Erwin Answers Accusations
CINCINNATI -- Less than 24 hours after announcing his candidacy for vice-president in 2016, and only 12 hours after returning to his college in Cincinnati, political newcomer Bryan Erwin was introduced to one of the harsh realities of American democracy--mudslinging. Republican officials have alleged that Erwin is responsible for the theft of $14.32 from his high school's Democratic club in 1997. Erwin was the treasurer of the club his senior year in high school.
"I find it disturbing that I was pulled out of my 10:30 Poetry class for this," Erwin said. "There I was trying to learn about Lord Byron and all of a sudden I hear about these accusations." Republicans defended their actions, pointing out that they didn't realize Erwin had class at that time.
"We naturally assumed that since he's running for vice-president he had, you know, a job," a Republican spokesman said.
As to the accusation itself, Erwin admitted he might have made an oversight.
"Look I was 18 years old," he said. "Fourteen dollars is a lot of money at that age, enough to buy a CD. Or at least it was back then. You can't judge me by something that, when my name will be on the ballot, will have been 20 years in the past."
Erwin added that all campaign contributions could be addressed directly to him and he would see that they got to the proper place.
Matt Zimmer, Erwin's running mate on this most unusual ticket, could not be reached for comment.
