Greetings everyone, Big Daddy here again. I know that I promised my fans the bitchiest rant ever, but I'm still working on it and waiting for one thing to happen before I can completely write it. SO, I think this is an exTREMELY nice replacement for my rant. We have another rant this week from my good friend Alcohol Paul(who's going to DIE((had to wish someone dead, haven't done that in awhile))for what he said about me)so I want everyone to read this and enjoy it as I have. Til NEXT WEEK!

Dear Big Daddy,

Lately I've noticed a whole lot of pride going on and I don't like it. Black pride, gay pride, fat pride, stupidity pride, non-James Brown fan pride, and other whacked out ideas. Whatever happened to the good ol' days when everyone was ashamed of everything they did? Used to be people were tripping all over themselves to feel bad about something that wasn't controllable, or better still, was controllable for other people but not them personally. Remember those days? People were polite back then becasuse they hated themselves so much they figured they could feel better by kissing everyone's ass with good manners. Whatever happened? Now people are rude crack heads because they feel good about themselves, and I have to blame the school system.

Back in the day, before even my long forgotten elementary school days, teachers would punish kids and grade like evil ruthless villians. Then some people got worried that we weren't making our children feel good about themselves, so they decided to form the self esteem movement to make schools focus on nurturing kids to feel good about Who You Are. Of course they never stopped to consider whether or not children should feel good about Who You Are. The fact is that children are satanic little creatures who need to be constantly punished and kept under strict rules to break their free spirits. Now some people think self-esteem is a good thing, but I have to disagree. Look at all the stuff Big Daddy says about how good looking he is. What a load of shit! You see, self-esteem has turned into pride for Big Daddy, and now his pride is making him say outrageously false things, and on the internet no less!!!

At least Big Daddy's pride isn't making him DO outrageously stupid things. For those of you who still think pride and self esteem are good things (fools), let me share with you a story about me, good ol' Alcohol Paul, and how pride made me do something incredibly dumb.

Since I am a college student I am required by federal law to consume lots of alcohol, and since I gave myself this name I must work twice as hard to make an ass of myself when I drink. One night after drinking about four or five shots of Jack Daniels out of a pint bottle I was challenged by my roommate to finish the bottle which I had just opened that night. I looked at the bottle and figured, oh sure, I can drink an entire bottle of 80 proof whiskey in one night. Although I was definitely under the influence, I was not drunk when I made that decision. That was pride that made me think I could drink so much booze.So I downed half the bottle right there (in shots, not chugging, thank God) before I stopped to take a break and drink some cherry Kool Aid. After an hour I was back to drinking again and now chasing the whiskey with the Kool Aid. Well, I got down through the whole bottle until there was just one measly shot left, but I wasn't feeling so hot. I excused myself and went to the bathroom where I puked my guts out before I passed out on the tile floor.

While I was passed out someone came home (I'm told) to find me passed out on their bathroom floor, and since I'd been puking lots of red Kool Aid it looked like I had barfed massive amounts of blood and croaked right there on his floor. He had to check my pulse just to make sure I was still alive. I woke up to my drunk friends screwing around with me while I was passed out. One guy mooned me about two inches from my face. A really cute (and very stoned) girl was trying to take my pants off for photographs.

The point is that all of this happened because of my pride. In conclusion, pride sucks major cock.