O.J. Simpson Jokes

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    Q: What do you get when you put Lorena Bobbit, Tammy Faye, and O.J.
    Simpson in the same room?
    A: A butcher, a Bakker and a license plate maker.

    What did O.J. say to Judge Ito after the trial was over?
    Can I have my hat and gloves back now?

    Did you hear O.J. is getting remarried?
    He wants to take another stab at it.

    Yeah... I heard he was going to marry Lorena Bobbitt... They'd both
    have knives.

    OJ is moving down to Alabama.
    He heard everyone down there has the same DNA!

    Q: If you see OJ and Mike Tyson riding in a car together who is
    driving?
    A: The police.

    O.J. used to play football. Now it looks like he played sockher as
    well.

    He's still a great footballer ... Still slices up the opposition
    wherever he finds them!

    Q: Did you hear O.J. has refused to play on the prison football team?
    A: He heard they wanted him to line up in a fourpoint stance.

    Q: Did you hear the Bills fired Marv Levy?
    A: They felt the team lacked a killer instinct, so they hired O.J.
    Simpson.

    O.J. ran for more yards in one evening than in 8 years with Buffalo.

    Q: What was O.J.'s favorite play in the Bills' playbook?
    A: Cut left, then slash right!

    Q: Why did O.J. kill his ex?
    A: He wanted to terminate her free agency.

    Q: Did you hear what the longest drive was during the U.S. Open?
    A: O.J. Simpson 61 miles.

    Q: Who's the most famous Los Angeles Dodger?
    A: O.J. Simpson.

    O.J. Simpson will go down in history as one of the most versatile
    players in history...
    He entered the NFL as a running back...
    He entered prison as a tight end...
    and will leave prison as a wide receiver!

    Q: Did you hear that the police are now saying that O.J. moved the
    bodies after the murders?
    A: They are accusing him of 2 carries for 58 yards.

    Q: Did you hear experts have already predicted the Super Bowl champion
    for next season?
    A: It's going to be the San Quentin prison football team.

    Q: What's the difference between O.J. Simpson and John Elway?
    A: One drives a slow, white Bronco. The other *is* a slow, white
    Bronco.

    Did you hear about Hertz's new billboard?
    It's a picture of O.J. Simpson with a caption, "Hertz: For Great
    Getaways!"

    I heard that O.J. lost his Hertz Rental Car endorsement contract, but
    he has a new endorsement offer...
    Taco Bell has hired him to "Run for the Border."

    Naked Gun 44 1/4 Nordberg gets The Chair!

    Q: Did you hear about the new O.J. Simpson movie?
    A: It's called "Sex, Knives, and Athletic Tape."

    Q: Why did O.J. kill his wife the way he did?
    A: He was practicing for a part in a new movie: Jock the Ripper

    Q: Did you hear about the "Simpson Special" from Hertz?
    A: You get a free police escort when you rent a Bronco.

    Q. What did Mike Tyson have for breakfast?
    A. Freshsqueezed O.J.

    Q: Did you know that Juice confessed?
    A: Yeah, they squeezed it out of him.

    Q. How do you get an electric chair to work?
    A. Give it the Juice!

    After O.J. is sent to prison, all the inmates will be asking each
    other, "Have you had your O.J. this morning?"

    Q: What do the LAPD and Tropicana have in common?
    A: They both have O.J. in a can.

    My mom tried to give me some orange juice this morning.
    I told her, "No way, mom! O.J. will KILL you!"

    Q: What is the difference between Tang and O.J.?
    A: Tang won't kill you!

    Q: Why do they call him O.J.?
    A: Because he beats the pulp out of his women.

    Q: What was the last thing Nicole said?
    A: "I should have had a V8."

    Q. Why won't prison be that different for O.J.?
    A. He will still have big guys opening holes for him.

    O.J. showed up at his lawyer's office wearing shorts and a Hawaiian
    shirt. The lawyer says, "Why are you dressed like that?" O.J. says,
    "Didn't you say I was going to Cancun?" To which the lawyer replies,
    "No. I said, 'You're going to the can, coon.'"

    Q: Why does everyone want O.J. over for Thanksgiving dinner?
    A: He sure knows how to slice white meat!

    Q: Why were the police suspicious after they called O.J. in Chicago?
    A: He denied he was the culprit and even suggested they come to the
    golf tournament and see how bad his slice was.

    Q: Why did O.J. stop at his ex-wife's house on his way to the airport?
    A: He had some time to kill.

    Q: What did O.J. say to Goldman when he found him with his exwife?
    A: Hey pal, mind if I cut in?

    Q: What is O.J.'s favorite soft drink?
    A: Slice.

    Q: What is O.J.'s motto?
    A: If you can't beat 'em, stab 'em.

    Q: What do O.J. Simpson and Michael Jackson have in common?
    A: They are both missing a glove.

    Q: What did Michael Jackson say to O.J. Simpson?
    A: "Don't worry, I'll take care of the kids."

    Q: What's the difference between Rodney King and O.J. Simpson?
    A: O.J. started out with millions.

    Q: Do you know why O.J. drove around as long as he did?
    A: He was waiting for a call from Dr. Kevorkian!

    Q. What's the difference between Ryne Sandberg and O.J. Simpson?
    A. Ryne lost his killer instinct and O.J. found it.

    Q: Did you hear John Wayne Bobbit called O.J. last night?
    A: He wanted O.J. to know that he knows what it feels like to be
    separated from a loved one.

