First I wanna say, thanks to all of my loyal "fans" out there who are continuing to bug me about my stories. My motivation to keep me writing! You know who you are!
Well, I have been freakin busy writing the new story. I have a coupld chapters up but they are sitll being worked on, so things are subject to change. I am usually bored at work at the development office ALL DAY LONG, so I do most of it there. I really love getting the feedback, guys. So keep it coming!
Take care, have a good week,
Nik
How's everyone? I can't believe I haven't written since January. Poop on me. I've been busy with school and work and all that kinda junk. Yesterday tho I went to the wedding and now more than ever am I on track to find a man to marry me. My cousin Patrick married his girlfriend of 6 years, Kelley. And they have to make about the cutest couple in the world. She is beautiful and he is very goodlooking and they just have so much respect for eachother. It's admirable. Anyways, we got lost on the way to the weddsing, me and my sisters followed my parents and they had no idea where they were going cuz the church was in the country soewhere.
Anyways, we got there just as the wedding party was going in, and lucky for us, we got to stand in back the whole fricken service. but it was really nice.
The reception was in this old antique Hall thing and they had it decorated so awesome...they made it look like they had a tent up buti t wasn't just sheets over the celieing. and lot of candle sticks on every table and wow. it was just gorgouse.
They also had like a little slideshow of pictures of them, just cute. She was a skater so some pics of that, and of them togheter. Then, when the grrom was talking and thanking everyone he goes, "And I have one very special thank you for someone, my new, beautiful bride, Kelly, Thank you for spending 6 years with me...agreeing to marry me..." blah blah.
IF YOU KNOW AWNY HOT AVAILABLE MEN, EMAIL ME!!!!!
How is everybody? I'm fine. Kinda rought month. I haven't spoken to Jason since I've last written, so I've been kinda down in the dumps. Big time, I guess. I miss him alot, for a while I thought he didn't care, I still don't know if he does... Me being the evil self I am, I went into the Yahoo address I made for him when he needed another address for his scanner (i made it, i knew the password) Anyways. I saw that in his "sent" folder there were 2 messages to me, 1, sent to his address. I never recieved them...So I dunno whats up with the Yahoo thing, cuz I tried sending a message to myself as well, and it didn't send. Anyways, this is what he wrote:
so needless to say, that left me confused as fuck. I went on one of my friends msn messengers and he's online on her list, but not on mine? He's lying or somethings messed up and it's starting to piss me off actually. But still, I can't shake him. ERRRR. OOOOOOH! so..I knew he was on the other night, right? So I changed me name to "Nic...love will find away.." (our song) and i went into his yahoo addy and again in the sent folder he wrote me another messger...but i never got. man, boys are the devil, fer real.
"mrs steven rudy, you don't know what you do to me, everynigt, i dream one day of being with you" "Love is the answer, I believe love will find a way" "get outta my mouth, get outta my head, get otuta my mind...stop puttin words in my head"
it's over.
i'm almost sure this time... theres not a way for me to even talk to him any more. i'm blocked. he doesn't write back to my emails. i can't tell him i'm sorry i don't even know what i did. and he doesn't care.
i don't understand anything....2 fucking seconds ago i was all ready to write in here telling all of you reading this to hang on to a love, to the person you love, to the feeling you love. don't do anything to jeopordize it cuz it can get lost really fast.
I never once cried because i felt neglected. i never once cried because i felt he did something wrong to me. I never once cried because i thought i would ever lose him.
I'm crying now because the one person in the world that understands me won't talk to me about what is going on in his life. i am crying because i don't think he thinks i understand him. i am crying because i feel that i did something wrong to him even tho he tells me i didn't.
so i sign into my email and theres an email from him telling me thers no excuse for him not talking to me and that he's sorry...and that i didn't do anything. he's having problems with other people. but i use to be this an's everything...he could come to me about anything and i would be there for him.
I am crying now because i don't even know what to think anymore.
holy shit!
Hey hey hey. Sooo. I've been working like a dog. today is my first day off since last monday, so yeah,i'm rakin in money, whicjh is awesome, but the fact that i blow it right away makes me wonder if it's even worth it. Well anyways. Me and lin are still ooking thre the CC's. So it might be a few more days, so if you still wanna get your thing in, you have time.
yesterday after work, me and my sisters were gonna go shopping. Ok, we get halfway there (an hour away) and we turne aruond, cuz my older sister was affraid we were gonna hit some bad weather. Well, we got some, good thing they don't listen to me, huh? haha. So we got a storm. It was kinda cool tho, we all sat in our basement and ate supper and I made my family watch my tape of the olympics (David Pelletier and Jamie Sale.) So it was kidna cool. My grandma called and said he street was flooding, haha. AFter the storm EVERYONE in town was driving around looking at all the debris. It was friggen amazing how many tree were uprooted and downa nds hit. A shit load. but it was like our only storm this summer, so I'm not complaining, I like storms anyways.
That's about it. Take care! :)
sup yall. well, i'm getting back in the swing of things here. This place has been kinda dry lately, my appologies. now that i have three fucing jobs, i ambusy enough, that is for sure, considering i only need one job...but two of them will be gone after august. Just the "home" i gotta worry about. My second day was a lil better, i am starting to kinda know my way around which is a good thing most definatly. Anyways.
Yall noticed the open chacted calls I've posted. I'm blow AWAY by how many of you guys responded. like 30 of you guys. kick ass. me and lin are seriously working so hard to pick some out but it's so hard cuz all of them sound awesome and no i'm not jus saying that. some of you have em-mailed me wondering what the sories will be about. well, i'm not spilling any beans, i'm still thinking of material so i really can't say. just stay tuned.
Anyways, theres a parade tommorrow i think i am in, for Junior miss. Kinda excited bout that. I was in my hometown one and my friend drove me on her grand prix and that was the shit. i had.
Other than that, not much happnin. i'll write later. seeya!
hey. so i started my new job today at a nursinghome. i hate it. i work in the dietary, so i make food, serve food, feed people. and there is a shit load to remember. i hate it, espescially cuz my hours are from 6am till230 pm. it seems 2 times longer than it really is and it just sucks...i just wanted to sit and cry at times...othertimes weren't so bad, but i hate it. so i went shopping tonight to help myself cheer up i bought two new pairs of shoes. no my shoe obsessions hasn't died down at all. then i came home and cried onto my mom about how much i hate it. the only thing that kjep me going today was thinking of J, and how much i miss him, and how much i wanna see him and talk to him...and every song on the radio today like reminded me of him..so, the boy department is still dry, and i don't blame you for not being surprized. Ok, so i did a stupid thing and yes it's all my fualt and i'm whipping myself in the ass for it now. ok, so i told him a little white lie...i told him my computer was friend so i couldn't talk to him on msn anymore....just on my laptop with icq and aol. anyways...in the past when me and him haven't been able to talk, well...he acted like he cared. so tonight i wrote him on icq when he was on n/a (he's always on na, even if he is only on msn) and then i went online like a half hour later and he sitll didn't write back....so i went on my msn and he was online but he ciouldn't see me. so he must not care....and that sucks alot.
always on a more better sub...i am thining of some new story materials. so stay tuned ;)
Whats up? I'm bored, so I thought i'd write. Is everyone staying busy this summa? I know i am, haha, today is one of the few days i get off. I work alot, but i guess it's better than being at home. In the mornings I teach swimming lessons from 9-11 at the waterpark. Then it depends if i work that day at the park or not...if I don't, then I go to work for CCnet. It's the community college network, and I help with websites and everything, and sometimes i do other kinds of work such as printing and shit like that. It's not too bad. SOooo i work there thru the day. I'm usually done there at 5. Then, somedays i work eveninghts at the park untill 9. So I still busy, that is for sure! any spare time i have i am usually on here or working out to stay in shape. so that's my day, just thoguht i'd share, haha. seeya laters!
Well it's been a while since i've written i guess. Hope everyone's been good! i've been good, but bored, I'm home for the summer which has actually not been too bad.
I'm working at the waterpark again this year only part time, and to me, it's surprizingly boring there without sam, but I've been learning to adjust, don't worry, i am completely over that fello, but there are just days that seem to bring me back to last summer. he made it so fun it seemed.
Me and Jason have reconsiled once again...did you guys even know we had been fighting? Well we were, my fault again, I just have this insecurity problems and somedays it's harder than usual to understand the fact that he can't me MINE. My friends tell me he's an ass for kinda playin me in a way when he has a girlfriend, but I can't walk away. But we're good now tho, altho we don't talk as much as I'd like us too.... he works like all the time and the time when he isn't working he's out with his gf....so the time I do talk to him isn't usually untill midnight or better on weeknights, which sucks! But yeah.
Last night was fun. Me ad my pal Andy went to this parade...well, lindsay was riding and I promised her I'd go see her since i haven't seen her in forever. She was her town's litttle miss whatever, haha sorry lin,c an't remember what it was...you did in fact look beautiful tho. haha. Anyways, it was just me and andy in this little town. Well we were worried we wouldn't get seats for this thing. Well, we wre the only people on a parade route block. Yes, which is pathetic. WE did get a shit load of candy tho! it was awesome! WE have yet to eat it. It was fun tho. I miss riding in those things and getting pretty and everything. But then...I talked to Lin after and she's riding in a parade in my town next Sunday and wants me to ride along so I'm MEGA excited, haha, don't ask me why but I am, i just get to be back in the groove of the parades. Man those were the days, haha.
Anyhoo, after we got back we dicked around in town for a while and we found some more of out highschool friends and we hopped in with them. it was jon, jenna, Mia, andy and me. We got bored after a while so we went backt o my palace and made a bon fire. Jon was loaded with fire works so those boys had some fun, my sister and her bf came out for a while too. we actually had steaks over the fire and it actually worked better than I thought it would. Ah, good time, haha. ANyways, I suppose I better get going, I have alot to do today, my cousin's getting married, weehoo. talkt o ya laters!!
i'm in one of my moods again. one of those, 'wanna be by a boy, feel like crying, depressing' moods. and i hate it. i had all day to think today...just to think. and i relized that everything is complicated when you are in love with someone. you do things you would never dream of doing and you do so much and i didn't relize this untill i figured out i would do anything for jason...i would do anything. that's how i know i am in love with him....and it hurts so bad.
when you love someone - you'll do anything
you'll deny the truth - believe a lie
when you love someone - you'll feel it deep inside
when you love someone - you'll sacrifice
When you love someone, you sacrifice, you give everything you've got...and you won't think twice.."
i hate this.
"When your heart has been broken,
Hard words have been spoken,
It ain't easy...but it's only love" -Bryan Adams
k I know what you're thinkin....you're thinkin, "nik, you haven't written in 2 freakin monthes, and now that you are, your bitching about him again." and I'm sorry. It's just that, ok. I'm almost 19 years old. I'm pretty much thru my first year of college and what i called a "fling" should be long over with, isn't. K jason, I'm in college now. and yes i've had my share of fun with other guys in college, but why can't i get him out of my head? i tried to end it for GOOD for good...like in February, and I ifugred it'd be easy cuz i would never see him, he has a gf, all that junk. plus iu'm around boys all the time. But then every boy i'm around, I end up comparing him to jason. I love the man, i do. I'm in soooo in love with him! We've gotten so close again...I mean it's just like it was when i first met him, we would rush home from class every day to talk to eachother, we would talk about what it would be like if we were togheter and I don't know what to think....I love talkinga bout it with him cuz it gives me hope that someday i'll get my chance, but he still has a gf. And at time's, that's fine. I love helping him out when he was problem with 'her'. I lvoe that he calls me up and I LOVE the fact that he trusts me with everything and that he comes to me for everything. But last night I told him I went out on a date with this one loser and he said, "oh i wish it was me who you went out a date on." and i said, ' no, WHEN we go on a date, it'll be perfect." ok, just read our convo: (for the cheesheads that actualy EMAIL me and wonder what goes on with my personal life, here's the freakin 411)
jason says:
well i would try! im not very good at it! i couldnt take you on a date though!
i would have to bring you to my house and cook so i can be alone wit hyou!
jason says:
hehe well what would that be! me and you at my house with lots and lots
of candles! and then i would have to get you a whole bunch of flowers ...
but i gotta know what to make you!
jason says:
well that is what i will do then! what would you do if i just showed up in
your room one day and lit candles all over and put flowers all over your
room and then you walked in and seen them!?
nicole says:
haha oh yeah sure!! haha i know whre i would take you on a date here tho!! ok well my uncle this hotel in the cities and on the very top of the
thing there's a way of getting to the roof of it and at night i use to
go up there cuz you can see this awesome view of the city and shit and yeah that's where i
would bring you cuz no one could interupt us there
that would be nice!!!!!!! i would love to just stay up tehre any lay with you...but nicole it wouldnt matter where i am or how high i am or how nice the
veiw is becuase the only thing i would beable to do is look at you...
jason says:
i mean serioulsy nic it wouldnt matter if we were sum where with the best
veiw in the world becuase the only thing i would wanna look at is you becuase your beautiful...
jason says:
i dont think you know nicole i mean i think about you so much
honelsty i never thoguht i could meet a girl like you and i dont know how
i did...but i am so glad i did you have changed my life
nicole says:
how??? how the hell did i change your life..
UG#@!!! well there's some of it. I get myself into so mucht rouble....help!
Well It's been a good 2 monthes since i've writeen. Sorry. I know you guys are just *dying* to read about my life.
But to tell the truth, not much to tell. It's kinda been downhill. Not horible or anything...just conflicts with friends, i've gained some, lost some, not as good as some than what i was....but it's a whole shitty ass long story which I won't get into.
Instead, I'll tell ya bout whats happeneing now. I'm getting a new car. Yep, that's right. I got in a accident last saturday, this asshole ttoally smoked me. So now i'm getting a new 2002 two dogdge stratus. hsheheh can't wait! I get it sunday.
I'm almost done with my first year of college. SOON.I can't believe it. I lived thru it. wow. haha
Well that's all, i'm sorry so short, it was pathertic. Oh, did anyone watch ER tonight? Did anyone else BAWL? that was the saddest thing i've ever seen. Remind me to give my mom and dad the next chance i get. ;) night all!
K i'm sorry, I haven't written in this son-of-a-bitch for a month but I have had a lot of shit going on.
So the Olympic stuff is all dying down now. As sad as it is to say, I'm kinda sad to see it all end. It was a good Olympics for once. Even tho the only sport I understand is skating, thats where all the fun was this olympis. So the Pair Skaitn controversy with the Canadians/Russians. Fuckin judge! I don't know how Jamie and Dave (Sale and Pelletier) managed to stay poised thru that whole ordeal. I would have been madder than hell...But I'm happy they got a gold in return. David Pelletier is one fuckin fine piece of work...and Since he's my Neightbor to the north, (Cananda, Minnesota) Gotta support them.
