The Twin Rivers Incident Original Outline

INT - KITCHEN1

Chris, Eric and Habermaas who is in the mafia. One day,while writing a script, Eric is always trying to make our scenes very violent, Eric put a Digiornio's pizza in the oven you
know, the kind that rises. Anyways, like in the commercials, Habermaas won't
stop asking, "Who delivered this Pizza?" and Eric keeps replying, "It's not
delivery, it's digornios!" habermaas has a spoonful of couch syrup

EXT - YARD2

eric is sun tanning in the yard with a lemonade

INTERVIEW  WITH ERIC3

 eric brags of his heroic stunts he did in kindergarten, and that is where he got his first taste of the thrill, in high school he grew a beard like walt whitmans, and fell in love with the movie making business, he talks about how this is our last shot at making a good movie, and how their line of stalker films was a success, but to build on that, talks about how chris is always experimenting with things like race cars and underwear on his head.

INT - KITCHEN4

Habermaas keeps asking, "Who delivered this Pizza?" and Eric i still replying, "It's not
delivery, it's digornios!" Finally Eric gets angry and habermaas, we just cut off his
finger, then we ask him if he can ask his dad for some money for our movie,then he says "sure" he's got ties to the mob, we laugh. Through the whole
rest of the movie he has a bandage on his hand

INT - BASEMENT5

chris and eric are listening to Bob dylan and can't think of a plot, "let's do a biography on bob dylan", eric says "we can always make rob stalker 9" because when we get old we're gonna start a harmonica band, at least 8 harmonicas, chris talks about eric's temper

INT - PIANO6

chris is playing a baby song

INTERVIEW WITH CHRIS7

chris talks dylanolgy
"i didn't know if you wanted this to be absurd or serious, but i figured it would be the same either way, so here i an"
"i don't feel guilty for reading animal farm"
chris talks about how silly grocery carts are, he would rather be a dictionary than put vegetables in a cart, and bow down to the corporate god, he recites a Bob dylan lyric and then asks the viewer to compare that to the general. I want to be like bob dylan, so when I  says 'one eyed chicken' it really means 'a mayor that is easily bribed' or maybe when i say 'the rocking horse children' i really mean 'a sex crazed teenager', filmmaking is my dream. But the reality of it is, i will probably work at the corporate ladder of wal-mart for the rest of my life

INT - CHRIS'S PARENTS COUCH8

chris's parents sitting on the couch talking about how cappucino makes for delicious music, they tell us about how chris always made the cat run around the house like a racehorse,  he just wanted the thing to be in the kentucky derby, but now he's all mixed up with the movie making hippies

INTERVIEW WITH CHRIS AND ERIC9

we rip on francis ford cappola
francis ford cappola, talking about how if Phat Base Lines had more money it
would have been comparable to the godfather.

INT - HABERMAAS'S MAFIA HOUSE10

we ask his dad for money, he says we don't respect his family, look at poor maas, look at his friend, you should be giving me money, but he has a change of heart when maas gives him a spoonful of cough syrup or we make a reference to our opera mommy. He gives us money and we are financed by the mob.

EXT - BACKYARD11

the actor is practicing gun movements, running, diving, and climbing trees

INTERVIEW WITH THEIR ACTOR12

i'm glad i get to do this, eric and chris seem to be pretty weird, and i like to think i'm weird, some people call me maurice the uncle of naomi, anyway my original dissertation was that  vitamins have nothing to do with life, that's why i eat cake, lots of cake, chris and eric say i got this aura about me that rings like some kind of truck driver horn, toot toot

INT. - BASEMENT13

we're going to take you on a tour of our production facilities, first we're going to start with the editing suite.
chris shows them how we edit our movies
chris tries to hook up the tv and the vcr and the computer but it doesn't work, he doesn't
understand, it always happens

INT - BASEMENT14

this is the second leg of the tour, the audio room
show how we decide on a soundtrack

INT - CLOSET15

this is where we make the magic happen, this is what sets us apart from the USA up all night movies
show our costume closet, and our little movie tricks (blood, sunglasses)

INT - ANYROOM16

We could do a part about handling child actors, The actor would come to us
for help and you give them bad advice and I just yell and throw things.

INT - SPECIAL CHAMBER17

this is the last room of the tour, the holiest room in the facilities, the fables and myths all become real here, it's like boy meets world, and this is topanga, you know what i mean, don't lie, how we recharge the batteries on the camera

INTERVIEW WITH ERIC18

we've had so many ideas ripped off by pepsi and nbc that we've decided to only talk about movies ideas in the holy room, take the credit for the next
generation campaign.  i mean we're disgusted by the lack of integrity with these entertainment type people, stealing our thought up ideas, and you know. my little brother, he's in the 3rd grade, he takes my dog, my dog and tells them that he trained the dog. They say shakespeare took ideas from people, well who said for me to get involved with these mafia types, probably the same person, the muffler sounds like that man

INT - SOMEWHERE19

chris and eric get in a fight

INT - LIBRARY20
	
eric is scared, so he goes to the library. Whenever eric gets mad, he talks to the library wall.

