"Whatever floats your boat"
Clyde McAlister

"The future ain't what it used to be."
Yogi Berra

"If all the girls that attended the Yale prom were laid end to end - I wouldn't be a bit surprised."
Dorothy Parker

"The best way to keep children home is to make the atmosphere pleasant and let the air out of their tires."
Reba Lois Canada

"When the president does it, that means it's not illegal."
Richard Nixon

"Anyone who hates children and dogs can't be all bad."
W. C. Fields

"It gets late real early out here in California."
Yogi Berra

"If you read a lot of books your considered well read. But if you watch a lot of TV, you're not considered well viewed."
Lily Tomlin

"If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?"
Lily Tomlin

"If at first you don't succeed, try again and then quit. No sense making a damn fool of yourself."
W. C. Fields

"I never vote for anyone I always vote against."
W. C. Fields

"All my available funds are completely tied up in cash."
W. C. Fields

"I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally."
W. C. Fields

"I'm willing to admit I might not always be right... but I'm never wrong."
Samuel Goldwyn

"Don't let you opinion sway your judgment."
Samuel Goldwyn

"A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on."
Samuel Goldwyn

"Marijuana is a very dangerous drug. Some people smoke it just once and go directly into politics."
Barry Crimmins

"The man who is incapable of making a mistake is incapable of anything"
Abe Lincoln

"It's been my experience that people who have no vices have very few virtues"
Abe Lincoln

"The C students run the world"
Harry Truman

"The best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and advise them to do it"
Harry Truman

"The only things worth learning are the things you learn after you think you know it all"
Harry Truman

"Sex is one of the most beautiful and natural things that money can buy"
Steve Martin

"Boy, those French, they have a different word for everything"
Steve Martin

I have written a book titled, How to get along with everyone, " I wrote it with this other asshole."
Steve Martin

"Military intelligence is a contradiction of terms."
Groucho Marx

"A man is as young as the woman he feels."
Groucho Marx

"Anyone can get old, all you have to do is live long enough."
Groucho Marx

"When I'm good, I'm very good. But when I'm bad, I'm better."
Mae West

"Between two evils. I always pick the one I haven't tried before."
Mae West

"Never kick a fresh turd on a warm day."
Harry Truman

"Never say anything over the phone that you wouldn't want your mother to hear at the trial."
Sidney Biddle Barrows

"You can get much further with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone."
Al Capone

"Never trust a man unless you've got his pecker in your pocket."
Lyndon Baines Johnson

"To succeed with the opposite sex, tell her your impotent. She can't wait to disprove it."
Cary Grant

"Creditors have better memories than debtors."
Benjamin Franklin

"Don't try to take on a new personality; it doesn't work."
Richard Nixon

"It's Deja vu all over again."
Yogi Berra

"Baseball is ninety percent mental. The other half is physical."
Yogi Berra

"We made too many wrong mistakes."
Yogi Berra

"If people don't want to come out to the ballpark
nobody's going to stop them."
Yogi Berra

"I'll speak for the man, or against him, whichever will do him the most good."
Richard Nixon

"Cost + 10% my ass."
Clyde McAlister

Click on Bart's Buns to email my ass!

"Gottcha"
It's too late now,
You've already been mooned!

Click on the links
below for Lyrics and
downloadable wav's for
Jambalaya by Hank Williams sr.
and  Picture by Kid Rock & Sheryl Crow