So...I think the whole "Jason/Nicole" Thing is finally coming to an end. And I'm the one who did it this time, again, but only cuz I'm sick of his excuses and crap. It's just too hard. I miss him bigger than shit, but who knows whats gonna happen. I think I was just on something way to deep and then got stuck. I got into something that I now relize is never going to happen, and as sad as that is for me, It's refresing in a way, because now I don't feel the need to worry about him. I do worry about him, but I don't feel like I have too. I don't have to worry weather or not he really wants to talk to me when we're talking on MSN or if he really wanted to call me when he calls. It's too much. I do love him, I think I love him more than any boy I have ever loved, but it's too hard. We argued that the only time I ever talk to him is when I have a problem...and well, vice versa. It's not true, none of it is, I do go to him with my problems but onmly because he makes me feel a certain way after I talk to him. And when he comes to me for help with his dad or something, I wish I could be there for him to hug him and kiss him and for him to hear me actually say in person that things will be alright, and now everything is that shitty in life..He do ens't understand how hard it is for me. Know that song bu Vanessa Carlton, 1,000 Miles? Well that's kinda how I feel about him.
"If I could fall into the sky, do you think time would pass us by? Cuz you know I'd walk a thousand miles if I could just see you.......tonight."
This week I had the flu and it sucked....now I have a badass cold and it sucks too. Thursday night me and Dustin went to our guy's basketball game, and afterwards, my rommie cassie and our friend Mike were driving around like me and dusitn were, so we were playing hide and go seek around our campus area. it was fun, Mike even locked his keys in his car. Dustin had to pee too so we went to this one pit thing then our friend josh called...and it was just funny.
Last night then me and cassie stayed home and watche dmovies and got fat. Fun I know. Seeya cats later.
Haha well tonight was pretty fun. Me and my roomie cassie and dustin went to our girls basketball game cuz it was suppose to be a good one. it was pretty good although we lost. I have a couple of friends that play so that was kinda cool. After, me and cassie's friend Bridgette and dustin cas and me went to hardees and had some fun. oh yeah oh yeah. haha after that there was not much to do i will tell you that much. so we had to drop off bridgette at her boyfriends and we dropped cassie's at her cousin's house for the night so it was just me and dustin. well, we got bored. Teh wrestling boys (and by that, i mean, Brady and Mike) got back from their meet, and we talked to them at the gas station. God, I love these boys. I really do, they are the best. Dustin was filling uip and i rolled down my window and mike was like, he nic whats up. and he started to tell me how he did in wrestling and everything. Then Brady came out and was like whats up nicole? haha i love them. I think they went to bed after i saw them. ok, the rest of the night me and dustin were driving around the city and we felt like getting drunk. Well, I'm not gonna tell ya the story, but I did save a convo with my Cuz Blair which tells everything, so read:
Nicole says:
omg!!
blaire says:
Nicole says:
blaire says:
Nicole says:
blaire says:
Nicole says:
blaire says:
promise
Nicole says:
blaire says:
Nicole says:
blaire says:
Nicole says:
blaire says:
Nicole says:
blaire says: Nicole says:
Nicole says:
blaire says: Nicole says:
blaire says: Nicole says:
blaire says: Nicole says:
blaire says:
blaire says: Nicole says:
blaire says:
Nicole says:
blaire says: Nicole says: blaire says: blaire says:
blaire says: Nicole says:
Nicole says:
blaire says:
blaire says:
Nicole says:
blaire says:
blaire says:
Nicole says: blaire says:
Nicole says: blaire
says:
blaire says: blaire says:
tell me all about u're night on sunday k?
Nicole says:
Nicole says:
blaire says:
blaire says:
Nicole says:
blaire says:
Nicole says: Nicole says:
SO i hope you enjoyed that. It was fun yet scary. hahah.
I know lots of you have been writing me asking whats up with me and Jason, and sam, and these boys I'm hanging with and wondering what the hell is going on. Ok, I'm getting confused about Jason again.
Ok, The other night we were just talking and how we always just say, oooh you should come over and you could sleep with me and take a nap and all this shit. Well Something came over both of us cuz we just really wanted to be with eachother, so he calls me up and is just like god I miss you I wish you were here so I could hold you and I just gave into him cuz it just got to me, I never relized how much i loved him untill then for some reason...I mean we'll be talking on the phone and out of the blue he'll just belike, I love you Nicole. Like, what I am suppose to do when he says that, he makes me cry everytime he says that. I guess I don't know if it's because it hurts me or if i love him so much I cry, or if it's because I can't be with him or christ it could be pms for all I know. I just am so confused on my feelings for him and I go to him, 'god I just wish I could be in your girlfriends shoes just for one day so I could be with you.' and he respnods with, 'i wish you could be here everyday' What the FUCK does he mean by that...god it's just so confusing. Then yesterday night I was talking to him and For some reason I just felt like picking a fight with him and i tried so hard and nothing came...like nothing would piss him off. GOd, it's so confusing.
Now sam. Oh god, this dude. I don't love this guy. I mean I love him alot as a friend...but I don't think I love him any more than that, but then somedays I jus sit around and I MISS HIM SO MUCH I almost drive myself crazy...like I see these pictures from this summer and pics ofhim and it's hard for me for some reason...like I can't let go what we did. Whenever I see him I think I feel something more for him but I won't let myself...I already got me into a situation that was too deep with Jason. and he's miles and miles away from me. Sam is "going out east" This summer. If i get attached it is going to kill me. It's so confusing.
Ok, now these other guys, these guys are just the best. They are so much fun and the remind me so muych of my friends from highschool, I think that's why I love them so much. Dustin is just a nut case and I love him, he cracks me up yet can have a seriouse side. Brady is HOT. and he's a sweetie and loves to act like a silly geek. And Mike, well, he has the best fucking body i have ever seen. He's ripped and is tan and omg. just hot. he's fun too. Josh, he's kinda shy but he's a sweetheart. Adam, well, he's a drunk but pretty fun. Nothin's goigo n with any of these guys. Their just my boys. ;)
anyways, in a nutshell this is how i'm feleling. how was that for ya:) haha talk to y'all later. night!
Ok, So i was dicking around today cuz I only went to one of my classes, due to my laziness. Hey, I have my period too, lay off. Anyways SO i'm just surfin the net and I found this place...it was DiaryLand.com and it looked cool and I thought for a minute about using it... but it's a little over my head at the moment..so that's why i'm still typing in here. Yeah.
GOd i'm lazy. I came home from class and i laid down and i started to watch pearl harbor, which I'll be finishing in a while. but yeah.
The boys were over to my dorm the other day, the usual boys. They got into everything. it was kidna funny. Yeah, we hi lited dustin's hair, since we died it the other day.
sorry duydes i'm really feeling crappy right now...i'll takl to ya later.
This week has been a really good one. I'm back @ skool, and everything is going really good. This week I spent alot of time with Brady, Dustin, Cassie, and mike and adam and it's just been so fun. It was a good week, untill yesterday when some events changed the day.
It was a pretty normal day, I had classes and around noon, me, brady and cassie were in the school library when a professer came in and shouted that we were suppose to exit the building and go to this church because of a bomb threat. so... thank GOD it was nice otu..gorgeous actually. so we left and started walkin to this church. i was scared! so me and cassie were walkin kinda slow and brade was like, are ya guys in a hurry or anything! it was funny.
so we got to this church and it was just a freakin zoo and it totally sucked. we just sat in the church pews and drew on eachothers arms. yeah, i know. anyways, around 3 o'clock (yes, three HOURS later) an adminiestator informed us that we wouldn't be able to go back into the building or to our dorms for at least 12 hours. so we're like, ok, what are suppose to do. well brady had a doctor appt. at like 330 and we couldn't go back to campus or to our dorms to get our car keys, so only some of us had car kleys with. thank god, once again i did, so ppl with keyts could go get their cars. well brady abnd mike walked to mike's uncle's buisiness and tried to get a spare key for his car, and me and cassie walked back to the parking lot to get into my car, an then dustin came and gave us a life to my car... and i had to give three other girls a ride to this one house too. haha. so, town was just buzzin, so we were hacing some fun so we drove around for a bit. actually, we drove around for a long time. then i got rid of them, then went to go wash my car. i had to give my friend krystal a ride to her grandmas (and her doggie, haha) and then we went back to out little section of the city. well on te highway we saw brady and mike walkin and they motioned for us to come voer to talk to them, so we did, and brady is like, i need a ride to SJN home, cuz that's where my mom's car is and i have a doc. appt! so we had 5 ppl in the back of my car., well actually we dropped them off at mikes car and i bottomed out...that was kinda comical. anyways... so we drove somemore...then later we founrd brady and mike and they asked what we were doin and we told them we were gonna go to my house for the night to see whats happnin. lus dustin was gonna come over and we were gonna dye his hair. so they're like, well we might stop by. (we all live within 12 miles of eachother).
So later dusty came over and we started to dye his hair. then adam came, then brady and mike came and my god did we make a mess. i did cassie's too... haha and then we did adam's a lil too...but dear god was it a mess. after a good hour or so of messin around at my house,t he boys got hunrey and went to go get some food while us girls cleaned up. we told them we'd meet them downtown a lil later.
so we went downtown and met up with them. we talked for a bit and then we aLL squished into adam's car. 4 in the back, 2 in front. and man it was funny. we just drove and all these ppl the guys don't like were in town. but yeah it was funny. we always got stopped by the cop 3 times that night. for adam's lights, running over a curb, and for stpopin in a parkin lot. "You know the deal about the 3 strikes, your out thing?"
"Yeah, we sitll have on eleft then, right?" hhahahaha. The cop was really nice about it tho... he said he was in a good mood so he wasn't gonna ticket us about anything. he actually just talked to us and we joked around, so that was actually pretty cool. anyways, adam left to go home and so we were gonna drop off brady and mike left too... well brady lived about 10 mins away so he's like well you guys just come back. "we'll have some fun on the way there!" so we got there and it was just a drive but it was fun. then he's like well you guys can come in or do whatever you want. "I'm gonna go in my house and you guys can leave or you can follow me in there." "ok we'll follow" haha soo we went to his house and watched tv. I guess dustin was a little tired and he fell asleep right away. iut was so wierd, brady has this big couach that us 4 were all sittin on. and dustin fell asleep and he like started twitching... and me and brade just looked at eachother and were like what the hell! haha so yeah we watched, this one dare devil show, dave letterman, cheers, and blinde date. it was funny. then cassie started to fall alsleep "Op, two down." haha. Anyways so i called my house to tell my momma where i was and she told me to be home by 12...christ like i was 13, ahha. and brady was like, you guys should just tsay here. and i'm like yeah and get my ass kicked. and he's like just go home at like 6 tommorrow. me and cas thought about it and how fun that would be, but we decided to go back to my house. mike and brady had wrestling today, it was still on. but i'll write about that tommorrow cuz i'm beat. night!
Wud up dogs? Well i'm back at school. I thought we had to be back the 28ths but opps haha silly me it was the 22nd. my big bad. anyways it was nice and sad leaving home. i hate leavin the fam but this whole sam thing got me way outt bounds.
But tonight made up for it. I've been hanging around my friends from college dusitn and adam and josh, and my other friends mike and brady. well latly it's just been dusitn and those fellas. anyways my roommate cassi is usually with but she didn't feel to well tonight. anyways. so dusting and adam picked me up and we went cruise cuz we were gonna go see a boys bball game. (dustin use to play but he quit) so we were driving before hang. but that got boring real fast so we went to the game and we sat down and josh came over by us, and then brady and mike did too. so it was me and all of these boys. but it was fun. anyways, my gay college now has a policy that you can't leave a sproting event and then come back. well, out plan was, we were bored, we were gonna go drive s'more. buty the athletic director and one of the science professors caught us. so the guys were all making fun of the fact that we can't come in and leave and come back. so they were all joking. "Ok, i guess I'll just bring my beer with next time." it was funny. they thought it was biug joke tho. anyways so we were forced to go back into the game, but we just stood untill danceline. after, we wanted to leave but we didn't have enough cars...so i went with brady and mike, and my friends jenny, sarah, went with adam josh and dustin. so....we didn't do much. they were in some fights with some dudes so we watched that, nothing happened tho. anyways so we dove and it was afun night with them..took my mind off of sam. but i don't wannathink about him right now.
well these last two days have been...different. I went to another boy's bball game last night and I saw Sam. He barely said a word to me. I'm beginning to wonder more and more what is gonna happen. He leaves tommorrow. And I'm guessign i'm not gonna get a goodbye, again. He din't say goodbye the last time he left. I heard something today..Me and my friend teri and ashley were talking and they said he wasn't working at the pool this summer. They said he was going to head "out east." Where is out east.
New York.
Yeah, New york. His brother Matt lives and goes to school out there and His grandma lives there...so I'm guess he'll live with her. I guess she has a huge estate.
Tonight my friend brian (teris bf)and a buncgh of us were suppose to go driving around. Well, he mostly wanted to go drinking and have someone drive him. But anyways, My friend Dustin, teri, me and ashley went to burger king...and then brian got mad cuz we were suppose to meet him at 7 and that didn't happen. So we were cruisin with dusty and we saw them later and there were a shitload of ppl in his car (Jackie, Josh, Amanda, Amber, Brian, and Adam) Adam and bri were drinking. Well they got really drunk...adma started to puke so they started to go their seperate ways and josh followed him his 20mile drive home. amanda and amber wenth ome, so it was just jackie and brian, and soon jacki left so it was just brian. Him and teri were in a bit of a figh but not too seriouse. He had told her to call him at 10:30 to "check up" on him. A wierd this is she kept te lling me how she felt something bad was going to happen tonight. well something did. She called him around that time when we were at t gas station getting pop. then she told us that he had to go cuz he was getting pulled over. Now, adam left a case of beer in his trunk, and brian had over 10 beers and shit. So he ended up getting a minor. He kept callin teri on his phone during the hwole thing and then during his breathalizer. I felt so bad for the girl..anyways he told her to meet him at his house so she oculd be there with his parents. so, int he meantime, our friends robert and mitch got in with us (this was a while back, after mitch'es bus got back in and we talked to our friend jacob, too) so we sat across from his house for a hwile and we finally saw his rents leave for the cop shop so we went back. lon story short, we drove tri back to bri's house and we sat in the car while he cried to her...his parents are really rough. i felt bad in a way, yet i didn't cuz they shoudlt've been drinkin like that. after he came to out car winder and was like, sup guys. I member mitch going, sup Len. (last name) and he just cried. Mitch put his hang on his head and i had his arm and we tried to calm him. I felt so bad. I guess he has to sell his car now and all this stuff. it's so bad dudes.
I'm so tired. i'm gonna write more tommorrow, k.
Tonight I went to Blair's hopeing to get my mind offa sam and went to her school's wrestling match cuz I talked to Jason and he said I should go there, cuz it would be a good one. So I went.
I went there hoping to see Jase kick some ass, cuz he had surgery back in Novmber and I wanted him to make a great come-back. I saw his girlfriend there too...I don't think she likes me too much. Actually, I know she doesn't like me. that's a whole different story which I will get into at another time.
So he's up to wrestle this one kid and both of them were going no where...they were both good...Then He stopped and looked at his coach and pointed to his knee. I was like oh god...But he kept on wrestling. then later in the match i saw him down and he didn't get back up and he was holding onto his knee in pain...and everyone around me was like, omg, his knee again. Ppl's behind me were like "oh his shoulder, too" and shit. So they got all the coaches over there and he was just laying there helplessly. I almost started to cry!! So they got him up and he stood up and they were gonna make him wrestle again, but as soon as he stood up he like dropped to the ground. and some parents behind me said "Their crazy if their gonna make him wrestle." So they got him back to the mat and the tried to help him. God I feel so bad... then the refs and coaches got him up and the other guy one but he was by jason as they put his arm up.
