian was kicking my ass.
katie: dude if we were playing golf right now, i would so be winning!
Dr College Guy: well im happy to see you gay!
the mall that i work in has palm trees in the center of the aisles. many people shoppers are AMAZED by this and like to go up and feel up on the trees, just to make sure that they are real. well it gets a little old watching every other person inspect the tree in front of our store. so the other day, while some guy and his girlfriend were touching the tree, this happened inside our store:
katie (shouting to james from the top of the ladder): dude if you were that tree, wouldn't that piss you off if people kept putting their nasty hands all over you?
james (shouting back): no it wouldn't piss me off... i like when people touch my wood!
james: who's greeting right now?
brian: my right nipple. my left one is ringing up customers.
the phone rings at work and it's robbie an associate at our store in the festival bay mall asking for a check:
robbie: hey katie it's robbie, do you have time to do me a check?
katie: sure what do ya need?
robbie: well we have all these belts without tags on them!
katie: ok...
robbie: it's a ladies belt, it's tan, and it has holes in it.
katie: wow. it has HOLES in it and it's a belt. ya think?
devin: you have to heat up the oven before you stick in the turkey!
IWS824 (5:06:56 PM): bring a dildo next time...lube it up and slide it in...him i mean...do it...see if he moans like a little school girl
angelsurf717: i heard u are a sex machine
okay mat t d: oh my god
okay mat t d: what?
cyra: she's gonna pop a squat somewhere i know it!
random guy: dude, i'd piss in her butt!
college students are so profound:
kelly: you know what i was thinking about today? who arranged the letters on the keyboard? i mean what did someone do, just throw them down there? they are in no particular order!
robbie: can i get a water?
waitress: can i see some ID please?
ace: i really want to play baseball but i don't have a bat or...
katie: what, balls?!
katie: you know what i'm scared of?
joey: clowns???
katie: condoms, what?
katie: i think i want to keep my human sexuality class but drop my social problems class...
joey: "excuse me can i keep the sex and drop the problems? thanks!"