INT - CHRIS21

where am i going, i'm going to join the communist circus
he's scared of eric's temper
"it's like he's been fed the same soft boiled shakespeare stuff, and he can't find out who les claypool is?"
"if he ever found out who  invented the stapler, he'd probably ask why it's not battery operated"

EXT - TACO BELL LOT22

chris tells the crew of people ready to make the movie that they're going to go into taco bell, and the enlightenment of the rock star occurs. the mob, they
send over one of their wiseguys, they call him the hangman, to watch us and
make sure we're doing things right. And, we get in a fight with the Hangman.
You know, that thing. If we did this, have a cool song, we could play when
we introduce the hangman. I was thinking phil or seth could play this guy.

INT - TACO BELL23

the actor thought of the idea of rock n' roll when he was eating in 
taco bell and he heard the music coming from the ceiling speakers,
so he started his own music thing because he wanted to be coming
out of the ceiling, the mafia man is there playing solitaire, eric wants more violence

INT - LIVING ROOM/ BATHROOM24

habermaas comes out of the bathroom holding his nose and a chess board

INTERVIEW WITH HABERMAAS25

habermaas talks about how's their ponyboy, he always been there, he talks about a problem he has that makes eric and chris mad, and chris's parents are very suspicious of habermaas, but he wants to star in a musical someday

INT - GARAGE26

the actor invents rock and roll, but no one really cares because he's singing Toto songs. He finds out that his mother is an opera fan, and she punches her son in the stomach for singing that 70's drug rock

EXT - SOME STORE27

we get stopped and are asked not to film there

INT - GARAGE OR BASEMENT28

we go over our special effects department,
we show them the house we blow up,
(maybe we'll actually do that this time for real)
we'll show them how we make the tractor fall out
of the sky and other funk

INT - KITCHEN29

eric, chris, and habermaas are talking, they're out of money, and if they don't get some money, the budget will be zero, and the movie they are making will be just as bad as brother amos blacksmith, and all those tony danza movies, habermaas sips a spoonful of cough syrup, and he volunteers to sell hamsters door to door

EXT - COSTUME SHOP30

yummmy

INT - COSTUME SHOP31

we look for new toys

INTERVIEW WITH ERIC32

i'm kind of worried because when the beatles got down, they moved to india, and i don't think i would like rice

INT - ITALIAN RESTAURANT33

habermaas tells his dad that we've been making fun of his eyebrows, and his mafia father, the mafia is furious with chris, eric, and habermaas

EXT - FRONT PORCH34

habermaas can't sell so he babysits someones  grandma, he has to stop during one sell to take some cough syrup

EXT - SOMEWHERE35

we have a scene revolving around the rock n' roll star in his car, he tries to act cool
funky shades

INT - DIFFERENT STORES36

we blow the mafia's financing on junk, like
expensive pens and cufflinks, and cough syrup for maas

INT - KITCHEN TABLE37

eric and chris and other people have habermaas sit down, we have an intervention and confront him about his cough syrup habit, betty ford's going to come get you

INT - CHRIS'S HOUSE38

chris is obsessed with his goldfish

INTERVIEW WITH HABERMAAS39

i suck at selling things, if i thought that the movie would be good, i would try harder, but i just don't think that chris and eric have what it takes to pull it off, a good movie that is

INT - CHRIS'S HOUSE40

chris, eric, and habermaas try to get chris's  rich parents to finance they movie, but they say no, we show them phat bass lines, they don't laugh, they act unimpressed, and eric gets abusive and hits chris repeatedly

EXT - A PARKING LOT41

the mafia car pulls up to eric and chris
 the mafia threatens to kill them because they made fun of italian habermaas, the mafia swear that chris and eric are deadmeat, but the boys start making the movie

INT - CHRIS'S HOUSE42

the boys go back to the house and laugh, eric is real brave
the mafia are the st. charles mafia, they'll be really
weak. We'd think they're a joke until they kill our actor., eric davis gets really huffy about the mafia threating him, who do they think they are, i'm a bad man

INTERVIEW WITH CHRIS43

i think eric might be looney on this one, messing with mafia men, if i was listening to mozart when they caught us they'd probably laminate my hips, i'm not sure that
we've got enough ammo for a shoot-out, we've got a few thunder bombs, and a water balloon launcher,
but this isn't the neighborhood total chaos, this is like the godfather.
"my movie will be - I can say definitely - it will be in the style of the early Puerto Rican films, like a warhol"
"it's not like i couldn't be a trapeze artist, but if the truckstop wanted to know where i was going, i'd probably reply snobbily, i think i'm too good, and everytime i turn around they think i'm copying the beatles"


EXT - THE DRIVEWAY44

mike asks if his friend can be in our movie. We say sure. He says
cool, but mentions, "Oh, I hope it won't be a problem that it's a girl." We
act like we don't know what a girl is. "A girl? Is that an ethnic group. A
girl. They pry things open right?", habermaas has cough syrup

INTERVIEW WITH CHRIS'S PARENTS45

they think we are dumb, and wasting our time because they want us to go 
get jobs at wal-mart

EXT - MAIN STREET46

the movie continues, the actor with two apples in his hands love one but hate the other. So he smashes them together.