I just wanted to cry. I sitll do. Contrary to what's been in this jhournal in the past, Me and jason are just friends, good frends and we have been really close this whole vacation. I leave monday and i hope i can see him before i go...it wouldn't be right if i didn't get to see him.
For those of you on the JJB who read my post a couple weeks back about me always eating when i'm at the computer, well i'm doing it again. but i've noticed it now that i've been doing it alot when i'm pissed, mad, confused or angry bout something. well tonight's eating comes out of one of those catagories.
I mean, jesus christ. ok, so my friend teri tells me today and gets ALL my hopes up telling me that Sam might ride along with us to the game...and me hopin i'd get some action...cuz well, i thought maybe SAM WOULD WANT THAT. god damn't guess not. ok, so my understanding was that he was gonna go to the girls game to meet us there for a bit, then go with us to the boy's, which was about 20 mintes away. well we're sittong at the girls and hmmm, he doesn't come. so we just go to the boys and was gett here with 7 mintues left in the 4th fuckin quater. ooh, but sam was there, sittin next to teri's boyfriend brian. my other friend Chelcey and Ashley were there and I told Ash that Sam was gonna ride with us. So I'm thinkin she told him that he was comin with us, and now he prllly thinks i was all giddy, fucking shit. so we get there and finally sit down and sam and ter start bickerin about how she didn't call him...but i think that was all bullshit cuz he was sittin by her rents too. he didn't say anything to me but he looked at me when this one dude came and sat next to me. oh, when we left, he said "seeya girls" or "bye girls.." one of the two.
So my friends this is why i'm sititng here stuffin my face with junk. DO I CARE? not at the moment. I will soon tho.
But I mean, jesus christ! i was so excited to see him or talk to him. ERRRG! i'm not even gonna bother to get my hopes up to see or talk to him on friday. i'm just not gonna. cuz he leaves in 5 days (deja-fucking-voo) and I don't wanna start feelin shit for him again.
*cries*
oh my god. I don't know how to feel right now. I don't know how to feel! I saw Sam again tonight and we talked after a basketball game...and. it wasjust wierd. I know somehtings' still there. I know there is. I can tell by the ways he looks at me and by the way we look at eachotehr. I can tell when he tries to look at me and then looks away right away so i don't notice. oh my god. I don't know if we're gonna be getting togheter but he doesn't leave till the 20th and i don't leave till the 28th...that leaves us alot of time yet. I don't know how to feel! i'm excited i talked to him...i'm sad to see him for bringing back all the memories...i feel like i wana kiss him. HELP ME!! i dont' know! i'm so confused about everything, about him, jason, this other guys i know...i'm just so confused. dear god!
Yesterday I took a day and went to go visit Blair. We did the usual nothing we always do when we're togheter, sat around and bitched. Then last night She dragged me to a her school's wrestling match. Jason was wrestling that night too. I don't if he saw me there tho...I think he maybe did cuz I was sitting close to the floor. Anyways it was parents night and since I know the whole story behind his parents...I paid close attenetion to him...it almost looke dlike he was sad..or mad or somethin...i dunno. his good friend (ad also my good friend) mik and his parents like patted him on the back, so i didn't know if something was wrong? i felt bad...i wanted to hug him.
I talked to him a few nights ago and he was telling me how he was going to get his ass kicked in this certain match...well he did. I felt bad...again...I just want him to do well so he is happy.
I came home today, and on the road downtown where there is a gas station, I saw Sam filling him up parents car with gas. I wonder if he saw me...
Well thats about it. i'm outtie.
Seeing sam again made me relize how people change. He's changed, i don't know if he's changed for the better or not..he's doing really well where he's at as for school..but i don't know. i guess a part of me is still linked onto that night i had with him...it was a good night..but yet i don't know how i describe it. I was talking to one of his friends the other day about it, and we kinda got into an aruguemtne about it, he said something stupid, and i responded with,
I don't know what part of that state ment is true and what is false...he's a good friend to me and always has been.It did happen a long time ago, and we did get a ittle closer. It wasn't suppose to mean anything, but it did. AS for me regretting anything i've done, yes and no...
I don't know why i am still fretting over it. it's scomplicated.
The song "here's to the night" by eve 6..stil desctibes everything i feel and have felt about that night. i.e.-
This place's for all the nosy people that like to snoop, like me. :) It is also a place to clear my mind of important, or not so important issues.
MONDAY [062303] 9:25 p.m.
SUNDAY [06-15-03]
2:18p.M.
THURSDAY [01*08*03]
9:o2 Pm
hey nichole its like 12 oclock at night now and i have been thinking about you for like the last 3 weeks and it sucks becuaes i cant talk to you on msn or write in my hotmail cuase some one knew my password and changed it or sumthing happend with it im not sure it hasnt worked for about a month or so now and i forgot all about this yahoo address so im emailing you now.. i dont know if you care any more cuase you prolly think i hate you or something becuase i havnt been on or anything but i dont i cant get into my email address to email you or to see if you emailed me but i hope you still care cuas i miss you and love u nic.. i have been playing that mr steven rudy song like non stop becuase it reminds me of you i dont know if you remember that song i made you download it awhile ago.. anyways i just wanted to say im sorry that i havnt gotten to tlak to you in such a long time i miss you.. i hope you dont hate me..
love Jason
SUNDAY [12-15-02--8-45pm]
"nothin's quite the same now, i just saw your name now"
i did something i know i did........ and he doens't even know how MUCH I am hurting right now. maybe i'm being punished for doing this to him. maybe it's his way of getting back at me.
he's my world and he doesn't even know it.
MONDAY [12-2-02::9:50pm]
TUESDAY [10-28002::8:03pm]
sorry it's been such a long ass time. I guess you can say it's been a bit busy with me. Me back in school and all, it's tough work. No really, it is. Well I talked to lin the other night. Sounds like her school's fb team is rocking which is good. I miss football alot, especially with my friends playing and all it made it especially fun. best of luck to their team!!
MONDAY [7-29-02::7:04pm]
SATURDAY [7-20-02::10:09am]
WEDNESDAY [07-17-02::9:27pm]
MONDAY [06-24-02::2:07pm]
SATURDAY [06-22-02::8:46am]
nic
SUNDAY [05-19-02::9:37om]
today i heard a song by bryan adams and i had to literally pull my car over to the side of the road to stop and cry...read the lyrics. Those of you in love with agree with them:
you'll do all the crazy things that you can't explain
you'll shoot the moon - put out the sun
when you love someone
there'll be times that you'll believe you can really fly
but you're lonely nights - have just begun
when you love someone
and nothin else can ever change your mind
when you want someone - when you need someone
when you love someone...
you'd give it everything you got and you won't think twice
you'd risk it all - no matter what may come
when you love someone
you'll shoot the moon - put out the sun
when you love someone
MONDAY {05~13~02::10:46pm::] i'm about to bitch about boys again. if you don't wanna hear it, i'm giving you 5 seconds to leave.
jason says:
but i would like to! i want to make our first date as perfect as possible i
dont care how much it cost me!
jason says:
becuase just being able to talk to you you have made my life so much
better.
nicole says:
......i'm like at a loss for words
jason says:
im sorry....
nicole says:
no i love you so much you have no clue
jason says:
i love you.
THURSDAY {05~09~02::10:46pm::] HOLY CATS
SATURDAY {03~02~02::12:35pm::] if i could just see you......tonight
-Spinkles is feeling:- haha pretty good
-The last thing I ate was:- dill pickle chips
-Last thing I drank:- pop
Also, little Sarah Hughs. She's cute, she had spunk. I'm DAMN glad to see that Michelle Kwan didn't get the gold...or Silver. She bugs me. Sasha Coens, She's a cute girl too, too bad she placed forth.
FRIDAY NITE {02~01~02::12:35pm::] fucking cops.
-Spinkles is feeling:- haha pretty good
-The last thing I ate was:- hardees!
-Last thing I drank:- beer
what!!
haha omg blaire...
what/?
haha ok i have a really funny story for ya
ok...shoot!
but u can't tell anyone!!
haha ok! lol ok well me and dustin were in the mood to drink lots of beer.
omg dre
yeah.
and u're drunk???
no! haha not even close!! haha ok so i went to my house and we got
three beers so we could each have one and then share one, right?!
right
ok so i got this old shitty stuff. haha ok so we get the
beer and we go out to the country. to that one, um, gravel road..
oh dear
haha yeah i thought it was kinda wierd. anyways we were both on no
doz. ok so were like yay we have beer. but we couldn't get them open.
hahaha
then we see a bright light behind us...and it's coming towards us fast and
it's briht. guess who it was?
omg...a cop?
yeah.
omg dre!
so we are like holy shit what do we do.
omg!!
so i throw the beer under my seat and we
just drive normally and we put our belts on and the cop is riding our
ass
oh dear god
but smart about the beer
yeah. haha ok so we turn by my uncle jacks house and we just take a
cruise as normal, and eventually the cop stops folllowing out. so we went
out kinda by my friend carries house cuz we really wanted the beer open. but we
could't get it open!!!!! haha and we were getting so pissed....so i was
gonna go back to my house to get a bottle opener, or difernt beer
it was bottle beer?'
yeah
oh ok! that explains it
haha yes yes!! haha anyways so we see the cop turn the corner as i go into
my house and i come out and the cop is pakred right on the street...but the
beer was still in dusty's car! so we had to put it in my garage and yeah
that's where it is right now
oh goodness
get it tomorrow mornin
haha
haha and the cop is prolly gonna pull him
over! haha but yeah that is my story and it was kinda funny
my guardian angel was lookin out for us that we didn't get that beer
open!
it was!
hah yes it was u dirty girl
haha i know so we're gonna drink tommorrow @ kennys haha
oh god
u were supposed to be w/ me the first time
u come too!
i will be in teh cities!
ahh damn it. ok you'll be with me the first time i get DRUNK
ok ok
well i gotta go sleep so i'll talk to u later
ok have a fun trip!! i will!
byebye
thanks dude
bye!
bye!!
be safe!!!!
i will!
bye!!
THURSDAY {01~31~02::11:24pm::] Happy Birthday Justin Timberlake! yeah, right...
-Spinkles is feeling:- kinda ih.
-The last thing I ate was:-eaitn a orange
-Last thing I drank:- water
SATURDAY {01~26~02::11:24pm::] Dear God, please help me these next few days, give me strenth.
-Spinkles is feeling:- pretty good...these have been some pretty good 2 days
-The last thing I ate was:-a shrimp basket
-Last thing I drank:- dew!
TUESDAY {01~22~02::10:10pm::] "ok, next time I'll just bring my beer with me."
-Spinkles is feeling:- happy for once.
-The last thing I ate was:-tater tots
-Last thing I drank:- dew!
SATURDAY {01~19~02::12:52pm::] SO many things..
-Spinkles is feeling:- wierd, sad, surprized, icky.
-The last thing I ate was:-don't even know
-Last thing I drank:- dr pepper.
New york city dudes. That's like a billions states away...I can't imagine that. That is too much to take in...I really hope that doesn't happen. I'm gonna be so sad tommorrow again...althought alot of shit went on tonight which i'll get to in a sec, tommorrow will be hard again...I hate saying goodbye...
THURSDAY {01~17~02::10:42pm::] Cheer up, Jase..
-Spinkles is feeling:- Really bad and sad right now.
-The last thing I ate was:-Cinnamon bread pudding
-Last thing I drank:- milk.
TUESDAY {01~15~02::9:49pm::] Boys suck!!
-Spinkles is feeling:- Mad, sad, confused, ughee.
-The last thing I ate was:- i'm eatin chicken strips and fries. ugh!
-Last thing I drank:- i'mma gonna go get some mnilk or something.
FRIDAY {01~11~02::12:38am::] Dear God in Heaven!!
-Spinkles is feeling:- confused, excited, wierd...
-The last thing I ate was:- popcorn
-Last thing I drank:- mt. dew
01-09-02
10:42pm
01-06-02
11:02pm
I've been mildly-depressed lately. I don't know what it is. I think now that I've been home again and seeing my friends and I'm starting to relize that they are slowly all changin and how different everything is this year. Seeing sam made me miss the summertime aLOT. i just drove around today thinking how that was my last summer and how it was one of the best ones of my life. my job at the water park wasj ust so fun. I miss it..i miss everyone there, imiss everything. I miss summer. The warm weather, long days, nice nights, staying out late...all that stuff. i was just thinking about all the times me and my friends were working..when my sister pushed sam in and he wasn't wearing bikers..;), after hours swimming, going to evening softball games, playing scarbble (hehe) going to carnevals, riding on four wheelers, sitting in the lifeguard room when it was too cold for us to sit inside, driving arund town while tornado sirens are going off, going to McD's, going to movies and target and WALMART, just simply sitting outside at night with your friends having a really good talk...just playing aruond. I miss all of it so much. life is so different now for me and it's starting to scare me. i can't ever have another summer like that again.
I guess somethings don't last forever..obviously. Don't get me wrong, I've had a lot of other good memories...but none i don't think, as good as the summer of 2001.
Here's to the nights I felt alive.
still not used to that "02"...
Tongith was interesting. I went to with my HS buds teri, ash and brian to my hiughschool's boys basketball game. Brian had to go to the doctor for his foot and then we all went to McD's and then went to the game...it was fun.
Sam was there..it was wierd. He's friends with all of us but i haven't spoken to him since that "one night"...so it was wierd. we sat behind him and he's like, "it's terri, ashley....and nicole all toghether," and i'm like yeah..then he put his hang on my leg and said, "how you doing?" like sincere and everything.
I miss him. And now i'm all confused. great.
Holy shit, i just wrote "02" freaky deaky much? cha. So how was everyone's christmas? Mine was pretty narly. Christmas eve the g-rents came over for supper and for presents and it was a good time, got lots of cool shit! christmas day was pretty boring tho- nothing going on! So christmas night i got togehter with Naomi and Mel (HS buds) and played some games and ate some food. it was a good time i guess.
New years eve was a little adventure tho. Me and my roomate Cassie and our friend Randy were gonna go to this party that was a friend of Cassie's, it's close to where blair lives. So us three dicked around for a while. IT snowed here so there was snow. Well I was tired and kinda crabby so I let Cassie drive my car and I layed down in the back seat, just to be a pooper. And she said she wanted to show me this one cool place out in thec ountry some wheres. So she did. And then she got stuck. and I mean stuck my poor little car was stuck int ehs snow and it looked like this -> / ok, so maybe not at that angle, but you get the pt. sooo. I called Blair since she was only about 3 miles away, and she got one of her friends to pull us out. She was having her own little sh-bang at her house, so we ended up going there for new years. it was pretty funny.
