Hello! As many of you know, I am a bit of a Moby fan, and yesterday the Brit awards nominations were taking place with Moby performing. Oh......yeah......and the awards were taking place on Abbey Road........the road that i live on! So i thought it was my duty to go and wait outside the studios to catch a glimpse of Moby and a few other stars. Most of you know up to this part. Well, it was quite a busy night so i thought i should make a newsletter to inform you the events that took place (Some of you already know how good i am on the internet (!) :S).

I wanted a banner, so during lunch, i quickly slapped up a crucifix with Mr Bosman and then carried it home (many of you saw and laughed). I decided to go along Abbey Roads to see what the place looks like before the big event. Then, in the corner of my eye, i see that bloke of T4. I walk past, and then realise and walk back to him. "Your of the telly?" i said to him "Your on that channel 5 program, arnt you?" Well i made a huge mistake there. I saw him before but i did not know his name, or even the program he is on. Well i took a guess and deeply offended him. He seemed annoyed and replied "No, Channel 4 actually". Well anyway, all i knew was he looked a bit funny, and hes of the telly so i decided to have my photograph taken with him. Which was nice.

You can see me still wearing my brillaint unifrom and you can even see my bag still. But who cares, hes of the telly. Oh is it just me or does he look a bit erm....like a poof?

Anyway, around 4:30 i trecked all the way home. I took the dog for a walk, and changed wearing my large Moby T-Shirt and some jeans. I took my camera and began to asselmbe my banner. I have seen kiddies at concerts have them, so i thought i should at least have a bash at making one. It werent too hard actually. A bit of glue and some patience, and before you know it, it was a large, large banner. I quickly left home and headed down the road to the studios.

I arrived around 4:45 and it had around 10 kiddies waiting for something. Noone had a banner. I was the only person there with a banner. Oh and i was the only guy there to. Its weird, i really did not belong there, but hey, its on my road and loads of people of the telly were gonna be there. So i waited, talked to people, befirended an American country girl (who looked about 30, but was actually only 20, poor lass). Then the first celebrity!

It was Avid Merrion! The dodgy bloke with the silly neck brace. The guy that aint really that funny. The guy people laugh at but not with. Well hes still on the telly. So i screemed his name really loud "Avid Merrion!" Everyone went silent. They all wanted to know who this person was and why he was making me so excited. Well, the kiddies really didnt care about him that much, but i did. I screamed for a photo with him. I actually began to feel like him, following "celabraties" around with a camera. He then pulled his camera out and filmed me! He asked for my name! It was weird but i pray and hope that it will be aired on his show. He told me in secret that he has a new show in Febuary. What could i say? I replied "Thank you please!" and then he was of.

This was my photographing him, photographing me. Brilliant

I had to get another on, but i sort of was hit out the way, and only managed to get his ear. But its a nice ear anyway.

What was amusing was there were a few tourists there that did not know about the awards. The American lass asked me who he was, i replied "oh, a comedian of the telly, but he isnt to funny. Dont tell him that though!" Well i never realised how loud my voice is cause he heard it. He didnt look round, but it gave me joy to insult someone who is famous. I dunno why, try it sometime.

Next a large people carrier pulled up. Ahh who could it be? Well to my suprise the lovely, and frankly quite gorouse Davina McCall popped out! Yeah! Davina! She is beautiful, more so in real life. Well i shouted till my hearts content for her but she ran passed. I didnt give up though, i shoved my camera in and got a good picture of her talking to a body guard. Brilliant

The wonderful Davina

It was around 5:15 now. I was still waiting for Moby. Excited about the three celebs i have met, i just could not wait. Then i saw her. Again, noone knew her. Noone was shouting her name out. But i knew her! She was the vocal in Moby's songs. Shes the large black lady who has a voice that could kill a million sheep. I wanted a photo! "Hey! Your Mobys Vocalist! Lemme have a photo!" Ahhh what a nice lady, she stopped and someone took the photo. She even hugged me! And let me tell you, although i liked meeting her, i wouldnt recomed hugging her. Its painful.

I sneaked my large poster into the photo. I also expose my wonderful shiny metal teeth. Oh! Oh! I also have red eye! The photo couldnt even have been planned better!

I told her that her voice was wonderful, beyond words. She was very grateful, and said Mobys coming very soon. Oh the Excitement! Another black people carrier pulled up. I had begun chatting to this paperatzi bloke. He didnt have a clue who anyone was. I had to tell him who was on the telly and who wasnt. Oh i should mention the other guests first.

