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The External Hell Within

So many tears in grief-stricken eyes.
So much shame behind the lies.
So many scars on such young skin
So much pain lies within.
All the pain builds inside.
all the tears you try to hide.
You know it's not the right thing to do,
But no one seems to understand you.
One more cut, not that deep.
The blood will finally let you sleep.
The calm has come after the storm.
You are alive, the blood is warm.
You know that now you must hide
And keep the shame you feel inside.
You wish there was some other way.
You wish you knew the words to say.
Fall on deaf ears and unopened eyes.
You aren't proud of what you do.
You wish the whispers weren't about you.
Nobody seems to understand, except the
Blade you hold in your hand.
You need proof that you are alive,
Not cold and dead like you feel inside.
The hurt is so much and it will not fade.
It is your own flesh that has paid.
You pay for pain and lies and shame.
And feel the guilt when people speak your name.
You just want someone to understand and tell
You it will be okay, and hold your hand.
Not ignore the problem and hope it will pass.
Not say it's a phase, or even a fad.
One more scar, there's nothing to lose.
You don't do it for them, you do it for you.
Do you still try and hide it, or make it known?
You live in a glass house, do you cast the first stone?
You know that some will call you insane, and some will call you worse.
Before you were your parents dream, no you are their curse.
you don't know how long you can hide behind the lies that you tell.
Being a klutz may be hard, but it hides the truth so well.
How else do you explain the cuts, scrapes,
The burns and broken bones?
You fall down the stairs, slip with a knife, and
Sometimes you don't even know.
They don't see what they don't want to see and
You don't feel what you don't want to feel.
The pain may subside, but it always comes back
After the last cut heals.
Sometimes you wonder if you will run out of skin
Before you run out of pain.
Or if you'll finally be able to stop it all,
Before you go insane.
You know that you aren't trying to die,
You're actually trying to live.
You're not trying to take your life,
It's life you're trying to give.
You're trying to make people see the hurt you
Feel inside.
Trying to use your pain to help them open their eyes.
You don't do this for fun, or to try and fit in.
You're making external, the Hell within.
Author Unknown