Well that's everything exciting I know of. Sam is home...the guy i worked with this summer...he was at my other cousin's house in town...kinda scared cuz i'm going to my schoo's bball game tommorrow and he might be there and it's kinda nerve-wreckin about seeing him and all everything the shit we did. whew. wish me luck :)
God, it's been since thanksgiving since i've last wrote? wow. Well it's almost christmas eve! i'm so excited! i'm sittin her listein to britney spears new xmas song. not bad. anyways, today i had a blast. I came home today, and i celebrated christmas with all my home good friends. it was alot of fun!! we went ice skating at the in-door icerink (it's freezing outside!) and ate there...it was so fun! Then we went back to my friend mike's house to open gifts. It was fun, we got all good stuff...then we sat around, ate christmas junk, drank, and reminissed over old times. it's was so fun, and SO FUN to be with all my highschool buds. anyways, sorry this is so brief, hopefully i can write soon. MERRY CHRISTMAS!! :)
Happy early turkey day and all. I'm home, finally.What a relief! It's so nice to be home. It's been so long i kinda forget how much fun i have here. i've been with my friends latey, acting like old times. And ya know what? that's what I am really thankful for this thanksgiving...All my friends. i have the greatest friends...honestly. some of tem have become really close to me within the past year.
Randy and Jon...these two have become like brothers to me lately and i have such a good time with them and they are such sweethearts! and Jesse and mike, they are the nicest guys in the world...they tease me alot but i know they love me (esp. my driving ways..hehe) They are such sweet guys and would never do a damn thing to hurt me. The best part about these 4 is that they'll do whatever to make sure you feel like yourself and y ou don't feel stupid. I love them for it.
Heidi, Mel, Bridgette, Sara have been my long time best friends. We have shared so much over the past 12 years and i'm happy to see that none of that is changing even tho new people are in our lives everyday. we are all like a clan of sisters, we fight and we laugh, but in the end we all love eachother.
Cassandra and Megan, these are my two roomies and they are the greatest. We got along so well right away and we haven't even fought yet. We have so much fun togheter.
All the ppl at work in the summer..I have such a blast with all of them. there is never a boring day i work cuz one of them is always hopping around it's it's so much fun. It's so enjoyabe for me and i'm so happy i got a chance to meet all of them!
Lin...my linlin. This chicka is a angel. she may be 2 years younger than me but she has the most mature outlooks on life and has the best advice. I'm so happy i met her! whenver we get toghet we have so much fun.
Jason...he's my teddy bear, my shoulder! I love him so much and he has added something so awesome to me I can't explain it. We have this specail connection to eachother and no matter how hard i try to run away from it, it always comes back. He has always beent here for me and always lets me know that when I feel no one cares about me, he is the one person that believes in me and always will and it means so much.
These obviously aren't my only friends...but these are the key people who are usually in my everyday life. I love them all!
Thank you God for giving me such awesome friends.
Happy Thanksgiving to all!!
Love,
Nicole
Feelin- alright
I just ate: ceasar salad
I'm drinkin: a code red
I'm not gonna say much...I'm crying right now listeing listening to the song "hero" by Enrique Iglasias. See lyrics here .
I hope all of you are someone's hero. :-)
nic
What's up? I've beenr eally busy lately...especaially with volleyball...I'm starting now...That made me really happy.
I made it hope again this weekend to visit. My roomate had her homecoming and wanted me to come meet some of her friends. I've known her (my roomate Megan) for a while cuz she only lives 1/2 hour from me. Anyways so I went with her to her football game. Guess who they played? yeah, Jason's team. How wierd is that?
I don't know what I feel about him anymore. Everytime I think I anm getting over him I think I am starting to feel more and more for him than I have had. We've been talking now on MSN and on ICQ...I don't know. He still talks the same way he did to me in the past -> "Nic, you are like the best looking girl I have ever seen in my life, you know that?" God it's stuff like that that just makes me change so quick. Anyways. I was at the game and he saw me in the stands and he kept looking at me like, "woah, she's here?" He got hurt and didn't play very much..He looked so bummed out there I just wanted to hug him. It turns out he tore some catilage in his knee...I hate it when he's dissapointed...I just wanna make everything ok for him. I love him so much and I hate to see him down or something.
That's another thing I have learned from college: you really begin to appreciate the way of your old everyday life. I miss him so much. It' so wierd cuz we hardly ever saw eachother because of the distance, but now we see eachpother more than I think we ever have. HE use to tell my friends when we got in fights that every slow song her heard on the radio reminded him of me or someting I have said...now I'm doing the same thing... for example:
"Nothing's quite the same now, I just say your name now. But it's not so bad, you only the best I ever had."
"I didn't mean to fall in love with you, and baby theres a name for what you put me through it isn't love, it's robbery. I'm sleeping with the ghost of you and me."
"I was of the chosen few who went ahead and fell for you."
"You know I'd fight for you but how can I fight someone who isn't even there?"
"If I don't tell you now, I may never get the chance again, to tell you that I need you tell you what I'm feeling, if I keep these feelings in."
"You and I know love is leaving, and you don't want me anymore...why do I ever try?"
"It's just emotion..taking me over"
Those are just some of the few. I dunno. Sorry it's one of my off days...talk to yall later.
Nicole
Last night I came home to go to one of my highschool's football games. I met up with some of my friends, teri, sarah, carolyn, Becca, Mel, and a whole lot of other people who came.
Our band played Taps- as a remeberance to the things that happened last tuesday. That was amazing. My friend Jack played it on his trumpet. Everyone was crying that's how good it was...and from there, it went into the national anthem.
Our team played Jason's old highschool...I didn't even know that untill I got there. I went into a brief state of panic, but then i relized that Jason wasn't there so I relaxed a little...but then guess who was?
Lin
Once again, not my girl Lin, but that Lin. I don't know what it is about that girl but she just steams me. it just pisses me off about her and I don't know why. Probably because of her boyfriend...but god it just made me mad that she was there.
A little something that brightened my day...Teri's brother Justin was home also. I absolutly adore that guy...He's so fucking hot and sweet! dude. so I saw him and i'm just like "Justiiinnnnn." and he's like "what's up sweeie?" and gave me this huge hug. God I love him. Me and Ter were asking him about his college and he's like it's ok, we've been doing a whole lotta drinking. So She's like, are ya getting fat? and he said, "Am I getting Fat...Feel this." And then let us touch his rock hard stomach. Holy god that was some ish.
My good friend Adam who plays football got hurt last night too...it seems seriouse. Something with his neck and back and they had to put him in an ambulance and bring him an hour and a half away so he could get a cat scan. I hope he's ok, he was one of my realy good friends, plus he's up for homecoming king in 2 weeks.
Anyways, not much else is happening back here. If something happens, I'm sureto let ya know about it :)
Take care,
Nicole
well...sorry it's been so long. It's been pretty busy since I've moved but have managed to get home last weekend. I'm playing vb...all is going well there. I miss alot of my friends back home and highshcool life but I am slowly adjusting. I've made some cool new buds, they all rock! No guys yet...not really anyways. still strummin over the ones I left behind. Here's a quick recap:
Jason:
This summer as most of you probably know I tried to split things off with him so I could slowly start to understand that I will never be his girlfriend. It's been hard however because i miss him so much. We don'tt alk nearly as much as we use to (esp. on the phone) plus his internet is broken at his place so i only get an email from him about 1 every 2 weeks. it kinda sucks cuz i still care about him so much...I've been reading and re-reading all of our convos from here and they just make me cry...especailly the ones with our fights. I miss him so much but I'm so confused about so much stuff.
Sam:
Things are kinda unresolved with this dude. I saw him once before he left for college and that was the last time...we didn't even talk. I feel kinda used and I don't really want him anymore...I guess I'll see when we're both home for homecoming at my school....
other than that all is good. I'll try to keep you guys updated more often.
Oh yeah, one more thing before I go, my prayers and thoughts are with any of those who had family, friends, or knew of someone who perished in the events of Last Tuesday September 11. May God be with all.
holy shit. it's september already and here i sit at college. yup, that's right, i moved. well if you call it moved. i'm 25 mimnutes away from home and almost all of my friends are less then an hour away from me.
hmm...wednesday me and my and sister went shopping. it was pretty fun.... ('i gotta fart'...) lol.
I can't believe i've moved. I know I'm not very far away from home but i feel like i've left so much. Summer is officially over. I miss my job at the park. I miss my friends there...I miss sam. I never really did say goodbye to him. i don't know how i feel about him...it's so messed up. Somedays i miss him alot and some days i want him just to goof around with as a friend and a part of me wants to kiss him again. it's sooooo messed up. It's like a whole other Jason thing. Which is a really long story. We've been emaioling eachother now, just because his internet is broken, or so he says. I don't know what i feel about him anymore either. it's so tough. well i better run. sorry this is so brief.
god i am so far behind on my events that have been happeneing. well, last night, me, my friend alissa, teri, mike, and jon and me went to this fair thing. that was pretty coool...we went on some rides and played osme games like little dumb kids would do.
i guess sam's back from picking up his big brother from the airport (he was gone tjhis weekend doing that.) i had to work tonight and so did teri. his brother came down to swim with some old friends but sam didn't come...i'm getting scared. but something cool happened tho!
i talked to my friend justin on the phone a couple nights ago about what happened with me and sam and gave me some advice. anyways, me and my friend heidi were working tonight and we were sitting on these benching guarding and heidi's likie, "justin," like pointeing. so i turn my head and there the hell he was. wearing a black beater and a hat. he held up his hand so like he was gonna give me a five but i'm like, "JUSITN!" so he gave me a hug. he's like, did you get shit figured out? i was like, not really.
i'm under the realization that most of you don't know or even care what happened. well we macked, yeah. but the thing is, he leaves next thursday, i leave the first. i don't know what it meant to Him. i don't know what it means to me either... he's always been "that friend" of mine untill this flirting shit got into the way. jusitn thinks i shouldj ust ask him what it meant. but he's done this with a lot of girls. the one thing that scares me is, what if i relize i hjave major feelings for me and then, this is just another day for him?
Or what if he does have big feelings for me? (jusitnt old me he's never "done" anything with a girl unless he was really drunk, or unless he had a girlfriend.) the thing that would suck is, if we both feel those things, there's nothing we can do about it cuz we are both moving, and most college students know that long distance stuff doesn't work.
I'm just so messedu p. ugh.
these lastthree fucking days have been an emotional fucking hurricane. august 16...teri, me sarah and sam from work all went to walmart 1/2 hour away. sar wrecked his car so we picked him up after i left my car @ teri's. long story short...i ended up giving him a ride home. the whole night (as well as the whole summer) he has been all fucking over me. last night we were in the backseat in teri's car and he has his arm around my waist and i rested my left arm on his leg and we just kind put our heads together and shit like that. i just have no fucking clue what i feel. anyways he kept on saying to me "oh we should make out so we didn't have to hear this song" and stuff klike that and i kinda laughed and he was like, i'm seriouse! and i'm like that's what the ride home is for.
Big mistake.
So we get back to teris and he wishes her goodluck in vb and i start driving him home. I don't remember what was said but something about almost being to his driveway and he said something about going somewhere else and i laughed and i think he got a clue and he's like...i'm jk, you can drop me off. so i'm like, well where should we go? then he explained how the next road was a driveway and the next was just a road. so i went to the road and pulled over. what was said, i don't remember but i asked him for a hug for when he leaves...so we hugged. and then we pulled away...and then we made out. damn he was a good kisser..after that he's like, ya know...the backseat of your car isn't all that small..and i was like omg i cannot let this happen! i must have had some sort of trance cuz he's like but it ios 12:21 and you had to be home at midnight. then i said something and we madeout again..,.. then when i actually started to drive away i was like i gotta go before i do something else.
god.
i don't know what to do. he leaves on thursday and he's gone this weekend. i called my good friend justin last night and explained everything to him (he's also sam's bf) and he tired tp gove me advice but then the tornado whisles started (long story, i'll tell it next time)
usgh.
Now the only song i can think of to describe that night was this:
So denied, So I lied.
Are you the now or never kind?
Are you willing to be had?
Are you cool with just tonight?
Here's a toast to all those who hear me all too well
Here's to the nights
We felt alive
Here's to the tears
You knew you'd cry
Here's to goodbye
Tommorrow's gonna come too soon
I just can't believe this... i have so many things going thru me right now i don't have time to breathe. I have 5 days to figure it out.
All my time is frozen motion
Can't I stay an hour or two, or more?
Don't let me let you go
and the tears are here.
{08~15~01::11:31pm::]
-Spinkles is feeling:- good!
-The last thing I ate was:- grapes
-Last thing I drank:- pepsi one
What has happened...lots of things:
one night after work a bunch of people and me wanted to go to dq. I asked sam if he wantsed to go and he said he had to lock up at the pool and it would be a while, but for me to bring him a blizzard back and we could "eat icecream and talk" so. WE went to dq and when we got back, the pool was locked up. I was mad. I was mad because i had to eat a large oreo blizzard. UGH! so the next day he comes in and i'm like, dude, i'm mad at you cuz you werne't here! and he's like, i was here late! and it's true, we got going kinda late, but still. so i was all like, ok nevermind, i'm mad at you right now. So later he comes up to me and is like, "oh you can't stay mad at me for that.." he was being all smooth. and i'm like, yes i can. she i was brushin my hair cuz it was wet, so he's like, here, let me to it. so he's brushin my hair and i was laughing cuz he was doing it all wrong. so i was making fun of him and he got mad kinda..then i brough back the dq thing. Then i had to go guard on the dumb water slide, and later when i came back down AND IT WAS JUST me and him in the guard room and i was getting osmethign out of my locker and out of nowhere he comes and starts rubbing my neck, then my back, and everything. and he's like, nic you can't stay mad at me and i'm like god damn't. cuz you just know you're gonna give into him after he gives you a backrub. anyways...that was the end of that.
last night...i had to work and it was sam me and teri. long story short, we had some suckers, got a glow stick caught in thetree. actually it all started when me and him went to his house to get his "wet willy" tape...he's like, yeah, now it's time we can make out! haha. i mean he like jokes about it all the time..he's a huge flirt. but when i was driving he just looked at me...like he wanted to kiss me or setomghin...i wanted to say something but i never did. so we got back and we closed early...he gave us hugs cuz it was his last night working.
Today we worked too, but it got cut short again cuz of the coldness.
I'm just sad...he leaves in a week and i don't know what i feel about him. I don't know what i feel abotu a lot of guys. there's jason (he emailed me...i'lll get to that in a sec.) My ex ex bf ben, (get to that in a bit too). Then there's teri's big bro who i've crushed on since 4th grade (he just moved) not really with him, he's like a brother and i miss him! But it's different with sam...It's those damn summer flings. But it's too late to do anything about it now...he said we can go dick around in walmart before he leaves and we can say good bye. I work tommorrow and it's gonna be wierd without him...like so,mething is missing. I"M GONNA MISS HIM. One time he let me sit on this little beach chair and he sat in a chair behind me and just gave me thse massages...god. oh yeah, last night we were all on the diving board and he had his hands ont he bars and he wrpaped his legs around me...i was like, alright. we were just goofin. and it's like, when i'm on the water slide, he's walking around he'll look up and smile. then there's the times where he stops me so i can stop to him while's he's gauarding. then like last night when we started out lirrled circle (i just ramme dinto a piece of bench!lol) damn what is up iwth me? lets hope to god this is just a summer crush cuz i can't handle another jason. [by the way, excuse my bad typing.]