There were a selction of other invites. There were (1) What i like to call the "Rich Bitch" women, who came in their Mercs and loads of diamonds. (2) Gay Models, loads of them! Everywhere! All around! (3) The well, to put it nicely, the slappers. There was this girl, all dressed up, with excess make-up. I mean, you had a desert of powder on her cheeks alown. Anyway, she treid to get in, but her date had the tickets. She was left waiting nealr 1 hour for her date. When he turned up, we all thought it was her dad. Nope! Relationship! OMG it was too scary! I shall quote from Apocalipse Now "The Horror, The Horror". It was pure.......horror.

Anyway as i was saying before, some big people carrier drove up. The cameras were ready. Everyone was excited. Who was it? Well..... i did not know! Some girls i have seen before, but for the life of me, i couldnt remeber their names! It was terrible. But i took photos anyway, there on the telly......

Some lady, i heard shes in Misteeq or something. Well i got a photo. Oh and the ring shape, thats the blokes flash who was next to me. He was a bastard. He had this massive flash that could give anyone an epileptic fit. It was terrible. Some other bird got out to.

Guess who it is yet? (That bloke really pissed me of)

Yep....sorry folks, thats all i could get in the end. You know who it is though, dont you? that bird from Misteeq......something like that anway. I am sure all you RnB fans will like it.

Well to continue the RnB "vibe" some more artists came. I can remeber names only. I remeber Harvey being there and Romeo, but i didnt get them. I didnt really care about them. Oh! Oh! Harvey was being a bit of a dick, cause he kept doing all these stupid poses to the camera. I am sure you'll see them in the tabloids. Anyway i got this photo, i dunno who they are, but i am sure you die-hard RnB'ers will know. I think its Romeo.

Well so far it was around 5:30. I wanted Moby. And thats what i got. He came in a car, ran out and didnt even say anything! How gutted was i?! I was really upset! but i knew i catch him on the way out so i was not to disapointed. Then, yet again another people carrier aproached. And out stepped four bleach haired boys from America. oh did i say America? I meant finchely. Yeah Busted arrived. They were actually alright, cause i had a nice chat with them. I remeber that they were meant to do a signing of their albums, and a few female friends were gonna go and meet up with them. Well i felt guilty that i met them , and my friend didnt. So i went up to the shortish one and said "Heya! Dude! My friends realy fancies you and like they want to have your children" he just laughed and so did i. Well i had a shock for him. I then said "Yeah, they been round your area in Finchely, they love you!" He turned around really quicklt and ran of to the other side. I dunno what i said! Maybe he was scared that i knew where he lived. But they seemed quite cool overall.

A nice picture of the lanky ones back, the middle bloked face to the side, and the short ones arse. Lovely.

Finally only 10 minutes to go. Still waiting for Ms Dine-a-mite-he-he and any other people who are turning up. Well then another people carrier pulled up and out stepped Sugababes! Woohey! I did not know whether to be happy or sad! Well basically they were looking beautiful, all three of them. But then up close, i could taste the make-up. You could smell their purfume from about a mile away. Oh and the skirt. Oh the Skirt. I dunno which, but the white blonde one had the shortest, tightest skirt i have ever seen. I approaved alot, but realised that she must be freezing! I was wearing my coat and everything, and was quite cold. The only reason i could see for her wearing the skirt was she obvously likes that sort of feeling up there. i dunno!

I was gonna go up to them, like that boy in the left. But then i decided not to, i dont like their music to much and a picture with me and her together would just be wrong. I mean, it would be like Dr jeckal and Hariot Heid. Anyway, all i wanted was for her to go inside and not get frostbite. That can be quite painful, expeically in those sort of areas.

Here they are again. A bit lighter photo so you can see it better. Oh the smiley Japenese girl aint in Sugababes, shes just somehow got lost in the middle.

Thats it. 6:10. No more coming.. We just then waited. Waited still. I continued chatting to my American friend (her name was Patti too! How perfect is that?!) and something really horrible happened. A child was playing and then ran across the road. A car did not see him and hit the child. Eveyrone went silent and all that could be heard was the devistating crash from the car. What really scared me was i saw it happen, and i contiued seeing it in slow motion. The child was, thank god, still alive and was awake. An abulance came and took him away. It was terrible and frightening and i now hope, and pray that this boy is on his way to recovery tonight.