    Q: Why did O.J. sit in the Bronco for so long?
    A: Because Rodney King called him and told him not to get out of the
    car.

    Q: What's the difference between Jeffrey Dahmer and O.J. Simpson?
    A: O.J. only ate one of his victims.

    Q: What do O.J. and PeeWee Herman have in common?
    A: They were both arrested for abusing their loved ones.

    Q: Did you hear that Joey Buttafuoco went to visit O.J. in prison?
    A: He told O.J. that he should have had his girlfriend do it.

    Q: What do Shaquille O'Neal and O.J. Simpson have in common?
    A: They both spend a lot of time at court.

    Q: What do you get when you mix O.J. Simpson, Dr. Ruth Westheimer and
    Tonya Harding?
    A: Killer sex that will bring you to your knees!

    Q: What would you have if O.J. was put in a cell with David Koresh and
    Jeffrey Dahmer?
    A: You'd have a complete breakfast: serial, toast, and O.J.

    Q. What does O.J. stand for?

     Obdurate Jerk        Objective Jury?     Obligatory Jokes

     Obsessively Jealous  Obstinate Jealousy  Obstreperous Journey

     Odorous Journalism   Often Joked         Oh, Jailer!

     Open Jugular         Orange Jumpsuit     Out Joyriding

     Outlaw Jock          Outlook: Jail       Outta Job

    Q: Have you heard about the new children's game?
    A: It's called "Where's O.J.?"

    Q: What are O.J.'s favorite songs?
    A: 'I Used to Love Her But I Had to Kill Her' by Guns 'n' Roses.
    'Communication Breakdown' by Led Zeppelin
    'Run to the Hills' by Iron Maiden
    '911 It's a Joke' by Public Enemy
    'I Can't Drive 55' by Sammy Hagar
    'The First Cut is the Deepest' by Rod Stewart
    'Love Hurts' by Nazareth
    'If You Want To Be Happy For the Rest of Your Life (Never Make A
    Pretty Woman Your Wife)' by Jimmy Soul
    'Cuts Like a Knife' by Bryan Adams
    'Hurts So Good' by John Cougar Mellencamp

    Q: What are O.J.'s favorite musical groups?
    A: Slayer
    Drivin' and Cryin'
    Suicidal Tendencies
    Public Enemy

    Q: What are O.J.'s favorite movies?
    A: "Death Becomes Her"
    "The Terminator"
    "Heaven Can Wait"

    Q: Did you hear about the new O.J. Simpson breakfast special?
    A: It's eggs, steak and prune juice. First, you beat it, then you stab
    it with a knife, then you get the runs.

    Q: What do the state of California and Taco Bell have in common?
    A: They are two things that can give O.J. gas.

    Q: What's the difference between a paralyzed miner and O.J. Simpson?
    A: One's a numb digger...

    It's one thing to kill your exwife, but another thing entirely to take
    a victory lap around the city afterword.

    Q: What's the last thing O.J. said to Nicole Simpson?
    A: Your waiter will be with you shortly...

    Knock Knock.
    Who's there?
    O.J.
    O.J. Who?
    You have just qualified to be a member of the jury!

    There once was a sports legend named O.J.,
    Whose old lady told him to go away.
    He slashed up his wife,
    With a fifteeninch knife,
    And then led a parade on the freeway!

    Q: Why did O.J. change his long distance server from AT&T?
    A: Because he knew he had to Sprint!

    Q. What did Nicole say to Ron on the phone when she called the
    restaurant?
    A. "It wouldn't kill you to bring over my glasses."

    Q: What did Ron say to Nicole when they got to heaven?
    A: "Here's your damn glasses! Thanks a lot!"

    Q: What were Ron Goldman's last words?
    A: "Say, aren't you O.J. Simpson?"

    Q: What do a basketball court and a judicial court have in common?
    A: The white folk sit on the bench.

    Q: Why did O.J. go to Nicole's house before he went to the airport?
    A: It was his last chance to split her uprights!

    O.J. is U.S.C. Up Shit Creek...

    Q: Why didn't Nicole Simpson go out drinking with her friends after
    dinner?
    A: She wanted to go home and get ripped.

    Q: Why didn't Nicole's other boyfriends go down on her?
    A: Because they knew the Juice would kill them.

    Q: What was the last thing Nicole said to O.J.?
    A: Yeah, I'm screwing the waiter! What are you going to do about it?

    Q: Did you here about the new Ben & Jerry's ice cream flavor?
    A: It's called White Bronco: Vanilla with two chocolate-covered nuts
    inside.

    Q: Why did O.J. make that now-famous run in the Bronco?
    A: He figured it would be a long time before he would be able to take
    an exciting ride inside anything white again.

    Q: What does BRONCO stand for?
    A: Black Repeat Offender Needs Car Operator.

    Q: What did Santa Claus bring O.J. for Christmas?
    A: New gloves, a ski mask, a new hunting knife and a bottle of stain
    remover.

    Q: Did you hear O.J. is coming out with a new movie?
    A: It's called, "It WAS a Wonderful Life."

    Q: Did you here O.J. is merchandizing to help pay for his defense?
    A: There's a problem with the watches, though. There seems to be an
    hour missing from 10:00pm to 11:00pm.

    Q: Why would O.J. make a good stand-up comedian?
    A: He always kept Nicole in stitches!

    Rumor has it that Disney is going to make a new movie based on the
    life of O.J. Simpson.
    They're gonna call it, "The Lyin' Coon."