I had never cried so much.

That night Shane came over to my dorm. I remember being so nervouse I could actually feel my body shake. I had no idea what he was going to say- or even do at that point. To say the least, I was freaking out. I had no idea what he had thought of the conversation, or what he was going to do about it. But I felt guilty. Guilty in knowing that I had ruined his day, hell, his life. I never in my life thought anyone would care for me as much as he did.

A knock came at my door and I took my time going to answer it. I opened it slowly to a red-eyed Shane. He didn't say anything to me...he just looked at me as if he had lost his best friend in the world...but then it occured to me...maybe he did?

"Hi," I said quielty looking down at the floor. He hastly walked in and said,
"please tell me that whole conversation was a joke." I walked to the other corner or the room, and quietly replied that I would never joke about anytihng so seriouse.

"So this it it, huh Adi? Why are you giving up on us...why?" He stopped. "Why are you bailing out on us already Adi?"

"I'm not bailing out," I pointed out. "How many conversations and arguements have we had about how sometimes pointless it is when we are so far apart? It's not just me who said those words Shane."

"Well you were obviously the only one that meant them."

I sighed. "Shane...I was confused."

"Confused? Confused about what? Confused about whether you love me or not?"

I quickly stood up. "No I do love you. I love so so much," He was silent. "Do you know how hard it is for me? For me to sit and wonder what your doing all the time and to miss you. Do you have any idea how hard it is to go from seeing you everyday to seeing you one day a month?"

I witnessed a tear slide down his cheek and I began to cry. I loved him...So much. But it was too much for me. I needed independance...I needed time where I didn't have to worry about whehter or not i was being cheated on. Time for myself. Alone.

"God, Adi," He quietly said. "Why are you doing this."

I didn't know what to say...I didn't even know what to do. At that moment I had been torn between so many things...I felt guilt...as guilty as I had ever felt. I loved him. But it wasn't the kind of love he had for me.

"I'm robbing you of your college life Shane," I said a bit hastly, looking for any trace of emotion in his face.

Shane sat down and covered his face with his hands and let a big sigh out.

"We need time apart, baby," I said as I played with his locks of hair on his head. "You know it and I know it. We're in college now...and it's time for both of us to meet new people."

He didn't say a word. As I sat there playing with his hair, I knew in my heart this was right for the time being.

"I love you, Adriene." He said as he took his hands away from his face. "And because I love you so much I'm gonna let this happen....I'm not gonna put up a fight cuz I'd be fighting for nothing."

"It's...just not right right now," I tried to explain.

"Whatever." he growled as another tear rolled down her cheek.

"I do love you," I said as tears streamed down my cheeks. "I just...I just don't wanna be the worried girl anymore. I don't wanna worry about anything."

"Except yourself." he stated.

"I'm sorry," I said.

"Me too I guess." After he walked to the door. "Are you gonna be Ok?" I asked him.

"Yeah.." He replied slowly. "It's only love."