When the pandamonium from the accident faded, we began to notice people leaving the studios. It was only around 7:20, so we pressuemed it was all over. I needed to prepare and make sure i get a photo of moby. I needed it! So i decided to move and i went to the house next to the studios. I climbed a set of stairs and i was in perfect position to see everyone entering and leaving the building. I then saw a security gaurd. I heard the guard say "he just wants to get out.... prepare now". Somehow i knew it was moby they were refering to. I got my camera ready and then there he was!
"MOBY!!!!!!!!!" I screamed......
"I am your solo fan here!"
"hey!" He replied......he spoke to me!
"Can i get a picture please! i tried all day!"
"Sure!"

"THANKS!! I hope you win everything you are nominated in for!"
"Thanks alot! well its gonna be hard winning the Brits, expecially not being british!" He began walking...
"I see you next time your in Wembely! See you then! Bye!!"
"Cya!"

WOW! it was great, finally met (well not really met but chatted) and got a photo of the guy. Although he does look a bit fruity. Aww i was finally content. But the end was not yet.

Whose that?! Is it craig David?! The craig David? I shouted "Craig!" and he replied "Hey!" and waved! Well thats great but then i remebered that i dont really like him. i ran downstairs to were he was signing things and doing photos. I had to be rude. I enjoyed it so much, i had to do it again. I then screamed, in the flatest, most derogitary way "CRAIG! WHATS YOUR FLAVOUR? TELL ME WHAT IS YOUR FLAVOUR!?" Everyone cracked up and began laughing.The girls started screaming so i mimicked them. But louder. And higher pitch. I went for the second blow. I screamed "CRAIG, I MET YOU ON MONDAY, I TOOK YOUR PICTURE ON TUESDAY, NOW I AM SPEAKING TO YOU ON THURSDAY!" Again everyone laughed. poor craig david. But it was very very funny. I wish i recorded it. He didnt reply though, but he deffinatly heard it.

A wonderful back vewi of craig david.

Next some skinny lass came out. Again all i could hear were screams. It was Sarah Whitmore Everybody! Woohey! How the FCUK is Sarah Whitmore!? I dont know her, but i thought i take her photo anyway. Someone told me she was on Pop Idol. I dont know. But she needed a good meal, she was so skinny, it was scary! But again, nice meeting her!

Finally we waited. Then my lovely Davina came out with Avid! oh. the glory! I was on the phone, and Davine was there! Isaid hello and asked for a photo but my camera wasnt working! The pain! She said "oh well! your chance to take a photo and your camera doesnt work!" Mnnn but she wasnt gonna get away that easy! I reached over and gave her a peck on the checks. Lovely. It was like Ice Cream. She is wonderful and a truely great sport. But then i noticed my good friend Avid being lonely. I went up to him again and spoke to him "hey avid! how was it?" he recognised me and said it was "very nice" I could smeel drink in his breath. I decided to play him at his own game. I seen him ask for kisses of celebs and theyall feel funny about it. I wanted a kiss of him. So i asked, and i got. I kissed him on the cheek. It was nice, but not like Davinas. Then these cameras all pointed onto me. I dunno why!? It was nice the attention, and i asked someoen to photograph it with my camera. So they did. So i had to kiss him again, on the cheek. I like Avid Merrion too. Although no one else did, which was a shame. It meant that i had all the time to speak to him. Which i did for a bit. He said again, to watch his showin febuary, and i told him that i record all his shows and watch them every night. He laughed. Then he left.

Okay, this is the picture that is gonna get me killed. I look drunk and retarded but it was a good laugh. Notice his hand around me.

And thats it really! I did meet other celebs but never got their photos. I met Claire Sweeney, who was lovely but the photo came out wrong. She was a lovely lass though. I met two Rudez from So So So So Solid, who were pretty funny cause after the show they walked out and said, very louldy "that was a waste of an hour". I met Harvey and Romeo. Erm oh and Big Brotherz. And yeah, at the end i met the large black lady again. She was so nice. I talked to her, asked her about the show and again told her she had the best voice i have ever heard. I could tell she was gratefull. I told her to send my reagrds to Moby, and also i meet her again next time in Wemebly. She happily agreeed and parted. Then at the end, the last to come out, was the bloke from T4. I said hello to him again, and asked whether it was good. He asked if i saw moby, and i told him i had. He then walked of somewhere into the sunset.

And that was my exciting day out. Brilliant. Well Miss Dine-a-mite-he-he-he didnt make an appearance but never mind. I met Moby.