I still remember New Year's Even of 2000, thinking about you. I'd only known you for a week but somehow I knew that I finally had someone. Someone that meant something. I didn't know it then, but I had seen something in you that no one else had. And I still see it today. It's your beautiful soul. You have treated me like princess I hope I deserve to be treated like. I guess I just never had anyone to turn to, or look up to, or love and it sort of made me a bitter person. But you came into my life and eventually changed that. I may be unhappy here, but when you get online and your little buddy alert pops up my whole face lights up. Let me tell you, Lindsay DeVries' face does NOT light up for just anything or anyone. I guess the fact that you thought you weren't worth much always bothered me because unlike other people, I see what's inside you. And it takes my breath away. You are capable of so much, more than either of us could possibly understand, and I know you will succeed in no matter what you do. I never thought any different. We've all had our doubts and slow uphill climbs, but I've always had you to turn to in that time of need. I think you and I are the kind of people that need someone, and it was like I was looking around in this big sea of people til and I thought I'd never find the perfect one. I am still shocked and somewhat in awe of the fact that I found that one guy who will change my life forever, whether I like it or not. Well, guess what? I liked it. Let's start at our real beginning. . .
I still remember clutching my little pillow at the Econo Lodge in Poughkeespie, NY knowing that the next day I would be clutching you. I somehow didn't comprehend it at the time because it had all gone so fast. Fred here, me on the trip, lying to my parents it all was a huge blur. But all the clouds in my mind cleared the moment I stepped outta Fred's car and lay eyes on you. It's like me as a person felt totally peaceful. My mind is always in an incessant rush, and when I looked at you, time stopped in my head. God, was I ever nervous. At Fred's house I was slowly putting on my makeup, making sure every particle was exactly correct so I'd look perfect, changing in and out of shirts and pants, I couldn't even believe it, but my hands were shaking. I tried to act calm and cool around Fred but I'm sure he knew I was shaking in my sandals. That half hour drive seemed like years, I put it all into perspective realizing every mile was a real mile closer to you. Your body, your hands, and most of all your lips. Mmm.. those perfect lips. At the pizza place, ya know the one where u ordered me a whole pizza..hehehe..I thought for sure you didn't like me, even if I'd already kissed you. I guess you were just as nervous as I was. When we got out of Fred's car at Sears, I think he ran a bit ahead of us so we could talk a little, but I didn't know what to say. I just took a shot in the dark and put my hand out for you to hold. When I did that, I was so scared I thought I was gonna freak out or pass out or something. I mean, I thought, look at him...he's perfect in every way, why would he want to take MY hand? Sometimes I get overwhelmed by thoughts and just act on impulse, so I just turned your head and kissed you. I could tell you were so surprised hahaha..I could. And it was amazing, because after we sat down, we kissed, and you learned how so quickly and I never had to say a word. That might seem normal to you because you hadn't been kissed so much before, but it was different to me. I just knew, 100%, right there that this was the guy I would spend my entire life with. Those 7 days, or whatever it was, were like heaven to me. I woke up in a place I loved, I spent real time with the guy I adored more than anything in the world, and I felt whole. For the first time in my LIFE, I felt like I could die a happy girl. . . but only if I was with you.
I think our day at the beach, and other memories deserves it's own paragraph. The time where we had the whole day I think was best, that 6 hours alone just me and you. That was one of the greatest and most cherished day of my life. I always think about when we were standing in the water and you picked me up and set me down and said that I was perfect for you. It was a great moment.. we had a lot of those great movie moments didn't we? Sometimes I feel like we're Romeo and Juliet, except it's our hearts dying not our bodies. I remember laying in your arms on that dock type thing and you asking a lady for the time. You came back and said it was 6, time to go and I felt like crying 'til you said it was only 4 and I thought I had hit heaven again. You wittle jerk. Everytime I looked at you I thought I would have to pinch myself and wake up from a beautiful dream. Being in those sexy arms, looking at that sweet smile, I thought I had died and gone to the most wonderful heaven possible-you. Everytime I kissed you that day I went 'Mmmm', and I'd never done that before with any guy I've kissed. Just everything about your lips and the way they met mine, and how you never kissed me with force or any urgency, just soft enough and sweet enough that I could hear your heart saying I love you. I could write books about you honey...I really could. I remember the night I had to leave the second time I was trying soooo hard not to break down and cry, so you could see I was strong, but right after you got down the road a bit I just sat on that bench and started bawling, remember? I knew I couldn't just walk back into the hotel room. I just stood and watched you. The way you walk, the way u jog a little when your in a hurry, I couldn't stop looking. I don't know if you knew I was walking towards you, but I just couldn't stand not being in those big warm lovable arms a second longer. Running to you, I felt like I was running to everything which possessed my happiness..Well I guess you are. If you step back and think about it, we are a lot stronger than some, we're just used to this situation. But I know I love you, and even though the memories make me cry, someday I'll roll over and see you quietly sleeping next to me and my eyes will fill up with the kind of tears I always wanna have with you, happy ones.
