Mystery Science Theater 3000 presents:


Final Justice

The story of a large sweaty man who goes to Malta to sweat.
Directed by Greydon Clark, who brought you Joy Sticks and Satan's Cheerleaders, it stars Joe Don Baker as Geronimo, a bitter, unappealing sheriff who likes to kill. Geronimo is given the task of escorting a mob boss back to his home in Malta, a job he whizzes almost immediately. He then fumbles about the tiny island yelling at people, eating, running into folks, burping, being flatulent, spitting, discharging phlegm, rubbing earwax on things, hurting feelings, soiling items, staining other things, breaking railings, tracking mud, insulting people, committing fraud, breaking dishes, being urpy, eating off other people's plates, running by the pool, swearing, kicking dogs, making kids cry and occasionally killing--but mostly, he aggravates the Dorf-like Superintendent Mifsu. Still, we love him, because he lives large! He's the quintessential American.

Watch for the scene where he chases a man dressed like a monk...for nearly 14 hours!! Yes, it's only a 90 minute film, I don't know how they do it. I do know that chasing a monk is something we've all had to do at some time, and perhaps this is why the scene hits home for many of us.

Prologue: Servo gives his opinions on the Yes song, Owner of a Lonely Heart. Special emphasis is given to comparing an owner of a lonely heart to owners of other things.
Segment One: After being plagued by the Owner of a Lonely Heart orchestra hit, Pearl calls and shows them the value of humor in the workplace. Bobo tries his own brand of humor and Pearl loudly and harshly shuts him down.

Segment Two: In order to mock a repeated shot in Final Justice Mike and the 'Bots go to some trouble, including having Mike trip in the exact same manner, about 400 times.

Segment Three: The lovable Maltese puppet Goosio visits the ship. The robots, thinking it's an invention of Mike's, kill it.

Segment Four: Crow goes a little funny and starts insulting the character and physical characteristics of Maltese men.

Segment Five: Having seen Joel escape right after watching the Joe Don Baker film Mitchell, Mike assumes it's his turn to escape. The robots have to talk him down. In the castle, Pearl and Bobo are playing funny dress-up to keep things loose. Brain Guy shows up looking very leathery and informs them that he's not dressing up, he simply has a date. Wow.

STINGER: Joe Don's signature line from the film.

I can't tell you how delighted we were at the prospect of another Joe Don Baker film. Mitchell was a joy to do, and many people have told me how much they enjoyed watching our treatment of it. Final Justice on the other hand, was like having a knitting needle pounded slowly into your knee-cap, and I wouldn't be surprised if people approach me after viewing it and simply slap my face indignantly, like that woman in Jaws did to Sheriff Brody.

As for the host segments, all went smoothly, and the only thing I can remember is that we had some new interns, sharp people, who picked up on our love for meat. We would get huge stacks of meat for breakfast! Shaved beef and turkey, spiced gently, lovingly and piled high on clean, white plates by eager and talented young men and women! I wish you could have been there. Some enterprising young Turk even took to placing a slice of meat on a bare, flat palm, spreading it with flavored cream cheese and simply rolling it up. A "meat roll-up", we'd call it.

Anyway, that's what I remember about Final Justice.
- Mike Nelson

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