Congratulations Caryn
You've cracked the final code
Caryn, I created this webmaze on April 19th, 2006. If you ever find it, I hope to hear from you.
To answer your question, there is really only one reason why I don't have any pictures of you on my website. Since the day I met you, I knew you were different and I knew you were special. It may have taken us a few years to finally find each other that summer at camp, but those few months were the greatest moments of my life. I knew it all along, but refused to let myself believe it, and for too long I tried to hide or surpress it. Caryn, the truth is that I am hopelessly in love with you.
I have been in love with you since the day I met you, and only realized it the night on the Tennis Courts with the Skittles. Breaking up with you was the worst decision I ever made, but I did it thinking it would be right in the end. I wanted to be with you but didn't trust myself or believe in us enough to allow it. I failed that and I failed you. The night we broke up is the biggest regret of my life, and I have loved you more with every passing day since. It has been 5 years and I am still desperate to tell you. I'm not sure if you know it, or just ignore it, but I will never stop being in love with you. I can't bring myself to tell you openly, in fear of losing your friendship completely, but if you have ever felt the same way and still have a piece of that love in your heart, then you have to tell me. You are so happy in Miami with Joel and I can understand why you want to be with him - he reminds me a lot of myself when I was lucky enough to be with you. But, I know he is not the person you are meant to spend the rest of your life with. I am. And if you ever want me to be a part of your life like that again, all you have to do is tell me. I would change everything for you. I would do whatever it takes to be with you. I have never loved anyone else but you, and will do anything to have the chance to show you forever more.
So, no, there aren't any pictures of you on my website. Because the only photos I have of us were from that summer together. And I can't see them without thinking of you and dreaming of being with you. It haunts me to know I ruined it, and every time I see you it hurts more.
That's everything laid out. I have tried to tell you a thousand times, but lose every ability when I am with you. My only hope is that you realize how much you mean to me and understand why I couldn't tell you. Half of me hopes you never find this site, so that I never have to lose you completely. Because I will always feel this way. Always. Perhaps you'll see it and just say the same thing you've been practicing in your head all these years, "I'm sorry Mike, I can't share your feelings."
But maybe, just maybe, you'll realize you do.
Us in the Herzl Camp Ulam Apartment - Summer of 2001
My favorite photo of you.
