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Empire Records-Quotes

These are some of the great quotes from Empire Records!

Gina- Lucas, what're you doin in here?
Lucus- My life has reached it's pinacle, Joe's letting me close the store tonight
Gina-You're kidding
Lucas- I am not
Gina- Big Responsibility, Lucas
Lucas- Yes, but Joe's rules are extremely simple, count money twice, keep my hands off his beer, cigars, and drumsticks
Gina- My my, how WILL you remember it all... good luck...

Lucas- Music Town franchise option agreement...? They got to be kidding... In the immortal words of the DOORS, the time to hesitate is through...

Lucus- So do I throw it and get a seven?
Casino Worker- That would be a very good, sir...

Lucas- I know this, that if I win this roll, I will save the place I work from being sold, and the jobs of my friends that work there... Thus, striking a blow at all that is evil, and making this world a better place to live in.... and I'll buy you guys a drink...

Lucus- I wonder if I'll be held responsible for this...

Mark- Did you win anything?
Lucas- No, I did not win, so if you guys ever wonder if it was nice to know you, I tell you now that it was...

Lucas- I do not regret the things I've done, but those I did not do...

Mark- I guess he didn't live up to the responsibility of the position, did he?

Mark- Lips are for kissing, baby je t'adore, mmm-wah

Mark- Empire... Oh sorry... Empire Records Open Til Midnight this is Mark... it's the boss

Mark- Empire Records Open Til midnight this is Mark

Mark- Empire Records Open Til Midnight this is mark...... MIDNIGHT!!!!

Corey-Happy Rex Manning Day!
Gina-When did you have time to make these
Corey-Dad says there's twenty-four usuable hours in every day... thankyou
Gina-you absolutely amaze me....You are a nerd That's Me

A.J.-Hey Joe I need to ask your advice....I know you know a lot about love and women and all that
Joe-Yeah, my wife left me for another woman, and my girlfriend forced me to leave at gunpoint, does this qualify me?
A.J.-Yeah, definitely

A.J.-By 1:37 exactly, Joe

Gina-Happy Rex manning Day

Gina-Let's see who goes first.... I got a brown, anybody got brown
Mark- (Mark holds up his orange M&M)hehe

Mark- Hey, whatcha doin man?
A.J.-Exercising my veto, man
Mark-Yeah, but it's only 9:00 are you sure you want to do that?
A.J.-Mark, listening to this crap is guaranteed to make you sterile...
Mark- maybe I wanna be sterile

A.J.-Could you please not sing, mark?
Mark- You know what, Joe, one of these days I'm gonna show you little people
Joe-Yeah, well on that day I'm gonna get out of my wheelchair and do a dance
Mark-How bout today, huh? Rex Manning Day....

Joe-Where's the money?
Lucas-Joe, the money is gone...
Joe-I know the money is gone, where's it gone to...
Lucas-Atlantic City...
Joe-Atlantic City... is it coming back from Atlantic City?
Lucas-um... I don't think so, Joe
Joe-What's it doing in Atlantic City?

Lucas-Joe, I think it's gonna be okay
Joe-What makes you think that?
LucasWho knows where thoughts come from? They just appear

JoeEvery minute that goes by, and i don't call the cops, I look like a bigger bananahead
LucasJoe, I can categorically say, that you are not a bigger bananahead
JoeYou screwed me Lucas, you know that right?... What do you want me to do? Call Mitchell? Tell him I lied?
LucasIt seems like a viable option
JoeI swear to god if you are fooling with me, i will kill you

A.J.Lucus, do you think it's possible for someone to be in love with someone else and not even know it?
LucasIn this life? There are nothing but possibilities...
A.J.Well, that's good, because I have to tell Cory that I love her by 1:37
LucasThat's an excellent time

DebHey lucus, is it true you commited the perfect crime?
LucasNot entirely perfect

A.J.What's with you, yesterday you were normal and today you're like the Chinese guy from karate kid, What's with you today?
LucasWhat's with today, today?
A.J.I don't know....

