This was submitted to me by one of our clan sisters and I felt it to be extremely moving. It describes her first meeting with Wolf and the impact it has had on her life. With her permission I am posting it here for all to see.
I too walk with a wolf, something that I have only recently "discovered" but always knew. His prescence is with me continually, even in this realm, so strongly that sometimes I feel that if I just stretched my right hand down a little I would meet his warm, thick fur...
I met him in a dream at a point in my life when I had given up all hope. Embroiled in an abusive situation, feeling tiny and vulnerable, worthless and scared, I had fallen into depression so deeply that I struggled to get out of bed in the morning, and returned gratefully to it every evening, eager for the oblivion it offered. I considered suicide many times...this night I was almost willing to go through with it. I had planned to lie down until my parents were sleeping, then sneak away and end it. Everything was planned perfectly... Instead, I fell asleep...and before long Wolf was there...
He curls next to me where I lie on the forest floor, willing me with his eyes and body to get up and follow him.
Iím hurting. I canít.
Yes, you can.
I canít. Please...what do you want with me?
Donít be afraid. I will not let anything hurt you. Iím here to guide you.
Iím not worth your time. Just let me be. Let me go. Let me die.
His deep yellow eyes stare into me, down deep into the depths of my soul. I feel his gaze penetrate, and his thoughts...I curl tighter into a ball and look away, fear flowing through my body, fear and a horrible shame that stems from feeling completely alone and unworthy. Tears form in my eyes.
No. He lays his head against my cheek, his fur soft and warm. No. I will not leave you here. I will not leave you alone. I come to love you. I come to protect you. I come because you are worthy. You are. You are afraid, and that is understandable. You are afraid of yourself. I will help you learn and grow to love yourself. This pain will not last. Believe me when I tell you that you are a good person. You have so much to give. I have been sent to help you learn how to give it.
Please, I donít deserve...
Oh, but you do. Angel, you do. You donít have to be afraid anymore. Iím here now. I love you. Iíll never go away. The time is now.
He leans his body into mine, and I bury my face in his warm, musky fur and let the tears come. Great waves of pain drown my senses, bubbling out from my soul. I can finally cry, and everything that has been held inside for so long streams out, threatening to drown me. I cling to the wolf, and his love cocoons me, a great white, warm light, soothing the pain, taking away the fear and rage and shame that surge to the surface. He reassures me all the while. Thatís right, let it out. Youíve endured so much for so long. Itís time to let it go. Let me take it away. Let me carry it for you. Youíve traveled with this burden far too long. Love will make it better. Iím here now.
A soft cry escapes me.
Sssh. Itís all right. Iím here. Let it go, angel. Let it go. You have my love. You no longer need to carry these memories. Let them go. His energy draws everything out of me, lifting it away. He nuzzles my face with his muzzle, soothing me. Drained, I relax against him, the tears slowing and then tapering into nothingness. There now. There now, he says. Iím here.
Sleep overtakes me then.
This...dream, vision, journey...I'm not sure what it was exactly, but it changed my life. I found the courage to go on. He walks by my side, comforting me when I need it, encouraging me and loving me always. I am in college now, pursuing a career, secure on my path for the first time in a long time. He has helped me recover my lost confidence, and let go of the pain. He has taught me that I am worthy, and taught me to trust in myself. And he continues to teach me, now, and always.
Her story is extremely powerful, is it not? Now we must dry our eyes and thank her for sharing this beautiful tale with us. To her I say, “Welcome to the pack, dearest. I am proud to have you amongst us, and we are stronger for it!”
Walk in Light, Hunt in Shadow