Mephistopheles' Expose on Gilligan's Island
The Real Story
There have been a few critiques of Gilligan's Island over the years-from its Socio-economic implications, to Conspiracy Theories about what happened on the three hour tour.
But none of them are right! Let me tell you why…. (You may never watch it the same way again).
Here is the real reason they're never leaving the island!
THERE IS NO ISLAND!
It's True! Gilligan is one of us! He's a spawn of Satan! He used to have a cubicle next to mine.
What do I mean, you may be asking. It's called Gilligan's Island isn't it?
Of course it is. That's because he's got the power. If the Skipper had the power, as is generally thought, it would have been called "Skipper's Island". But it's not. Because the Skipper never left the Minnow alive.
No kidding. The Skipper died on the Minnow. So did everyone else. They're never leaving the island because the six people on the boat all drowned in the storm. The "Island" is really a little spot in hell. (But I'll keep calling it an island in this article, just to keep it easy.)
But there are seven people on the Island!
Wrong! There are six people. All of them guilty of seven deadly sins. Gilligan is not a person. He's the Devil. He's listening to the advice of Sun Tsu, the great Chinese Military Philosopher and using an ancient tactic to avoid suspicion-playing dumb. Gilligan is without a doubt the smartest one on the island..
Way! He's the one in the red shirt, isn't he? On Star Trek, that would mean certain death. But on Gilligan's Island, it's the sign of the Devil. It's his job to keep them just out of reach of salvation.
Were the other Castaways really that bad?
Duh! Let's look at the run down, shall we?
- Mr Howell - Greed. That's obvious.
- Mrs. Howell - Sloth. She's living off of her husband's money and never really joins in the chores on the island.
- Ginger - Lust. She gets her way by using her body. And her false… eyelashes.
- Maryanne - Envy. She's the one who has to do most of the "Women's Work". She is definitely jealous of Ginger.
- The Professor - Pride. His knowledge of Science and Technology makes him feel more important than the others. That's why he gets his own hut.
- The Skipper - Gluttony and Rage. The Skipper is guilty of two deadly sins. He's obviously eating better than the others and he flies off of the handle faster than anyone else. Because he's guilty of both, he has to live with:
- Gilligan - The Devil. He's always the reason the Castaways fail to leave. Always. Who could mess up that much if he weren't the Devil? No one could do that by accident.
Check and see!
At the time of this writing, Gilligan's Island is on Nick-at Nite and TNT. Check your local listings and see if I am right! Look for the hidden smirk and the glint in Gilligan's eyes when he messes up. Really!
Incidentally, signed copies of the above picture are available by following its link to bobdenver.com!
Look for future revelations of other hidden demons in the entertainment industry!