Ahhh yes, another week has gone by and here once again, is another guest rant. This time from the rant is from my own personal bitch, Mr. Trent. So people, read his rant, listen to him, he's da man who pays a lot of bills, including mine, hee hee. ENJOY!

Warning: This rant contains offensive language. However, if you do choose to read on, you must realize that it is only satire.

Before beginning this rant, I would like to say that I am whole-heartedly proud of the fact that I am an American, am proud of living in a democratic and free country, and am proud of the American flag and way of life. I denounce those who impart anti-democratic messages in their words, such as Marilyn Manson and Eminem. However, there is just one thing about Uncle Sam that PISSES me the FUCK off!!! Now my good fellows, on with the rant...

This rant is about paying bills. In short, bills SUCK ASS!!! I mean shit, the federal government milks money out of me faster than Monica can milk Bill Clinton, and then some. For example, about a month ago, I had received my tax returns in the mail. When I opened the envelope, I was both shocked and surprised at the generosity of Uncle Sam. Here was $1,500 for me, myself, and I. However, I later found out that I wasn’t allowed to keep the total of that sum---some of it needed to be returned for the “Uncle’s benefit” (Uncle Sam wanted some of the money BACK---those piss-ant, motherfucking Indian givers!!! Those self-righteous fat-asses who sit behind desks and dream of pleasures down below their desks---KISS MY HOMESICK, PATRIOTIC ASS, UNCLE SAM!!!) Well, I was left with LESS than $1,500. I mean, that money that I had to give back probably went to support some piss-ant government program that had about as much effect as George W. Bush’s recent bombing of Iraq. Haven’t I given the feds enough money already? Or am I supposed to pay off their war debts?! I mean, my money has been so good to Uncle Sam this year that it could probably fuck him up the ass if he wanted it to.

On the subject of car insurance. Car insurance is LIKE A BIG, FAT ASS BITCH WHO HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HER TIME THAN EAT, SMOKE, AND DREAM OF BEING CATHERINE ZETA JONES!!! Why the FUCK do I have to “pool” my money so that some IDIOTIC, DRUNKEN FUCK GETS HIS ASS COVERED WHEN HE MAKES A DUMB ASS, WHITE TRASH DECISION TO CAUSE A FOUR WAY COLLISION!? I’m a competent driver, and when I shell out money for car insurance, it deplete my funds significantly. Well, I have something to say about that---YOU INCOMPETENT, DUMB-ASS DRIVERS CAN COVER YOUR OWN ASSES. Do I have to work to support your lazy asses? Am I your source of income? Oooh, your going to beat me up for saying that, aren’t you. I’m REAL scared, because your ASS IS GRASS IN COURT!!! ALOT more will be damaged than just your pimp-ass, top of the line sports cars!!!

On the subject of school tuition. The University of Wisconsin, River Falls, my place of education, is like a pimp, and I’m its bitch---every time the whore wants money, I have to give it to her. As well as paying for the whole kit and caboodle which includes a dorm room , a meal plan, and classes, I have to pay for a parking permit. Well, for the amount of money those permits cost, the parking lots basically SUCK ASS AND BLOW GOATS!!! I mean, if you can AFFORD the amount of money that is required to park close to your dorm, you have to worry about flood damage to your car, since those closer lots are lower to the ground. So, your basically screwed up the ass when Mother Nature decides to take a piss on mankind and it rains like a motherfucker. On the flip side, when you pay for a cheaper parking lot that is about a mile away from your dorm, your legs are in danger of becoming fucked. I bought this cheaper parking permit, and by the time I get to my car, my legs are about to fall off. So, your screwed no matter how you look at it, and so are finances. Also, the University has ways in which it can fine you for even the small things, so it can squeeze every last penny from your wallet. For example, when I was returning my textbooks at the end of the school year last year, I accidentally put some of the books in the wrong locations, not matching the blue number on the book with the blue number on the shelf. OH MY GOD, IT’S THE END OF ALL HUMANITY!!! THE DESTRUCTION OF MANKIND IS IMMINENT!!! AMEND YOUR SINS AND PREPARE FOR THE REVELATION OF ST. JOHN, FOR THE APOCALYPSE IS NEAR!!! THE BASTARD CHILDREN OF SATAN WILL SPRING FOURTH FROM THE WELL STONE AND ENVELOPE THE FAITHFUL!!! PREPARE YOUR HEARTS AND MINDS FOR THE SECOND COMING OF THE MOST RIGHTEOUS AND POWERFUL GODHEAD!!! WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE A HORRIBLE, MISERABLE DEATH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! At least, that was how the University viewed a simple mistake like that. Those bastards fined me ten bucks for that small error. GREEDY, CAPITALIST FUCKS!!!!

In conclusion, you now see why I hate paying bills. Anyone who DOESN’T have a problem with paying bills should put their money where it counts---up their ass. Thanks for reading Peace and :Love.