Howdy everyone! Big Daddy here. Since Big Mack can't seem to take the time to actually write a rant, and I'm stuck on one at the moment, we have gotten ourselves a new GUEST rant by our very beloved Andrew Trent. He was the one that ranted a few weeks about about how he was sick of being someone's bitch? You remember him I'm sure. Anywho, this isn't really a rant, but more of a sad, pathetic story, that Trent would like to share with all of you. Of course, I think I'll spruce it up with a few of my own additions, hee hee, so enjoy people!

I was in eighth grade when I had my first crush on a girl(8th GRADE!!?? I had my first crush in the freakin 2ND!). When I first laid eyes on her I fell in love(It was Lust! Lust I say!)---I thought about her constantly, day in and day out. However, in those years, I was a shy and antisocial misfit who couldn't muster the balls to ask somebody out(I don't see a difference from right now, does anybody else?). Yes, I was ugly(yes), yes, I was short(I agree), and yes, I was all-in-all EXTREMELY unwholesome in all respects(Most absolutely). Despite my shyness and failure to improve my personality(An ongoing failure at that), it was probably a good thing we never got together, because she turned out to be a pot-smoking, sleazy, and altogether sorry excuse for a pleasant member of the opposite sex(Wow, it's SO rare to find out that a woman is pot-smoking, sleazy, and unpleasant)...

Flash forward three years, to the days of my sophomore year in high school(The "Homosexual Years"). By this time, I still hadn't changed my personality, or my looks(Didn't even come close). However, I did have my vision of what my dream date would be like---short, beautiful, pleasant personality, and smooth flowing blond hair cascading in waves down her shoulders, accented with blue eyes(Trent, Pamela Anderson is already taken). I did indeed embody this vision of my dream date in this one particular girl I saw every day(Dammit Trent, how many times have a I told you to stop stalking your mother!!??)---she was a grade ahead of me, however(Oh, my mistake). I would think about her every day as well, hoping for some coincidental situation which would draw the two of us together(Are you SURE you're not talking about your mother??). I did realize that there was no way that a woman like her would EVER think of going out with the type of short and ugly kid that I was(Very good assumption on that one). In my dreams(wet dreams to be more exact)...

Enter my senior year of high school. By this time, I had somewhat of an edge to my personality, however small that was(That's only because I tortured you until you started to snap). I still hadn't changed my ungainly, wavy-haired, suck-up-goody-boy looks, though, which was an immediate strike against me(You're SO correct!). Well, I had a TREMENDOUS crush on a particular girl, perhaps the most heartfelt crush I have ever had in my life(It's still lust! Why can't people just say LUST!?). At the time, my whole being was absorbed in dreams of dating her(And yet you hung out with me, how pitiful). She was beautiful, absolutely, positively beautiful---great body and hair(Like the female version of me?). In fact, this particular crush that I had reminds me of the Third Eye Blind song, "Deep Inside of You."(GO TRENT! Plug that twig "deep inside of her"!). Well, I had to do something(Masterbate?), I thought to myself, so I sent her roses and a serenade for Valentine's Day(Something that I told you to do!). I will be frank(Can I still be Big Daddy?)---she never thanked me, nor acknowledged that I had sent her anything at all(You see folks. This is why women are NO DAMN GOOD!). After a couple of weeks passed after Valentine's Day, I received no call, no letter of thank-you, and no acknowledgment at work(Did you really think you would?). Nada. This devastated me---I was so heartbroken that my life was actually very depressing for a time(I'm surprised it took it this long to become so!). I've gotten over it, though, because obviously I wasn't good enough for her(More like the other way around man. You're WAY too good for her)...

Enter the present day. I've changed my looks(Barely)--my hairstyle is spiked and short. I wear baggy jeans, bought a $400 leather jacket(That's a nice jacket), bought a $400 gold bracelet(What a stupid buy that was!), and a $120 watch, along with assorted colognes and fragrances(Hense the fact that you smell like a french whore). I figured that altering my looks could surely do the trick and bring into my arms a beautiful woman(A very good start my boy! A very good start). Turns out, I wasted my money, big time(Should have just donated it to the "Save Daddy Fund"). You see, I finally worked up the nerve to ask a girl out(And it was actually a female this time folks!)---another girl that I worked with. Well, unknown to me, she asked her brother and another girl to come along with us(At least she said YES!). Obviously, she didn't get the message(Sure she did! She just added a little to it, that's all). The money which I had invested in my "new look" was pointless(No, it wasn't pointless, you just needed to invest in a personality!)

Right now, I'm 20 years old and in college. I don't have a girlfriend yet(Emphasis on the YET). One day, I decided to look on the net for one, and visited yahoo Personals(My suggestion again). I responded to an ad, we exchanged numbers, and I thought something was finally going to happen(That was your FIRST mistake!). Well, we met, and she didn't turn out quite as I expected(You were expecting maybe, Jenny McCarthy!?)---a very mouthy and annoying personality as well as VERY unattractive looks(Kinda like me then.) (not that looks are supposed to matter, but, contrary to popular belief, in a relationship they DO matter). I ended that relationship before it could go anywhere, thank God(Yes, you SHOULD thank me!). Enough with the net...

Right now, I don't know what I supposed to do(Give Big Daddy lots of money). I do believe that I am somewhat physically attractive, but this is all that is going for me(And even that isn't going very fast). As I look back, all of those past crushes and attempts have amounted to nothing(Not true! You spent that 5 bucks on the rose and sarenade! So it has amounted to a total of a loss of 5 bucks!). Love is not an easy thing to gain(Love is not GAINED! It's felt! Only respect is gained, or rather earned), and I think part of the reason that I fail (including my lack of a "get-go" personality), is that I'm too hasty(Yes, you're too hasty at doing nothing about anything). Love is a slow and gradual process, and, of late, I've been in too much of a hurry to find a date, which doesn't necessarily amount to love(Love has no timeline man. It's either there, or it's not). Love is something that one feels deep down inside(Damn Straight!). Right now, I have this feeling for someone---someone in one of my classes. I can tell it's a deep feeling, not a hasty feeling, because there is something about this girl that sets my soul and heart on fire, unlike anything I've felt before(Yeah, that's what you said before, and before that, and even before that). She is perfect and beautiful, quiet and indrawn. In short, I want her badly---I need someone like her. Well, easier said than done(Espeically with you). I dream of showering her with my affections(Or just showering with her. WHOOO!!!). What I need to do is transcend my fears and go up to her(Ok, going up to her isn't a big deal. It's what you SAY when you go up to her that counts here). This won't be easy though. What I've learned is that every moment in life is precious---one must take advantage of these moments(Which you don't seem to be doing). Right now, I'm sitting here sweating in this hot room(Stop looking at porn and it won't be so damn hot!), thinking about all of these missed opportunities and moments(To which there are MANY). Throughout the years, my personality has prevented me from taking action---this can't go on(You're right there Trenty my boy!). It'll be hard, but it just can't go on. Investing money in the "improvement of my looks" leads to nothing---leads to a dead end(And a 5 dollar loss). This woman is my dream. Hopefully (in the words of the musical group "Fuel"), she won't "fall away, and leave love bleeding in my hands again..." Thanks for reading(No problem, always happy to help!)

TRENT