I would like words with a few parties, and this is the best way I can reach them. First, I wanna talk to the guys. And Mia, too. I didn’t get much of a chance to know you, but I do know you hate me. Well, almost all of you. I wish I knew why. I’ve heard the stuff you accused me of, and I’m sorry, I never did any of that. I’d never do anything like that. I especially wouldn’t hurt you. I wanted you as my family; humans have families, so I think I need one. I wouldn’t toy with you like she did.
Cye, do you understand that I’m lost without you? Every mistake I made was for you. I only agreed to her offer because it gave me a second chance to be with you; I didn’t expect her to overpower me. The last time I was me, I was Ayame, was our night together. I hope you don’t look back with disgust at it. It was the best experience of my life, but it was also the last. She stole my body & everything that should’ve been my life. She’s done it again, and now I’m just a nuisance that’s in her way. She’ll kill me, Cye, really kill me. She’ll find a way. What I wouldn’t give to see you again, to touch you, to hear your voice and smell that salty musk that you have..... I miss you so much...... Just one last night with you, alone, that’s all I want.
Sorry, that was pathetic. It’s this horrible... place. I wish I could describe it better. Nothing makes sense here, and it’s so dark... I hope this isn’t what ‘dead’ is; it’s so bleak. I thought death would bring comfort from all the pains of life, but mine just keep coming back. Each memory and bitter accusation from the living cuts through me, and I swear they physically hurt. Impressive, considering I have no body. She has it. She’s probably having the time of her life with it--getting drunk, getting fucked, I don’t know what else. I’m not sure if I want it back now.
I have no grave. Does that mean there’s hope for me, that I can try again? I’m not sure I want to. No one wants me. Cye’s probably found a nice, normal girl, and he wouldn’t even help me if my existence were threatened by her. Your friends don’t trust me one bit... well, more so than before.... I don’t know what she did to them to hurt them so much..... Maybe it’s better if I stay here, let her obliterate me. I can’t even understand my crimes, let alone apologize for them or change them.
I don’t belong among humans. I finally get the soul I’ve longed for, finally feel the love and respect I needed to create this uniquely human essence, but it exists only to suffer. Cye, you gave this to me; your love, your willingness to protect and respect me, to give me the sense of belonging I’ve always desired, built this soul; I would gladly give it up if it would make you happy and keep you safe & loved in your life. Yours is a real life, not this mockery of one I have.
I’d do anything for you, Cye. I know you don’t care what happened to me, and that’s for the best. I ruined your life, and I can never apologize enough for that. I’ll remain in this tomb, in my waking nightmare, for all eternity if only to bring you some sense of comfort. May your life be a happy one, Cye Mouri. Put the past behind you and try again. Humans can always try again and can always feel some sliver of happiness in even the worst of situations. But I’m not human. I can never experience happiness; I never had a real life to do so.