Ok. This kid. now since water days it's been kinda wierd. we've been emailing eachother but we really haven't had the time to talk because his computer is down. I'll post the emails soon,k ?
Tonight was fun. me and my four friends and this one girl i don't ike went to dq (eyah, again.)on the way him she was telling us that she had a dream where she was fingering herself. now. we already think she's a lesbian and when she tells us shit like that, it makes us really think she is one. so we got back to town and we were screaming mastuerbating! out the window to make fun of her. it was funny...so we stopped our good friends john and robert...and we drove arouind with them for the rest of the night. my ex nathan was there...didn't say a word to me of course.
People, I have a seriouse problem. I had way to many problems with way to many guys. I need a therapist.
my sister barely passed her drivers test yesterday. sam gave me backrubs tonight at work again. he wanted me to swim with just us too alone after work. people showed up so we did. goodnight.
wud up dogs?sorry it's been a while but i've been busy. anyways i promised i would tell the rest of my sotry about my friends on my bday..well we went out to eat at perkins, and we had our favorite waiter, nathon. damn he is so hot! we all love him and he doesn't even know it. Anyways..yeah, we were so into staring at him, that we left without leaving a tip. it wasn't very smart of us. anyways OH! when we were driving there, there was this stop sign in the middle of this road. it's new and we think it's totally retarded. So my friend teri goes to jackie, "No cop, no stop!" she jackie put on the breaks for like a milisecond, then continued driving. Now the stop sigh is right before a curved road and theres a cornfield so we really couldn't see if there was a car coming. well we started on the curve and we noticed that a car was close to us...then we saw some writing on the side of the car...then we noticed some cherries. SO, we were like, "HOLY SHIT! OMG!" and Jackie starated screaming. I mean screaming. "AHHHHHH!!! AHHHHHHH!!!!!!EEERSAAHHH!!!!" just like that like 18 times. it was so fucking funny but erry! ugh. Then on the way home we decided to cruise a little bit in the city before we went back to our little shitty town. these guys were racing with us...now we noticed they were a little uygly. One of them goes, "what's your name?!" to jackie and she's like, omg gross! so she sped up! we finally had enough so we went home.
Then thursday, aug2, (my real bday) there was a huge pool party where i work. Sam was their! it was fun! we swam and we cloged one of the waterslides and we had li,e 30 people on it and we all went flying. We thought we'd go flying off the edge we had to so fucking many people. After that we dove...and idcked around. Then me and y three friends took showes with SAM! it was so funny! he like sprayed us with the hose cuz he told us there was a big bug out there that we should see...we fell for it of corse and got sprayed. Then when we were dicking around in the showers (we did have suits on, lol) and it was so funny. There are these curtains in there for like privacy or whatever, and he came over there nad like wrapped his arms around me and it was like ah! i'm being molested! and he just laughed. after that we got dressed and sat around the fire...oh, we clibed up the slide when the water was turned off...and we were do somethign to this one dude's car, but we thought we were being set up./ Then these girls ere driving around this moped..it was so funny. Oh we did some ballet! haha that was funny! then some dudes came and were drunk and were smoking and everything...it was funny. anyways..that's about it. Exciting heheheheh.
happy bithday to me! (in like 9 hours)
Oh my god, I had the best day ever! Well I had to work which I totally thought would suck..but SAM was working today! errrrrmm. It was raining when i got to work so i thought it would be easy but it eventually lightend up. Let me tell you all about this sam dude. He would just not keep his hands off me. Not that i was minding..hehe. ok. first he like sat on this counter right about where i was sitting and was looking at this magazine. he would So fliting. it was so fun. Then (oh by the way, i worked the water park today, ground #2.) then after i got off of the slide, I was in the guard room. I was sitting on the counter where people come in and get bracelets and concessions and i was just reading a news paper and he comes in and stands around for awhile and after this other girl left there was just one other girl in there and she was busy reading something out of a mag. then he just squished right next to me. we were so touching. We were talking about the stuff i was gonna be doing for my birthday. and i dunno the order this happened. anyways..he said somehting about a cake and he asked what kind i liked. i said, white, with no frosting. and he goes, what about yello? and i'm liket hat's fine! but i know you aren't gonna make a cake. and he's like...well, maybe! then later he said soemthign about a whip cream cake! with sprinkles! (ahah, my nickname)then he asked what the plan was for my bday tommorrow and he asked if i work. i said no.. then he's like lemme see if i work and he checked and he didn't int he after noon but did at 6. then he was like well you should come over to my house and i can give you your gift and i'm like ooook. then he's like, well lemme check and see if katie works tommorrow (his sister) and he comes back and is like, damnit! she doens't ( she she would be home). she he's like well i can make a tent right down by the river! and we could go swimming and i'm like, i am not going swimming in the river! and he's like that's fine we can just play inthe tent. it was so fun just fliritn with him. THEN later, the last hour we worked their weren't many people there and the lifeguards were just playing football from chair to chair. well, somehow my sister pushed him in (it was hilariouse!) he was all mad and everything but everyone was just cracking up. h wasn't really mad, just, ya know. later that day i didn't have a ride so i had to call my cousin cuz my sister wasn't done w/ lessons. so while i was on the phone he kept on talking to me so i couldn't relaly hear so i'm like sam stop1!! hehe. then i was by the other counter looking at the swimmers and he's like couldn't find a ride or what? so i'm no, i cale dmy cousin. then i dunno when this came into cplay but he just started rubbing myshoulders and i'm like OMG that feels fo fucking good! then my sister had to talk to me so i started walking about, and then he started to take off my backpack and was like, hold up girl, this is too heavy! so he took it off for me. rthen when i came back he gave me this AMAZING bad rub. god it turned me on so fucking much. he like rubbed my shoulers then my neck then down my back then down to my hips and lower back...but i can still feel it! it was so awesome! somehow we kept on getting interupted but he just continued everytime untill my ride was there. weather or not tommorrow's plans come thru...we'll see.
tommorrow morning i'll write and tell you about where my girls and me did for my bday. untill then nighty night!
I'm at blair's right now. It's WATER DAYS. yippee. Today has actually been kinda fun, Me and blair went shopping at target and at a small mall. I got a cool mesh purse, some breath stuff and yeah. oh i also got some blank cd's. yeah, that's all. anyways, Blair was up for water queen (sush, not as cool as junior miss, i know.) anyways so I went with a bunch of her friends who i know and also friends with. anyways they picked me up and we went kinda really early to the fair grounds...like relaly early. So. out of everyone who we could possibly go with, who do they call? LINDSAY. yeah, THAT lindsay. umm k. Jason was on my mind this whole time and then we had to go with her too. anyways, we had to go pick her up but we were early. so i wa slike, omg i'm at this girls house and she doens't even know i don't really like her! she has a nick house. i just remember he ceiling tile-like floor they had and these nice couches. Now we sat in her room and she had a ladybug thing and the wall and had all of these freaking pictures of her sports thing. I twas a little overwhelming. on her closet she had this pic of her and her sister liek one of those "celbrity" ones. I had one of those damn't.oh and hse permed her hair. and wore this cool purple tank top. actually, she's not as thin as i though she was. she's by no means fat, but she's definaly muscular. This is like the first time i've actually been up close to her. She wasn't that friendly to me. The only time she really talked is she asked me and another girl if we had the same jeans on and then at the pagent thing i accidentally hit her with this blow up club thign. I was it was a real club. hehe. anyways. When i was ther,e JASON called her. i was like holllly shit. he was gonna meet us at the pagent. so we all got into shel's car (my friend) and she's like, oh, i got shotgun! and i'm like yeah bitch. actually, we told stories about our jobs and pools at stuff at her house and then her story about a kid who cut his eye on a ladder thingy. ooooohk. so we get out and she's walkin like two miles ahead the rest of us with this other girl. then we eventually catch up and we see jason and his friend mitch. damn't he looked good. he was weating a white Tshirt (can't remember what's on it) khaki shorts and a yello hat BACKWARDS. omg. he saw me and gave me this "omg" kinda loko. He didn't even touch his girlfriend really...it was so wierd. then when we got into the building and we see blair so we all went over and talked to her and she looked at me and was like, omg omg i'm so sorry! kinda look. she knows the whold story thing. Anyways so me and some of the girls sat down. mitch sat down by me to and we were talking. then the rest of them evetually came over. it was sooo wierd! i coudl jsut feel tension between us. I mean we would just look at eachother and everything. HE emailed me the other day...click here to read it. made me kinda be like...damn. anyways.. blair got crown queen. yay blair yay! so after that we started walkin around...it really wasn't too fun. last year the parade was better..maybe because i was in it...maybe i'll go see it tommorrow to see blair! hehe. anyways. that's my exciting night.
6 Days till I'm 18!
Hey dudes. Well Angelfire kinda confused me for a whil so that's why i haven't written in a while. I have been really busy too. Last saturday, I was suppose to go to my cousin's town to get my tv fixed and to visit her, but we had this HUGE nasty storm. Here's a little story for ya...It had stormed the night before and the morning before and ti had woken me up. Saturday i didn't wake up till 10:30 and it was thundering bad and raining really bad..so i finally get up and it was all dark which was wierd. Later, we were downstairs in my basement watching tv, and my dad notices that the window wells were RISING with water. Not a good sign. It turns out the draines in the window well were plugged THAT ment we had to go out in the storm and dig them out. So my dad was SO Drenched. he was standing in a foot of water while it was pouring, thundering, lighting, windy..you name it. IT was actually kinda funny. I had to fun out there to bring him a bucket and i got soaked just from the 2 seconds i was out there. Then my older sister went out there and helped him. It was funny to say the least. We never did get to see blair...maybe tommorrow!
I've been playing tennis alot. Me and my friend jackie and me. It was fun the other night,we played when it was dark and in this park there are softball fields, baseball fields, tennies fields, and a swimming pool (which i work at, it's near the amusement park) so we used the lights from the baseball and sotball games. after that, guess what we did?/ we PLayed scrabble! And yes i'm seriouse. Thats how bored we were.
The other night me and Jackie talked for three hours at night just laying on her trampoline. Dude, we talked forever! it was funny. We kept seeing shooting stars and making wishes. Then her dad told us there was a meteror shower going on. figures, huh.
Yesterday me and my friends went to target for a bit and then played tennis again...Exciting, huh? Thogutht so! Well I'm hungrey so I think I'll close. Later skaters!
Nicole
"I'm already there"
Dear Jason,
It's been a wierd month without you in it. It kinda seems like theres somehting missing, like one of my friends is gone and then I relized it was you. I don't know what is going on with us...To tell ya the truth I'm pretty confused right now. I mean we talk for like 10 mintues and you say you miss me, but you won't return my email...maybe your internet is down or somethign...I hope that's what it is anyways.
Damnit. It just pisses me off you know? It just fucking pisses me off. It's been a year since you've told me about lindsay and I thought I'd be over it by now. But it's like your taking over my mind! I can't explain how frusterating it is to think about you and love you so damn much it hurts me. I cry at night thinking about everything we have gone through together. I CRY FOR YOU. I shouldn't but I do. Sometimes I miss you so fucking much it makes my body ache THINKING about you. You don't know how much I regret sometimes meeting you but then I think if you were never in my life would I even be in the same place? God damnit... we need to talk. PLEASE email me back...I know I have no right to ask you to do that but I just want your say in it. Then maybe we can talk it out.
Dancing around in gravel roads can relieve stress.
Man...what a fucking night! I know you guys are all so very excited to hear about it so here ya go. well, i had to work. Not to fun, but hey, I guess if you gotta do it ya gotta do it! Anyways, me and my friend Teri just dicked around in the waterpark station tonight so it wasn't all bad. Then Lin called my cell and was like, dude, we never do anything together! so we all decided to go to DQ.
Well, it was Her, Teri, me, and all of our friends Mel and Natalie. So we went to DQ and to start it off Mel and Nat were acting kinda wierd...but ok. At DQ I saw Teri's brothers Ex gf carey, who is still good friends with teri, and they were at the beer legion softball games, so tommorrow night we might him them with her! anyways. US other three were about done when Mel and Nat had to pee. well they went without telling us, so we though we would have some fun and we would drive off without them, just for a bit (also at dq we saw Molly and Katie- two bitches who we both hate from Lin's school. It's ok, she hates them too.) so we drove off without them. Now we kept calling their cell phone and they were being stupid/. Long story short, the got back to their town, found a car and was following us. In the mean time, Me, Lin, and Teri went into an old gravel raod. Just for shits and giggles. Then we stopped the car, blared the radio and then started to dance. we danced hard. Teri was on the ground "swimming" and me and Lin were jumping over her. It was so funny! We felt so...what was the word, Lin? CAREFREE! Then we found some chalk in the back of the trunk of my car (from softball). So lin felt the need to stick her hand in it and to put it on my but, and then on the window. We were laughing so hard. The marks are still there by the way.
Shit. I have a test tommorrow. Lin can tell ya the rest. Aight? The thing that sucks is that I have a tgest tommorrow and it is already 11:30. God help me.
Later Skaters!
Target closes at 10pm.
Happy summer and stuff. It's like officailly half way over. doesn't seem like it does it? Sorry I haven't written in a while. So what have I been up too...not much at all. Last night I went out on a date. Kinda, just four of us. This guy, Sam, who I work with at the park and my good friend Teri and her boyfriend brian. Well, the original plan was to go dick around in target after we all got done with work at nine. Well, I thought the store closed at 11pm. but No. We got there at 10 and the freaking store was closed. The ride there was pretty fun, me and Ter were in the backseat trying to pry her head into Bri's football helmet. It was quite entertaining. Sam was laughigng but brian had no idea what the hellw as happening. Anyways... OOH! it was so funny, we were in the two lane thingy when bri was driivng and they kept on waving too these really ugly chicks in the run down old grey oldsmobile. It was so funny,,we were honking and everything and me and ter were hunched int he backseat so they wouldn't see. Well they turned into McD's and since target was closed, we went in there cuz our guys were hungrey. Anyways, us girls weren't so we sat down. Then, Brian went up to order, and he goes, hey McCall (sam's nickname..last name..you get it.) "isn't that the guy you totally dropped in basketball last year?" So teri looked at me and we were like oh shit...And these girls that worked there were totally all over them..bitches. Anyway, the p-lace closed at 11, and they were thinking no one was gonna come so we had a good hour. So...Dan goes, well we have an hour to decide what we want! now we could see these dudes in the back talking. So the guys came back to us and they decided we were gonna get the hell out of there cuz they were gonnna "hok" in their food. Digusting, I know. Now we were outside getting into bryan's fucking awesome grandam (two door, black) when these guys come out from the back and are like, "You got problem with my lil brotha?" (they were part hispanic...i think.) Now Sam and Brian were talking at the same time, but brian goes "oh shut the fuck up," THen opened the door for teri. Now sam said at the same time "yeah the problem is your "lil brotha" is bigger than YOU ARE." Then the dudes said some jibberish and Brian yelled, "yeah, just go flip some fucking burgers." Me and teri were both outside and we were both a little SCAREd...hmm. Then the losers didn't say anything...personally, it hought they were gonna pull a gun on us. Then Sam yelled "Don't lose your fucking spactual!" Then finally opened the door for me and let me get in. We then drove away (around them" and brian rolled down his window, cokced his hat to the side, gave them the finger, then yelled "seeya later buddy!" it was quite funny. Then, Teri was hungrey so we went toa more friendly place, Subway. She's the only one that got a sub, I got a cookie tho,. Me and Sam were arguing about which one is the best (he likes oatmeal raison, i lve chocochip/M&M) so I gave him part of it and he agreed with me. Now this wasn't much of a date, but I DID get to sit in the backseat with him on the way home. ("Teri, you sit in front." "why?" "Cuz.")hehe. No kiss, damn't, but hey. It was pretty fun, I don't think anything will bloom wince we both leave in about a month, but he's a damn good time to be with.
