Shampuu-chan the Purple Kitty.
I went to a priest (well, not really. But it makes a better story) and he told me not to give up hope, to keep trying to contact God. So I did. I tried to e-mail him. Multiple times. (Voices In Head: Hundreds of times.) I wouldn't say hundreds... (Voices: Hundreds!!!) Oh, fine... mean voices... I tried to e-mail God hundreds of times. BUT HIS MAILBOX WAS ALWAYS FULL!!!
(I think this had something to do with my period of agnosticism in 8th grade. And the following transition into feminist spirituality. Goddess' mailbox was never full.)
So anyhow the other day I tried to e-mail God again. And, lo and behold, I GOT THROUGH!!!! I got through to God! I e-mailed God!!!!!!
But... (sob) He... (sob) hasn't replied... (sob, sob)
(Collapses into fit of sobbing for several hours, then recomposes self)
Please, God... if you're reading this... reply to my e-mail... please... I'm begging you... me, a small innocent girl... please reply? Please? ....pretty please? With sugar on top? And whipped cream and sprinkles and... oh, hell... screw it... did you know God backwards is dog? (Looks into the clouds) HA! HA!
(Power goes out)