This rant hits a little close to home this time. It's something that I've dealt with most of my life, and something that I'm sure all of my fans have dealt with as well. That thing is simply this: ALL DENTISTS ARE FRAUDS!!!!

That's right, ALL OF THEM! Here's why: When I was young, I would go to the dentist and be all happy because I never had any cavities. In fact, the dentist would always comment on what awesome teeth I had. What's funny about that comment is the fact that I never brushed. Maybe once every 6 months or on important holidays. I know I know, not very good of me, but hey, it was a waste of my time. I had video games to play, and a sister to piss off!! I couldn't be expected to stop that so that I had a nice pearly smile!

So, here's the deal of the rant. Towards my high school years, I finally got it through my head that I should start brushing. I didn't want to, but my father left me the choice of brushing, or being grounded til I was 18. I took the brushing.

There I was, every morning before school, and every time before church, brushing away, thinking that I was doing good. Was I doing good though? Was I making my teeth nice and strong and sweet? We'll let what the dentist came up with tell you the answer to that one. At my next visit he came to the conclusion and said "Daddy, you've got 8 cavities." EIGHT FREAKIN CAVITIES!!!! Can you freakin BELIEVE that!!?? I don't brush, I have perfect teeth. I brush, I have eight cavities! How does THAT work? So, right then and there, I told myself, no more brushing. If brushing gets you cavities, to hell with it!

The more I think about it though, the more I can't really put the total blame on hack dentists. Half of the blame goes to those stinkin toothpaste companies! Who else is going to make the toothpaste that's going to rot my teeth so the quack dentists can fill them. Both of them take my money. Both of them are in on it together. They don't think that anyone will find out what their little scheme is, but they were wrong. I figured it out.

Think about it. A kid, who doesn't brush, has perfect teeth. Starts brushing, gets cavities. Hmmm... pretty suspicious if you ask me. That's because toothpaste is made to ROT your teeth, not make them all better. Toothpaste rots teeth, dentist finds "cavities", you pay a lot of money, buy more toothpaste. It's a never ending cycle! Both people get rich, and you get the jack!

This has got to STOP! We can't be made to look like FOOLS! Everytime them damn dentists see someone with braces they have to hold back the laughter. Why? Because they know that those people didn't NEED braces! In fact, what is all that "drilling", and "filling" that they do while the person is under the influence of Novocain, or gas? That's easy enough, they're turning your teeth and pulling them out of the alignment, that's what they're doing! Then all of a sudden, BAM, the person needs braces and the dentist's kid get the new G.I Joe with the Kung Fu grip, and he gets laid that night.

People, I beg of you. Stop this from happening! Stop these madmen before it's too late! Save your children the horror of being called "metalmouth"! Don't let your child's suffering lead to another Dentist getting the fat paycheck. Spread the word about their quackiness! Do it, and do it NOW!!!!

Ok, I've said my piece. Boy, didn't that just make you wanna think about my sanity eh? I'll bet you're all thinking, "yup, that's it, Big Daddy has finally lost it." Well, poop on you all! I haven't even BEGUN to lose it yet! BWA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA... ok later.