You're A Redneck If........
01. You think "loading
the dishwasher" means getting your wife drunk.
02. You ever cut your
grass and found a car
03. You own a home that
is mobile and 5 cars that aren't.
04. You think the stock
market has a fence around it.
05. Your stereo speakers
used to belong to the Drive-in Theater.
06. Your boat has not
left the drive-way in 15 years.
07. You own a homemade
fur coat.
08. Chiggers are included
on your list of top 5 hygiene concerns.
09. You burn your yard
rather than mow it.
10. Your wife has ever said,"come
move this transmission so I can take a bath".
11. You read the Auto Trader
with a highlight pen.
12. The Salvation Army declines
your mattress.
13. You've ever raked leaves
in your kitchen.
14. Birds are attracted to your
beard.
15. Your wife's job requires
her to wear an orange vest.
16. You were shooting pool when
any of your kids were born.
17. You have the local taxidermist's
number on speed dial.
18. You've ever hit a deer with
your car..... deliberately.
19. Your school fight song was,
"Dueling Banjos".
20. You think a chain saw is
a musical instrument.
21. You've ever given rat traps
as gifts.
22. You clean your fingernails
with a stick.
23. Your coffee table used to
be a cable spool.
24. Your wife can climb a tree
faster than your cat.
25. Your mother has "ammo" on
her Christmas list.
26. Every socket in your house
breaks the fire code.
27. You've totaled every car
you've ever owned.
28. There are more than 5 McDonald's
bags in your car.
29. The Home Shopping operator
recognizes your voice.
30. Your house doesn't have
curtains, but your truck does.
31. You've ever been kicked
out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.
32. The tail light covers on
your car are made of red tape.
33. You think a subdivision
is part of a math problem.
34. You've ever bathed with
flea and tick soap.
35. You have every episode of
Hee-Haw on tape.
36. You've ever been involved
in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
37. You've ever bought a used
cap.
38. You have ever taken a fishing
pole to Sea World.
39. You consider a six pack
of beer and a bug zapper entertainment.
40. Your lifetime goal is to
own a fireworks stand.
41. You have ever spray painted
your girl friends name on the overpass.
42. You've ever lost a tooth
opening a beer bottle.
43. The primary color of your
car is bondo.
44. You see no need to stop
at the rest stop, cause you have an empty milk jug.
45. The directions to your house
include "Turn off the paved road".
46. You consider the fifth grade
as your senior year.
47. You have ever used a rag
as a gas cap.
48. You bought a VCR because
wrestling comes on while your at work.
49. Your wife has a beer belly
and you find it attractive.
50. Your name is Earl and you
have a brother named Earl.
"Ya'll come back now, ya hear".
Created By:
Clyde McAlister
"American by birth,
Southern by the Grace of God."
