I awoke on this day, around 6 am. I felt sick, and my stomach was cramping. But not fearing that anything was wrong, I layed there in bed trying to fall back asleep. The cramps became worse, and thinking I was constipated, I proceeded to the bathroom to try and relieve myself. Sitting on the toilet, I felt extreme pressure, and trying to pass a bowel movement, I began to suspect that something was wrong. It did not feel right "down there". Reaching down there, I felt something bulging from my vagina, and panicked.

I awoke my mom, and made her take me to the ER. We went to the closet one, and after explaining my symptoms they proceeded to do a pelvic exam. The doctor preforming the exam immediately called for an ambulance and nurses started rushing in, grabbing my arm, trying to put in an IV. Of course, at this point, I was completely confused and the dr told my mom they needed to rush me immediately to the other hospital where they had Labor and Delivery floor, and specialists that could help me. I remember mom asking the dr if I was going to lose the baby. I was then lifted onto a gurney, and as I was being wheeled from the ER room, I looked back and saw that the bed I had been lying on was covered in blood. At this point, I went numb.

I was rushed across town in the ambulance and medicine was pumped into my IV to try and stop my contractions. I will never forget the pain and the fear and the fire I felt inside as this medicine coursed through me.

When we got to the hospital, I was taken to Intensive Care and placed on a bed with the head tilting downwards. I layed there in that position for hours and the drs and nurses pumped medicine in and out of me, trying to let gravity work, so that my bulging bag of waters would retreat back into my womb. If they had burst at that point in time, it would have been fatal to my baby. After what seemed like days, and severely dehydrated and tired, and worn out with fear, the perinatologist that was assigned to me decided it was time to perform a cervical cerclage. A cervical cerclage is a drawstring-like suture that closes your cervix and keeps it from dilating early, thus promoting labor. I don't remember much, but I do remember that I was given a spinal tap and it was the worst pain I had ever felt in my life. They had me flat on my back on the operating table, my arms stretched out in a cross, and I felt absolutely nothing. I was numb from head to toe.

Now the worst thing that could ever happen, happened. The Dr performing the cerclage said, "Oh Shit". She proceeded to tell me that as she was sewing, my water broke, and I would have to deliver my baby. I was devestated. I was taken to a Labor and Delivery room, and they began pumping medicine into me to start my contractions again. I couldn't understand why they couldn't do something. I didn't want to have my baby yet. I didn't want my baby to die. But they insisted there was nothing else they could do.

So, at 11:11 pm, February 8, 1996, I delivered my baby girl. She weighed 15 oz and was 11 inches long. I will never forget holding her in my arms as she gasped for air, not able to breathe because her lungs were not developed fully. They could not even put IVs in her because she had no fat on her body. She was only 5 months gestation. So, as I held my tiny girl, she finally succombed to death at 12:41 am on February 9, 1996. She was no longer suffering.

I left the hospital a couple of days later, and had to do the hardest thing anyone could possibly ever go through: I had to plan my child's funeral. It was short, and I of course lost it and cried loudly, and would have gladly given my life in exchange for hers.