Recently, with my rants, I've been talking about injustices that have been done in the world. The injustice about the TV dinners, the injustice about Battlefield Earth being named worst movie or the year, and the injustice about how a lot of people say the XFL sucks. Well, this time, the injustice I'm going to talk about here is going to be an injustice that was dealt to ME!

For starters, when I am forced with an injustice, it's more tragic then the titanic sinking, and deserves more news coverage then the O.J. Simpson trial. That's just a fact! Deal with it!

So, what is the injustice that befallen Big Daddy? Simply put, celebrities have been ROBBING ME of my spotlight for TOO LONG! I've been keeping everything a secret, holding all the injustices inside, but NO MORE! Right here, in this rant, all the secrets are going to revealed. All the secrets that I have been hiding for so long are going to be told. Now, if for some reason I disappear after this rant is posted, it was against my will. They'll be trying to shut me up, but it won't happen. Not now, NOT EVER!!!

So, to start off with the secrets will start out with the robbery of my role in Titanic. The one starting Kate Winslett. That's right, yours truly, Big Daddy, was ROBBED out of my part in that movie. No, I wasn't suppose to play that fat ass guy in charge of security. Nope, I was up for the big one. The main part. Mr. Jack. The guy that got to bone Kate Winslett! There I was, in the pool "freezing" my ass off and saying my famous line "Promise me you won't give up..." blah blah blah. Everyone was astonished at my performance. They were captivated and all eyes were on me. The director and producer called me over to sign the contract, and that's when it happen. Leonardo DeCRAPIO walked in, ran his hand through his stupid head of hair and was like, "Yo, give me the part." AND THEY DID! Those BASTARDS!! DIE DECRAPIO! DIE DIRECTOR AND PRODUCER!! (God it feels good to wish someone to their death again!) That part was mine! ALL MINE! And it was STOLEN!

That's not even the WORST injustice that had befallen me. I bet non of you knew that I was up for sexiest man of the year, did ya!? Well, I was! It was down to Ben Stein, Sean Connery, Brad Pitt, and me. I knew that I was going to win. I knew that I was going to blow them all out of the water! I even KNEW that I was the winner because of an inside source. It was me 64%, Sean Connery 24%, Ben Stein 10%, and Brad Pitt 2%. I mean look at the fucker! He's a scrawny little shit! About as sexy as a bowling ball on wheels! So anyhow, I walking backstage shaking hands with all the stars, except that fucker DeCRAPIO, when all of a sudden, out of the room where they hold all the winning envelopes, comes Brad Pitt. Now, I'm wondering what he was doing in there since no one is allowed to be in that room until the awards show starts and they're moved out front and handed to the presenters. He looked awfully suspicious!

Of course when that award came to be presented and I was about to stand up to walk to the stage to accept my award when all of a sudden, what do I HEAR!!?? "And the winner is.... BRAD PITT!!?????!" I THINK NOT! Stupid piece of CRAP!!! That was MY AWARD! That was MY PRIZE! And it was ROBBED FROM ME! My spotlight taken away when it was going to be MY TIME to shine! DOOOHHHH, DIE BRAD!

Now, I'm sure just by reading those two little examples of my injustices, you can see why I'm so pissed and why they would do anything to keep it a secret. Pitt doesn't want anyone to know that I really won, whereas DeCRAPIO doesn't want anyone to know that he didn't even come CLOSE to being the first pick for that movie. Of course, those are not the ONLY injustices either! There's the stolen Porn career by Michael J. Cox. There's the murderous swindler Jay Leno, who stole my chance to be the host after Johnny Carson. Not to mention the fact that Dean Cain stole Big Mack's right to be Superman and nail Lois. Of course I can't forget my part on Friends that was cut out where I slept with Jennifer Anniston(Pitt protested, that BASTARD!).

There you have it folks! The celebrity secrets revealed! Well, the ones that they kept secret about holding me back! I should be a MILLIONAIRE right now! I should be in the spotlight! I should be in the movies and on TV. I should be nailing Jenny McCarthy AND Catherine Zeta-Jones at the SAME TIME! But am I!!?? NOOOoooOOOOO! Stupid piss-ant bastards. May they all BURN IN HELL!(ahhhhh, I feel a big weight has been lifted off my chest. I love it when stupid people die)

So anyways, I've been held down all this time, as long as I'm down here, it's time for me to kick them all in the balls! And I will, but not until my 1 year anniversary which comes next month! I've already got what I'm going to do, so hold your hats on my fans, cause it's going to be BIG! LATER! Til next week!