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Jokes and More

Due to an abundance of Jokes sent to me on a regular basis, I have decided to make a JOKES page. Keep them coming.

YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM MISSOURI IF . .

1. You've never met any celebrities.

2. Everyone in your family has been on a "Float trip."

3. "Vacation" means driving to Silver Dollar City, Worlds of Fun or Six Flags.

4. You've seen all the biggest bands ten years AFTER they were popular

5. You measure distance in minutes rather than miles p> 6. Down south to you means Arkansas

7. The phrase "I'm going to the Lake this weekend" only means one thing

8. You know several people who have hit a deer.

9. You think Missouri is spelled with an "ah" at the end.

10. Your school classes were canceled because of cold

11. Your school classes were canceled because of heat

12. You've ridden the school bus for an hour each way.

13. You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.

14. You think ethanol makes your truck "run a lot better."

15. You know what's knee-high by the Fourth of July.

16. You see people wear bib overalls at funerals.

17. You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it

no matter what time of the year.

18. You know in your heart that Mizzou can beat Nebraska in football.

19. You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition.

Example: "Where's my coat at?"

20. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable,or grain.

21. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.

22. You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork, beer, and Jell-O

salad with marshmallows.

23. You carry jumper cables in your car and know that everyone else should.

24. You went to skating parties as a kid.

25. You only own 3 spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.

26. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

27. You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie.

28. The local paper covers national and international headlines on one page

but requires six pages for sports.

29. You think I-44 is spelled "foarty-foar." (St. Louis Only)

30. You'll pay for your kids to go to college unless they want to go to KU.

31. You think that deer season is a national holiday.

32. You know that Concordia is halfway between Kansas City and Columbia, and

Columbia is halfway between St. Louis and Kansas City.

33. You can't think of anything better than sitting on the porch in the middle of the summer during a thunderstorm.

34. You know which leaves make good toilet paper.

35. You've ever said, "It's not the heat, it's the humidity,"

36. You know all 4 seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, Still Summer, and Construction.

37. You know if other Missourians are from eastern, middle, or western Missouri as soon as they open their mouths.

38. You know that Harry S. Truman, Walt Disney and Mark Twain are all from Missouri.

39. You failed world geography in school because you thought Cuba, Versailles, California, Nevada, Houston, Cabool, Louisiana, Springfield, and Mexico were cities in Missouri. (! And they are!)

40. You think a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.

41. Your kids get out of school for opening day of trout season.

42. You actually get these jokes and forward them to all your Missouri friends.

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