I know that when all of you log online, one of the first things you do is check your e-mail. I know that's what I do. All of it actually. It's time consuming and you get to send out a thought or two to your buddies. Some of you may even be like me and have about 4 or 5 e-mail addresses. The thing is, when you log on, most people will get a sound, or you'll be able to see just how many new messages you have received since the last time you checked your account. When you see that number, or you hear that sound, I'm sure you all just feel all gooey and tingly inside. You wonder which your friends like you enough to send you something in the e-mail.

While you're trembling with anticipation and excitement as you open your new mail, you see what almost everyone else always sees: PORN, GET IT NOW AND GET IT HOT! I just love those e-mails as they fill up your mailbox. You see the blunt and non-subtle subjects such as: FREE PORN, CUM AND SEE ME, BRITNEY SPEARS NUDE, and my personal favorite: THIS SEXY BLONDE BLOWS HER DOG! You want to know what else though? It's alllllll free!!! That's right, you can get all that absolutely free, or until you actually click on the link and they want 19.95 a month and the oparators are standing by.

Of course if you're like me, you just delete the e-mails right as they come, or just block the address. I have to hand it the porn industry, they're some clever little bastards. You see, they know you're going to just delete the ones, unless of course you're a desperate freakin nerd who can't get a women, or man, and has no real friends, and so they try to trick you.

You log onto your account, and you're expecting to see all those blunt porn e-mails, but wait a second... what's this? It seems like someone new has sent you an e-mail. It even say "hi" or "hello" as the subject. Wasn't that sweet of them. So you go and open it and what do you see? BEASTIALITY AT IT'S BEST! CUM AND SEE THIS WISCONSIN GIRL DO HER HORSE, or I DIDN'T KNOW A FACET COULD BE USED LIKE THAT, CUM AND SEE FOR YOURSELF! Remember, it's still alllllll free!! Notice the clever use of the word "cum"? Damn, I wish I had that sort of life. To just sit there and think up ways to out smart the people of the world so they can cum (see, I can be clever too!) and look at some BARELY 18 AND NEEDS A COCK chick that's probably just some bulimic or anorexic women who's looking for some fast cash so she can buy more drugs.

Now, don't get me wrong. Men are just as freakin bad. I've received a bunch of e-mails that even give you a link per preference. They even ask if I want to see men on men! I’ll tell ya, no one is safe from these people!! They’re going to get you no matter what and they’re going to send you mail with links. They’re going to disguise it all too! So, be prepared and keep an eye out!

Dear Big Daddy,

Remember this message and send it back to all the people who send you porn links. I used it frequently and they quickly got the message. I haven't had any offers in a couple of months. -Alcohol Paul PS- Better still, post it on your site given what your rant was about. I guarantee that anyone who sends this message back to the people who gave them porn links will never hear from those people again.

Wow! I had no idea porn was available on the net!!! Thanks for filling me in on this remarkable and unique website! Up until your email I thought the internet was strictly for family entertainment. Boy was I wrong! Your link opened my eyes to a whole new world o' porno!

It sure is a good thing you felt the need to just send this to me for no apparent reason other than to just be a nice guy (or gal). I commend you for your genorosity and kindness in your benevolent effort to share porn with as many people as you can.

Please feel free to send me any other sites you may have, particularily those which deal with beastiality and minors 12 and under.

Sincerely, Alcohol Paul

My fellow fan, friend, and teacher. You're so right about that message. I mean, if they didn't send me those links, I never would have known about all the great porn out there either! We should be getting down and kissing their feet because their sites make me feel so handsome and smart and I can get chicks too if I just go and look at their sites. It's people like them that makes America GREAT! How some people think that our morals are going to hell must be just confused people. I think they need to look at more porn and they'll be able to see just how wrong they are. Looking at porn is like smoking pot. It makes you smarter and a lot cooler in society today. Alcohol my friend, you are a genius sometimes!