Ozzie:
That's right-I'm TELLIN' ALL, so turn up your hearing aid-GRAMPS!
YAAHHHEE HEEE HEEEEE!! Cause I'm ready to divulge knowledge like crazy!
I'm telling everything! Every little cook and nanny of this entire
confused charade!
ALL WEB-RELATED info MUST GO! I'm Crazzzy! Half off on used mini-vans, and
they're all boo-coo! 2-wheeled Luxury sedans for just six bucks!
They don't drive but they make LOVELY paperweights! And I'm practically
GIVING away my four-hundred and seventeen-year old volvo!!!!
Oh..
sorry.
I sort of got carried away...heh. That happens when you're doped up
on tweek! (By the way, on telegraph ave it's TWEEK WEEK! All tweek
for just a buck!) Hot diggity-dog! Anyhow- I'm sure you have
a few questions!
Crazy Old Man:
(Hobbles up out of no-where)I sure do, sonny..Eh-HEEEH HEEEH
EhehheeEEE!! *Cough* *Cough* *GAAAGG!* (Spits out a frog)
What are you doing with my DENTURES?
I need those to eat my creamed corn!
Ozzie:
GAH! H...how'd you KNOW? Fine...(Ozzie reaches into mouth and
pulls out dentures, handing the soggy aparatus to the old man).
Crazy Old Man:(Grabs dentures and shoves them in his mouth, knocking
out all his teeth)
Whhaa--heeeeEEee! I feel like a kid again! Wooooo!
Ozzie:
Mmm...yes. RIGHT! But I'm sure you,THE READER, has some questions!
Crazy Old Man: (Waving his arms like a crazy old man)
I AMMMmm the reader! I can read! The tag on my suspenders says
"100% Suspenders"! SEE!!
Ozzie: (knocks over crazy old man.)
SHUT UP YOU! Don't FORGET..I HAVE A HORRIBLE TEMPER! OOHHHH..... JUST YOU SEE...
WHEN I GET MAD....MY MUTATION ACTS UP! That's right...METAL CLAWS ARE ABOUT TO SHOOT OUT OF
MY KNUCKLES!! (Struggles and strains. Nothing happens) FFFFFIIIINNNEEE! WEll I was GOING to
give some INFORMATION but I guess I CANT! Not with this crazy old coot SCREWING up my train of
thought!
DrWibbums:(Chomps his way into scene)
Listen you buffoon! I can screw with your train of thought
if you don't want the crazy old guy doing it!
Ozzie:
N-NNNNOOOO!!!!! This bit is mine I tell you! MINEEE!! You can take away my pride, but
you can NEVER take away this section! (Picks up Wibbums and hurls him at the old man.
Wibbums hits the old man smack-dab in the fore-head and they go tumbling off stage left.)
FINALLY-I can SPEAK! Anyway, you're probably wondering what's been HAPPENING all this time!
Well let me start out where I left off! As you recall,
Alex the(Too lazy to write this section himself)DOOMSTER's web page was taken over by that
oversized santa impersonator Guru Dave and his badly drawn band of MINI-MINIONS! With help
from that hot-dog with teeth: Dr Wibbums, of course.
To ensure the success of this mission, Alex was kidnapped from his wacky pursuit to find
the Grumpy Grannies and was detained on the MOON! (Random choice of setting I know, but HEY! It
IS made of cheese!) Anhow, Wibbums eventually changed his mind and was abled to retrieve Alex.
Alex, however, DOESN'T LIKE his web page and figured he'd give it to Guru Dave. SO HE DID!
Guru Dave is lazy. So he didn't do ANYTHING with the web page. Alex, who set sail thinking he'd
left the page in good hands just recently returned to discover his message board in ruins and his
page exactly the SAME! He was so angry that his FEZ shot straight of his head! Anyway, he decided
to make me TELL ALL as he was too lazy to do it. So now you're up to date. As of now, the page is
up for grabs! Ozzies numbers 1-3 didn't want it, Alex doesn't want it, HECK-I DON'T WANT IT!
Crazy old man:
I WANT IT!
Ozzie:(tosses key to web page at Old Man)
Take it gramps! I'll bet you'll do better than
that mindless fat guru did!
Crazy old man: Monkeys are funny.
Ozzie: Righhttt...well the page is under new management! I guess we'll see how that goes!
And as for Wibbums, word on the street is that he's FINISHING up that "Emporium" of his...
Well, that's it for now! I've told all!