Sunday me and my mom, my sisters and her boyfriend went to go see Pearl Harbor again. My mom cried... I love that movie. It would have been more enjoyable if it wasn't so fucking cold in that place! good damn. It's a damn good movie like i said before. I wouldn't mind going to it again, but i don't think it's playing anymore...maybe at Cinemark8 (thater in the mall) but who knows. Lin lovse the movie. Me and her wanna go see it. But I mean, she really loves the movie. She's seen in like five times (visit her specail pearl harbor page here. NOt everything's up yet, but it'll be cool lil site when she's done.
What else is new...Oh yeah. I talked to Jason for the first time since I kinda ended stuff with us. We talked on icq... read our convo here. It was wierd. That was kinda another thing that bothered me on my date last night..i kept thinking of him. I don't know what's gonna happen. Imiss him alot. Alot alot. It's kinda hard to explain how much I Miss him. He was like my best friend in a way. I told him alot of stuff I never told anyone. I want that back without all the other feelings. I hope i get things figured out.
Tommorrow I go take this one test for my college. Don't ask what it's for...But i gotta get up at 9am for that.It sucks...ugh. That after that I head to work! my last day of freedom...till tommorrow that is :)
Not much else happnin'. Have a good one and i'll write again soon.
nic
go see Pearl Harbor. That's an order.
Hey dudes and dudettes. Today was great! Well, actually, not really at first, but hey. Well I woke up on the couch this morning and forgot that i had to go get a shot. Yowwie, it hurt. me and my sister both had to get one and when we were drivine home, we were both holding our arms. hehe. we then started discussing about the part in Pearl Harbor with all the shots and everything. hehe. LOVE the movie folks.
Then I had to work. I went in early cuz it was my day to work the waterpark. Some of th elifeguards give swimming lessons before the park actually opens. Anyways, I came in early with a friend cuz my car was bieing stupid and it wouldn't start. So I was there at about 11:45 this morning. This co-worker, Dan, ALL over me. God damn he turned me on! He like had his arms around me from behind me then was like putting his head near my neck and everything...hmm. We kept joking about how we were gonna go get it on in the chemical room. Not that i woudln't have...hehe. then we got seriouse and I almost started doing my little job when some swimmer puked. Now, this has happened to ME last friday and I only got to work a 1/2 a day. it pissed me off, and it pissed me off even mroe today because i didn't even pucnh in since i was there earlier than I needed to be. DAMN'T! i needed the money. so what did I do? I went shopping.
My friends Teri, jackie, naomi, her sister nat and kate and teri's mom drove us in their huge SUV. She had a date with the massage person thingy. So, I needed to get a gift for my mom for her birthday which was two days ago (whoops) So we went to target. GOD that was hilariouse. Me and jackie and teri shared a cart and naomi got one that can hold two kids at once. NEedless to say, we had alot of bumping around. We were just lookign around and Jacki found these box of condoms and through them in Nao's cart, without her relizing it, (the cart was red, so was the box) anyways it was RIGHT in front of her, ya know where you would norbally put a kid or your purse of spomething. so. Nao sees one of her dad's friends and they talk for a while. Now us other girls totally forgot about the condoms and Nao never saw them. We told her after the guy left. It was so damn funny. Anyways...We then found a big candle for my mom, and then we started to look for hair hilighting kits, and bought some (this came into play later). Anyway, after that we had to dirve back to puick up teri's mom and we watied a half hour, then went to DQ.
When we got back to town we all went back to jax's and began to streak teri's hair. She was nervouse cuz none of us had done it before. She's not getting along too well with her bf...they were suppose to go to a movie with some friends of theres and he supposedly had a game...whatever. anyways, we did her hair. it only took an horu and ahalf..then her bf calls and wanted her to go to best buy with him. Now he has really been an ass to her these past couple of days. so he expects her to drop everythign and anything for him. I love the kid, he just confuses me. HE made Teri cry cuz she said he was being a dick. I felt soo bad!!! god damn men.
Well, we never had time to do my hair at jacki's house so we all went back to mine. Some of the igrls went home to eat first, but then came back. I did teri's hair to make her feel a bit better, just styled it. It looed rad, dude. with the color and everything. anyways..it was so much fun! they started mine. Ya know how it is when you just know you are making a memorable night? That's how it was. We've been having alot of those this week and i'm loving everypart of it. I love my friends more than anything in the world, honestly. I don't know what I would do without them! ayways...we made pizza, pocorn with m&m's, had pop (and juice for the kiddies) and eveyrthing and wathced a movie while we did all of this. it was sweet. now my other friend sarh was also there. ther other girls get annoyed by her sometimes...but it's usually all good. anyway when my dye was sinking in, we had some left over so they started doing hers and they were LAUGHING cuz she has the damndest freaking THICK hair and BROWN! these streaks were blonde. we laughed SOOO hard!! Naomi's lil sisters were around and y siblings ame home and we were all just laughing about all this stuff. then one of nao's lil sister wated to sit were jhackie was sitting and she just wouldn't move! then jackie pretended to break down and it was so hilariouse! she was just screaming, "I JUST WANT A PLACE TO SIT!" it was just like a little kid, and so fucking hilariouse!!!!! god it was funny. Then, we relized too that teri didn't do a side of Sarah's hair and we all freaking and burtsted out laughing cuz we were sure that it was gonna look like shit. but it actually turned out a nice copper color for hilites. cool huh?
That completes my night. jackie sarah and I are planning on going to pearl harbor AGAINt ommorrow...sarah hasn't seen it and I told her she would LOVE IT! hehe. well gotta go now, tlak to ya later and have a good one.
go see Pearl Harbor. That's an order. Wow. Pearl Harbor. I admit, I thought the craziness over this movie was a little much, but after seeing it, I understand what all the fuss is about. It was amazing. After trying about 5 or 6 times at least, I finally went to see it. Me and my friend Bekah and Mel went. It was quite the experience. Mel drove and we picked up our friend Tom on the way since he was bored...and well, the drive was a very interesting one. Lets just say there was plenty of road construction and torn up streets which caused alot of unexpected U-turns. Yep, I cried. I cried my socks off. I read the whole storyline so I knew what to expect in the end, plsu bekah kept me informed when I was confused, but still. Tom and Mel sat ehind us. They weren't too interested in the movie...just pissing us off by laughing at us, puitting CANDY in my pop (still don't know HOW they did it) eating my popcorn, making farting noises with the seats, and peering over at us to see if we were about to cry at the sad times.
But Damn.
If ALL men were half the men Rafe and Danny were, this would be a happy world. (i know this was a movie...but still) Bekah kept saying to me, "Why can't ALL guys be that sweet?" I had to agree. It was actually most of the sweet parts that made me cry. I think because of Jason ( i know, you most likely don't wanna hear about it) But yeah. Hearing "oh, you are so beautiful..." Makes me miss it! Sue me. I'm getting strong. I think. Anyways... for your pointless curiosity...here are some of my favorite quotes/parts out of the movie.
(*) I loved the whole Evelyn telling the story of how she met Rafe. Too fucking cute.
(*) Rafe not boneing Ev before he leaves. Thatta boy!
(*) "Ever see Pearl Harbor at night?" "yeah.." "In the air?" This whole thing with Danny and her. Jeez.
(*) "I made a deal with God. And I promised him that if I could just see you one more time and to be with you again, I would never ask for another thing ever again. And you know what?....It was worth it." Excuse me while I, um, sapped.
God, I can't even think of anything else, it was just a super movie!
I hurt. Bad. Yesterday before going out with those girlies, I went with some of my other friends to a lake to swim and tan for a while. Got a little burnt, but hey, it'll turn to brown eventually. I hope. One of my friends was hacing Man-problemos, so we sat on this huge rock that looked over the whole lake and talked it out. I love that, just talking with a best friend. After that we swam with some other bitches who I really don't like but pretended too. It was hilariouse, after that we went to subway, and I'm pretty sure everyone thought we were on crack. Then after that we went to DQ! Hogcity. YEEHAW.
Sunday was pretty fun. Me and Jackie, Naomi, her sisters, Sarah went to the lake again to swim and stuff. We jumped off that huge rock and man, was THAT uncomfortable. Whooo. Then, Naomie had soccer practice in Menkitol. So she drove us there and we watched her practice OUTSIDe in 90º weather. we were sweating more than she was I think. We went to the handi mart and shit too..got some fatty food. ya know. After practice we headed out to shopko! dude, they have some cool shit there! I mean it...Jakcie found like 4 pairs of nike's that she wants. I bought a book, a necklace, some shoes and a eyelash curler. I lost mine. After that we went to Mcd's and then went home. got some free apple juice. YUMMMAY.
That's about all that is going on in my exciting life. Sweetdeams!
SOO. We took a good ol sohpping trip. Me, my mom, and my sister. We had to take a tv back that sucked, and as it turns out it was WAY until the due date where we could take it back. so now we will be writing a hefty letter to samsung. ARG. Anyways. So we decided since everyone int he world would be gone except us, we would take a nice shoppng trip. Dudes, it was Sale City! everything was on sale. Sucky for me, I only had fifty bucks. But i did manage to bu6y some white sketchers, some rings, a AE khaki skirt, some red khaki shorts also from ae, a white hoody and some suckers.
When we got home, my sister and her boyfriend were home. We had all been talking about going to a nearby own to watch some fire works. then Mere called and her and her bf were gonna come with (allong with nick's lil bro, my other sister and my mom). So while we waiting for them, we were all downstairs watching the Minnesota Twins suck it up. Nick got quite agreesive. Then I made the mistake of giving his lil brothe 2 suckers. He was SO wired. it got old. Anyways...... so we had a truckload. Well, mere and her bf showed up, and of course mere's little talon could not accomodate all of us, so we had to take two cars. We were doing great until we got to the lake where the fireworks were. WE lost Meredith. So we parked our car like, a LONG block away,and we cut thru some old lady's lawn.Well, were lost meredith. So we were walking to find someplace to sit, and we see them, and her bf was driving. figures, hehe. We found a good place to sit and when we were and Nick was going to get the car to park it right where we were sitting, cuz it was a good place. we then relized that meredith had found us and their car was two cars away from us. It was quite crazy.
Fireworks were pretty good. I saw some kids about my age sitting on this one tailgate of this truck. The wierd thing was, that the chick looked JUST like me...and the guy, JUST like Jase. TJHe wierd thing was, she was wearing a softball jacket similar to mine.
Anyway. that was done, and the DQ was closed. those bastards. So we went home. Nick, his lil bro and My sister were gonna capm out in the backyard. they had a tent and everything. it was ridiculose. We made a bonfire, roasted some hotdogs, drank lemonade....it was quite a good time. Althought i wad determind to make the day suck. Huh.
Anywas, i'm bored. SO i'll let ya go. BYE!
damn all the midnight dj's.
oooh god. These last couple days have kinda sucked shit. yesterday I had to work all day and it was hotter than hell. like 12 noon till 9pm. it sucked.
I remebed the other day that Jason's birthday was yesterday. He got my letter. I blocked him from all of my icq lists, msn, and excite messenger lists...I can't talk to him. He wrote me back...it wasn't long, but this is part of what he wrote:
"well I might be more important, I might not be, But I know you are too me... I love every part of you, I love talking to you and I love thinking about you, and you can always make me feel better and you help me out all the time and I thank you for that. I'll give you your time but please don't forget about me, I'll be here if you ever need someone"
That was on the 21...or around there. I miss him and I know it's gonna take time, but I don't know if I have it in me to stay strong to not keep in contact with him. Last night I talked to blair, ya know just kinda asking about him. She was talking to him on icq at the same time. This is what he wrote to her:
*(Sorry, this could get annoying)
Blair was talking to him about his "shitty night"
"well i made my gf cry" -him
"oh no why?" -B
"cause i was being a dick too her...
i dont try to be i just get really crabby cuase she plays alot of sports in the summer and i dont get to see her a whole lot so whenever i do get to be with her i just sit there and think of the next time i will get to be with her which usually isnt for like 2 of 3 more days and it just makes me more crabby and tonight i think she just thought that she ruined my b-day but i apologized and every thing i mean i dont try to do it cuase i should really make the best out of the time i get to see her and thats what i try to do i just cant stand not being able to see her whenever i want too ya know??" -J
"yeah i understand what you mean it's not really either of your fault. that sucks to hear"- B
"yeah it sucks i have really been an ass hole to her lately and then when she leaves i sit there and think what if she gets sick of the shit i put her through i dont know what i would do"- J
"yeah i guess i think the best thing would be if you just don't worry about the next time you see her and stuff and just have fun while your with her and then the next time you see her you'll appreciate the time you have with her. sorry this is shitty advice i just can't really think right now"
So him and his girlfriend. This guy is too confusing for words. He's telling me he loves everypart of me, yet gets mad if he can't see his girlfriend all the time. He "needs" me, yet "loves" her. I don't understand him. I cried last night. Hard. For a really long time. So I plugged in my nightlight in my room (hey, i want a little light while watchin tv) turned on mtv, put it on mute, turned onmy sterio. Every song I heard reminded me of him. Sound familiar? So I was gonna request "Bad Day" By Fuel, but the dman dj's never answered the phone. Fuck them all.
I just got done watching my cousins. It was exhausting. I'll write later on...I can't think of anything else right now.
Justin Timberlake is a bastard.
Something's wrong girls. I use to be THEE biggest and most devoted Justin Timberlake fan alive. I really did...I had posters on the wall, all of the cd's, billions of tapes of Nsync shit, and now it's like, I could really give a fuck. I mean, I tried to get tickets for their concert last year, I failed, I watched hilites on the news and I cried. I CRIED! now this year, my cousin got like front row seats, asked me if I wanted to go and I turned her down. (I woulda gone, but it's too much damn money) and I'm not even feeling bad about it. I just hate Justin Timberlake now. I'll respect him for his voice ( i still like the other boys, tho) but he just seems like someone who is just a bastard now. He, in my opinion is the kind of person who would rape a girl and would laugh afterwards. I think this is all because of Britney. Britney's digusting. I don't care about her music, some of it's ok but the magority of it sucks, and I could care less if she was an "idole" to some little shit, but she's just gross. Her boobs are nasty. her SKIN,...um HELLO cancer. I didn't know sun scars were in! She's just gross. Anyway, back to the whole Justin thing, I don't know what got me out of it. Right now I'm more of a fan of Otown than anything (god help me.) The only songs I like of theres are Girl, Love should be a crime, and All or nothing. I'm in LOVE with that damn song. It's so fucking good! I'm also very addicted to that Ashley Angel..Grr. He's just so damn cute. I like watching about his failing love life. It makes me feel so much better about mine.
