The table at D's was a booth in the corner. One of those round ones that you had to slide in around.

"So Zac. Are you gonna tell us what was so important?"

"Yeah. Fine. Here it is. Jake, you know my friend, he says that there is this show over in Denver Colorado. It's 500 bucks for three days, and tons of big labels will be there. Mercury, Bad Boys, Virgin, Sony, tons more. Guys, this is one of those shows that we wanted to attend but couldn't cause it was so expensive. Now we have a chance. It's cheaper, and I think we're good enough."

"That's all you wanted to say. That's it. You rushed us here to tell us about a show. Great. Good one. Couldn't you have told us this tonight, when we were all home. Much easier don't you think."

"Well yeah, but I was..."

Dorin cut him off.

"Zac, next time, think before you speak got it."

Zac's eyes dropped to the table. He could feel them. Those hot tears again. Pooling up inside. He would have to hold them in now. He couldn't cry here now. Not in public. Definitely not in front of his siblings.

Dorin was pissed. Not just by the urgency in Zac's voice, and the spontanious manner in which he had hurried them here, but his performance in the car. It mad him so mad. How Zac just ignored his own family. He thought Zac was just being a little concieted. Self-centered. Little brat. No matter how hard Dorin thought about his little brother, there was nothing right now, not even the fact that he took the butt of the gun on life, that could make Dorin love his brother right now. He wanted to punch him. No. Worse, he wanted to beat him.

It wasn't until a few seconds after the thought that Dorin was horrified at what had just run thorugh his mind. No. Dorin was panicked inside. No, how could he ever EVER say anything like that. How could he. His mind was thumping inside his scull. How could he. How on earth coudl he even think that. He was punshing himself with every ounce of hate he could muster for himself. How could you. Dorin wasn't aware that Zac was watching him.

"You hate me don't you."

Dorin looked up from his disturbing thinking.

"What?"

"You hate me. How could you not. I can see it on your face. You don't love me. You wish I would leave. Don't you."

Dorin was horrified. He was searching through his brain, tearing at it. What had he done? What had taken over him to act this way?

"No Zac don't think that. Please, god don't think that."

Zac took a deep breath just to hold back all the pain surging through his body. He couldn't go on holding this in. It was starting to make him tired. He needed to cry, aloud, to anyone, anything. He needed it, he had to have it. This was just a topper to the pain. Zac's mind was in a knot. Dorin hated him. Zac could tell. He had that look on his face. That heated look, the one of rage. Zac knew it well. The thought of sleeping in the same house with someone who hated him as much as his step father, sent a shudder through Zac. Mercy was closest to Zac. She had her head dropped and was looking at her fork. He wanted to scream. Didn't Dorin see it? Didn't he understand that if he just hit Zac, Zac wouldn't fight back. He could beat him and hit him and hurt him and it would be ok. Just because if that was how Dorin needed to vent his anger, thne that was how it needed to be done. Zac was ok with that. He wouldn't blame Dorin, it wasn't his fault. He understood anger.

"Oh jesus, Zac, no, no no no, I can't hate you, I love you. No, I can't hate you, Zac your my brother."

Why can't he just get it over with. Take me home. Do whatever you need to do and drop the subject.

Jeremy noticed the calm look on Zac's face. The sound in Zac's voice showed pain. Unusual for Zac. When zac talked, about anything, it was usually very emotionless. He didn't add emphasis to his statements. This was strange. Zac didn't seem all panicked, and yet, he was so calm, that something could not be right. His lips were dry, and his eyes alone showed how Dorin had just ripped his brother's heart into a million pieces.

"Aww shit zac. You gotta believe me."

Silence was killing Dorin. The thought that had run through his mind not 2 minutes ago was still haunting him, and he wished Zac could see and interpret exactly how he felt about that.

Zac slide from his end seat in the booth. Standing up. Dorin dropped his head to the table. Deep breaths could be heard. Then crying. Zac had not once heard his eldest brother cry. Not when he was in a fight, not when he got hurt, and not even when their step dad took the blown glass jar that their real father had given him and smashed it. He didn't even cry then.

He left. Walked right out of the resteraunt and went home. He couldnt' drive, no, he didn't have the keys, and he would definitely not attempt to drive home anyway. Too many cops. So he walked. It gave him time to think about things. It would worry Dorin. Or would it? Did Dorin even care? He left the resteraunt to find they had spent over an hour and a half in the resteraunt. It was almost six in the evening. So it was getting chilly. Zac was wearing enough to keep him warm for the near hour walk home. He would be ok.

"Door, he's not in the car. Door, where the hell did he go?"

Mercy was panicked. Her little brother had been strange that evening. She was afraid for him.

"I don't know Mey. Get in the car."

"Door, whata we gonna do? Where is he?"

Mercy began to cry. Sobs racked her body.

"Door it's not fair. How Zac is, and how you are, and how life is. None of it, it's all not fair."

Jeremy walked to his sister. He put both arms around her and held her as close as he could. He felt for her. He hurt for Zac too. If they couldn't work things out now, how could they do it under the spotlight of the world of music? It was a good question. Jeremy walked his shaking sister to the car and opened the door for her. Assisting her in, he closed the door, walked to his side, and climbed in.

"If we see him on the way, get yell ok, so I can pick him up."

Chapter 5 ~*BACK*~