GinaWell, Sinead O'Rebellion, shock me shock me shock me with that deviant behavior...
DebThat was so clever, I swear to god you get smarter the shorter your skirt gets
GinaAnd you get smarter the shorter your hair gets, so it's probably a good thing you went with that, It's a wonderful look for you darling...

LucasJoe, Joe? I have to go to the bathroom....

GinaVeto... Excuse me, ow, excuse me, ow, VETO!
Mark-What's up with that Gina?
Gina-You know it's too early, it makes the customers all crazy like
Mark-That's the whole point

Eddie-Outlaw man! We salute you!

Corey--What the hell is this, Joe?
A.J.-"Rules and standards for Music Town Employee conduct"
Joe--put these in the boxes,
A.J.--Music Town? we're not a music town
Joe--no we're not a music town.... yet...
Mark--Isn't music town a chain, Joe?
A.J.--"No gum chewing will be allowed in the store?"

Debra-"No visible tatoos"
Gina-"No revealing clothing"
Deb-We're both screwed, at least your used to it
Gina-Now Debra, don't be bitter, certainly with your evergrowing collection of flesh mutilating silver appendiges and your brand new neo-nazi bootcamp makeover, the boys will come a-runnin

Mark-No, we mustn't dwell, no, no, not today, we can't... hehe... not on Rex Manning Day!

Mark-At least you didn't leave the couch
Lucas-Not the WHOLE couch
Mark-Oh, I've decided I'm gonna start a band
Lucas-The first thing you need is a name then you'll know what kind of band you got
Mark-Yeah, I know, I know, I was kinda thinking about Marc, what do you think about that
Lucas-Is that with a C or with a K?
Mark-Well, my name is with a.... K.... hehe, so I was thinking maybe my band could be with a C, so that way it's kinda like that psychedilic you know trip thing...
Lucas-Always play with their minds

Lucas-Nice selection
Lucas-Help you with anything
Warren-no, I'm alright, thanks
Lucas-you like music
Lucas-me too... the fat man walks alone
Warren-what's up? what are you some kind of weirdo?
Lucas-that's a nice coat you're wearing... a lot of pocket room...
Warren-yeah, see ya,
Lucas-I'm sure I'll bump into you

Gina-Isn't it customary to leave the scene after commiting the crime
Deb-Definitely an amateur

Gina-Attention Rex manning Fans, to your left you will notice a shoplifter being chased by night manager, Lucas, this young man will be caught, deepfried in a vat of hot oil and served to our first hundred customers (laughs) just another tasty treat from the gang at Empire Records.

Joe-how old are you?
Warren-Old enough to kick your butt through your skull and splatter your brains on the wall
Joe-yeah, he's a juvenile
Lucas-no! (slaps Warren's head)
Joe-What's your name?
Warren-Warren Beaty
Joe-Ok, warren, stand up, I want you to hold these up against your chest and they're gonna take a photograph of you
Warren-Why don't you go shove em up your ass
Lucas-Because it would hurt a lot warren...

Gina-Welcome to Music Town, may I service you?

Warren-Me Joe, you jane....

Kathy-You were my favorite singer, in High School
Rex-Who's your favorite singer now?
Kathy-YOU, it's still you

Mark-There's so many babes out there. Gotta get Rex some water because Rex is very very thirsty
Jane-Make sure it's bottled water...
Lucas-mark, who's your favorite singer?
Mark-..... Axle...
Lucas-Well if Axle Rose was driving down the highway and saw Rex Manning stranded on the side of the road, do you think Axle Rose would stop to help him?
Mark- (thinking).... Does Axle have a Jack?
Warren-No way, man, Axle would spin the wheel, take aim, pound on the gas, and take that sucker out (making car noises)
Lucas-Warren, WARREN!, where do you get this hostility from?