Today was the last day of our little town celebration. Sad? yeah. Well I woke up and we went to that damn annual pancake breakfast. Wasn't bad, kinda a waste of money but hey, pops picked up the tab and everythign. It was way more fun last year when I had to wear my crown and my sash...everyone looked and said something nice to me. This year, nuttin special, just ate my pancakes, drank my coolaid and left.
I made my friend nick go get his friends' Brandon's car cuz I was suppose to ride in it in the parade. SO my sister did my hair while he did that...it was cute, i had 2 rolls in it and had a spirally ponytail. anyway, she did that and my makeup. Nick drove me to the line up place, where jessika, the 1999 Junior miss was suppose to ride WITH me in the parade. I didn't think she showed. But oh, she did. What was she wearing? Jean capris and a red tank top, sunglasses, no crown, no sash. Um, hello? Are we stupid? Duh. So She sat beside me and I wore my red dress, my crown, my sash. She's the one that looked like the fool, mind ya. After My little thing was done in the parade, I sat on my gramma and gramps' yard. My cousins shaunna and chad were there with their kids courtney and conner, my aunt arlene, my cousin kelsey, my sister amanda, and my parents. Later I saw my other aunts, who were ALL out of town. It made me feel special;)
Aww, I love lucy is on. I love that fucking show. It's the one with Ricky and Lucy's anniversary and they celebrate in the closet cuz fred and ethel have a big surprize party going. AW! I love that damn show, I grew up on it, ya know. My ma's a big fan.
The JJB. Ya gotta love that place. I gotta admit, there are some dumbshits on there, I won't mention names, but the majority of them are kewlshyt. Sometimes the people are dumb and they pick fights for no reason, which in my opinion, is gay. Gotta bad opinion that you know is gonna piss someone off? Keep yoru fucking mouth shut! it's that simple, I promise. I got into way to many fights over there. Which is why you never see me postin, just lookin. Lin is pretty active tho, I love readin her shit, although have of it is about me...hhe. I love you Lindsay! haha.
that's all the fun goin on over here folks. I don't work till wednesday, can I get a HEE HAW! yeeeeeaaaah!
Nic
10:10pm
Well folks, I couldn't be queen forever.
I spent two hours with my sister doing my hair and my make up today.I'm gonna miss getting facied up like this. Only one more time to do it and that's tommorrow. I mean I know I will always be queen to myself, my mother..hehe. Not to my city. This weekend is our big "town" get together and I got to crown the Junior Miss tonight. There were seven of them...compared the last years four. Anyways, I thought they were all equally good in talent. However, this girl Katy, I just didn't like. She thinks she's the shit and everything..and well, sorry to break it to ya girl, but YOUR NOT. I was hoping she wouldn't get it...if she did I would just put the crown on someone else. I did however want this other girl Jill to win. She's ditzy, kinda annoying, and perhaps this MIGHT go to her head...but she's nice for the most part and deserved the crown. I'm just so sad. This year went fucking Fast!! Man. Also, HEY, I'm kinda pissed off. I have to find my ow fucking car to ride on in the parade tommorrow. I mean, it's my last parade. (well i'll ride in it again next year...)and STILL! the formor Junior miss is riding with me so perhaps she'll find one, but she turned skank on us so most likely no...ANYWAYS. I remember last year how we went to the annual "Pancake Breakfast" and I got all this attention. It was wonderful!! My cousin got there and she was like, "YAY!" She didn't know untill then. God my heart is just sinkin right now :(
Last night carolyn picked me up and we met some people down at the big carnival in town. we saw some of our other friends...then went to dq! then came home, found randy and jen, then played cards, then went out driving. Isn't that exciting?
Wow,Making the Band. I gotta admit I am a bit confuse to what Shelli was thinking when Ashley asked her (with his shirt off) to be his girlfriend again. *shakes head* "no..." What the fuck? I don't get it. I mean one minutes she's telling him she'll sacrafice her life for him, and now, NOPE. Gee wizz.
That's about all for now. If something happens where there is something exciting to talk about, I'll let you know ;)
JUNIOR MISS 2000 NICOLE :)
It feels GOOD to sit.
whew it was quite an exhausting day...I had to work at the theme park from 12- 5, then I had to babysit for my neighbor from like 5:15 till just a half hour ago. To pass some time I took this kid on a walk to the park past my highschool. So I pass it and I was thinking about Jason, and I SWEAR I saw his car up in the school parkinglot. So, I cirlced around the block 4 times with that damn kid, just to look at the car. I knew it wasn't him...don't ask me why, I chose to end the little thing, but I sitll think about him constantly. Anyways. Last night I unexpectadly had to go to work. I totally forgot and then My sister called me and told me and I booted my ass down there as fast of my car would take me. It was actually quite fun, this one guy I work with, Dan, well he's a total horndog but he's fun to hand around. Anyway, the new Junior miss is being crowned this weekend (SNIFF) and dan's like "lets go in the back room and I'll help ya think of something to write!" I was like dan..i just don't trust your ass. then we played basketball in this little mini basketball hoop he TAPED to the wall...then My friend Justin came and talked to us...so it wasn't that bad of an Experience.
So our little town celebration is this weekend, that's where the junior miss thing comes in. DAMN, I am gonna miss all of that attention! I get to crown the new one sat. night and ride in the parade Sunday. i may ride in a few more parades (kinda like a 2000 queen, 2001 queen kinda thing) SO I'm not totally bummed, just kinda sad to see it all end. but HEY! Linlin is gonna run for her little town "watermelon queen" gig. Anyway, that's what the word is on the street...sionce LINDSAY never talks to me anymore!!! JK! She called me today actually and we're gonna get togheter possibly next week. That would be fun, i could go see her in all of her parades. I don't have to work this weekend, but I don't have a fucking car- (long story) so I hope to god my friends call me to go to all the little celebrations..otherwise I'll be a sad sucker sittin at home, hee.
Melissa from RWNO is hilariouse. I was at her site and now I'm addicted to it. I LOVE HER PAINTINGS! they're awesome!! She's just so funny.
"One thing I noticed though. People need to seriously curb the attitude. You cannot just be nasty to people at the gym, they will snap. For example, today, I was leaning over reading the instructions on an ab machine for about two nanoseconds, and this old lady, I'd say she was 75, said, "are you going to use ALL the machines?" As if the time I took looking at the little instructions was keeping her old ass from working out. I snapped, unfortunately. Don't get me wrong, I love old people, I do and I will be one of them, but this lady was a stank ass beotch! And I was like, you aren't
turning back the hands of time lady, just get on the machine and leave me alone. And thanks for covering up! I lie. I only said, "no go ahead, do your thing" and I rolled my eyes and left before she had to start digging her grave earlier than next week anyway. Wow, I need to work on my anger management."
lol, I just find her wit so damn amusing.
Anyways, i better get going. I am dog-tired. Later skaters.
Nicole
it's time to say goodbye.
I just relized it now. it's been 20 monthes and they've been a great 20 monthes, but i think i gotta let it go...The past monthes I've gone through so much and I've always had someone to help me get through it. But I'm leaving in two monthes. I gotta learn how to get by with jus tmyself, with no one to lean on.
So Jason, if you ever get a chance to read what I am about to write, know that i have no regrets about anything that has happened between you and I. It's all for the better...It's gonna make both you and me better people by me doing this.
I can't call you...me hearing you voice would make me cave in inside and I would give in eventually. I don't want to be doing this and I know putting it off won't make it better, but I think deep down it's for the best. We've each have totally different lives. And in our lives we have totally different people in them. You have Lindsay, and as for me, I'm looking, but somehow I've always let you stand in the way. It's not your fault of that...It's mine because I love you so much that I thought in some way, someday it would eventually work and everything would fall in to place perfectly. I know now that it will never happen.
Jason, I'm so grateful for you. Honestly, I'll sit up in the middle of the night and think about you and all the ways that you've helped me grown, and honestly, right then and there I thank God for you.
"I'll be glad cuz I was blessed to get to have you in my life"
Whenever I hear that Faith hill song and that line comes on I think about you everytime...along with all of our other "songs". For the past year you've been the one there to tell me everything would be ok when things here were going to hell and you were the one to tell me I was too brave to cry over things I had no controll over. I honestly don't know what I would have done if you weren't there to remind me that somethings just aren't as bad as they first seem and that giving up on a certain thing doesn't get me out of situations. You are the reason why I am playing two sports in college and you will always be the reason why I am gonna work so hard to make it work. I wish I could have done something about our situation that I could actually say you were my boyfriend, but there is a very lucky girl out there who is lucky enough to actually get to say those words. You always told me (and sang to me) "Love is the answer, love will find a way." Instead of going by that, I am going by this quote: "If you love something, let it go; if it comes back to you, it's meant to be."
So Jason, I am doing that, I'm letting you go. I want you to know I'll be waiting for you...if something happens and you do come back, I'll be waiting with open arms. If not, I want you to remind Lindsay everyday what she has. She has the bravest, strongest, most caring, loyal, trustworthy man a girl could ever dream of having. No matter what happens with you or with me or even with us in the future, I want you to know that I honestly admire you, respect you and above all LOVE YOU for everything you have ever done for me. You have made a difference in my life like no one has ever done before. I am always going to care for you and that will never change no matter what happens. You have been the unending source of inspiration since the day I have met you. There is always going to be a special place for you in my heart and I just want you to know that.
I hope you don't hate me for not telling you this in person but like I said, it would have never gotten done if I had to hear your voice.
So...like meredith's speech in graduation...I gotta say bye now. and I'm not saying goodbye forever..just untill the next time we see eachother...which could be in a few weeks, or when I play your college in volleball (and win(: ) or whenever.
I love you...ever since the day I met you I knew you were going to be someone I would never forget, and I know I won't ever.
Love Always,
Nicole
Hey everyone, I just got home! I had a blast tonight, My friend carolyn asked me and a bunch of people to go out. I wasn't gonna go out at first, but i'm so glad i did now! it was fun. And I usually don't hand out with them, but we are having a noter ron-dayvoo..hahaha at my house tommorrow. anyways tonight, we were all bored at caro's, so we all went to dairy queen and it was just funny. there was this kid outside and one of my friends said "i think he's trying to catch flies" and then my other friend dusty said "no, he's just trying to clap." It was SUCH a dumbass thing to say, but the way he said it made us ALL laugh. them my friend josh was like, "yeah at a concert, nelly's gonna be like PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER!" and then josh proceeded to act out how he would not clap, but yet just have his hands togheter. it was funny. then when we left, my friend rick came right as we were leaving. so we look back and dusty's car ius like, not ever 6" away from this pole. we were surprised as shit that he made it out. then we flung josh's sweatshirt out the window cuz he was in with dusty ( i was in with my oterh friend jenny and carolyn). It was a good time! we were bored when we got back to the house so we decided to play bball...then we took the 4wheeler out for a drive. it was awesome! I almost flew off a couple times! then when it's started to get dark, we all stole the dusty's and rick's cars (they were both on the 4wheelers) and we were racing with them (carolyn lives out in the courty,...lots of gravel roads.) anyways it was hilarious! when we came back we were parking, rick ROLLS the fucking 4 wheeler. we were scared shitless. no one got hurt, dusty just god a little scrape on his arm. anyways..tommorrow night my house, hopefully it'll bej ust as fun!
Fucking storms. They suck shit. weather has been crap lately, and when your working at an amusiment park, things don't go well. Yesterday was a great day to work...got a tan and everything. So me and a bunch of co-workers of mine (hey cathy, sara and jessica)were gonna go out. so after i started doing my little jobs after i'm off the rides, we were in the employee room and i was getting all ready. then this girl i work with, nikki said we were in a tornado watch. then this other guy comes like a few mintues later and says it's really getting nasty out. WELL. but the time i got home, my sister's boyfriend informed me that there were 70 mph winds about an hour from here. so my plans got canceled and i spent the rest of my night in the basement with my family. sound like fun? FUCK NO. UGh.
Oooh, the other day at registration for college, i met this cool chick already, Lisa, she might play vb with me and is playing bb for sure. we hit it off GREAT and now might room togheter! i learned she's a huge NSYNC fan. YEAAAAAAAA.
Ya know what? I'm really gonna fucking miss highschool football games. really...it was the most fun time of the year.
THought you wanted to know. I'll write later, i'm sure.
Well, graduation was yeterday. it was a fun day all in all...commencement was nice. a few things went alittle screwy.. first of all, when we march on stage in the begginning for the procession, the last person who came on stange, relized he didn't have a place to sit. so the audience laughed for a few good mintues...then he finally got a chair, and after a hour, relized he didn't even need one, cuz some dumbass forgot to move down. *rolls eyes* anyways. my friend mereidith had this awesome speech, it was the closing one. it started out like this:
"Well, we finally made it! after 13 long years here, we finally made it to graduation. the road a head of us holds many things, and many unexpected twists and turns..."
Then, the fire alarm went off. yeah, i know. so everyond didn't panic, but we were all laughing cuz mereidith was just standing up there, not knowing what to do, so our princepal, tells her to keep going while the fire alarm is going off. she was dtrying not to laugh, not that it mattered cuz we couldn't here her anywauys..then the alarm goes off and she stops tlaking and turns around looks at the princepal, and he tells her to start over. so she says this:
"Well,...like i said (laughter) It has been 13 long years here..................unexpected twistes and turn..(laughter." and all that stuff. but she said somethign at the end of her speech, something like this:
"Now it is time to say goodbye. Goodbye doesn't mean goodbye forever, it just means "best of luck untill we meet again" It could mean goodbye till we see eachother later on today at receptions, tommorrow, the next homecoming football game, or in years to come."
That's when I started crying. I had done SO WELL untill her speech. It was just amazing. I didn't even cry at my speech. (see my speech down there somewhere below).
I had my reception last night as well...it went pretty good. Meredith and (hey...mereidth is my best friend now people..) her boyfriend kyle came over. it turns out my really good friend nick is moving in with kyle up in the cities, and me and meredith are a block away (she's at hamlin, I'm at st. catherines.) it should be a fun summer. Their new motto is "pushin for the cushion" they will probably be 200lbs by the end of next year. as much fun as my highschool experience has been here, I'm exciting for next year. so... here's my speech...hope it doesn't make you gag.
Hey everyone. well i'm done!1 god what a relief. what a day too. it was probably the most worthless, yet most fun day i've had in school for a while. No big parties last night, i've been getting ready for my graduation tommorrow. I'm a little nervouse. but hopefully everything goes ok...I have a few grad. parties to go to tonight also.
This morning, before my aunts came over to help, I was online and hason wasn't on "n/a" on ICQ, so i fugured it was his brother home or something. so i got off at like 10:00. So i was bored again and I come back on at like 10:30 and he had sent em a message RIGHT as I logged off. This was our very bried convo: (he's in the blue, I'm in the light pink)
hey there?
So Him and his girlfriend....what the hell happened now. I swear to god if that girl hurt him in anyway she is going to die. Or maybe it was him...he kinda like this other girl too (who i DONT LIKE EITHEr...hehe) so maybe it's something he did. I know he was at a party last night...maybe soemthing happened there. eitherway, i can't WAIT to find out what the hell is going on there.
