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The Great List of Classic Quotes

-"The love of money is the root of all economy."-Bryan

-"Man, you'd get so bloated!"-Alex

-"So, if you were with a person, and you got bored, would you stab them?"-Thomas

-"Bryan is my supreme mother."-Scott Mo

-"Well you didn't specify small violence."-Josh

-"Mmm, deranged lyrics from drugged out attention cravers."-WreStling Mark from nodq.com forums

-"Women: can't live with them, pass the beer nuts."-Norm from "Cheers"

-"Nothing beats the fireman chasing me around the ice rink."-Mike

-"Roses are red, violets are blue; I'm a schizophrenic, and so am I."-Dan, quoting Bill Murray

-"And I want two balls of glue to be my friends!"-G.I.R. from "Invader Zim"

-"The clock said 3:60! I'm not crazy!"-Me

-"If Buddhism is against the collection of all material possessions, then who buys all those little Buddha statues?"-Ray from "Radio Free Roscoe"

-"Dude, what's an onion?"-Alex

-"Am I invisible? I have a coat!"-Justin G

-"Go away, honey. Daddy's lamaing."-"The Sonny Lama"

-"We all know what word begins with 'F' and ends with 'UCK': Firetruck."-Mr. Schalda

-"I can't believe I put suspucted!"-Jennifer

-"Not only is she beautiful, but she's kind and caring, like an ugly woman."-Oswald on the Drew Carey Show

-"If a woman says 'I'll call you', she means when she gets home. If a man says 'I'll call you', he means before he dies."-Rob Becker

-"What is this, Cheap-Biker-Sluts-'R-Us?"-Dan

-"Can I pencil you in for a meeting with the angel of death?"-Scotty Mo

-"Batista only knows one word: Me win."-Ty

-"Scott, nothing hates me more, er, I hate nothing worse, I mean more, Scott don't quote me!"-Andy

-"Cheapness is a blank. I'll tell you the rest when I figure it out."-Andy

-"I'd eat [the people blown up in the car]. It's crispy."-Thomas

-"Why my piggy?! I loveded you, piggy! I LOVEDED YOU!!!"-G.I.R.

-"Ooh, my little nutter butter, peanut butter, scootie bootie."-Valerie from "Dr. Jekyll and Ms. Hyde"

-"It was like they were carving a river of pain into my skin."-Jennifer

-"You can't get rid of the yin. You've just got a bunch of yang then."-Thomas

-"She's a velociraptor."-Scotty Mo

-"Gay Aliens Found in UFO Crash!: They Died in a Loving Embrace"-Headline on tabloid magazine

-"Secret CIA Leak Reveals Dick Cheney is a Robot!"-Headline on a tabloid magazine

-"The Antichrist is coming and only Winona Ryder can save us."-UPN Commercial for "Lost Souls"

-"Hey, man, at least I'm not leaking."-Alex

-"I don't really want to watch hippo-humping."-Steve

-(Sung)"I got a girl I like/But she don't like me/But that's alright/Because someday I'll be rich"-Robert

-"Have you ever smelled your own breath and it was like it tapped you on the shoulder and went 'Wow!'?"-Robert

-"My nose is stopped up. Can you sniff [my boxers] for me?"-Steve

-"Just say 'no' because a credit card will be your ho."-Robert

-"If you find someone touching you, it's probably me."-John T.

-"Some girl's booty will give you a rash."-Robert

-"I know you [love me, Justin]. You showed me in the shower."-Robert

-"Crack: the real weight-loss program."-Kyle

-"Being white is not a disease."-Robert

-"Sometimes don't you just feel like blowing up the world?"-John S.

-"You can't rock with a cowboy hat."-Matthew

-"I can't blame him for following his heart, but I can blame him for not following his head."-Me

-"I'm trying to find someone who's looking for a good kidney."-Jen

-"Around 8 o'clock you wanna slit your wrist with a Triscuit."-Brian from "Wings"

-"Just because it's a love story doesn't mean you can't have a decapitation or two."-Robert Englund in "Wes Craven's New Nightmare"

-"Stop making out with my feet."-Matthew

-"Never touch a psycho's tickle spot."-Me

-"I know a bunch of eight-year-old girls who would kill for that iPod."-DJ

-"Sister, girlfriend, same thing."-Me

-"We should light Saddam [Hussein] on fire and make him run around in a dark room."-Matthew

-"We don't think you have talent. I just want your body."-Bess
"Well, we did share a shower."-Katie

-"So, did you hear about the new tazers?"-Andy

-"My insides are shaking!"-Kelsey

-"I'm in love [with that guitar]....Nevermind, not at that price; he cheated on me."-Kelsey

-"Your head smells like a puppy!"-G.I.R. from Invader Zim

-"Boy, I'm gonna snatch your soul."-Robert

-"You could smuggle a midget in this bag."-Nate

-"I like being a warrior princess, but you don't hear me bragging."-DJ

-"I'm glad you guys are getting so much amusement from my butt."-Kelsey

-"Confiscating is not stealing."-Steve

-"[Jesus is] better than cheesecake."-Robert

-"We need some more of that grindy, spitty-out thing."-Katie

-"Kelsey, fetch my pants for me. I don't want to go downstairs and see people stripping."-Me

-"I feel like a pregnant unicorn."-Robert

-"That drunk Mormon guy was hitting on my feet twice."-Katie

-"I just don't listen when someone says the word 'spandex'."-Rachel

-"[Black people] have extra twitchy muscle fibers."-Paul

-"It makes your hands twenty years younger."-John
"I think it made my hands twenty years queerer."-Steve

-"Didn't the cowboys shoot all the hippies?"-Kelsey

-"Look at the little clinic! (pause) What's a clinic?"-Kelsey

-"When I stab my steak, the blood has to jump into my eyes."-Enrique

-"If the boat floats correctly, let it float down the street."-Robert

-"YMCA: Youth Minor Control Emergency."-Justin

-"I am rubber, and you are glue. Whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you."-Joey
"I am wax, and you are paper. Whatever you say, recycle it."-Justin

-"I'm allergic to Sasquatch!"-Justin

-"Oh, just go work on your disease."-Maggie

-"Check that out! The turkey worked!"-Dan

-"I think her mother was a munchkin."-Maggie

-"What is it about a prostitute that we should learn to imitate?...Jesus wants our hearts to be like prostitutes' hearts."-Steve

-"You know, I think 'arithmatic' and 'Aristotelian' are two of my favorite words."-Mr. Schalda
"I like 'donkey.'"-Ms. Scharff

-"Judaism proved we have no class on Monday."-Dr. Chambers

-"Do pirates skip?"-Greg

-"We didn't throw [the football] a lot. We passed it."-Caitlin

-"If you get mugged, call me."-Steve

-"I'm about 55/65 right now."-Steve

-"Zombie disco is the most jivenist, happenist thing since they decided to put that fourth prong on the fork."-Danielle