(From Joe Bob's Ultimate B Movie Guide)
Sly Stallone goes to Afghanistan and explodes enough
goat-herders to make up for all the camel-jockeys Russia FORGOT to blow
up. Sly spent 50 mill on this baby, resulting in the finest Rambo movie
II. Wall-to-wall body grease. First Sly communes with nature and
gets in touch with his spiritual being at a Buddhist monastery in Thailand
where he can be One with the One, except when he earns a few extra bucks
knocking gorilla Sumo wrestlers over the head with huge Thai death sticks
for a blood-thirsty crowd of gamblers. But Dick Crenna shows up and tries
to get him to go to Afghanistan and teach guys named Mahmoud to shoot
shoulder- mounted Stinger missiles while riding on double-hump camels. Sly
says "Colonel, I'm sorry, but it's gotta end for me sometime." |
Two scenes later Crenna's hiney gets slapped in a Russkie fortress in the middle of the desert, and one scene after that Sly is showing up in downtown Peshawar, asking to speak to some guy in a burnoose with too many vowels in his name, and purchasing approximately $17 million worth of explosive devices to rescue him. Then somebody finally pushes Rambo just ONE STEP too far. They mention Brigitte's name.
Buddha is NOT gonna like the result:
119 dead bodies.
Two breasts (both Rambo's).
Four exploding choppers.
Electric chair torture.
Gratuitous artificial limbs.
Gratuitous dead-sheep pony polo.
Russian Assault Copter Fu.
Thai death stick Fu.
Crenna has the most famous line: "I hope God will have mercy. HE won't."
Sly's best line: "I'm no tourist."
With Marc de Jonge as the evil Russkie colonel who carries out the horrible wrist-hanging torture,
Sasson Gabai as Mousa the friendly goat-herding mujahedeen Ayrab warrior.
© 2000 Joe Bob Briggs. All Rights
Reserved. Not an AOL Time-Warner Company in this lifetime.
For this and other movie reviews by the artist formerly known as the host of MonsterVision, go to