The Final Exam From Hell

Instructions: the exam has 16 questions. Read each question carefully. Answer all questions. The extra credit problem is worth 12 points. Begin immediately.

Time limit: Four hours


1) HISTORY

Describe the history of the papacy from its origins to the present day, concentrating especially, but not exclusively, on its social, political, economic, religious, and philosophical impact on Europe, Asia, America, and Africa. Be brief, concise, and specific.

2) MEDICINE

You have been provided with a razor blade, a piece of gauze, and a bottle of scotch. Remove your appendix. Do not suture until your work has been inspected. You have 15 minutes.

3) PUBLIC SPEAKING

Twenty-five hundred riot-crazed aborigines are storming the classroom. Calm them. You may use any ancient language expcept Latin or Greek.

4) BIOLOGY

Create life. Estimate the differences in subsequent human culture if this form of life had developed 500 million years earilier, with special attention to its probably effect on the English parliamentry system. Prove your thesis.

5) MUSIC

Write a piano concerto. Orchestrate and perform it with flute and drum. You will find a piano under your seat.

6) PSYCHOLOGY

Based on your degree of knowledge of their works, evaluate the emotional stability, degree of adjustment, and repressed frustrations of each of the following: Alexander of Aphrodisias, Ramses II, Gregory of Nicea, Hammurabi. Support your evaluations with quotations from each man's work, making appropriate references. It is not necessary to translate.

7) SOCIOLOGY

Estimate the sociological problems which might accompany the end of the world. Construct an experiment to test you theory.

8) MANAGEMENT SCIENCE

Define management. Define science. How do they relate? Why? Create a generalized algorithm to optimize all managerial decisions. Assuming an 1130 CPU supportin 50 terminalc, each terminal to activate your algorithm; design the communications interface and all necessary control programs.

9) ENGINEERING

The disassembled parts of a high powered rifle have been placed in a box on your desk. You will also find an instruction manual, printed in Swahili. In ten minutes a hungry Bengal tiger will be admitted to the room. Take whatever action you feel is appropriate. Be prepared to justify your decision.

10) ECONOMICS

Develop a realistic plan for refinancing the national debt. Trace the possible effects of your plan in the following areas: Cubism, the Danotist controversy, the wave theory of light. Outline a method for preventing these effects. Criticize this method from all possible points of view. Point out the deficiencies in your point of view, as demonstrated in your answer to the last question.

11) POLITICAL SCIENCE

There is a red telephone on the desk beside you. Start, then stop, World War III. Report at length it's socio-political effects, if any.

12) EPISTEMOLOGY

Take a position for or against truth. Prove the validity of your position.

13) PHYSICS

Explain the nature of matter. Include in your answer an evaluation of the impact of the development of mathematics on science.

14) PHILOSOPHY

Sketch the development of human thought; estimate its signifigance. Compare with the development of any other kind of thought.

15) NEW AGE WISDOM

Compare and contrast three personal realities described in late 20th century American Indian flute solos. Be sure and relate your answer clearly to holistic medicine and its impact on the future of the spirit.

16) GENERAL KNOWLEDGE

Describe in detail. Be objective and specific.

* * * EXTRA CREDIT * * *

17) Define the universe; give three examples.

Why don't you go home now?