>  > A few days before Christmas, a man enters a pet store looking for a
>  > unique gift for his wife.
>  >
>  >      The store manager tells him he has just what he's looking
for!  A
>  > beautiful parrot named Chet that sings Christmas carols.  He brings
>  > the
>  > husband over to a colorful but quiet bird.  The man agrees that
Chet
>  > certainly is pretty, but he doesn't seem to be much for singing.
The
>  > manager tells him  to watch as he reaches into his pocket and pulls
>  > out
>  > a lighter.
>  >
>  >      The manager then clicks the lighter and holds it under Chet's
>  > left
>  > foot.  Immediately Chet starts singing; "Silent Night, Holy Night."
>  > The
>  > husband is very impressed with Chet's singing abilities and
watches as
>  > the manager moves the lighter underneath Chet's right foot.  Chet
now
>  > starts to sing "Jingle Bells, Jingle, All the Way."  The husband
says
>  > Chet is perfect and that he'll  take him.
>  >
>  >      The husband rushes home to his wife and insists upon giving
her
>  > this wonderful gift immediately.  He presents Chet and starts to
>  > explain
>  > the parrot's special talent.  Demonstrating, he holds a lighter
under
>  > Chet's left foot and the bird sings "Silent Night." He then moves
the
>  > lighter under the right foot and Chet lets loose a round of "Jingle
>  > Bells."
>  >
>  >      The wife is absolutely impressed, and with a mischievous grin
>  > asks
>  > her husband what happens if he holds the lighter between Chet's
legs
>  > instead.  Curious the husband moves the lighter between the bird's
>  > legs,
>  > and the bird begins to sing--
>  >
>  >                      Chet's Nuts Roasting on an Open Fire!
>  >
>  ANOTHER COMING RIGHT UP!
>
>
>
>  The mayor of New York City had just bought a new car.  It was a brand
>  new Benz and he had parked it outside of city hall in the spaced
>  reserved, "MAYOR".  After a short council meeting, the mayor decided
to
>  take a few associates out for lunch in his new car. To his dismay,
his
>  brand new car had been "bombed" by a flock of pigeons. He muttered,
"I
>  really need to do something about those pigeons."
>
>  Parked outside his favorite diner, the mayor and his associates were
>  eating lunch. After an hour of eating and chatting, mayor and his
>  associates went out to the car only to find it ticketed by a rookie
>  officer not aware that the car belonged to the mayor.  Now the mayor
was
>  furious. The mayor then said, "I'm not going to pay this ticket," and
>  left in a bad mood.
>
>  Well the mayor had to pay the ticket and court charges and was
furious.
>  He sped away in his car and drove to a local park to calm himself
down.
>  He sat by the lake and fed the ducks and the pigeons. As the mayor,
now
>  relieved, walked toward his car and noticed a large group of pigeons
>  flocked by his car. He ran to his car only to find that it had been
>  pecked at and was smothered in pigeon fecal matter.  The mayor
yelled in
>  anger and made up his mind. He was going to get rid of all the
pigeons.
>
>  The mayor sent ads all over the paper alerted everyone that the mayor
>  was offering one million dollars to anyone who could get rid of all
the
>  pigeons. After a long day of interviews with people and their crazy
>  ideas, finally a man dressed in a suit and carrying a briefcase
arrived.
>  The man simply said, "I will get rid of all the pigeons effectively
but
>  under one condition, you must pay one million for every question you
>  ask." The mayor told the man just do what he had to do. So the man
>  opened the briefcase and a pink pigeon flew out. The mayor thought,
>  "What a dumb idea!!."  To his amazement, all the pigeons were
shocked at
>  the pink bird and started to follow it.  The pink pigeon flew toward
the
>  harbor and dove right in. All the pigeons followed and drowned. The
pink
>  pigeon flew out and back into the briefcase. The mayor was grateful
and
>  wrote out a check for one million dollars. Just as he was about to
had
>  the man the check he said, "I really have a question to ask you, you
got
>  any pink lawyers?"
>
>  MORE?
>
>
>
>  Ways to Annoy Public Bathroom Stallmate
>
>   1. Stick your open palm under the stall wall and
>      ask your neighbor, "May I borrow a highlighter?"
>
>   2. Say, "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't have put my lips
>      on that.."
>
>   3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks
>      the silence with a bodily function noise.
>
>   4. Say, "Damn, this water's cold."
>
>   5. Drop a marble and say, "Oh shit!  My glass eye!"
>
>   6. Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."
>
>   7. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then
>      drop a cantelope into the toilet bowl from a height
>      of 6 feet.  Sigh relaxingly.
>
>   8. Say, "Now how did that get there?"
>
>   9. Say, "Humus.  Reminds me of humus."
>
>   10. Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew.  Squirt it
>       erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors
>       while yelling, "Whoa!  Easy boy!"
>
>   11. Say, "Interesting... more floaters than sinkers."
>
>   12. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a
>       wad of toilet paper and drop the wad under the stall
>       wall of your neighbor.  Then say, "Whoops, could you
>       kick that back over here please?"
>
>   13. Say, "C'mon Mr. Happy!  Don't fall asleep on me."
>
>   14. Fill a balloon with creamed corn..  Rush into the stall
>       with your hand over your mouth and let out a lengthy
>       vomit impression while you squeeze the balloon and
>       splatter cream corn all about.  Apologize profusely and
>       blame it on the fettucine alfredo you had for breakfast.
>
>   15. Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot."
>
>   16. Say, "Damn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small.
>       Now what am I gonna do?"
>
>   17. Play a well known drum cadence over and over again on
>       your butt cheeks.
>
>   18. Before you unroll toilet paper, conspicuously lay down
>       your "Cross-Dressers Anonymous" newsletter on the floor
>       visible to the adjacent stall.
>
>   19. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall, adjust
>       it so you can see your neighbor and say, "Peek-a-boo!"
>
>   20. Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and
>       sing "Born Free".
>
>
>
>   READ THIS MESSAGE AND PASS IT ON....
>
>  A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing.  He is
on
the
> second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He
thinks
> nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, "Ribbit. 9 Iron"
The
man
> looks around and doesn't see anyone. "Ribbit. 9 Iron." He  looks at
the
frog
> and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts his other club away, and
grabs
a 9
> iron. Boom! he hits it 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked. He says
to
the
> frog, "Wow that's amazing. You must be a lucky
>  frog,  eh?"  The frog reply's "Ribbit. Lucky frog." The man decides
to
take
> the frog  with him to the next hole. "What do you think frog?" the man
asks.
> "Ribbit. 3 wood."  The guy takes out a 3 wood and Boom!  Hole in one.
The
man
> is befuddled and doesn't know what to say. By the end of the day, the
man
> golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the frog, "OK where
to
> next?" The frog reply, "Ribbit. Las Vegas." They go to "Las Vegas and
the
guy
> says, "OK frog, now what?" The frog says, "Ribbit Roulette." Upon
approaching
> the roulette table, the man asks," What do you think I should bet?"
The
frog
> replies, "Ribbit.  $3000, black 6."  Now, this is a million-to-one
shot
to
> win, but after the golf game, the man figures what the heck. Boom!
Tons
of
> cash comes sliding back across  the table.  The man takes his winnings
and
> buys the best room in the hotel. He sits  the frog down and says,
"Frog,
I
> don't know how to repay you. You've  won me all this money and I am
forever
> grateful." The frog replies,  "Ribbit, Kiss Me." He figures why not,
since
> after all the frog did for him he deserves it. With a kiss, the frog
turns
> into a gorgeous 15-year-old girl.  "And that, your honor, is how the
girl
> ended up in my room."