Mmm..I miss you. I miss everything about you. I made so sure to be very observant of you so I wouldn't forget a detail. Sure, the edges have blurred as the months have passed, but I haven't lost all memory of your sweet face. I mean, honestly, who could forget your face? I don't want you to think I'm just spurting these things off just to boost your ego or make you feel special or something. I mean, you ARE special, but I just want you to know that what I say is what I see through my eyes, and my eyes only. I love you. I love everything. I remember just catching myself staring at you. I've never done anything like that before, you took my breath away. It's not just the way you look, it's the way you talk and act, your such a wittle dork (in a GOOD way!), and it's really adorable. The way you smile, and the way your face gets so serious and your eyes get all mushy looking when you say I love you. I remember that look, I felt like you were looking straight through me, and I bet you were. The way you'd wear your viser like a weirdo, and how you always seemed proud to show the world that I was your girlfriend. I'd definitely never had THAT before. How your little crazy eye sometimes creeps me out a bit, but it's so cute cuz it's part of you. I remember the first time I whipped around in Fred's car and looked at you, and your face just lit up like I'd never seen before. I'd never lit anyone's face up and I didn't ever wanna turn back around. The little creases in your eyes when you smile, and this big dopey grin that makes me heart melt. Your sparkling eyes, your smooth skin I can't stop touching, and your soft hair I wanna run my fingers through again. I just wanna kiss you all over, not to be naughty, but because I wanna just taste your perfect warm skin, and savor every feeling I get when my lips meet your face or your lips, or your neck or you stomach. I don't feel rushed, I feel like I can take my time because your not going anywhere, you here to stay and I can take every part of you in. I love the way you always seem thirsty or hungry, and how you don't ever get bitchy about spending money on me. How your hands feel so big compared to mine, but they're always warm and I love the way when we hold hands once in awhile one of us rubs the other's hand, or thumb or something just to remind 'em that we're thinking about each other. God, know what I love? Your perfect laugh. It seems like you laugh with your whole body. I sit and try to think of ANYTHING to make you laugh, it is so perfect and sweet. I'm not crazy, I know you have flaws, and so do I. But you still remain perfect to me because I love you, and I love your flaws just as much. I take them into account as being part of you and somehow they seem to disappear from my mind. I love the somewhat nervous look on your face when we're being naughty, like your doing it all wrong. I love how you do anything you can to make me feel better when my tummy hurts. I even love how you acted like a moron in that store just to show off for me. (NEVER AGAIN MARC, NEVER AGAIN) Hehe;). I love your body. How perfect it is to me. I just appreciate every part of you. Your cute little butt, how warm your skin felt on my face at the beach, how smooth and perfect it is, and I swear I may have seen a couple freckles on your shoulders. Maybe sunburn, who knows. Your strong arms I know are gonna hold me, your sexy soft stomach and I love to lay my head on, or kiss. Even the cute little happy trail. I love your neck, it feels so warm and soft on my lips, and how you make little mmm noises when I kiss it. How you don't mind have sand fights and being perverted, but you know when to be mature and serious, and at what times. How you always wore your damn pajamas around me, and had enough confidence not to care (DAMN BLACK SHORTS). How no matter how shitty I felt you always said I was beautiful.. mmmm.. and how when I hid my head on your shoulder so you wouldn't seen me crying, you lifted my head up and kissed my tears away. I guess I forget these perfect moments we share in the midst of all my sadness, but stepping back and realizing these are moments many people don't get, but surely deserve. Mm.. I could go on forever... How smart you are, how damned smart you are!! We all do dumb things at times, even the smartest person in the world. You got a great heart, a good brain and a perfect soul and that makes u smart, perfect and sweet to me. I believe in your more than I have ever believed in anything, and you give me the love I need to live. Want me to stop? Ha! I can't. The list could go on forever. The beautiful roses you sent me, the support and love you give me. Baby, I love you.
I'm going to marry you. I'm going to spend forever waking up next to your perfect face and lips. I am gonna bring you breakfast in bed and kiss your nose 'til you wake up and smell the pancakes I made for you. Before I let you eat I'm gonna give you a long kiss and you'll smile and hug me and say I love you in that sweet little baby voice and thank me for the breakfast, cuz that's just how you are. Then we'll lay back down and just cuddle, and stare into each other's eyes and kiss.. and we'll lay there forever, to make up for the time we lost. We'll go out on dates, we'll make love every chance we get, we'll kiss everytime there's a silence, and baby I'll teach you how to cook. We'll go in our backyard and I'll watch ya play Frisbee with the dogs while I sit in my lawn chair and pet my cat. When you get tired of playing with the dogs we can sprawl out on our lawn and take in the sun, and each other. I will never stop loving you, and never stop feeling the butterflies in my stomach when you look at me. I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you MMMMM I LOVE YOU!! I will only fall more in love with you as time passes, and we'll make each other sublimely happy. Someday, I'm gonna make you love me so much YOU cry, and I'll kiss your perfect salty tears away.