“Ben Gazzara, Yvette Mimieux and Ernest Borgnine poke around underwater for two solid hours, tryin’ to rescue some scientists who are bein’ attacked by giant colorful petstore fishies. You know those kind that are bright colors, and they have pouches on the sides of their heads and you have to buy a $300 filter to keep them alive?
Well, think of those fish, but they weigh about, oh, 2000 pounds, and they like to play bumper-cars with submarines for no apparent reason. But, you know what’s really terrifying about this movie? Ernest Borgnine in a wetsuit. Gives me the willies just thinking about it. OK, let’s take a look at those drive-in totals. We have:
3 dead bodies
Giant fish that know how to jam radio signals
Angry giant trigger fish
Giant eel attack
And this is one of those movies where about 90% of it is guys sayin’ stuff like, “Captain, I’ve spotted something.”
And, “I insist we go on, Captain, there may be men down there.”
And, “Alright, let’s take her upstairs.”
You know the problem with underwater movies?
They’re under the gol-durn water!
Everything is in slow motion, so, 2 stars. Check it out and then come on back here to the Superdome.”
This page restored by Bill Laidlaw. Email with if you would like to see entire host segments for "Neptune Factor" transcribed: email@example.com