Meatloaf so we can throw him out a window, fall two stories and get stuck in some shrubs.

Pantera so I personally can mock them to their face, to see if they'll actually do anything, or just sit there and look confused. "We thought.. all longhaired dumbasses.. liked us.. what's going on?"

Slayer so they can bring lots of cheap crappy pisstasting beer and beat the shit out of Pantera. And Dave Lombardo would be with them, and we'd ask him if he could breakdance, and he'd say he would if he could, but his tight faded black jeans and gigantic white hightop shoes prevent him from doing so.

The cast of The Big Lebowski, but not the directors, because that would make too much sense.

Chris Issac, because he seems like a nice guy.

Issac Hayes

The cast of the KQRS Morning Show in a big box where no one can see them, because they're really fat and ugly in person. Then they'd leave after 20 minutes and Wally Walker would come in and sit in the box for them for the rest of the day.

The Token Black Guy from Walker, Texas Ranger. We'd give him a poison fish, clearly marked "Poison Fish" so he could eat it and choke to death.

Poor Arsenio Hall

Robin Williams' chest hair. That guy is disgusting.

The McLaughlin Group so we can get them drunk and watch them slaughter each other.

Gary Busey

Joe Don Baker in a white beater. For laughs.

Henry Kissinger

Busta Rhymes so we can get free Mountain Dew, and not drink it.

Chuck, the old singer from Faith No More. I don't think an explanation is needed here.

K.D. Lang, but we won't let her in. She can sit outside in a lawn chair and talk to Meatloaf.

Deadman, the coolest superhero ever. Because he has the power of being dead. And there's nothing you can do about it.

Melting Mr. Brickner drippy.

Type O Negative We have to invite the whole band because they're one of those "tight knit" groups. Then we'll kick out Johnny because he sounds like he's trying to sound like he's black.

The Wife Beater Section Billy Idol, Ike Turner and Tommy Lee. But we hose Tommy Lee down at the door, the greasy bastard.

Billy's Psychic

Sebastian Bach. What an idiot.

Butch Vig's compressors. So we can smash them.

Butch Vig's ears. So I can kick him in the nuts.