The rant this week is something that I KNOW everyone has experience with and that's TELEMARKETERS!!! I hate those bastards! They're the ones that call you up right in the middle of the morning when you're trying to sleep and ask you if you want to freakin buy anything!
Let me share a little experience I've had. I'm sleeping, feeling all good and dreaming about god knows what, when all of a sudden, the telephone wakes me. "God Dammit Speedy!" is the first thought that comes to mind because he's the only one that works there. So, I moan, turn over and pick up the phone. "hellllo?" I say in a sleepy voice. First of course there's a few seconds of silence, and you get that montoned low keys BITCH voice says "Is Mr. or Mrs. O'Neil there?" Right there I hang up. I don't even want to BOTHER with them. BAH! Why can't they just leave me alone!!! Sometimes, they even call at like 8:30 at night! Don't you people have LIVES!!! Do they REALLY think that I want to be buy the collectors edtion Rosanne Barr Blowup Doll? I know that it's only 56.99 plus 25 bucks shipping an handling. I DON'T CARE! I DON'T WANT IT! LEAVE ME ALONE!
Of course, then there's always the sneaky bastards who won't give you a chance to say you're under 18 and can't make long distance choices, and don't give you the chance to say you're "parents" aren't home. They just wait til you say hello and BAM, off they go into their speech. "Hello?" "Yes, this is MCI and I just wanted to let you know about our new long distance plan that's going to allow you to call all your reletives for a very expensive rate that's higher then everyone elses, but of course you want to buy it becuase we're being very considerate and calling you out of the goodness of our hearts at home while you're probably trying to watch a movie and relax and... blah blah BLAH! SHUT THE HELL UP!! I DON'T CARE!! DEATH TO YOU ALL!!!! (a little side note here: has anyone noticed how in almost every rant of mine, I wish someone, or something dead? I just did. Hmmm... I wonder why?) They just go on and on and on without letting you tell them that you're not even CLOSE to being interested. Do they REALLY think that if they talk and talk and talk non-stop that I'm actually going to say "hmmm... that sounds like a really good deal." NOT! It never is, trust me!
You know what's really funny though, and besides hanging up on them, I love to do this also. When the telemarketers that just go right to their speech finish talking, just say "I'm not old enough to make those decisions". Then they're like "oh, is your mother or father home?" "no" "When's a good time to reach them?" "Not until late at night(when you're not working you piss ant)" "Oh, well then thank you for your time, have a good day sir". Hee hee, FOOLS! I HATE YOU!! DIE!!! (there's that death thing again. Am I too bitter?)
Like I said, I'm sure everyone has had these kinds of experiences. Never once, at least their SHOULDN'T be, was there a case documented where a telemarketing call was actually WANTED! No one wants you people to call! Don't you UNDERSTAND THAT!!?? NO ONE!! No one wants to buy Magezines. No one wants to buy more long distance. No one wants to buy dildos used by Pauly Shore. No one wants to buy totem poles of their favorite celebrities. No one is interested in Viagra, Doing the Dew, Getting Milk, or a secret Ceasar Dressing recipe! NO ONE!!
Ok, I think that takes care of what I feel about Telemarketers. They suck, there's no other term to be used for them. Well, except blood-sucking, homewrecking, satan whorshipping, lard eating, VH1 watching, bull riding, country music listening, bastards! Enough said. Til next time!