INT - TABLE47

we could have some newspaper writer come and ask
us questions about our movie and we reply like bob would
reporter: what is the plot of this movie
eric: this plot is about orangatangs nothing but fish
reporter: what does that mean, are you insulting me
chris: let's not talk about that let's talk about italian sausage
reporter: could you inform me about the scene in the movie where
 the actor gets the showbiz bug
eric: it's a socialist way of thinking, you either close the curtains
or you let the whole public see you naked

INTERVIEW WITH THE ACTOR48
he's confident that he's coming into his own, and really feeling the role now

INT - KITCHEN49

Lets have the actor eats cream cheese until God says No!

INT - PUBLIC PLACE50
The downfall of a teen idol. First he's playing all this bad music that all the kitties love, then we make up his demise. Like, people find out he picks his nose, but during the taping their camera breaks, and they can't make a movie, 

INT - BASEMENT51

chris gives habermaas a present that he was given for christmas several years ago from his grandparents
Eric habermaas clones a set of keys from a piece of hair that was left on chris's shirt, and they use the keys to steal one from the grandparents, habermaas has cough syrup

INT - LIBRARY52

Eric is upset again and goes and talks with the library wall about not having a telephone camera, he remembers a part of waiting for guffman where corky needed a 100,000 dollars 

INT - BACKYARD53

they try to do a shoot-out scene, but a dog interrupts every movie shooting

INTERVIEW WITH MAFIA MAN AT RESTAURANT54

he talks about how no one messes with the family, and he doesn't like our movie, he's going to change the ending

INT - CHRIS'S HOUSE55

they show what they have of the movie to their friends, but the friends hate it so far, the boys pretend to be a midnight truck to their friend one night as a prank

INT - LIBRARY56

Eric is upset again and goes and talks with the library wall about the movie, and how they should have had a race riot or a full house marathon in it 

INT - BASEMENT57

chris and eric have writers block for the ending of the movie, and can't think of a plot, "let's do a biography on bob dylan", eric says "we can always make rob stalker 9"
how are we going to finish the movie, we start talking about the credits, chris has to calm down eric, he wants violence in the credits, he just can't have people killed in the laundry room and that it would't fit to have a car blow up
in a romantic comedy

INT - BEDROOM58

the actor goes to sleep talking about how his dreams were shattered "now i'll never be a teen idol, i guess i don't have what it takes to be hanson or leonardo dicaprio, he starts crying, and falls asleep"


INTERVIEW WITH ERIC59

i'm getting lazy, i just don't feel like making this movie anymore, we can't think of an ending, chris says 'okay we're done' we just quit, and say the movie is over

EXT - FRONT YARD60

the mafia man wants to change the ending of the movie, we say no we like it, so the mafia man says he wants everybody dead, we say okay, but the movie's over, we quit, we're done, the mafia man, swears we'll get thrown in a river someday with concrete boots, the mafia man kills the actor because he's mad at us

EXT - PARENTS SOMEWHERE61

our parents are crying, and a big movie producer offers them a lot of money for the movie, and the parents are extatic that we did something with our lives

INTERVIEW WITH THE  PARENTS62

Our parents are so proud of their sons, they talk about how much of geniuses we were, and they can't wait to see our movie, and that education for 13 years has paid off

INT - PARENT'S TV ROOM63

 they see the movie. They call it a piece of poop.

INTERVIEW WITH ACTOR64

it sucked but i was the bright spot

INTERVIEW WITH CHRIS65

quite a sham, i wanted to use real actors that didn't have track records, but i got stuck with whitney houston's back up singers, the naked lunches i had really liberated me though, the movie turned into a chaotic book of words, that made queen jane look like a man, personally i don't think i'll ever say 'i love you corky' again

INTERVIEW WITH ERIC66

this movie rocked i don't care what chris says, this is like lou reed with a trumpet, if my uncle saw this i would get to ride his horse at the farm

INTERVIEW WITH FRIEND67

guy is complaining he thought that everything would be fresh, innovative, and creative
but every movie about stalkers and truckdrivers and bob dylan, major bob dylan fixation. All they talk about is anarchy and corporate corruption, 

INTERVIEW WITH ANOTHER FRIEND68

going and messing with mafia men, how bright were they, but i thought their movie was cool

INT - KITCHEN69

we're having a party with funnys hats, and eating soup or something, we decide to not move to hollywood, but to go get college educations at prestigous ivy league schools.