Warren-Who glued these quarters down?
A.J.-I did
Warren-What the hell for man?
A.J.-I don't feel that I need to explain my art to you...
Lucas-Warren, Look what you took rap, metal, rap, metal, whitney houston
Warren-it's for my girlfriend, okay?
Lucas-Sure it is, you know someone like you needs to diminish their criminal impulses, not magnify them, maybe some jazz or some classical....
Warren-maybe you bite me....
Jane-Do Any of you like Rex Manning's new record?
Warren-(laughing)Dance Party USA teen-bop type shit, right?
Jane-I don't know, actually it tested well amongst teenage males...
Lucas-Jane, did you compare the percentage of teenage male rex manning fans, to the incidence of homosexuality amongst teenage males... (warren laughing)

Rex-Hi, who should I make it out to?
Autograph Girl-Denise...
Rex-Denise, I've always loved that name...
Autograph Girl-Thank you, but it's not mine, it's my mom's she loves you, I've never even heard of you...
Rex-okay, does your mother still have her own teeth, forget it
Autograph Girl-cool hair...

Mitchell-If I was selling toilets today, I'd be a rich man...

Corey-Joe, Dear Best boss in the world, can i bring Rex his lunch?
Joe-Berko's taking him his lunch...
Corey-Um, joe you know that Berko's gonna insult him right to his face, i don't think that's such a good idea
Joe-Look, I don't care if Berko sticks an M-80 up his butt and lights it, in fact i hope he sticks one up mine, it might be an improvement
Corey-Joe I have to bring Rex his lunch
Joe-Berko is!
Corey-Joe I need to bring him his lunch
Joe-Berko is!!

Deb-One for miss teen America.... It's okay, I didn't spit on it...
Corey-'Dishonesty'? what's that supposed to mean?
Deb-And one for the man with the band...
Mark-oohh'Marc Sucks' Yeah! hehe
Deb-Hey A.J. I made you a button: 'Stupid'

Joe-By next week this is gonna be a Music Town, and I don't think that they allow dancing in MUSIC TOWN
Lucas-What are we supposed to do instead, Joe?
Joe-what am I gonna do with this guy, huh? What should I do? Turn him into the police, send him to jail, who do you think that he's gonna come to when he wants bail!? Who? Me? right, me... What should I do? Put in my own 9 grand, and then I'm screwed...
Lucas-Don't worry Joe, you're a superb manager...
Joe-oh really?
Joe-keep it up Lucas
Joe-say it again
Joe-you little shit!
Lucas-Joe that's my shoulder

Gina-Am I fired?
Joe-Have I fired anyone today?no. Why would I start with you?

Deb-Anyway did you really wanna do Rex Manning in the countout room? Is that how you imagined your first time would be? Your back up against the daily totals and your feet pounding against the safe 'Oh Rexy stop that, you're so sexy'

Mark-Help Me, Help Me, Help Me, Help Me, Oh God....

Lucas-I used to pee in my bed, I did, I wet my bed until I was 10, my mother turned me over to the county when I was ten, too, not for being a bed wetter, but for being a bad seed... anyways three years went by and then Joe came, and he took me out and I became the well adjusted person that I am today
Deb-Look, I tried to kill myself with a ladybic, a pink plastic razor with daisies on it and a moisturizing strip, and it took me forever just to get through my skin.

Warren-You can't tell me what to do, A.J.
A.J.-What are you doing with a gun?
Warren-What do you think I'm doing with a gun?
Joe-Gimme the gun, Warren,
Warren-I'll give you the gun (shoots)
Joe-Deb, what are you doing?
Deb-I wanted to have a little chat with Warren...
Warren-oh yeah, have a little chat with my gun
Deb-What do you want Warren?
Warren-Stop calling me Warren, my name isn't fucking Warren
Eddie-His name isn't Warren
Corey-His name isn't Warren?
Berko-His name isn't Warren?
Mark-I thought his name was Warren...
Lucas-Well you can't kill me Warren because I'm already dead, and I talked to God, and she says Yo, what's up? and she wants you to lose the gun
Warren-You're psycho, you are psycho, what the hell is wrong with you people, you all belong in a loony bin, every one of you...

Mark-Well, see there was this guy here, and he kinda wigged out and everything, but that's besides the point... we're having a get-together here tonight, there's gonna be free admission, live music, kids, chicks the full nine yards man, it's gonna be heavy shit, anybodycan come, here at midnight, party on man. Damn the Man, Save the Empire! hehe

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