I asked Julie to share this with everyone to help you understand one aspect of dealing with victims of sexual abuse. Keep in mind that I am only one survivor and these words are from experiences I have had in my years since my abuse.

Abuse victims hardly trust anyone, even close family members. A lot of times they were betrayed by people they trusted and therefore trusting is a very difficult thing to not only comprehend safely, but to actually do in any situation.

Online, it is even worse. You never know who you’re talking to and what motive they are after in trying to connect with you. I have seen numerous times, older perps (perpetrators) disguising themselves off as teens saying they are abuse victims just to get close to victims and milk out their sexual stories for some sick reasons.

You must gain the trust of the victim first. You must not pressure anything from the victim, for he or she will begin to wonder what motive you have in even talking to them. Abuse victims deal with horrid nightmares and flashbacks at any time triggered by sights, smells, sounds, and touches. All of your basic senses can trigger a memory and or reaction. Repressed memories are a victim's worst nightmare. Just when you think you remember everything, something comes back and tears your heart out once again.

Victims usually carry the weight of an enormous guilt and or shame around with them for a long time. How can they not blame themselves for not stopping it or trying to run from it, when at the time, they couldn’t perceive any rational actions, they just floated away in a world of harm and pain not imaginable by most people.

I have been trying to help abuse victims and survivors for almost four years now understand how I have tried to survive and I still learn everyday. Sometimes, very hurtful events make me aware of my ignorance of the huge task at hand in helping survivors.

If any of you would ask me what rules to go by, I would say.. Do not force information. Never ask location information or phone numbers unless there is an immediate threat. Do not betray any trust the victim gives you. Do not ever go over his or her head in the name of justice If the child wants action taken, he or she will ask for it. Most of the time, the young victim just needs and wants to talk, for if they are able to open up to someone who shows definite compassion, then the chances are there that they will also open up to a professional therapist and their actual healing can begin. Try to get through to them that they are not alone in this fight. Try and remove the shame they feel, and guilt they place on themselves by offering true human compassion the way it’s supposed to be offered, with no strings attached. A lot of times the victim will ask a simple question if he or she is offered help….”What do I do in return?” as he or she was use to “performing” for freedom at some time in their life.

Victims of sexual abuse, cut or have multiple disorders from severe depression to eating disorders. They are ashamed of their own bodies. They just need someone who won’t lie to them, who demands nothing from them and who stands up for them when they lose sight of a healing path.

Alex