Anyways. This morning was quite a busy one. I woke up and needed to start to get things ready. My aunt was coming over as well as my grandma, but the crowd grew to those two, my other aunt, and my neighbor, and my cousin, susie, who i haven't seen in forever. it was fun, we drove around (me and suz) for a while getting food and stuff then come home and started to get things ready. so that lasted untill about noon...things are still kinda hectic around here.
But anyways, i best get going, talk to ya'll later (or when jason tells me what's up with his bitch), whatever comes first:)
Later,
Well....It's finnally done.
After fucking two and a half hours of crying out of frusteration and tiredness...i got it done. I'll never have homework from highschool. soo.. I'm relieved as hell that i got all my shit done. it's kinda bittersweet. tommorrows my last day. then i'm done...everything changes after tommorrow and especially after sunday. *sighs*. I'm sad about tommorrow. But i guess ya gotta let things go eventually. I'm just gonna have fun tommorrow, make some last minute memories.. :)
My friend meredith was just over before, gave me my graduation gift. that girl...the school she's going to be going too is only a matter of blocks away from st. kates...thakn god... i'll see one friendly face in st. paul..whew.
As for all my friends...(brandon, miranda, esp. everyuone in computer...) I'm going to miss them like hell. I had the BEST Time with them in that class this year (along with health..) I'm gonna miss brandon esp. we have gotten real close lately. just goofin off and stuff. I hope I see him this summer before we head off to colege.
Well I don't know what else to write. This is the LAST TIME I'll be writing as a highschoo senior. Am I making too big of deal about this? maybe..like my favorite line in Vitamin C's song
I guess I thought that this would never end
And the tears are here.
Well, once again I put off doing my fucking maht project. I just don't wanna do it. God i'm so stressed about school ending in two days. for all kinds of reasons. its just one big pain in the ass but i have a feeling when i'm finally done, i'll be sad. my friends are being retards. on the last day of school, Naolmi wants to go home to paint her fucking garage. stupid bitch. it's the LAST FUCKING DAY OF SCHOOL. now, Jackie basically wants to do anything naomi does, figures. Teri, is mostlikely gonna be with her boyfriend. I am teling ya one thing, i WILL NOT sit on my ass the afternoon when school gets out. not because my friends are being bitches.
well jase is on, he's on BUSY. whatcha busy with, huh J? fucker. TALK TO ME!! k yeah i am going a little physco. it's all this end of the year stress. I don't have bf. i want a fucking boyffriend. the boyfriend i want has a gf. my other friends, carey and jenny brought this on. not intentionally, i don't talk to them that much anymroe. but this guy likes carey, i don't know if i have a thing for him...i don't think so. jenny has a bf. I WANT ONE!! GOD DAMNIT I NEED A RELAXER.
ok.I am calm...cooled..relaxed. i went driving to revive myself a moment before...i drove past my other friends meredith's house. she's busy blowing up balloons for her grad party sunday. her bf kyle was-a-helpin her. she's such a drama queen. i love her. hehe.
my mom pasted a bunch of pictures above the wall right about my moniter. just some random ones. One is me in my first REAL parade last year. That's so sad...that was a year ago. I had SUCH a blast year being junior miss..all those parades....damn there were alot. the one in New Ulberg was quite memoral. All my princesses got to ride with me. I remember i rode right behind this radio station car and they were blasting BYE BYE BYE. we were so pumped...it was just fun. Then that parade in Blair and Jason's town...i remember that night. it rained. it was just cloudy...then rainy..then sunny..then cloudy. then we got home and a tornado hit Granite Falls. I jsut remember that for some reason. I'm really gonna miss stuff like that. i can't believe it's almost been a YEAR! WOW! other pics were of us on the first day of school (me ad my sisters) me and my older sister..god i remember that too. me and my friends went on this old road that one night and almost hit a deer and a dog..(thanksgiving break) god. then prom pics and bball pics. God what a year. I'm gonna be remembering this for a long long long time i have a feeling..
Hopefully this summer will bring more memories. I am so fucking moody tonight. I'm listening to the song "superman" by five for fighting...I'm reccommending it to lin for her song of the week. she gotta get her ass into gear too. :)
I jsut relized that you guys probalby don't care about half the shit i am talking about...lol... oh well. well i better get going. Wish me lucky. Pray for me! :)
-Nicolelelelele
god damnmit.
So who all saw Pearl Harbor this weekend? I swear everyone did. Jason told me yesterday him and his girlfriend saw it. Whatever. Well, I was suppose to go friday night, but there was this huge fucking line backed up to fucking new york. Then saturday, well all my plans feel through. Then I was suppose to go today, but it was kinda a "family day". My sister, her boyfriend and two of her friends were gonna go to it last night, also. But I guess it was sold out. Can we say "TITANIC?" I dunno. People on the JJB say it's the best, Critics say it's bad bad bad. I know who dies! It's sad...I know almost everything that happens in the movie. Then I listen to Faith Hill's song and it's sad! I wanna see some yummy ben.
Oh yeah, I'm almost done with school! Like Lin, I'm done this Friday. I have soo much shit to do (liek I always say) And I keep putting it off. I need to put my ass into the "GET YOUR ASS MOVING" Gear. [Goddamnit! just heard the "bloop" from MSN- it wasn't jayson...some damn girl...ugh.) Anyways..Just like my little cheer in basketball for my boys for motivation- "YOU ARE LOOSING! GET YOUR ASSES MOVING!" Maybe I should take some of my own advice. Oh yeah, I got the newpaper with all of our senior pics in it. It's not a bad pic of me, they didn't put int he one i sent. I hate the way they zoom up on all the faces. On my friends Natalie's and Casey's, they did it too. There was good pics, too bad you caan't see it all.
Hmmm what else. I was on one of my classmate's webpages, and he has all this pictures up from basketball up :-( It makes me sad. Last night I watched all these tapes...The game that was televised, my interviews...watched it all. It made me so fucking emotional. ANYWAYs...yeah so I was on this guy's page and he has these "band" pics up. I was thinking they were from the Cali trip, but there were from Contests. Anyways, Blairs school was here for contests and he had some of their bandpics (she's in band) and I see my friend Justin's ex gf Kasie." Anyways after looking at it like, 43 times, I notive that LINDSAY (jason's gf) Is right next to her. I didn't even notice it. God I'msorry...I just really dislike her. SHe hasn't done a DMAN thing to me and I just ahte her. GOD.
well I think I rambled enough...I think I'm gonna read my book since a certain prick isn't online to entertain me. Talk to yall later!
Nic
It seems like each day that goes by goes faster then the one before it. I have SO much shit to do and so little time to do it in...8 days of school left and i need to get my rear in gear.
My weekend was pretty kick ass. Me and my friends have kinda not been getting along lately, but it's prety much better now. Saturday we all went shopping-- all 5 of us in one little contour. It was me, Jackie, Teri, Sarah, and Naomi. It was so fun. We went to a really dead mall. And the first place we went was Herbergers Junior's and there were 4 dressing rooms and all four of us got in there (sarah was somewhere else getting stuff for her room) and we were all showing eachother the shit we had on and everything...it was just fun. then me and jackie started dancign cuz we though we looked like hoochies and this girl saw us..so was probablyt hinking we were on crack or something. anyway we weren't all sure if we wanted the stuff there so we decided to hold it. Then we headed down toe Maurices, and once again we were all in the dressing rooms. it was all so funny. Me and Naomie ended up buying two similar tanks...but i took mine back yesterday (which is a different story)then Teri and Jacki were gonna go back to Juniors to get there stuff--the and door was close.They got there right as the gates locked. So they came back and Jackie was all pissed but it was sooo funny. So on the drive home Jackie was just moping and we thought it was all so funny and we got really hyper. (BTW...we live 1/2 hour away from the closets mall)So we had our windows down and we were listening to my new Train CD. This is where the crazy shit happens. IT gets a little TOO windy in there so we roll up our windows.KEep in mind I have long hair. SO my hair got rolled up int he window too. I was like " OMG OMG!!" and they were just all laughing and Teri was driving and I was in shotgun, and she's like WHat?! and she saw me and she could barely breath from laughing so hard. THen. This huge mother fucker of a moth came out of nowhere and like started to attack teri. So i started to throw stuff at it and it was up by the windshield. Now there was no wayin hell I was going to touch it, so Jackie came up and was hoisted up in front iwth us. I can just imagine what we looked like from an on comeing car's point of view. Then we forget this stopsign in the middle of nowwhere was approaching, andjackie was still fighting that damn moth.So teri stops suddenly and Jax was tryiung to get the the back cuz there were people behind us...and she bumbs in into nuetral. Now this wouldn't have been a problem in Teri was stepping on the gas while she was putting it back into drive. So it made this huge fuckin noise and Jackie got thrown into Sarah's lap and her leg was about on tho of myseat. we all just started cracking up. I mean we REALLy LAUGHED. we didn't make a noise we were laughing so hard. anyways...that was my excitging trip shippin...so exciting.
I talked to JAson last night. Fuckin finally, huh? Yeh i know. It was on icq. I missed him so everything went pretty well. He was kinda grumpy cuz he was in a fight with some stupid guys but hopefully Icheered him up. Then we talked again today. I'm just so scared that this summer We won't talk that much. I just hope that won't happen. Anyways....I think i babbled about enough tonight...SO untill next time...
Nic (9:00pm)
"You know I'd fight for you, but how can I fight someone who isn't even there?"
Once again,I've gone another night without talking to Jason. I don't know what's going on with us right now. I mean when we first me we HAD to talk to eachother everynight. Then he meets a girl and soon becomes a boyfriend. "Oh, nothing will ever change between us," I get that line. So we don't talk for 3 monthes during the summer. Then he starts talking to me in the fall. Then he stops once more and in January, for some reason, it all started back up again. I mean, the past couple monthes it was like he was starting to get sick of his girlfriend and wanting me again. Who the fuck knows. I know it sounds wierd that we MUST talk everynight, but I honestly just go to bed so sad and depressed. Even if he just calls to say goodnight or come online just for a few mintues. I think I am overeacting...I hope I am. But GOD I just miss him when we don't talk. He told me during our last "fight" that he heard the song Vertical Horizon's "Best I ever had" and that it reminded him of me so much while we were fighting. Now, I'm the one thinking of him.
Nothing's quite the same now
I am really having seconds thought about writing in this bitch. It really *REALLY* pissed me off that all that other junk got erased. I mean, damnit!! But what do ya do I guess...It's partially my fault that it happened...but now you guys have no refference to what I am babbling about most of the times. But anyway, on to other subjects.
I talked to Jase tonight. I Haven't talked to him since last...Thursday was it? something like that. We don't really call eachother much anymore cuz our phone bills were fucking insane, that now we basically stick to ICQ or msn. I've been trying so hard to get over him lately. But it's like whenever I even think about getting with another guy, the mintue I am witht them I start tot hink about Jason.
Back in march when we got into a really huge verbal fight on the phone...I mean verbal. It was all about really stupid stuff. I egged it all on, but god knows I tried blaming it on him, and he took the blame. It was all about my sisters...He apparentaly dind't know I had any. For some reason, it just kinda hurt that he didn't know....like he was never paying attention to me or something. But i think I was just more f rusterated that I could't be with him...anyway, take a lookie:
"yeah i guess this is it huh? you have no idea what i think about you nicole i love you to death and i know that you think i am just kidding or sumthing and the thought of loosing you just keeps running through my head and every thing we have ever been through and i was going to tell you that i had another dream about you but you obvioulsy dont wnat to talk to me any more or listen to me so im sorry for everything"
"what do you mean you are sick of it?/ you are sick of me? you are pretty much telling me you dont want to talk to me again and im scaring you ?"
"no god fucking dammit this is not fucking it i am not going to stop talking to you and i dont give a shit what you say you mean way to fuckin much to let you slip away becuase of this"
That was all on icq. We talking on the phone eventually and we screamed at eachother...I mean screamed. We wre telling eachother to fuck off and all this stuff and I was just balling. it was quite...emotional. Then he started crying. Somehow I brought up how he could possibly love me when he had a girlfriend and he said something like "yeah what does that tell you if I say I love you even tho I do have a gf? cuz it tells me you mean an awful fucking lot to me." I was so convinced that we would never talk again..then he was talking to my friend Emily and he was just saying about how he coudl't stand not talking to me and that all he thought of when his girlfriend was over was me. We eventually got over it and agreed it was the dumbest fight ever. But now We don't talk much. We get out of school the same day and I'm so affraid that we are never going to be talking. Last summer when we were in a WHOLE other fight, we went practically the whole summer w/out talking.. whatever. i gotta go..
hey i'm here now
hey i have to do sum stuff right now but if your on ill talk to you later on tonight hopefully so you can help me will my fuckin life!
ok!?! talk to ya later then!!
im sorry for not being able to talk right now but i cant at the moment. and i wont bitch at ya tonight cuase im sure ya dont wanna hear it k
hey it's ok?? what's wrong??
me and my gf
oh no!! :( hope everything's ok?!
well it is i think but its a long story so illl tell you it tongiht hopefully ok! cuase i need sum one to talk to about it
ok!! well i'll be here!
k thanks! love ya ! bye!
Nicole
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{05~31~01::09:49pm::] 1 day of skool left
-Spinkles is feeling:- sad, relieved, totally excitied.
-The last thing I ate was:- egg whites
-Last thing I drank:- deit pepsi
and suddenly it's like we're women and men
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{05~30~01::09:46pm::] 2 days of skool left
-Spinkles is feeling:- kinda sick..again. kinda worried. kinda bummed, kinda excitid
-The last thing I ate was:- strawberry special K
-Last thing I drank:- H20
-Favorite song of the moment: "Cry" By Angie
{05~2~01::09:46pm::] 4 days of skool left
-Spinkles is feeling:- kinda shitty
-The last thing I ate was:- turkey salad
-Last thing I drank:- i can't remember but i'm going to get some lemonade:)
-Favorite song of the moment: "Cry" By Angie Aparo
If i wanted one thing tonight, it was to talk to jase. Unfortunatly, wishes do not come true. i'm trying hard not to be upset, buat i just really want to talk to him. like, i would go on msn and he'd be on away, and that's ok, then he goes offline. then he comes back on, then goes off right away, like he doesn't wanna talk. then i sign off. then later i sign back on and he comes on, then goes off. what the fuck is his problem? damn't. I'm just so scared that this summer we are just gonna fall flat. I'm so scared...no one has any idea. I'm just so paranoid that he's gonna start to hate me now or somehting. Hopefully I'm just overreacting like I always do..but who knows.
{05~21~01::08:44pm::] 8 days of skool left
-Spinkles is feeling:- better!
-The last thing I ate was:- ritz bitz sandwiches
-Last thing I drank:- Milk
{05~16~01::09:56pm::]
-Spinkles is feeling:- shitty
-The last thing I ate was:- popcorn
-Last thing I drank:- ginger ale
I just say your name now
It's not so bad...
You just the best I ever had....
{05~09~01::04:35pm::]
-Spinkles is feeling:- Aight.
-The last thing I ate was:- 2Hot dogs
-Last thing I drank:- OJ